The dying days of the Fourth Reich: it's the 2007 AUSTRALIAN FEDERAL ELECTION

No thanks, I think I've put up with enough Silverchair this year already.

Well my daughter is adamant we're watching the Veronicas. As for the Chair, cheer up - this is almost certainly the last year.

Back to POLITICS, I was driving past Yatala Prison today - proud home of Evil Terrorist Mastermind David Hicks. I seriously lolled at all the Liberal posters on Grand Junction Road on the other side of the jail, like that's going to do them any good.

Now, if you're planning a little Election Night shindig, maybe I humbly suggest that you put this record on to get the party started?

http://www.triplem.com.au/media/shows/getthis/images/getthis_johnlawscover_400x.jpg

I HAD that record! I SAMPLED it on the I&S track 'Point of No Return'!! Oh jeez, what happened to it? King Boy, do you have the inner sleeve photos?! Can you put 'em up??

No, unfortunately not - I found this gem lying around on the internet!!

Golly, I really wish I had it through (and the rare Alan Jones cover of Spandau Ballet's To Cut a Long Story Short).

That doesn't exist, you made it up.

It exists. It's a compendium of his poetry, read by him, and interspresed with whimsical arranged music peices that would not be out of place in a Neil Diamond or Englebert Humperdinck middle eight. I found it at folkways. My dad probably sold it at a Bondi sale for $1 along with all my other valuable records. Someone out there has it.

Your father is the worst man alive.

Fuck politics, this is fascinating.

Did anyone ever see that christmas album he put his arse face to? That was bad enough.

Because I'm home sick today I can watch the debate and relay information to you all LIVE, including what the worm's doing.

Dat crazy worm.

12:34 Old bloke is talking about nothing

oooh they're shaking hands

they've lost the coin!!! OH NO

Wayne Swan won the toss and will speak first

Swan's worm is flatlining, going up slightly

why is the debate in the middle of the day?

"economic plan for all australians"
"enhance national prosperity"
"investing in people"
"climate change + water = challenges yu0"
"downward pressure on interest rates"
"economic conservative" <-- worm dipped at this point
"low taxes"
"economic wankspeak blah blah"
"market reforms"
"prosperity"
"mining boom"
"golden opportunity being squandered"
"11 years of inaction on hospitals/schools/infrastructure"
"inflation & interest rates rising"
"skills crisis"
"rba has warned you fuckers Y0U DO NOT LISTEN"
"education and training" <-- worm loves this, goes spastic
"broadband"
"fair + balanced" <-- OH NOES SHUP YOU MENTAL
"enterprise level bargaining" <-- worm dipping, probably bored
"working families have never been better off my arse" <-- paraphrasing
"my package is enormous"

Worm moderately positive most of the way through. Costello looks like jabba the hut for some reason.

He's STILL talking and I need to go to the toot.

why is the debate in the middle of the day?

-- electricsound, Tuesday, 30 October 2007 12:40 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Because it's in the normal press club luncheon slot, and because nobody wants to see accountants talk for 90 mins

Costello is getting positive worms omg

"good economy better"
"climate change"
"harness economic resources"
"literacy & numeracy" <-- note absence of critical thought
"find cures of tomorrow"
"diseases which we can't treat properly at present" <-- e.g. being in the Liberal party
"look after pensioners"
"jobs"
"unemployment rate is lower, budget is in black"
"good fortune wasn't luck ffs, no accident you cunce"
"gst is good" <-- worm collapses; first negative all day in fact
"i have a plan!!! no really"
"more competitive tax system"
"figures marginal tax rate money fiscal primary forecast dowaward pressure etc etc" <-- worm doesn't understand this either but LOVES IT
"extra technical schools"
"young people will get technical training"
"training time for small business"
"$168 million over five years for training vouchers etc"
"aged & disability pensioners, carers, retirees" <-- worm likes this
"strong economy"
"IN PER PE TU I TY"
"provisioning for the future"

Worm moderately positive again. Compare & contrast this with howard's blatherfest last weekend

Stephen Lewis, News Ltd: "Should Aus sustain four automotive manufacturers?"

