The Catholicism Thread

I went to some sort of Protestant church with a childhood friend once and I was shocked that the pastor's wife was there, that in fact he had a wife. I didn't know that men of the lord could get married.

whoa x-post, again very grateful that no one in my church ever explicitly addressed sexuality in any way

it was such a great feeling the 4 or 5 times a year when my dad would, out of nowhere, motion for us to leave right after communion. you could always count on it on palm sunday, when he wanted to beat the traffic in the parking lot (strangely we never attended church on easter or christmas) and the rest of the time you just had to cross your fingers for a miracle

x-post to laurel yeah but i guess nowadays at least there's not that much focus on angry vengeful god.

Bad PR.

we always went to mass on xmas eve. my parents could never stay up late enough for midnight mass even though i kind of...still want to go to one someday?

I just remembered asking my mom why my dad didn't have to go to church (he was raised Lutheran but isn't religious at all) and when she told tell me it was because he wasn't Catholic I announced that I didn't want to be Catholic anymore either. She probably should have known then that it wasn't going to last.

My dad had the non-Catholic/non-religious get-out-of-church pass as well.

as she gets older my mom's threats to take us to midnight mass at christmas become more and more concrete

i noticed a laminated prayer card besides the ones that came from my grandparents' funerals tucked into the frame of her bedroom mirror last time i was over there. it could happen within the next 3-5 years

did anyone else attend a church where the music was provided by a terrifying organ from up in the rafters and the songs were led by someone from up in that area whose voice sounded like the end of 'black narcissus' felt?

― omar little, Friday, March 18, 2011 12:37 PM Bookmark

We went to a cathedral for awhile where the organist was up in the rafters, scoring Vincent Price movies. He had a little mirror above his head where he could see what was happening while he was playing. Before Mass as we would sit there, my dad would turn around in the pew and try to make dirty-eye contact with the dude.

Rude, but practical. You can get to car faster and don't have to thank the priest on your way out.

― Virginia Plain, Friday, March 18, 2011 12:40 PM Bookmark

Now, when we went to St. Mary's, mass would start at 11 a.m. The Casey Kasem Top 40 Countdown ended at 12. So at 11:55 when we could "go in peace", my step-brother and I would stiff-arm our way down the aisle and run to the car before we missed hearing what that week's No. 1 song was.

I went to some sort of Protestant church with a childhood friend once and I was shocked that the pastor's wife was there, that in fact he had a wife. I didn't know that men of the lord could get married.

I'm a laid-back guy, but what Protestants get away with during their services never fails to shock me a little.

The last time I went to any churches was before sunny got here as I was scouting out wedding locations. At the Presbyterian Church, I was getting tapped on the shoulder, asked my name and where I was from before the preacher even walked down the aisle. During his sermon, one woman balanced her checkbook.

I went to the Methodist church on Halloween that year. There were members of the congregation there in costume.

And I can't remember the denomination of the place that slapped me with a nametag as soon as I walked in the door.

The icons, the vestments, the incense… it may all seem a little strange, but this much I'll give to Catholics. At least we sit down and stfu instead of treating the Sabbath like it's a goddam Rotarians luncheon.

We got married in the lobby of a hotel converted into government housing, fwiw.

my step-brother and I would stiff-arm our way down the aisle and run to the car before we missed hearing what that week's No. 1 song was.

I used to do this while my parents chatted and had coffee after church. I'd hide in the car to listen to the countdown. Until they realized I was doing it, since I wasn't really supposed to listen to popular music EVER, and it was considered MORE egregious for having been done furtively on a SUNDAY of all times.

During his sermon, one woman balanced her checkbook.

lol

tbf, if you've ever been to a Presbytarian church you will immediately understand why sometimes catching up on your life tasks is preferable to paying any attention

that's pretty awesome, laurel

balancing checkbook at mass- 'the lord he giveth (DR), the lord he taketh away (CR)'

lolol darra!

highlight of mass for me was nodding to friends as they passed by in line for communion

or nodding and grinning, rather

or seeing the cute girls, that too

omg yeh

i love after the go and peace when you can get a barely palpable sense of relief in the "thanks be to god"...esp given irish people say "thanks be to god" to mean "thank fuck that's over" or whatever

not just irish people!

haha ah right i wasn't sure if that was just an irish thing or not!

