The Catholicism Thread

shaking hands was my least favorite part of mass

i just define god as "the thing i'd kneel to"

I always thought the hand shaking was sort of nice. Wait - that's the peace be with you part, right? I remember ppl just started going "Peace, peace, peace, peace" and dropping the rest of the sentence after a while.

Man, as interesting as it is to read about all this stuff I am so so glad that I don't have to do any of this anymore.

"Peace be with you." "And also with you." Or just "Peace." Hug, kiss, shake hands, nod, smile. I liked that part.

Apparently people are so afraid of germs nowadays that they don't like to touch hands, even during the Lord's Prayer. Sacrilege.

shaking hands was my least favorite part of mass

Nightmarish. Should I shake with that person a row back and two left? Why is that person in front and four right shaking with everyone? That is escalation, we are not getting out quickly and politely with that attitude. And weddings! Buggers 2 rows back wanting a shake. You are my relative, I will drink with you afterwards.

Socially awkward mass-going penguin.

"peace time" @ church for me meant "time to peace"

Did any of you do the leaving right after Communion thing? Take communion, and just keep walking out the door? Some of my friends' families did this, but not us.

The good thing thing about catholic unworthiness, is that we are all unworthy, popes and prostitutes alike. If everyone is a sinner, and has to rely on God's extraordinary grace in order to be saved, then, however outwardly righteous your life may be, you have nothing on your neighbour. I don't actually see it as a submission to a higher power, more a recognition of the absurdity and helplessness and vanity of the human condition in the face of the infinite.

On the hand shaking....

on the rare occasions I go to mass - funerals, essentially, - I start worrying about it ages before. Last year, at a local politician's funeral, I kept hearing this vaguely familiar voice a little to my right and back, giving the responses in perfect Irish. When it came to the shaking hands, the familiar voice turned out to belong to Micheál Martin, then Foreign Minister, now leader of Fianna Fail - the first and only time I have shaken an FF ministers hand...I felt tricked and u.nclean

i went to church every sunday til i was about 14 or 15 and then my parents were both like "eh whatever" and we all stopped going. my dad was a seminary student for awhile but turned to a more philosophical bent w/religion because he hated the church's politics, i think in his mind he wanted to try to take it back to studying the core teachings of jesus and not so much the other bullshit that was added on by everyone else. anyway even after i stopped going with my parents, my brother and i would get dragged to church by my mom's parents whenever we were staying with them or on a vacation with them. my grandmother was pretty hardcore about not missing church, to the point that there was an incident during a road trip where we drove around eau claire looking for any church to go to for sunday mass (iirc we found one and sneaked in at the end in time for communion, and tbqf that three minute service was the finest church service i ever attended.)

the priest would call you out by name iirc

I just never knew the right time to stand, sit, kneel, etc.

for some reason i am imagining being an altar boy and jamming on that bell they shake during all the most inappropriate moments

shaking hands was my least favorite part of mass

at this last christmas mass i went to the priest did this thing where he tried to get everyone to ask the stranger nearest to them two personal questions, and then he went up to random ppl and asked them to repeat the information that they had gathered. i kinda suspect it was in part like his weird gotcha! thing to ppl who only attend easter and xmas services. anyhow it was shades of lame icebreaky things like you have to do on a corporate retreat or something... and most hilrar to me was that even my uncle who is like the most extroverted person ever and will in general fall over himself to incite conversations with random passersby was like "eff this s" and boycotted the exercise

What's weird to me is how much I actually do remember considering how long it has been since I stepped foot inside a church which has to be more than 10 years now. But, like, thinking about that Peace part - Peace be with you. And also with you. Lift up your heats. We lift them up to the Lord. Let us give thanks to the Lord our God. It is right to give thanks and praise. ~bells~ Everyone stands. I mean - I'm surprised that I remember any of this stuff and yet it's all locked away in there somewhere.

