― kirsten (kirsten), Friday, 6 May 2005 21:11 (nineteen years ago) link
A: How would you assist someone who needed to vomit?
B: Pull their hair back.
C: Massage their belly.
D: Maybe you could paddle their arse?
― moley, Saturday, 7 May 2005 23:50 (nineteen years ago) link
I know what she means.
― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Saturday, 7 May 2005 23:55 (nineteen years ago) link
"When I get home, you'd BEST be naked. NAKED WITH A CUP OF TEA AND A BOWL OF BAKED BEANS."
― astropatty (adr), Sunday, 8 May 2005 01:54 (nineteen years ago) link
Thugged out guy in late 20's or early 30 A: So, is yo girl trying to make you get a job and shit?
Thugged out guy in late 20's or early 30's B: No.
Thugged out guy in late 20's or early 30 A: That's how you know when she really loves you.
― Mickey (modestmickey), Sunday, 8 May 2005 03:20 (nineteen years ago) link
I was walking back from the shops, having bought pastries and things for Sunday brunch, and as I walked up my street I noticed a young Jewish guy in skullcap and white sunday suit standing on the side of the road, opposite me. Thought nothing at all of it - it looked like he was waiting for a car, maybe. He then calls out "hey, who are you waiting for?" across the road and I look ahead of me and see he's talking to a tall thin man who is in full top hat and tails regalia - white gloves, patent leather pointed shoes, cravat, the works. He almost looks like he might be dressed to be a butler or town car driver, or is going to some very fancy event. He stares calmly at the young man but does not answer. Young man again shouts "who are you waiting for?". At this point I just thought it was because he also was waiting for someone, and thought this older guy might be it?
But the tall top hat man said, slowly "who are you?". Young man gets slightly cross and again repeats "no, who are you waiting for?""Who are you?"
This went on in true Vorlon style for a minute or so, eventually young guy says "I'm Rosco, WHO ARE YOU WAITING FOR??"
The older man says, in a very slow and very strangely pronounced, RP english stagey voice, "I am Ronald, please state your business?". OK this is getting weird. I've passed top hat man by this point and have to keep glancing back, only to see top hat man crossing the street to approach young jewish guy, who is holding his hand out, palm forward, like some kind of policeman! He says "Community watch! WHO ARE YOU WAITING FOR", with his hand held up and backing away slightly.
Top hat man pauses, then walks back across the road to his spot. He didnt seem at all ruffled by this young guy's rather bizarre paranoid gated community shtick, but then again his own stagey pose was equally surreal.
And then I went home, the end.
― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 8 May 2005 07:43 (nineteen years ago) link
― beanz (beanz), Sunday, 8 May 2005 15:29 (nineteen years ago) link
The guy sidles up to the shelf and looks for something then says, "Damn! Not there!" He then turns to the girl and says, "Or as Homer Simpson might say: D'oh!" She nods and smiles and the guy sees his chance! He continues on. "Actually I was saying that before him, he stole that from me." She says, without looking up, "Oh really?" He grins suavely and says, "I should have patented that, you know? Made a lot of dinero. Robert DeNiro, haha. You talkin to me? Haha" (???)
At this I think my jaw actually dropped. She looked around and waved to the non-existent person by the door and said, "My friend's waiting. So long."
She walked out quickly, definitely shooting a look behind her to make sure he wasn't following. The guy continued looking at books and muttered to himself, "She'll be back, dude."
That's where I left.
― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Sunday, 8 May 2005 16:15 (nineteen years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 8 May 2005 16:19 (nineteen years ago) link
trayce i really want to know the story behind your story.
― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 8 May 2005 16:22 (nineteen years ago) link
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 8 May 2005 16:22 (nineteen years ago) link
― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Sunday, 8 May 2005 16:25 (nineteen years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 8 May 2005 16:27 (nineteen years ago) link
ihttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/Shaun_of_the_Dead_1.jpg
― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Sunday, 8 May 2005 16:37 (nineteen years ago) link
Me too! It bugged me all the rest of the day. Who was that strange top hat and tails man? What WAS he waiting for? Why have the jewish families in my street taken it upon themselves to play vigilante all of a sudden (ok maybe this one is something they're careful about anyway).
A mystery indeed.
― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 9 May 2005 01:19 (nineteen years ago) link
"THE GANG BANG WAS GREAT!"
Then they piled into a beat up Crown Victoria and sped away.
― Nick L. (Nick L.), Monday, 9 May 2005 05:51 (nineteen years ago) link
A couple weeks ago some girl was talking on the phone and suddenly asked whoever was on the line, "So, have you ever asked your mom if she's had anal sex?"
