Best snippet of overheard conversation

"I'm outside the toilet just now...........yeah, I'm absolutely bursting.............do you dare me?"

Guy: "..;but it transformed the neighborhood!"
Other guy: "Yeah, it filled it with annoying white girls."

What the hell was she talking about if not head lice? Crabs?

Businessman One: "I mean you're literally a billionaire, right?"
Businessman Two: "Yep."

"I love Tori Amos because I love it when the mythical slides into delerium"

Ouch! It still hurts to think about it.

http://www.gleeson0.demon.co.uk/sandman/delirium.jpg

ihttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/Mandalion/lucynumberone2.jpg

As such, we use that to break off pointless arguments.

blonde girl - "LOL, Look at my sons eyebrows"
brunette girl - "OMG LOL, what have you done to your sons eyebrows?"
[to son] "LOL, what has she done to your eyebrows? OMG LOL"
blonde - "LOL, He wasn't born with any, LOL "
brunette - "Oh you poor thing, LOL"
Both Girls - "LOL, OMG, LOL, OMG, etc etc"

Then they went on to ask me "ey luv! who do y'think looks oldest out o' me and 'er?"
I refused to answer.

"people are so much more good-looking now than ever before. when you see people from TV in the 70s they are all butters"

"Ooh, I've never seen that before," she said in a brash Ayrshire accent, "does it no irritate yer fanny?"

A: How would you assist someone who needed to vomit?

B: Pull their hair back.

C: Massage their belly.

D: Maybe you could paddle their arse?

I know what she means.

"When I get home, you'd BEST be naked. NAKED WITH A CUP OF TEA AND A BOWL OF BAKED BEANS."

Thugged out guy in late 20's or early 30 A: So, is yo girl trying to make you get a job and shit?

Thugged out guy in late 20's or early 30's B: No.

Thugged out guy in late 20's or early 30 A: That's how you know when she really loves you.

I was walking back from the shops, having bought pastries and things for Sunday brunch, and as I walked up my street I noticed a young Jewish guy in skullcap and white sunday suit standing on the side of the road, opposite me. Thought nothing at all of it - it looked like he was waiting for a car, maybe. He then calls out "hey, who are you waiting for?" across the road and I look ahead of me and see he's talking to a tall thin man who is in full top hat and tails regalia - white gloves, patent leather pointed shoes, cravat, the works. He almost looks like he might be dressed to be a butler or town car driver, or is going to some very fancy event. He stares calmly at the young man but does not answer. Young man again shouts "who are you waiting for?". At this point I just thought it was because he also was waiting for someone, and thought this older guy might be it?

But the tall top hat man said, slowly "who are you?". Young man gets slightly cross and again repeats "no, who are you waiting for?"
"Who are you?"

This went on in true Vorlon style for a minute or so, eventually young guy says "I'm Rosco, WHO ARE YOU WAITING FOR??"

The older man says, in a very slow and very strangely pronounced, RP english stagey voice, "I am Ronald, please state your business?". OK this is getting weird. I've passed top hat man by this point and have to keep glancing back, only to see top hat man crossing the street to approach young jewish guy, who is holding his hand out, palm forward, like some kind of policeman! He says "Community watch! WHO ARE YOU WAITING FOR", with his hand held up and backing away slightly.

Top hat man pauses, then walks back across the road to his spot. He didnt seem at all ruffled by this young guy's rather bizarre paranoid gated community shtick, but then again his own stagey pose was equally surreal.

And then I went home, the end.

The guy sidles up to the shelf and looks for something then says, "Damn! Not there!" He then turns to the girl and says, "Or as Homer Simpson might say: D'oh!" She nods and smiles and the guy sees his chance! He continues on. "Actually I was saying that before him, he stole that from me." She says, without looking up, "Oh really?" He grins suavely and says, "I should have patented that, you know? Made a lot of dinero. Robert DeNiro, haha. You talkin to me? Haha" (???)

At this I think my jaw actually dropped. She looked around and waved to the non-existent person by the door and said, "My friend's waiting. So long."

She walked out quickly, definitely shooting a look behind her to make sure he wasn't following. The guy continued looking at books and muttered to himself, "She'll be back, dude."

That's where I left.

trayce i really want to know the story behind your story.

ihttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/Shaun_of_the_Dead_1.jpg

trayce i really want to know the story behind your story.

Me too! It bugged me all the rest of the day. Who was that strange top hat and tails man? What WAS he waiting for? Why have the jewish families in my street taken it upon themselves to play vigilante all of a sudden (ok maybe this one is something they're careful about anyway).

A mystery indeed.

"THE GANG BANG WAS GREAT!"

Then they piled into a beat up Crown Victoria and sped away.

A couple weeks ago some girl was talking on the phone and suddenly asked whoever was on the line, "So, have you ever asked your mom if she's had anal sex?"

For all you New Order fans out there:
New Order fan (at Reading '98) to unconverted friend: "New Order? They're like...GODS!"

-- DG (rgreenfiel...), September 4th, 2001.

DG, the originator of I Love Everything, might well be interested to know that Hiro, a not-actually-as-swank-as-it-seems club situated inside the Maritime Hotel, which itself is on the Chelsea-side outskirts of the suddenly ultra-riche meatpacking district in New York City, was host last Thursday to a NEW ORDER DJ SET (i.e. Peter Hook playing records). ILX regular Dan Selzer was on just after him, my ex-roommate was working behind the bar, and maura and her lovely boyfriend joe were my companions - so it was a very fun night indeed - until afterwards, which i may get into on some other thread where the subject is more explicitly about the police.

in any case, very early in the evening, when it was still possible to overhear things, these two fake-tanned Club Bitches approach the bar and as they pass me i hear, in the most clichéd "lieeeke, ohmiGOD" voices i could have possibly imagined: "I got in SO much trouble for NOT licking her pussy!"

er...

in my living room, roomie's sister talking to other roomie:

SIS: "well, our pastor hates the word 'modern', so our sunday evening service is more like, i guess, a post-modern service."

SOMEONE ELSE: "(inaudible)"

SIS: "yeah, the problem is, he's good at guitar but he doesn't have any rhythm and our usual drummer lives like an hour and a half from las vegas."