for best effect, shout the punchline while simultaneously eating something and rolling onto your back, exposing your underwear
― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Sunday, 5 December 2010 21:16 (thirteen years ago) link
^ how I usually deliver jokes
― ball (Hurting 2), Sunday, 5 December 2010 21:26 (thirteen years ago) link
the other day in the pub...
why can't brian lenihan get the irish economy moving?
cos he can't budget!
― I see what this is (Local Garda), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 17:49 (thirteen years ago) link
Joke headline:
Monkey House of Representatives Votes to Repeel Banana
― mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Thursday, 16 December 2010 03:20 (thirteen years ago) link
lool
― dayo, Thursday, 16 December 2010 03:20 (thirteen years ago) link
This twitter has the best bad homemade jokes I've seen:
www.twitter.com/ratedgjokes
― Lazarus Niles-Burnham (res), Thursday, 16 December 2010 05:14 (thirteen years ago) link
http://twitter.com/ratedgjokes
I made up a lot of Christmas jokes when I was putting up Christmas lights a week ago.
anyways
Why did Jesus have a bad Christmas?because he found out that Santa doesn't exist
Why was Jesus sad on Christmas?because he didn't get a Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine
Why didn't Jesus get any presents on Christmas?because he's a Jew
― Help! I'm a bug (CaptainLorax), Thursday, 16 December 2010 05:41 (thirteen years ago) link
def stealing that last one
― irish xmas caek, get that marzipan inta ya (a hoy hoy), Friday, 17 December 2010 10:00 (thirteen years ago) link
joke to do with new year's resolution, punchline including 1280×720
― jumpskins, Saturday, 18 December 2010 19:07 (thirteen years ago) link
What is Sam the Sham's favorite carnival ride?The pharaohs wheel.
― Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Sunday, 19 December 2010 03:34 (thirteen years ago) link
abbbottt, often i will see yr name and be reminded of a scene from 'the thick of it' (uk political sitcom) in which the press are calling for the prime minister to sack underperforming minister hugh abbott, and the headline says PM CAN'T KICK THE ABBOTT
i guess that joke was homemade to somebody, so it counts itt
― No Wicked Heart Shall Prosper.rar (nakhchivan), Sunday, 19 December 2010 03:44 (thirteen years ago) link
Thanks for the Sunnn D)))) joke, I just made good use of it.
― krakow, Sunday, 19 December 2010 22:08 (thirteen years ago) link
So I told that to my g/f and she countered with one of her very own...
Which is the loudest lovesong in the world?
You are the Sunn O)))shine of My Life!
I am a lucky, lucky man.
― krakow, Monday, 20 December 2010 00:12 (thirteen years ago) link
whats a rastafarians favourite middle eastern country?Yemen
― straightola, Monday, 20 December 2010 13:40 (thirteen years ago) link
straight giggles
― irish xmas caek, get that marzipan inta ya (a hoy hoy), Monday, 20 December 2010 14:15 (thirteen years ago) link
Saudi Jah-rabia
― O Permaban (NickB), Monday, 20 December 2010 14:37 (thirteen years ago) link
Jah-pan
― dayo, Monday, 20 December 2010 14:44 (thirteen years ago) link
United Ar-Herb Emirates
― O Permaban (NickB), Monday, 20 December 2010 14:45 (thirteen years ago) link
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting giraffe.
Interrupting giraffe who?
...
― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 20 December 2010 15:06 (thirteen years ago) link
Who's the greatest Scottish smooth jazz player?
Kenny MacG
(find it especially funny to say in an exaggerated accent and really elongating the "GEEEEEEEEE")
― hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Friday, 11 February 2011 22:06 (thirteen years ago) link
going to try it now
― Most women do not like atheism.(8)(9)(10) (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 11 February 2011 22:07 (thirteen years ago) link
response: 'are you feeling all right?'
