Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Not all messages are displayed: show all messages (875 of them)

Dear everybody in my god damned life,

Please stop being dismissive and nasty to me. I really am trying very hard to do the best I can.

Sincerely,

Matt C.

P.S. to cats: stop fucking pissing all over the house, esp. my favorite compact discs. What the fuck, you hate Funkadelic and Pizzicato Five? Assholes.

― Dimension 5ive, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear horshoe,

Thanks for the tip. I promise you, I am generally a v. sympathetic reader! But as much as I want to intellectually commune with Mr. Locke in a meeting of philosophical souls, nearly every paragraph makes me want to barf. In any event, my essay is nearly done, and soon I can put the Second Treatise on Government away and stop irritating my roommates with my tsk-tsk noises.

Thank you anyway,
Max

― max, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:16 (seventeen years ago) link

dear brazil,

it's really real, i will be visiting you in june! i just bought my plane tix and tomorrow i'm going to the consulate to get my visa. steaks and feijoada and caipirinhas and beaches and mountains and soccer and samba and bossa and css and mutantes and baile funk and and and... oh yeah i guess i am there for "work."

yrs,
a fan

― get bent, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Max,

That's cool. Thanks for not being irritated by my schoolmarmishness! Also, if you have finished that Locke paper in one night, I am suitably impressed. Any tips on how to do that would be greatly appreciated. I can't seem to pull that shit off anymore. I write at a rate of roughly 50 words/day these days.

Jealously,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:22 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear get bent,

NO I'M NOT JEALOUS well anyway I can't complain, at least I've visited South America. Still, one day.

Yours
Someone Who Really Needs to Rob a Bank So I Can Visit Everywhere

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:23 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear horshoe,

Coffee and Lebanese food.

Pita-ingly (GET IT),
Max

//

Dear Ned,

If you choose a bank, I will rob it with you.

In crime,
Max

― max, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:26 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear upstairs roommate,

I wish you wouldn't keep starting your music at 1 AM on weeknights, as the bass speaker is right over my ceiling and even though I can't hear the melody at all, the changing beats keep me awake. I appreciate how nice you are about turning it down when I ask, but it makes me feel like such an asshole to ask at all that I feel like I have to lose some serious sleep and try stuffing tissues into my ears before I'm justified in asking. So, um, why do you start it at this hour at ALL, when I keep asking you to turn it down? Neither of us ends up happy! Anyway I am going to go on a hunt for my earplugs now and try to get to sleep, but if that doesn't work out, I guess we'll be speaking soon.

-the one downstairs who hates fun

― Maria, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ned,

Mutant Sounds is a godsend but Rapidshare is not. I cannot complain due to the goods offered. i also love their linkthru blogs Invisible Record Archives & FM Shades. My mind can barely handle all the goodness. Does your, Ned, feel the same way?

Someday we found it, the weirfblog connection,
The Nedders,
The Rekkids,
and Me (abbott)

― Abbott, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear part in Vision Creation Newsum with the cowbell on the upbeat and the bongo riff and the echoing chimey electric piano or whatever,

You are the best!

Love,

Stoked dude

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Maria,

Do you live below me? If so you live in a 3 ft crawlspace and that is creepy, come upstairs and eat some nachos you weirdo.

Love,

Guy listening to music loud at 1 am

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Max

Too kind of you. We need to choose one with relaxed guards and no sense of worry over loss of money, though.

Yours
A Co-conspirator

Dear Abbott,

Can't respond, downloading. I somewhat kid, but this tells you to what extent how I handle it all, to the point of paying in for more downloads. This said, I think you, get bent, and, well, everyone that they should at least download this one, not least for the cover:

http://bp0.blogger.com/_7St4jD20p0o/RfQtvL8CPzI/AAAAAAAACnY/L1qa0zG9z9A/s400/kali+bahlu.jpg

Roxor,
The Obsessive

Dear Nickalicious,

I hope you got this download, since I'm thinking about it.

Yours,
Somebody Who Can't Believe I Actually Got to See Them Touring That Album

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:31 (seventeen years ago) link

i already have a few tracks from that kali bahlu thing. they've shown up on various psych/outsider comps.

― get bent, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ned,

You fucking ultimate bro.

Loving you,

Nick

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Guy listening to loud music at 1 AM,

Luckily I live in much better lodgings than a crawlspace, so I think not, but thanks for the invitation, enjoy the nachos! :)

Maria

― Maria, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Nickalicious,

I do try

Yers,
The Passer-On of Good Links

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear chick from the Heartless Bastards,

I don't know what you look like, but you've got the sexiest voice in the history of sexiness.
wanna grab a decafskinnysoyalatte with me some time?

peace peace
M

― Drooone, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 05:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Sock,
Your holiness disturbs me. I have another like you. If I put you in the laundry basket, and wash you, will you resurrect by Sunday?
I have faith.
Love, sake

― aimurchie, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:32 (seventeen years ago) link

dear carlos zambrano,

i laughed in your fucking face today. not literally but on tv. i got right up in front of it when it showed a closeup of you and i just fucking laughed & laughed & god it felt good.
and to abott, or abbott, i think its one of those & im not sure which but please dont be offended- yes i am still madly in love you, even though you have now only replied to 2 of the 37 emails i have sent you & neither of them were anything but questions. dont worry i dont hold it against you. :D & remember if you dont bother with that upcoming marriage thats supposedly in the works you dont have to bother with a divorce later. :D. really. think about that, please.

all my best to both of you from your pal, [hehe not carlos's obv cuz i wd not like 2 have sex with you!!!! DUH]

deeznuts

― deeznuts, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Pussywillow,
Thank you for being weird and soft and a plant.
Love, pussywillow✧✧✧@pussywi✧✧✧.c✧✧

― aimurchie, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Rumpie,

we don't hate you, we just tease you sometimes because we like you.

