based on a joke one of my bff's autistic students made up:
Knock Knock- who's there?Glass of Milk- glass of milk who?Glass of Milk on the table!
Knock Knock- who's there?Napkin- napkin who?napkin on the table!
Knock Knock- who's there?Straw- straw who?straw on the table!
― sarahel, Wednesday, 22 September 2010 18:50 (thirteen years ago) link
the autistic kid did not come up w/ this part:
Knock Knock- who's there?Hot sex with a stranger- hot sex with a stranger who?You'll have to find someone else for that, that's not on the table
― sarahel, Wednesday, 22 September 2010 18:52 (thirteen years ago) link
knock knockwho's thereChampChamp who?No thanks, I washed my hair at home
― brownie, Wednesday, 22 September 2010 18:59 (thirteen years ago) link
Oh man yeah I worked with a developmentally delayed kid who made up a lot of "jokes" about his legal guardian's liquid makeup. Like: "Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a pail Maryann's liquid makeup."
― Mormons come out of the sky and they stand there (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 22 September 2010 19:05 (thirteen years ago) link
that is awesome!
― sarahel, Wednesday, 22 September 2010 19:07 (thirteen years ago) link
really bad joke I made when I was 15 or so:
Q: Why is the world so infested with bugs?A: Because God created it with Windows 95
― turn in yer badge (San Te), Wednesday, 22 September 2010 19:31 (thirteen years ago) link
Q: How did the axe store remain profitable in the internet era?A: By selling adz.
― rammer jammer jan hammer (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 29 September 2010 13:05 (thirteen years ago) link
Sundial: hey Rasta Clock, do you know what time it is?Rasta Clock: I don't know, mon (I don't, gnomon)!
― tickle me lmao (unregistered), Wednesday, 6 October 2010 17:02 (thirteen years ago) link
wtf is that
― cathy: ACK-er (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 October 2010 22:59 (thirteen years ago) link
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gnomon
― popular music is destroying our youth (CaptainLorax), Thursday, 7 October 2010 04:04 (thirteen years ago) link
Q: What did Hemingway call his blog-turned-smash-hit-comedy-book?
A: Hills White Elephants Like
― buju_stanton (Hurting 2), Monday, 11 October 2010 03:26 (thirteen years ago) link
"Baby JesusSizzling in a panone went pop and the other went Bang!"
!
Also lol!
― Kevin John Bozelka, Monday, 11 October 2010 03:52 (thirteen years ago) link
what do you get when you cross nick drake with a cow...........pink moo
― jeevves, Monday, 11 October 2010 10:22 (thirteen years ago) link
A giraffe goes into a bookstore and starts eating all the books on the top shelf. A shop assistant goes running over to him and says agitatedly 'excuse me sir - can I help you?'. And the giraffe replies 'no thanks, I'm only browsing'
― Harrison Buttwhistle (NickB), Monday, 11 October 2010 10:31 (thirteen years ago) link
Q. What happens when a yolk gives off heat?
A. An eggsothermic reaction.
― The Ten Things I Hate About Commandments (Abbbottt), Saturday, 16 October 2010 03:29 (thirteen years ago) link
wow, you just took egg puns to another level
― buju_stanton (Hurting 2), Saturday, 16 October 2010 03:29 (thirteen years ago) link
You thought they'd been eggshausted, but no....
― The Ten Things I Hate About Commandments (Abbbottt), Saturday, 16 October 2010 03:30 (thirteen years ago) link
Today I came up with a joke lit theory paper title: "Id. at 10: Sexual Desire in Legal Citation Style"
― buju_stanton (Hurting 2), Saturday, 16 October 2010 03:34 (thirteen years ago) link
i've been straining over a Limp Bizkit: 'Rollin' + myth of Sisyphus joke for a few days now. Topical, I know.
― Antoine Bugleboy (Merdeyeux), Saturday, 16 October 2010 03:37 (thirteen years ago) link
I tried to think of some fake conservative jokes:
Q: What is the greatest aphrodisiac in the world?A: 50 years of marriage.
Q: What causes the pharoah to weep, and the peasant to build kingdoms in his mind?A: Love, sire.
― jeevves, Tuesday, 19 October 2010 09:46 (thirteen years ago) link
Q: did you hear about the gang that broke an onion out of jail?A: iirc they sprung a leek
― george pimpton (s1ocki), Tuesday, 19 October 2010 14:29 (thirteen years ago) link
What beverage only comes in one flavor and takes 45 minutes to drink?
Sunny D)))
― jeevves, Thursday, 21 October 2010 11:58 (thirteen years ago) link
What did the confident but slightly grubby bicycle wheelbuilder say?