There was a real dearth of cute Catholics in my church. For example, I don't recall ever seeing my CCD teacher's son there.

there was a really hot girl giving communion out at mass at christmas this year. i've never eaten a piece of plastic wafer so seductively in my life. i really tried to make a moment occur as she handed it to me, the setting just made me like her more. amen!

i am sort of an adult and fairly patient, don't mind waiting in long lines at the bank or whatever, but fuck, at this christmas mass i was fairly freaking out halfway through and i started almost sweating and i was thinking "okay i have done some really horrible things in this life and past ones and that's why i am here in this environment" and i completely resigned myself to the fact that i would be there forever

so basically hell for me is being in church.

ok new life goal for me = cruise someone in a church

people don't believe me when i tell them this, but where i grew up confirmation came round in the third grade! so i only had to go to CCD for like three years. reconciliation, communion, confirmation, bam. real quick.

of course the fucked-up part is that they were expecting 9-year olds to take on the precepts of this religion that no kid that age can really grasp, but, yeah...

Ronan, why was a lady giving out Communion? Are you sure you were at church, and not, um daydreaming?

xpost: Maybe they wanted to make sure they confirmed everyone before puberty?

Sometimes the parishioners hand out communion, right? I've sure I've seen a lady do so before.

i have def. had a lady give communion before

ok here's a good q

open mouth and tongue out or cupped hands?

Only one of these is right btw. Choose wisely.

Maybe they wanted to make sure they confirmed everyone before puberty?

yeah, i don't know... it was weird, though, b/c i had all these friends in (public) school who were still going to ccd in seventh grade. i guess i missed out? like i remember my one friend talking about this confirmation party they had in their class to which he brought non-alcoholic beer. and pretzels.

only ever done it cupped hands (main hand under the non-main hand)

open mouth and tongue out or cupped hands?

my next-door neighbor had this technique where he would accept it in cupped hands, and then instead of bringing a hand up to his mouth he would, like, eat out of his hands like it was a makeshift trough. sort of weird...

Yeah - that is incorrect form imo.

Yeah, I got confirmed in seventh grade, but trust me, you didn't miss anything.

My church must be super conservative; ladies don't do anything there but sing.

I only do cupped hands--open mouth seems way too forward.

If for any reason I found myself in a church these days I wouldn't take communion but when I was younger it was only cupped hands the way Donna described. The open mouth thing always did seem to forward and kind gross. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Is it just me or did it only seem to be older people who did/do that? Maybe that was once the way everyone was taught but it changed at some point?

I stopped taking communion in college, I think, because I didn't want to participate in a ritual that I no longer believed in, or believed in the reasons for. I always have to put my foot down, because in Protestant churches you don't have to be confirmed in that church or even that denomination to be included.

I also sang in the choir for Christmas Eve services with my parents a few times, and since in the Lutheran church, that service includes communion, I've been awkwardly on the dais sitting alone while the rest of row filed forward...but I don't really mind. I don't know if anyone else finds it strange, they've never said anything after the fact.

aybe that was once the way everyone was taught but it changed at some point?

Yes, it was.

As an altar boy you got to see some grossness.

x-post Yeah I stopped sometime in HS. I had to go to mass at school but they couldn't actually force you to take communion. TBH HS might have been the last time I actually set foot inside a church other than historic ones or for weddings.

And I did so for the reasons you cited Laurel. I felt ridiculous taking part in something that meant a lot to other people at yet nothing to me.

mouth open and tongue out is some weird shit

giving the body of christ a lick

nothing in the parts of the bible you read in church seems to back up god as being this sort of god.

That's funny, I would say pretty much THE ENTIRE OLD TESTAMENT backs up god as being this sort of god.

really. Jehovah = kind of a prick

I think I've mentioned I semi-regularly attend a gay Catholic org's Masses -- in an Episcopal church, bcz the NY diocese exiled them years ago -- and the Sign of Peace takes awhile. Lots of hugging.

xpost yeah but judaism (at least from my outsider's perspective) always seems like such a life-affirming tradition to me. confusing...

I really hope Ronan did the open mouth/tongue out pose with some "come hither" eye motions to that lady, though.

I think I've mentioned I semi-regularly attend a gay Catholic org's Masses -- in an Episcopal church, bcz the NY diocese exiled them years ago -- and the Sign of Peace takes awhile. Lots of hugging.

― Fuck bein' hard, Dr Morbz is complicated (Dr Morbius), Friday, March 18, 2011 3:39 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

LOL. Love this.