Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

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Dear Ozzie Smith,

You are my favorite baseball player. I like you because you're 155 pounds, you do backflips, and you never hit homeruns. Years later, I will discover that you're actually kind of an asshole, in a strange way that I can never seem to convey to others.

Sincerely,
ten-year-old me

― Z S, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ringsting

Both as a newly coined word and a physical sensation, I love you dearly. I expect this may be more than many people here care to know about either of us, however.

tingling,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Hoosteen-

You probably have a very sticky/messy keyboard.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Austin,

Thank you for helping to broaden my vocabulary this evening.

ENBB

Dear Internet,

Thank you for existing and teaching me wonderful things such as the meaning of words like, "ringsting".

E

― ENBB, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear laundry -

Although I appreciate the effort you've taken to be doable within the confines of my residence, and without the hoarding of quarters with which to pay for your execution, I am still dissatisfied with the amount of actual carrying, tending, and folding you require. If you were to find some way to remain clean and ready to wear at all times, you would have my eternal gratitude.

cordially,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Dearest Google,

stick to awesome search engine action and leave the April Fool's Day hijinks to us,

Love

Mark.

― Drooone, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:22 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear doghair -

Stay on the wretched curs if you know what's good for both of us. Springtime be damned.

Don't underestimate my wrath,
-Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Wm.,

Why are you so scared of me? Every two months it's the same old panic attack. GET A GRIP, PLEASE. Pick up the phone, make the calls you have to make; send the emails you need to send. Do your work.

Love,
Your Job

― Rock Hardy, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Pharoah Monch

Your line "Still get it poppin' without Artist and Repetoire/Cause Monch is a Monarch only minus the A&R" is totally fucking blowing my mind.

One Love,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:50 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Rock,

I so empathise. I do the same every day, staring at my phone wishing I never had to call another horrible angry customer to tell them crap that makes them yell :( I cant deal with it, I'm too wussy.

solidarity,
Trayce

― Trayce, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 01:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Depeche Mode,

It IS good being the best band ever or closest to it, is it not? Not that you said that but I will, so. Plz to keep releasing more great records.

Yers,
The Guy Taking a Break from the Documentaries on the Reissues to Get a Drink

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 02:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Austin (the dude, not the city),

Thanks again for the CD. I have been bumping OK pretty much nonstop, except when I'm at work and have to hear James Blunt.

awesomely,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 02:19 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Trayce,

Thanks for the kind words. I don't even have to tell people things they don't want to hear, I'm just a big phone-phobic weiner. Hang in there, reverse-empathy is in effect.

bests,

― Rock Hardy, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 02:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Hoos -

Walk Into the Sun, my man!

I'm saying, yo!
Austin

― Oilyrags, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 02:23 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

EURGHGHGHGGG WHY DID YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME!!!!?????

not-so-fondly,
tr

― tokyo rosemary, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 02:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Neighbors.
Spring is here, and in a few short weeks the mowing-of-lawns season will be upon us.
Would it be possible for everyone to mow at the same time? because, y'know, every Saturday and Sunday you all get very busy with your mowers, but not at the same time.
Is it a competition? as soon as you hear the call of another mower you MUST mow?
I would be happy to stand in the middle of the street and announce "Gentlemen, start your mowers!" if you were willing to be synchronized.
10 a.m. is good for me.
Thanks,

― aimurchie, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Abbot,

"I was eating a Cup o' Noodles at the time" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

xoxoxo,

Dan

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dad,

Please stop breaking into "I Just Called To Say I Love You" when I ask why you've called. It's kind of weird. But I love you anyway.

yr son

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:42 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear physiology book,

Why are your chapters so long and detailed? Don't you know I want to do other stuff right now? Seriously, back off.

Distantly,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Apoptygma Bezerk,

Aw yeah, you really know how to hit me right in my little heart.

wooo
Trayce

― Trayce, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Mutant Sounds,

You really are a goddamn delight.

Yers,
A Downloader

Dear Trayce,

Yes, they are astounding etc. etc.

Signed,
One Who Suffers in Silence For a While

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ozzie Smith,

In eleven years of working in sports radio, you are the only person I've ever asked for an autograph from. And you were gracious in doing so and even asked your agent if he had a better pen than the one I provided. That baseball currently sits in a glass case at my father's house, next to the two ticket stubs from the first game we went to together in 1982.

But you are kind of an asshole, from what I hear. That's okay. They say the same thing about me.

P. Plains

― Pleasant Plains, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear John Locke,

You are a dumb racist fuck. Stop with the 'tabula rasa' bullshit; stop with the rationality bullshit; stop telling people that the Indians live in caves and have no civilization. Thanks for 300 years of libertarian idiots. Your only saving grace is that you're not Adam Smith.

Fondly,
Max

― max, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 03:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Max,

You are pretty much otm.

continentally,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Tony Abbott

How come Australia has the worst indigenous health record in the world?

Also, I'm ashamed I went to the same school as you, ya smug fuck.

Yours in christ,

Mark.

― Drooone, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:04 (seventeen years ago) link

dear attractive women in my neighborhood:

why do 9 tenths of you be pushin strollers?

xo
ij

― ian, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Max,

I think you'd be in a better position to critique Locke and Smith if you attempted a sympathetic reading of them. I find it helpful when reading philosophy/theory/political thought to suspend critique/allow myself to be convinced just for the period of time in which I'm reading. When you're done, of course, release your inner critic; it'll totally be sharper from really inhabiting the argument before judging it. John Locke may have been racist but he wasn't dumb.

Unsolicitedly,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:06 (seventeen years ago) link

P.S. One unexpected delight of reading Adam Smith is how emo he is, viz. Theory of Moral Sentiments.