"Dust me, I know what I'm truing"
― all the love sent up high to pledge won't reach the (ledge), Thursday, 28 October 2010 08:58 (thirteen years ago) link
My brother, at age three, came up with:
Why did the ice cream sit on top of the refrigerator?Because it wanted to melt.
― existential eggs (Abbott), Monday, October 12, 2009 2:53 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
when I was three, the funniest joke in the world to me was:
"Knock knock""Who's there?""Green.""Green who?""Green apple!"
― WAKE UP SHEEPLEY (crüt), Thursday, 28 October 2010 09:19 (thirteen years ago) link
I think this sense of humor still shines through in my choice of display names
Funny, I was just reciting the poen to myself the other week...
"You're NOT Robin Hood, and you're NOT Gunga Din"...
― Mark G, Thursday, 28 October 2010 09:22 (thirteen years ago) link
What do you call a folk singer wearing cheap underwear?
Mary Chafin' Carpenter.
― The Great Cool Lulu who sleeps in Riley... (dog latin), Monday, 22 November 2010 16:40 (thirteen years ago) link
LOLOL
― portrait of the artist as a yung joc (Hurting 2), Monday, 22 November 2010 16:41 (thirteen years ago) link
Also awesome name for a Garbage Pail Kid imo. Twin could be Joni ITCHELL
― portrait of the artist as a yung joc (Hurting 2), Monday, 22 November 2010 16:43 (thirteen years ago) link
haha!
― The Great Cool Lulu who sleeps in Riley... (dog latin), Monday, 22 November 2010 16:44 (thirteen years ago) link
Where do middle-aged couples go to enjoy their second honeymoon?
Viagra Falls
― Canadian Club & Dr. Pepper (Myonga Vön Bontee), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 09:31 (thirteen years ago) link
Why was Mary so uncomfortable riding a donkey?
Because it gave her bethlehemorrhoids.
― Albert mangles dwarf (NickB), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 09:44 (thirteen years ago) link
Yay! One for the christmas cracker!
― Mark G, Wednesday, 24 November 2010 09:51 (thirteen years ago) link
That, a hat and a fortune-telling fish - what more could you not want?
― Albert mangles dwarf (NickB), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 10:03 (thirteen years ago) link
The lord is my shepherd I shall not want.
― Mark G, Wednesday, 24 November 2010 10:05 (thirteen years ago) link
Yep, novelty sheep-farming deities, do not want.
― Albert mangles dwarf (NickB), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 10:12 (thirteen years ago) link
Not mine, a friend's:
What do you call a psychic who can smell the future?
Nostrildamus
― The Great Cool Lulu who sleeps in Riley... (dog latin), Wednesday, 24 November 2010 12:26 (thirteen years ago) link
How do you vacuum an elephant?Put peanuts in the airlock and then fire him into space.
What is the sound of an elephant being fired into space?"Hrrmmmphhh......... ....... ..... ... .. ."
― jeevves, Thursday, 25 November 2010 04:58 (thirteen years ago) link
why was o afraid of i?
because iatee
― pretty hat machine (crüt), Friday, 26 November 2010 05:51 (thirteen years ago) link
Q: What's the opposite of drunken noodle?
A: Soba noodle.
― ball (Hurting 2), Sunday, 5 December 2010 00:31 (thirteen years ago) link
why does julian casablancas drink fluorine?
to lower his life expectancy
― tldr swinton (nakhchivan), Sunday, 5 December 2010 00:33 (thirteen years ago) link
i don't get that sunny d one
― F-Unit (Ste), Sunday, 5 December 2010 00:43 (thirteen years ago) link
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunn_O%29%29%29
― ball (Hurting 2), Sunday, 5 December 2010 00:44 (thirteen years ago) link
q. how does emile zola relax?a. in a j'accuse-i
― shirley summistake (s1ocki), Sunday, 5 December 2010 03:27 (thirteen years ago) link
Q: What is it called when a lightbulb commits a criminal offense?A: A watt-collar crime.
― avant-sarsgaard (litel), Sunday, 5 December 2010 19:30 (thirteen years ago) link
Said in the accent of a southern judge, obv.
― ball (Hurting 2), Sunday, 5 December 2010 19:47 (thirteen years ago) link
How many years in prison does it take to change a lightbulb?
― O Permaban (NickB), Sunday, 5 December 2010 19:52 (thirteen years ago) link
?
― ball (Hurting 2), Sunday, 5 December 2010 20:09 (thirteen years ago) link
oh I get it
― ball (Hurting 2), Sunday, 5 December 2010 20:11 (thirteen years ago) link
I've put 2011 aside to work on the punchline.
― O Permaban (NickB), Sunday, 5 December 2010 20:12 (thirteen years ago) link