WHO CARES

No surprise the Murdoch journalist asks the pointless questions

Costello answering first, getting moderate negatives from the worm. Fucknose what he's saying. He looks lost actually.

Worm ended on a high for Costello there.

Swan: "future for manufacturing in this country". worm is giving him a big wet gob job

woah and I think it's swallowing now

Paul Bongiorno, Ten News (oxymoron): "Will Swan commit to not mounting a challenge within first 18 months of govt, and will Costello not mount a similar challenge" (audience erupts in laughter)

Swan:
"I commit to being Rudd's treasury secretary" <-- OOPS
"treasurer for >10 yrs; no interviews to biographers" <-- jab at Costello; worm v happy

Costello:
"won't commit to not challenging to Rudd, because i need to challenge economic inexperience" <-- worm grumpy
"i will serve howard into next term, or as long as we work together" <-- worm lukewarm, knows lies when it sees them

Laura Tingle, Fin Review: some shit about GDP and inflation rate targets, i dunno

Swan:
"howard ignores everything" <-- worm happy
"skills infrastructure education blah blah"

Costello:
"10 surplus budgets" <-- worm wanes
"labor did this, labor did that <-- worm hates this
"i give credit to previous labor for deregulating home mortgage interest rates & cutting tariffs" <-- worm goes FUCKING SPASTIC
"can swan do the same" <-- worm plunges to flatline

Swan:
"I also credit '80s labor for reforms" <-- worm is all over this shiznit

Costello:
"we are ace and we got no help from you fucks" <-- worm flatlines

Some bloke from AMP(?): "reinstate trade unionists in reserve bank board?"

Costello:
various shit about trade unions <-- worm flatline
"70% labor cabinet trade union blah" <-- worm bored

Swan:
"i am not a former trade union official you penis" <-- worm happy
stuff about a unionist on the reserve bank board <-- worm loves this

Another News Ltd gimp: "swan will you kill the economy by removing workchoices?"

Swan:
"costello is a lying poo" <-- worm flatlines
"we want fairness & balance, this is not inflationary" <-- worm bored

Costello:
"our IR laws are PERFECT" <-- worm dropped so hard it fell off the screen. THIS WILL BE NEWS
"cannot roll back changes, risk risk omg" <-- worm says no
"deregulated market, full employment, pressure on inflation" <-- worm slightly negative

Karen Middleton, SBS: "would you reconsider tax cuts?"

Swan:
"no but we are balanced" <-- worm bouncing up & down
"we have a health & hospital plan, education revolution etc" <-- worm gleeful

Costello:
"our tax plan is for da future" <-- worm grouchy
"labor voted to do bad shit in 1993" <-- worm flatlines, probably bored

Costello is getting positive worms omg

This is spectacular, especially out of context =)

Also:

Costello:
"our IR laws are PERFECT" <-- worm dropped so hard it fell off the screen. THIS WILL BE NEWS

Are you serious, did it really!?

Tim Colebatch, The Age: "foreign debt is a concern?"

Costello:
makes gag <-- worm unhappy
"commonwealth govt has no net debt, therefore no issue shut up" <-- worm unhappy
"o'seas borrowing is because of investment surge" <-- flatline
"we = teh saving" <-- slight positive

Swan:
"i am concerned with foreign debt" <-- worm very happy
"declining productivity growth"
"need to lift export performance inc. services, therefore reduce foreign debt"
"superannuation is good" <-- happy

(xpost - yep)

Sue Dunleavy, Daily Nazigraph: "as PM, what will separate you from howard (three differences please); if no differences, why change ffs"

Costello:
a joke about rudd, loads of smirking <-- bad worm
"TEEEEEEEEEAM" <-- bad worm
"tax reform, IR reform, super reform, docks reform" <-- evidently no worm reform
"we don't always agree" <-- cue odd couple music
"continuity of policy"
"rudd is all me-too" <-- flatline
(note the lack of three differences here)