I grew up near a lake resort community. In the summer, our masses were filled with people from outside the parish who would beeline toward the exits as soon as they got the Communion. Our exasperated priest would then stick a THE LAKE WILL STILL BE THERE IF YOU WAIT line to each sermon until after Labor Day.

did anyone else attend a church where the music was provided by a terrifying organ from up in the rafters and the songs were led by someone from up in that area whose voice sounded like the end of 'black narcissus' felt?

exasperated priest otm

peacing out after the host just seems plain rude imo

one time, on exiting mass, the priest told me he saw that i wasn't singing

ENBB, it never leaves you, xpost.

What nerve you had!

(I never sang)

Rude, but practical. You can get to car faster and don't have to thank the priest on your way out.

My closest experience with Catholicism was when I was engaged (derp) a few years back, to someone who was a not-regularly-attending Catholic, but whose mother worked at a Catholic school and was tight with the ex-bishop, and way too much other baggage.

The weirdest thing to me was that they had this complex where they felt guilty that I didn't feel awkward. I met a priest or two, and went to a mass once and a funeral, but everyone was nice. I was apparently supposed to feel very awkward that I wasn't kneeling and taking communion and such?

The handshaking thing is a weird one. At that funeral, my girlfriend ended up hugging her mother first, and I knew what was going on but wanted to give her a hug first, too, because I was actually moved by the funeral, but she was kind of "ahh, you're doing it wrong" about the whole thing. Other than that, it's just like... whatever.

did anyone else attend a church where the music was provided by a terrifying organ from up in the rafters and the songs were led by someone from up in that area whose voice sounded like the end of 'black narcissus' felt?

ahaha

yeah differences in churches are weird, though. like i would go to this church when visiting relatives and they sat in cushioned chairs, like no pews. crazy.

Oh yeah, apparently we were going to be married by the ex-bishop? I could have sworn that wasn't allowed, but apparently if you're no longer the bishop, it's ok to do a "not official Catholic" wedding with an unbelieving groom.

x-post Oh the Church we went to in the winter had cushioned chairs rather than pews.

shit. now I have the priests "Lamb of God you take away the sins of the world have mercy on us" sing songy bit stuck in my head.

I think I told this story before on ILX but...

My friend's auntie married a Turkish man and brought him to mass in Ireland one time. And during the muttered "peace be with yous" he was beaming at everyone and saying "pleased to meet you!"

I was once at a friend's mother's funeral, when I was in my early 20s. A Jewish friend was there with me. We're sitting in the pew before the Mass starts and there are two women up in the choir loft, singing beautifully, just really lovely stuff. My Jewish friend turns to me and says, "man, that is lovely...but where is it coming from?" I turn to him, dead serious, and say, "They're ANGELS." He gets this totally amazed-but-what-the-fuck! look on his face for a moment before I continue, "y'see, Catholics are REALLY God's chosen people, so He lets us have angels for Mass!" He then gave me a noogie.

lol @ both those posts

i never took any non-catholic friends to mass with me, but my closest friends were all jewish and i remember being totally jealz of the cushioned seats in the synagogues when i went to their bar mitzvahs

also when we practiced communion rites in CCD my teacher used ritz crackers, which meant accepting the actual sub-rice-cake cardboard disc they give you at mass was a total bummer

told this story before on ilx, but anyhow... when i was like fourteen or so there was this one mass where a super-young priest visiting from some other parish did the service. his homily centered around the evils of masturbation. he started things off by saying something like "i know this is not exactly a popular topic nowadays" and i thought he was going to talk about how people should give more money to the church or how abortion is bad and wrong or something... but instead he talked for fifteen minutes or so about the evils of beating off. "That guilt is there for a reason!" is one of the things i remember him saying.

naturally, teenaged me was fairly mortified to have to sit through that particular lecture, but on a redemptive note one the way home my mom, bless her heart, was like "you know, i don't think that was really appropriate!" or something and then proceeded to rip him apart for other reasons...

nothing in the parts of the bible you read in church seems to back up god as being this sort of god.

That's funny, I would say pretty much THE ENTIRE OLD TESTAMENT backs up god as being this sort of god.