― mike h. (mike h.), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:07 (nineteen years ago) link
― kirsten (kirsten), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:10 (nineteen years ago) link
― kirsten (kirsten), Monday, 9 May 2005 21:14 (nineteen years ago) link
For all you New Order fans out there:New Order fan (at Reading '98) to unconverted friend: "New Order? They're like...GODS!"
-- DG (rgreenfiel...), September 4th, 2001.
DG, the originator of I Love Everything, might well be interested to know that Hiro, a not-actually-as-swank-as-it-seems club situated inside the Maritime Hotel, which itself is on the Chelsea-side outskirts of the suddenly ultra-riche meatpacking district in New York City, was host last Thursday to a NEW ORDER DJ SET (i.e. Peter Hook playing records). ILX regular Dan Selzer was on just after him, my ex-roommate was working behind the bar, and maura and her lovely boyfriend joe were my companions - so it was a very fun night indeed - until afterwards, which i may get into on some other thread where the subject is more explicitly about the police.
in any case, very early in the evening, when it was still possible to overhear things, these two fake-tanned Club Bitches approach the bar and as they pass me i hear, in the most clichéd "lieeeke, ohmiGOD" voices i could have possibly imagined: "I got in SO much trouble for NOT licking her pussy!"
er...
― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 9 May 2005 22:23 (nineteen years ago) link
― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 9 May 2005 22:44 (nineteen years ago) link
in my living room, roomie's sister talking to other roomie:
SIS: "well, our pastor hates the word 'modern', so our sunday evening service is more like, i guess, a post-modern service."
SOMEONE ELSE: "(inaudible)"
SIS: "yeah, the problem is, he's good at guitar but he doesn't have any rhythm and our usual drummer lives like an hour and a half from las vegas."
― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 9 May 2005 22:47 (nineteen years ago) link
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 9 May 2005 22:49 (nineteen years ago) link
― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 10 May 2005 02:55 (nineteen years ago) link
Girl1: "I can't believe she didn't know Paul O'Grady was gay!"Girl2: "Some people are just like that though.... My nan's a real homosexual."Girl1: "Homophobic. Homosexual means you is gay innit."
― marianna, Tuesday, 10 May 2005 09:18 (nineteen years ago) link
― ()ops (()()ps), Friday, 13 May 2005 14:56 (nineteen years ago) link
― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 24 May 2005 16:20 (nineteen years ago) link
― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 24 May 2005 19:26 (nineteen years ago) link
― the black hand, Thursday, 26 May 2005 22:21 (nineteen years ago) link
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 27 May 2005 12:10 (nineteen years ago) link
"The only thing with Klingon is, there's no verb 'to be'..."
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 16:11 (nineteen years ago) link
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 16:23 (nineteen years ago) link
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:13 (nineteen years ago) link
― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 17:34 (nineteen years ago) link
― kirsten (kirsten), Friday, 3 June 2005 00:43 (nineteen years ago) link
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 06:19 (nineteen years ago) link
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 06:21 (nineteen years ago) link
― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 3 June 2005 06:24 (nineteen years ago) link
― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 3 June 2005 06:30 (nineteen years ago) link
― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 3 June 2005 06:35 (nineteen years ago) link
the person he was talking to looked slightly dumbfounded "a kitten?" - as I did until I realized what he was trying to say.
"Raja, I think you mean 'pussy'."
"Yes, yes, a pussy, you are being a pussy!"
I walked away.
― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 21:46 (nineteen years ago) link
― billstevejim (billstevejim), Tuesday, 7 June 2005 21:49 (nineteen years ago) link
Idiot!
― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 8 June 2005 12:18 (nineteen years ago) link
― Cartain, Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:19 (nineteen years ago) link
?? This makes perfect sense. It means "I know you haven't been here for a long time, and you might think that I would have been here since, but actually I haven't". Like if a friend from out of town turns up and says "let's go to that bar we went to last time", then when you get there you might say this.
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:28 (nineteen years ago) link
Tuomas, it's 2005 and you live in Finland for god's sake - mobile phones have been able to play mp3s for years!!
― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 9 June 2005 12:51 (nineteen years ago) link
Dude 2: Hey, did you know milk cures PMS?Dude 1: Yeah?Dude 2: Yeah. (pause) I bought my wife a cow. (Chuckles to himself).
FIN
― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 16:30 (nineteen years ago) link
"This is absolutely fucking ridiculous. I told you not to process that check until the 18th, and you did it anyway. I specifically said....."
(pause, pacing briefly)
"No, bullshit. Listen to what I'm saying, Mom."
― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 16:36 (nineteen years ago) link
― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Thursday, 30 June 2005 12:55 (nineteen years ago) link