Melissa invades England [update: London MELFAP MAY 2006 NOW!]

well think of it as a learning experience then :)

also if you ask one of the nice people in the blue uniforms at the station, they will help you.

I'm already more confused than you could possibly comprehend.

Get the red line as far west as Chancery Lane, then just follow Vicky's directions, you should be fine.

But yes, the little blue people are wonderful.

When I first came to london flat hunting I walked from the British Museum to South kensington because I went to the tube station and got scared and couldn't face it, and I couldn't afford a taxi.

It's fairly simple, the staff should be helpful, and there's only one line at the central line station, so it shouldn't be too complicated, unlike going to somewhere like kings cross.

Melissa type people: Hmmm. Get a cab.

Non Melissa people: get text alerts on your mobile to decide which route to take if you have several choob lines to choose from. I am not spamming BTW. I am enthused.

The problem with this being the mobiles don't work on the Underground.

If you go to Shepherds Bush tube station (it's on the North East corner of Shepherds Bush Green) and ask one of the staff for some help, they'll explain it all. You need to buy a ticket to Chancery Lane, go to the platform labelled Eastbound and get on the train until it reaches Chancery Lane. Get back to street lavel and follow Vicky's directions or get a cab which shouldn't be more than £3. There's nothing ot be afraid of, honest!

ACK MELISSA DO NOT LISTEN TO ME I DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EAST AND WEST AND AM A FULE.

melissa have you anyone's mobile no. who will be going tonight?

(i am trying to work out how to persuade mine to inform me what it is! anyone reading who has it plz text me w.it - i will email you when i work it out)

(ie plz don't post it u wagZoRz)

Melissa: this is what I'd do; pub is five minutes from my flat, walking SLOWLY. Take Central Line from Shepherd's Bush to Chancery Lane. Exit Chancery Lane using exits to Gray's Inn Road. Walk north on right-hand side of street until you reach a Pret a Manger on the corner. This is the junction with Clerkenwell Road. Get your bearings and cross to the far side of the street with the newsagent and Top Nosh café on the corner. The road forking between Clerkenwell Road and Gray's Inn Road, with big shady trees, is Rosebery Avenue. Turn right and walk down Rosebery Avenue and take the first left, Laystall Street. Walk down Laystall Street for about a block until you run in to Mount Pleasant. Go right on Mount Pleasant, pub is on corner on the right-hand side of road at the junction of Warner Street, past recycling bins, just after a series of really pretty Georgian buildings on same side of road.

I went to the fancy a pint webpage:

The Apple Tree

address: 45 Mount Pleasant
WC1X 0AE
location: Clerkenwell
phone: 020 7837 2365

How to get there:
nearest tube(s):
Farringdon
Chancery Lane

how to find it:
From Farringdon, turn right out of the station, walk up Farringdon Road to Mount Pleasant (the junction with Roseberry Avenue). Cross Roseberry Avenue then turn left, walk down the road towards the pointy building (you'll know what we mean when you see it) in front of you, take the right hand side of it (Mount Pleasant) and you'll soon see the pub down the hill on the left. From Chancery Lane, walk up Gray's Inn Road to the junction with Roseberry Avenue, turn right and walk up Roseberry Avenue until you get to the pointy building on your left. Follow the instructions above.

haha sorry suzy posted the directions. and its bettah too!

Melissa should just go to the Shepherd's Bush station she is closest to and follow the appropriate set of instructions. Ed and I are both coming to the FAP later, say seventhirtyish because both of us are dog-tired from being on site of story I was dooing for the Independent yesterday. PHEAR our sunburn! Double-PHEAR my extremely sloppy hair dyeing efforts!

(melissa i just emailed u my mobile no to the address yr posting on)

(melissa buy an A-Z or a Nicholson at yr nearest newsagent, then london is solved forever)

excellent piece of advice!

I 80% likely won't be coming now - sorry Melissa if I don't make it, hope everyone has a great time.

I won't be staying long I must admit, I have things to prepare before my horribly early start tomorrow.

''(melissa buy an A-Z or a Nicholson at yr nearest newsagent, then london is solved forever)''

A-Z are rub! just know the name of the street and the nearest tube station of the place you want to get to and then ask around. works for me!

"address yr posting on" = aol.com btw

ignore julio he is insane

If you ask London people directions they will 95% be nice and tell you. (2% will be rude, 2% will be nice but not know where it is and 1% will be nice but not know where it is but give you directions anyway which have a 25% likelyhood of being accidentally right).

you have to use some gut instict in London bcz this city is fucked up. So you ask around and then you walk around and if you think you are losing yr way then ask someone else. you will eventually find it.

Ignore Julio he is insane.

Come on, its not as if we speak a different language.

sp "langwidge"

I'm insane but you all luv me! am i right or am i right?