Remember that one time I was a child bride and got hitched to some old dude who was into robes? http://i53.tinypic.com/313hddv.jpg

I went to some sort of Protestant church with a childhood friend once and I was shocked that the pastor's wife was there, that in fact he had a wife. I didn't know that men of the lord could get married.

whoa x-post, again very grateful that no one in my church ever explicitly addressed sexuality in any way

it was such a great feeling the 4 or 5 times a year when my dad would, out of nowhere, motion for us to leave right after communion. you could always count on it on palm sunday, when he wanted to beat the traffic in the parking lot (strangely we never attended church on easter or christmas) and the rest of the time you just had to cross your fingers for a miracle

x-post to laurel yeah but i guess nowadays at least there's not that much focus on angry vengeful god.

Bad PR.

we always went to mass on xmas eve. my parents could never stay up late enough for midnight mass even though i kind of...still want to go to one someday?

I just remembered asking my mom why my dad didn't have to go to church (he was raised Lutheran but isn't religious at all) and when she told tell me it was because he wasn't Catholic I announced that I didn't want to be Catholic anymore either. She probably should have known then that it wasn't going to last.

My dad had the non-Catholic/non-religious get-out-of-church pass as well.

as she gets older my mom's threats to take us to midnight mass at christmas become more and more concrete

i noticed a laminated prayer card besides the ones that came from my grandparents' funerals tucked into the frame of her bedroom mirror last time i was over there. it could happen within the next 3-5 years

did anyone else attend a church where the music was provided by a terrifying organ from up in the rafters and the songs were led by someone from up in that area whose voice sounded like the end of 'black narcissus' felt?

― omar little, Friday, March 18, 2011 12:37 PM Bookmark

We went to a cathedral for awhile where the organist was up in the rafters, scoring Vincent Price movies. He had a little mirror above his head where he could see what was happening while he was playing. Before Mass as we would sit there, my dad would turn around in the pew and try to make dirty-eye contact with the dude.

Rude, but practical. You can get to car faster and don't have to thank the priest on your way out.

― Virginia Plain, Friday, March 18, 2011 12:40 PM Bookmark

Now, when we went to St. Mary's, mass would start at 11 a.m. The Casey Kasem Top 40 Countdown ended at 12. So at 11:55 when we could "go in peace", my step-brother and I would stiff-arm our way down the aisle and run to the car before we missed hearing what that week's No. 1 song was.

I went to some sort of Protestant church with a childhood friend once and I was shocked that the pastor's wife was there, that in fact he had a wife. I didn't know that men of the lord could get married.

I'm a laid-back guy, but what Protestants get away with during their services never fails to shock me a little.

The last time I went to any churches was before sunny got here as I was scouting out wedding locations. At the Presbyterian Church, I was getting tapped on the shoulder, asked my name and where I was from before the preacher even walked down the aisle. During his sermon, one woman balanced her checkbook.

I went to the Methodist church on Halloween that year. There were members of the congregation there in costume.

And I can't remember the denomination of the place that slapped me with a nametag as soon as I walked in the door.

The icons, the vestments, the incense… it may all seem a little strange, but this much I'll give to Catholics. At least we sit down and stfu instead of treating the Sabbath like it's a goddam Rotarians luncheon.

We got married in the lobby of a hotel converted into government housing, fwiw.

my step-brother and I would stiff-arm our way down the aisle and run to the car before we missed hearing what that week's No. 1 song was.

I used to do this while my parents chatted and had coffee after church. I'd hide in the car to listen to the countdown. Until they realized I was doing it, since I wasn't really supposed to listen to popular music EVER, and it was considered MORE egregious for having been done furtively on a SUNDAY of all times.

During his sermon, one woman balanced her checkbook.

lol

tbf, if you've ever been to a Presbytarian church you will immediately understand why sometimes catching up on your life tasks is preferable to paying any attention

that's pretty awesome, laurel

balancing checkbook at mass- 'the lord he giveth (DR), the lord he taketh away (CR)'

lolol darra!

highlight of mass for me was nodding to friends as they passed by in line for communion