Swan:
"costello would make workchoices worse" <-- worm is ON HELIUM

Phil Coorey, SMH: "fed govt has money, states don't, so give some back you fuck"

Swan:
"no"
"hospitals, blame game" <-- worm floating
"work WITH states ffs" <-- worm floating

Costello:
"all gst goes to states" <-- flat
"labor is bad for some reason" <-- flat
something I didn't understand <-- worm goes up
"labor state govts are shit" <-- worm dips
"labor = mismanagement" <-- WHAT THE FUCK

u have finally found perfect vocation: pro liveblogger

Karen Middleton, SBS

I believe i once shared a uni student office with her, she was a very smart woman.

As an aside to the John Laws rekkid further upthread, I once had in my possession a red coloured 7" of his with the tale of "The Bradford Fairy Godmother", which was a five minute advert for Bradford Insulation. There were a couple of poems on the other side. I gave it to a friend ages ago who probably didn't even have a record player. :(

BTW Almy, I speak for us all I am sure when I say you are entertaining us magnificently today.

Shane Wright, Westralian: "defend your tax cuts in the face of inflation pls, coz nz did same thing and the whole country sank into the ocean"

Costello:
"full employment > mass unemployment" <-- flat
"low unemployment is still a problem" <-- flat, also WHAT THE FUCK
"our tax plan = teh rox0r" <-- worm happy
"building capacity, take pressure out of system" <-- worm happy
"budget in surplus"

Swan:
"labor shortages" <-- worm has orgasm

xpost hurrah! I probably would lose mooentum if nobody were reading this

Someone from Dow Jones: "how to make rba board appointments transparent"

Swan:
nice things <-- worm happy
"open + transparent" <-- worm happy

Costello:
"labor = disingenuous" <-- worm happy

Some guy who wasn't introduced properly: "spend on health + education > tax cuts?"

Swan:
"people want both" <-- worm spunks again

oops

Costello:
"people want tax relief" <-- worm wants costello relief
"prices are going up" <-- worm agrees
"state govts = evil" <-- worm dips
"people want help" <-- worm happy

Clinton Porteous (yes that's his real name), Courier Mail: "liberal polling is shit, interest rates have risen despite your LIES, why should anyone trust costello ffs"

Swan:
"I have more experience now than costello did when he became treasurer" <-- worm v happy
"we don't take polls for granted" <-- worm happy

Costello:
"i am prepared for unforeseen events" <-- worm slightly negative
"fuck experience, it's all about policy" <-- flat
"can't turn our backs on IR policy" <-- flat
"i am made entirely of play-doh" <-- flat

The antics of the worm are quite seriously the single most exciting thing about this never-ending, Godless campaign.

Vote Worm [1]

someone from 7 network: "aistralians have never been better off my arse, also what about me-tooism"

Costello:
blathering about stuff <-- worm gone to sleep
"look after pensioners" <-- worm dreaming of eating chocolate in chocolate land

Swan:
"howard = teh liar" <-- worm goes to jupiter
"housing affordability crisis is REAL" <-- worm happy
"we are in touch with working families" <-- worm happy

Costello hasn't landed a single punch on Swan yet.

Michelle "HOT CHICK" Grattan, The Age: "costello must keep howard's promises or die"

Costello:
"yes ffs" <-- flat
"we deliver, we are DHL" <-- flat
"we invest in schools and shit" <-- worm wakes up
"stronger economy" <-- worm goes back to sleep

notably costello is fumbling at this point

Swan:
"libs broke promise about keeping interest rates at record lows" <-- worm ejaculates

Closing statement happy fun time

Costello:
"we are funky, we are tssssssssssssss hot, we eat sex for breakfast"
"we take action on climate change"
"we build schools, no really"
"small business = engine room of aus economy"
"economy = enabling mechanism"
"economy = better std of living"
"i am passionate" <-- ew
"ambitions omg"

worm moderately positive for most of this