― Most women do not like atheism.(8)(9)(10) (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 11 February 2011 22:08 (thirteen years ago) link
Song to teach children about not leaving food out/open: "If you liked it then you shoulda put a lid on it"
― hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Sunday, 13 February 2011 20:02 (thirteen years ago) link
don't quit your day job unless this is your day job
― conrad, Sunday, 13 February 2011 20:35 (thirteen years ago) link
I'm starting a modernist furniture store for the average American: Remote Within Reach
― The Corner Stander, The Suggest Ban Hammer (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:40 (thirteen years ago) link
My g/f made me go to one of her pilates classes the other day and when we got there, the instructor had an eye-patch. He taught us all sorts of things including techniques such as "walking the plank". Then I realised I'd got the wrong lesson...
― chandelier falling through a bar in a batman costume (dog latin), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:44 (thirteen years ago) link
Ha, I like that DL. Reminds me of this one that my bro's mate says he made up:
I had a really hard time growing up. All we ever had to eat was glace cherries, dark chocolate and cream. Life's tough in the gateau.
― Inevitable stupid dubstep mix (chap), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:49 (thirteen years ago) link
i like that one too!
― chandelier falling through a bar in a batman costume (dog latin), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:49 (thirteen years ago) link
this is a non made up joke but the way you've written ir baffles me. it's "interrupting sheep" and you say "baa" in the middle of them saying "interrupting sheep who"
― I see what this is (Local Garda), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:59 (thirteen years ago) link
My wife's going on holiday to the USA.Really? Which state?Alaska.No, don't bother, it doesn't really matter.
― Death and Taxis (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:02 (thirteen years ago) link
And, considerably more contrived:
My wife's just moved into a house in north-west London?Maida Vale?No, bricks.
― Death and Taxis (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:04 (thirteen years ago) link
― Death and Taxis (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Tuesday, February 22, 2011 12:02 PM Bookmark
You didn't originate this, sorry pal.
― The Corner Stander, The Suggest Ban Hammer (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:07 (thirteen years ago) link
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CiE_xz40zik/S533oW8ZcHI/AAAAAAAACLg/BVJr0pMkXtE/s400/D
― All you have to do is combine 1 to 7 with (a) to (d) and you should ha (Phil D.), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:08 (thirteen years ago) link
Really? Maybe 'independently arrived at' then. If someone else claims the 'Maida Vale' one I'll be devastated.
― Death and Taxis (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:09 (thirteen years ago) link
― I see what this is (Local Garda), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:59 (27 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
isn't the joke (in this instance) that giraffes don't speak much, hence the ellipsis at the end
― Jari Litmandem (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:28 (thirteen years ago) link
god yeah it is i suppose
― I see what this is (Local Garda), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:29 (thirteen years ago) link
It's a pretty common/old joke in the US. See also:
We're going on vacation next week.
Hawaii?
I'm fine, thanks for asking.
― The Corner Stander, The Suggest Ban Hammer (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:29 (thirteen years ago) link
I haven't heard the Maida Vale one before, but I've spent DAYS making up increasingly agonised versions of jokes of that bent.
See also:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NztfOSyCCFM
― emil.y, Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:48 (thirteen years ago) link
knock knock
― the butthead frond (rip van wanko), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:06 (thirteen years ago) link
who's there?
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:25 (thirteen years ago) link
what's the mafia's favourite type of joke?
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:27 (thirteen years ago) link
knock knock (the 'double tap' is a finishing move favoured by legitimate businessmen of italian descent)
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:28 (thirteen years ago) link
HOW DID YOU KNOW, unregistered?
― BIG HOOS (rip van wanko), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:35 (thirteen years ago) link
lmbo
― rip van wanko, Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:36 (thirteen years ago) link
haw
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:38 (thirteen years ago) link
My wife's moved to the south-eastern fringe of Melbourne.Pakenham Upper?Once she settles in.
― egregious fannydangling (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 22:50 (thirteen years ago) link
lol
― vag vag vag (electricsound), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 22:52 (thirteen years ago) link
why did gadaffi buy button-up trousers?
(i'm sure someone can guess the punchline to this one)
― farieling thosder chout a bagh an i ballme crantuman (dog latin), Wednesday, 9 March 2011 12:15 (thirteen years ago) link
Have you heard the Kansas song about the Irish-Korean vagabond?
CARY ANH MY WAYWARD SON
― for real molars who ain't got no fillings (Hurting 2), Saturday, 19 March 2011 22:23 (thirteen years ago) link