You are absolutely right. This is exactly what I do in London and I always get to where I need to go.

pah i am waiting for the FUCKING STUPID WASTE-OF-SPACE PRINTER TO GET ITS FUCKING ARSE IN GEAR

it is doing pages at the rate of one every ten mins today (absolutely literally the last three) and i have about 25 more to run out

I will be there whenever the chuff I get out of Woolwich...

and if you turn in the wrong street so what? you might find a really nice bookshop, say (but of course you won't stay there long to check it out, you'll ask someone abt where you want to get to but you can remember it for next time).

Unless you end up in that street in Harry Potter where some silly japes witha wizards hat and a magic wand will no doubt happen.

(I don't think Melissa is reading any more.)

oh I'm just rambling (waiting for this sonicator over there in the corner to finish cleaning my glass slides so I can go off to join you all in a bit).

Melissa, let us know you're okay! We missed you tonight, but a good FAP was had nonetheless. (And if you are around any longer, I'd still love to meet you - if you're in the city centre around lunchtime in the next day or two, give me a call on my mobile number, which I sent you a while back if you fancy a quick meeting during my lunch break! (Not lunch beak, as I just typed. I'm not sure what a lunch beak is, but I have none.)

Melissa called and wants you to know that she managed to get into Jools Holland tonight. She's sorry she missed you.

Julio - is a sonicator the same as an ultrasonic bath?

I will be FAP-crazy after thee exams (less than 2 weeks to go!!)

yes it is doctor!

(what are yr exams on BTW?)

'when there's a will there's a way' but the FAP was good (and 'Family affair' is a classic: a thrill to hear great improv on record).

Shame we didn't get to meet Melissa, although I think a good night was had by all nonetheless and it was a pretty decent turnout as well.

Sorry if I was a bit subdued, but this was probably due to a complete lack of sleep over the weekend. I feel quite bouncy now though thanks to leaving at a reasonably sensible time and drinking mostly piss-weak lager all night.

Blimey when did they become 'sonicators'? When I were a lad we called it t'ultrasonic bath. Mind you we only had 5 elements int' periodic table in them days.

Exams - are in marketing.

heh. well they can be called both. I just call it a sonicator (I picked it up bcz someone calls it like that)

More importantly - why is Planet Of The Apes right wing.

you can't ask everyone else pete, you have to say "PLANET OV THE APES IS RIGHT WING AND THIS IS WHY:" it was your (blatantly incorrect ;)) statement...

It struck me on the way home, Planet Of The Apes is right wing for nearly exactly the same reasons that The Omega Man is. Chuck Heston is The Last Man, surrounded by a sea of seemingly intelligent but inferior creatures. It is the triumph of individual freedom (and violence natch) over the masses, the filthy immigrant monkey hordes. (this bit is esp., clever because once we find out it is the US the monkeys are by defn immigrants cos there are no monkeys native to the US). Hence the sink into barbarism that egalitarian democracy = end ov world.

Plus the previous noted racism vis a vis the skin colour of apes denoting aggression and primitivism. That said, the smart apes are still not as smart as a human scientist (as proven by lack of decent ray guns, fashion).

national raygun assocn

yes, i'll give you the racism, but i'm still not convinced that it's *that* right wing, i suppose assuming the final image of the film is conveying the MAIN THEME of the whole piece is a little naive of me. Plus the discussion we had last nite, re: you b*stards you let the commies win/blow up ameriky type reading of the end...

also shouldn't you be on a plane to spane by now?

Oh shit, I forgot I was supposed to be on a plane to spane.

Quick, to the Baranmobile. (Actually Quick - To Ver Thameslink Via A Secondhand Bookshop. You'll not hear of my likes round here for a week).

Hooray!

Hahaha remember when I made that "hooray" joke? Boy that was funny.

< oscar speech>

Thanks to everyone I met in London - you were all extremely nice and made a lost boy feel welcome ("London has opened my eyes".) Tim Hopkins, we have a mighty conflict of aesthetics I think but yr still a really funny conversational maestro (Birmingham: A Defensible City), Martin "2⁸" Skidmore without whom I would have been floundering, RickyT, Mark C (how are yr ribs?), Dave Boyle (see 'conflict of aesthetics' above fr my Wimbledon hatred :) but a finer crosser of the ball you won't find on ilx and really pleasant company (wrong about Short Rounds though), William Swygart (extremely formal way of speech and a fountain of arcane footballing knowledge, trim/buff hairdo too), Sarah (said 'chuff' out loud; gothshagger general hem HEM), Liz, Marianna, Dave's pal (Simon?), POY in the park (!!!), overhead kicks, Ken Chu (he has posted here), the estimable David Kitchen, ethan padgett, David Toop, Short Rounds, Kieran Culkin, your God, (not my God).

< /oscar speech>

That all means I had a lovely time and have you people to thank, thanks.

I think maybe I've realised (I realised?), like Man City under Keegan, I've gone as far under ilx as I probably possibly can and it may be holding me back now (though from what I don't know).