― horseshoe, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear america,

Srsly, should I come and visit you? Who will open their arms and welcome teh Trayce?

yrs
me.

― Trayce, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear X,

blah blah blah.

Love,

Z

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear horseshoe:

I initially read that as "One unexpected delight of reading Adam Smith is how homo he is," which gave me pause.

Yours,
A Walking Freudian Slip

Dear Trayce,

Just visit fer Chrissakes!

Yers,
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Trayce,

Were you in my neck of America I would not just provide you crashage and meals/good times, I will also promise Wii dibs and the green bowl hits.

Yr pal,

RiNickulous

Dear ELP,

You are so what the doctor ordered right now.

Yr fan,

Emerson, Nick, And Palmer

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 04:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Rain The Kitty Cat,

Why U meow so loud, I'm right here? Okay so you want out BFD.

Yr pal,

Guy who fills food bowl and opens door to outside

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear everybody in my god damned life,

Please stop being dismissive and nasty to me. I really am trying very hard to do the best I can.

Sincerely,

Matt C.

P.S. to cats: stop fucking pissing all over the house, esp. my favorite compact discs. What the fuck, you hate Funkadelic and Pizzicato Five? Assholes.

― Dimension 5ive, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear horshoe,

Thanks for the tip. I promise you, I am generally a v. sympathetic reader! But as much as I want to intellectually commune with Mr. Locke in a meeting of philosophical souls, nearly every paragraph makes me want to barf. In any event, my essay is nearly done, and soon I can put the Second Treatise on Government away and stop irritating my roommates with my tsk-tsk noises.

Thank you anyway,
Max

― max, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:16 (seventeen years ago) link

dear brazil,

it's really real, i will be visiting you in june! i just bought my plane tix and tomorrow i'm going to the consulate to get my visa. steaks and feijoada and caipirinhas and beaches and mountains and soccer and samba and bossa and css and mutantes and baile funk and and and... oh yeah i guess i am there for "work."

yrs,
a fan

― get bent, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Max,

That's cool. Thanks for not being irritated by my schoolmarmishness! Also, if you have finished that Locke paper in one night, I am suitably impressed. Any tips on how to do that would be greatly appreciated. I can't seem to pull that shit off anymore. I write at a rate of roughly 50 words/day these days.

Jealously,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:22 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear get bent,

NO I'M NOT JEALOUS well anyway I can't complain, at least I've visited South America. Still, one day.

Yours
Someone Who Really Needs to Rob a Bank So I Can Visit Everywhere

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:23 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear horshoe,

Coffee and Lebanese food.

Pita-ingly (GET IT),
Max

//

Dear Ned,

If you choose a bank, I will rob it with you.

In crime,
Max

― max, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:26 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear upstairs roommate,

I wish you wouldn't keep starting your music at 1 AM on weeknights, as the bass speaker is right over my ceiling and even though I can't hear the melody at all, the changing beats keep me awake. I appreciate how nice you are about turning it down when I ask, but it makes me feel like such an asshole to ask at all that I feel like I have to lose some serious sleep and try stuffing tissues into my ears before I'm justified in asking. So, um, why do you start it at this hour at ALL, when I keep asking you to turn it down? Neither of us ends up happy! Anyway I am going to go on a hunt for my earplugs now and try to get to sleep, but if that doesn't work out, I guess we'll be speaking soon.

-the one downstairs who hates fun

― Maria, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ned,

Mutant Sounds is a godsend but Rapidshare is not. I cannot complain due to the goods offered. i also love their linkthru blogs Invisible Record Archives & FM Shades. My mind can barely handle all the goodness. Does your, Ned, feel the same way?

Someday we found it, the weirfblog connection,
The Nedders,
The Rekkids,
and Me (abbott)

― Abbott, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear part in Vision Creation Newsum with the cowbell on the upbeat and the bongo riff and the echoing chimey electric piano or whatever,

You are the best!

Love,

Stoked dude

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Maria,

Do you live below me? If so you live in a 3 ft crawlspace and that is creepy, come upstairs and eat some nachos you weirdo.

Love,

Guy listening to music loud at 1 am

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Max

Too kind of you. We need to choose one with relaxed guards and no sense of worry over loss of money, though.

Yours
A Co-conspirator

Dear Abbott,

Can't respond, downloading. I somewhat kid, but this tells you to what extent how I handle it all, to the point of paying in for more downloads. This said, I think you, get bent, and, well, everyone that they should at least download this one, not least for the cover:

http://bp0.blogger.com/_7St4jD20p0o/RfQtvL8CPzI/AAAAAAAACnY/L1qa0zG9z9A/s400/kali+bahlu.jpg

Roxor,
The Obsessive

Dear Nickalicious,

I hope you got this download, since I'm thinking about it.

Yours,
Somebody Who Can't Believe I Actually Got to See Them Touring That Album

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:31 (seventeen years ago) link

i already have a few tracks from that kali bahlu thing. they've shown up on various psych/outsider comps.

― get bent, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ned,

You fucking ultimate bro.

Loving you,

Nick

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Guy listening to loud music at 1 AM,

Luckily I live in much better lodgings than a crawlspace, so I think not, but thanks for the invitation, enjoy the nachos! :)

Maria

― Maria, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Nickalicious,

I do try

Yers,
The Passer-On of Good Links

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear chick from the Heartless Bastards,

I don't know what you look like, but you've got the sexiest voice in the history of sexiness.
wanna grab a decafskinnysoyalatte with me some time?

peace peace
M

― Drooone, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Sock,
Your holiness disturbs me. I have another like you. If I put you in the laundry basket, and wash you, will you resurrect by Sunday?
I have faith.
Love, sake

― aimurchie, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:32 (seventeen years ago) link

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