― . . .and a soda on the side (Molly Jones), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 12:54 (seventeen years ago) link
― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 12:57 (seventeen years ago) link
A: Depends :)
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 12:58 (seventeen years ago) link
― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:01 (seventeen years ago) link
and otto too. ;)
― . . .and a soda on the side (Molly Jones), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:01 (seventeen years ago) link
I think men respond just as well as women do to feeling wanted, appreciated, validated, whatever. In a relationship, surely both partners need to be made to feel good about themselves from time to time.
The other evening, as we were pottering around the kitchen together, Friends was on the TV in the background, with that episode where Chandler was upset after a break-up with Janice, and Rachel was feeding him ice cream because that's what chicks always have when they're upset.
It suddenly occurred to me - and so I said it out loud - that in all the years The Bloke and I have known each other, he has never behaved in a way which has ever made me comfort-eat ice cream. It made him positively beam with happiness to be told that.
Sometimes it's the little stuff which means the most :)
― C J (C J), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:04 (seventeen years ago) link
― teh_kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:09 (seventeen years ago) link
― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:15 (seventeen years ago) link
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:16 (seventeen years ago) link
Though I suppose I left the question open enough to encompass all permutations.
But yeah, comfort eating ice cream. Totally. Ben and Jerrys. Two spoons. Life seems somehow better.
― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:17 (seventeen years ago) link
i have NO idea how CS Sauce relates to this, but it's nice to see it mentioned on such a girly thread.
― teh_kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:31 (seventeen years ago) link
Cherry Garcia.
― Devoichitsa (Devoichitsa), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:39 (seventeen years ago) link
― teh_kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:40 (seventeen years ago) link
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:40 (seventeen years ago) link
― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:43 (seventeen years ago) link
― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:45 (seventeen years ago) link
kk, i'm gone.
― teh_kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:45 (seventeen years ago) link
― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:46 (seventeen years ago) link
― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:48 (seventeen years ago) link
1. He had a sweater hand-made for me for Christmas one year; he chose the pattern and the yarn.
2. He bought me a gift (a book, so not a big thing, but very nice) and hid it in the house while I was sleeping. When I woke up I found Post-It notes with clues around the house that I needed to follow to find it. It was kind of cute and funny.
― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:49 (seventeen years ago) link
― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:50 (seventeen years ago) link
if i'd tried that with my ex-roommate she would've taken a tire iron to my skull.
― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:51 (seventeen years ago) link
my friend did this recently for her boyfriend, i thought it was sweet too.
― Ste (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:51 (seventeen years ago) link
― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:51 (seventeen years ago) link
― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:53 (seventeen years ago) link
― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 13:56 (seventeen years ago) link
― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:00 (seventeen years ago) link
― Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:02 (seventeen years ago) link
― mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:04 (seventeen years ago) link
(xpost)
― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:04 (seventeen years ago) link
I don't think he does either of these things with the express intent of "being romantic," but they have that effect.
― quincie (quincie), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:07 (seventeen years ago) link
― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:17 (seventeen years ago) link
― teh_kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:21 (seventeen years ago) link
― i've dreamt of rubies! (Mandee), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:22 (seventeen years ago) link
― teh_kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:24 (seventeen years ago) link
haha, more like a dream!
― mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:28 (seventeen years ago) link
― teh_kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:29 (seventeen years ago) link
― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:32 (seventeen years ago) link
A friend's husband gave her the most unromantic possible Christmas gift a few years ago: a set of the most expensive placemats available at Target. This guy is supersmart, so possibly other men could make this mistake. So unless your S.O. is a placemat fanatic, do not go this route for any occasion.
― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:32 (seventeen years ago) link
― teh_kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:35 (seventeen years ago) link
― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:36 (seventeen years ago) link
― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:36 (seventeen years ago) link
― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:37 (seventeen years ago) link
― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:38 (seventeen years ago) link
― teh_kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:40 (seventeen years ago) link
― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:42 (seventeen years ago) link
(xpost) An iron. Wow. Well, the right person probably would love that (apparently your mother, Laurel!).
I hate ironing.
And yeah - Dan has the right idea. (Possibly expressed in the phrase, "go one better.")
― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:44 (seventeen years ago) link
― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:45 (seventeen years ago) link
― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:46 (seventeen years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 14:46 (seventeen years ago) link
― molly d (mollyd), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 16:23 (seventeen years ago) link
― Allyzay lives aprox. 200 feet away from a stadium (allyzay), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 16:24 (seventeen years ago) link
― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 16:26 (seventeen years ago) link
I guess I'm just bad at romance, fullstop.
― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 16:26 (seventeen years ago) link
Actually, you're probably right, Ally. That's exactly the reason sexual favors were invented.
― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 16:31 (seventeen years ago) link
― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 16:44 (seventeen years ago) link
However, giving her a signed first edition of The Oresteia would be quite the coup.
― Edward III (edward iii), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 16:53 (seventeen years ago) link
― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 16:54 (seventeen years ago) link
plus they have the added effect of when you find said notes 6 years later you realize that each and every word contained in them was just as much of a lie as your previous 5 years had been.
and that might not make sense either for the same reason.
― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 16:56 (seventeen years ago) link
― mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:01 (seventeen years ago) link
good point. not that i have a file or anything.
― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:10 (seventeen years ago) link
How is this particularly romantic? Isn't this just the stuff that successful relationships are made of?
I think there's a difference between romance--which could be the butterflies attendant upon early stages of a relatioship, or something that two people share, as feelings, and romantic, which seems to conjure up images of Hallmark cards and roses and candlelight dinners and so forth. Those things wouldn't be particularly romantic to me because they seem so obvious. I guess romantic could be standing on top of wind-swept moor with someone after you've just climbed a long trail to the top but then a dead rat is spotted and the moment is lost.
― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:29 (seventeen years ago) link
― Fluffy Bear, among 100% of the population (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:41 (seventeen years ago) link
right. the person in the thread question, and perhaps other people on the thread, seem to be using 'romance' to mean something other than romance, or at least in a sort of ironic or negative fashion.
― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:43 (seventeen years ago) link
― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:46 (seventeen years ago) link
― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:51 (seventeen years ago) link
― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 17:56 (seventeen years ago) link
It's easy to get stuck in a routine when in a relationship, and believe that it's just the natural order to live with someone, sleep with them, do social actitivies together, etc. Romance is when one person recognizes that there's something special about the person he or she is with and reaches above that routine to express it to the other, who is hopefully also jolted out of the routine and happier for it.
Could be anything from something that's said in passing that betrays a deep understanding of your s.o. that no one else has to a fancy dinner or present.
― mike h. (mike h.), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 18:54 (seventeen years ago) link
― Abbott (Abbott), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 19:49 (seventeen years ago) link
― . . .and a soda on the side (Molly Jones), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 19:51 (seventeen years ago) link
i.e. anal
― Fluffy Bear, among 100% of the population (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 19:52 (seventeen years ago) link
― Abbott (Abbott), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 19:53 (seventeen years ago) link
This is about 75% my worst nightmare and 25% what I want. (Which I suppose makes sense.)
Romance is when one person recognizes that there's something special about the person he or she is with and reaches above that routine to express it to the other, who is hopefully also jolted out of the routine and happier for it.
This is completely OTM -- or at least, anyone who I'd ever want to be with would see things this way.
And I don't think anyone's out of line in pointing out that it's very easy for it to seem like the burden of "acting romantic" is primarily on men, and that it can seem tied to having to spend $$$. The gender studies angle there is obvious. But as has been pointed out, I don't think most people here are in the "diamonds-are-forever" crowd, so pointing it out is probably a little redundant.
― lurker #2421, inc. (lurker-2421), Thursday, 12 October 2006 02:20 (seventeen years ago) link
http://www.openplease.com/cat-images-lg/FF967.jpg
― lurker #2421, inc. (lurker-2421), Thursday, 12 October 2006 02:21 (seventeen years ago) link
These actions usually just subtly indicate thoughtfulness - even just asking if you would like a cup of tea and then making it for you after a long day, or taping a programme they thought you might enjoy. The everyday sensitivities to what you are like, rather than a SPECIAL OCCASION, MUST BE BRILLIANT, which can seem kind of forced, especially if this is NOT what you are like. Of course, this is a personal p.o.v so feel free to disregard/challenge it.
― salexandra (salexander), Thursday, 12 October 2006 03:58 (seventeen years ago) link
― timmy tannin (pompous), Thursday, 12 October 2006 04:07 (seventeen years ago) link
i'm a born-n-bred yankee and i like the trad romance crap too (creative expressions of it, anyway). guys never think i do because i'm all tomboyish or whatever, but i spend so little time caring about my gender in my day-to-day life that i actually do enjoy some sort of acknowledgment that i'm female.
― a portal to squee heaven (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 12 October 2006 04:20 (seventeen years ago) link
The thing is, in today's blah blah disposable, past-paced, over-mediated, hypersexual culture, where there seems to be no such thing as a straightforward "Relationship" any more, and everybody is getting bent out of shape about noyfriends, fuckbuddies, friends with benefits, NSA, and all the other shades of "let's pretend we're not in a Relationship" - I think that it is perfectly fair to come out and say, at the beginning of a relationship "I am interested in ROMANCE" and mean - I want all that nice stuff that successful relationships are made of, not some quasi-relationship Noyfriend.
But that is 100% *MY* interpretation, of the sort of thing *I* would say if I were to start dating again. And nothing to do with the woman in the question.
― Three In A Bed Socks Romp (kate), Thursday, 12 October 2006 08:18 (seventeen years ago) link
But if I had to choose I'd go for number 1 every time.
― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 12 October 2006 10:28 (seventeen years ago) link
but when you use 'romance' in that fashion, isn't what you're really saying that you want something better than nothing? 'a little romance', or even the pretense of romance? and doesn't it diminish the concept to use it in that fashion?
― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 12 October 2006 12:51 (seventeen years ago) link
One thing I like about the social circles I move in is that everyone is very upfront about what they want right from the start. They might change their mind occasionally about what sort of person they're looking for (I know I have), but they always make it very clear what they do and don't want.
― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 12 October 2006 12:53 (seventeen years ago) link