Love,
StanM

― StanM, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear thread,

yuo rulorz.

Love,
StanM

― StanM, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 07:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Winter,
You seem to have missed your bus. Perhaps I could drive you to the airport.
Not Love Any More,
Beth

― Beth Parker, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 11:35 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear bits of skin next to my thumbnail,

You are tasteless and chewy, and you hurt, so why must I eat you? Why?

Yrs with ugly thumbs, you bastards,
Mark

― Mark C, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 11:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Hangover,

I hate you.

Yours in emnity,

Sober Kv_nol.

-- kv_nol, Friday, 30 March 2007 13:01 (3 days ago)

Dear Hangover,

Your identical twin is currently visiting me. Please tell him to bugger off.

Yours sitting at a desk and hating humanity,

kv_nol

― kv_nol, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 11:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Lunch,

Plz to be leaping up and presenting yourself in the living room

Love,
Hungry girl who is too lazy to get off the sofa

― Zora, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Lunch

I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can.

Love

~~Oleta Adams~~blueskizzles

― blueski, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:19 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear me of last night,

Plz not to be such a frackin' pussbasket emo kid. Man up, stoicize, etc.

I should kick yr ass,

Nu-Matt C.

― Dimension 5ive, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 12:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Burger King,

I love you because you cure hangovers. I hate you because you cause cute animals to die.*

Yours trapped in a post Sophies Choice well-fed guilty glow,

me

*Amongst other v v bad things (not least of which your chicken things are disgusting!).

― kv_nol, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:42 (seventeen years ago) link

dear tourist who banged me in the knee that i already banged this morning trying to climb over something,

really? that was necessary? it wasn't bad enough that you were being an obnoxious in the way fattey tourist with your milk-fed children of the corn? you HAD to also straight out level me?

yrs in go fuck yourself,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 3 April 2007 13:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Consigna Bus System,

I get that you guys only have a couple of the "nice" buses set aside for us round-the-way dudes who have to ride for near two hours. I also understand that if, by some horrible coincidence, both "nice" buses break down on the same day, I'll be forced to take a Mustard Bus all 70 miles. I am sympathetic. But really. It takes a month to fix the nice buses?

You make me a pampered motherfucker in this rolling spa with wireless internet and chairs stuffed with Benjamins and shit, and then you switch out the WheelieHomeAwayFromHome for THIS shit? Where I can't even read the labels on my cassettes without getting carsick? Y'all some bitches, Cosigna Bus System.

love,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 14:39 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear girl across from me in Panera,

Sorry if my staring creeped you out. You look like my ex-girlfriend. Exactly like my ex-girlfriend.

Creepily,

Guy with salad and corny fantasy novel

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 17:16 (seventeen years ago) link

dear ian-

a few of those hot stroller pushers could be professional nannies, which means they'd get evenings free and have plenty of disposable income.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 19:08 (seventeen years ago) link

dear b0b@ 10c@ proprietor:

honestly, i didn't mind that you had to take a few extra minutes to do whatever you had to do to get the frozen yogurt machine working. no hurry. but thanks for upgrading my small to a medium at no extra charge! your pinkberry-knockoff yogurt is always a special treat.

-a happy customer

― get bent, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 20:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Weather,

Please warm the hell up. It's April.

Love,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 20:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Lithesome Lass,

I have decided to forego too harsh a criticism of the espadrille wedges; I can see that fashion trends pull you in like a moth to a flame and my aversion may stem from having seen too many of these on frumpy women in the 70's though they look serviceable on you, but the ballon skirt hemmed that far above your knee? You're lucky to be so ravishing but I promise you that someday you'll look back and realize that your lovely legs, though embellished by those high heels, are also covered in something that makes you look like you have poopy pants diapers on. Are you sure that's the look for you?

Your faithful but inquisitive servant,

M

― Michael White, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 20:32 (seventeen years ago) link

aka yes those jeans do make you look fat

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 20:37 (seventeen years ago) link

er, poop-laden

― nickalicious, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 20:38 (seventeen years ago) link

dear south african fake editor twit,

1) stop referring to yourself as an "editor" here. you work in the advertising department. editorial is going to be really pissed if they catch wind of this.

2) was it really necessary to start screaming and wailing, to imitate a baby? you couldn't have just, like, chatted about that shit like a normal person? you aren't in the cone of silence when you're in i4n's office. in fact, it appears to be the cone of amplification as far as i can tell.

sincerely yours,
the redheaded chick who basically never speaks to you at all

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 3 April 2007 21:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ethiopian adoption officials, foster care workers, and bureaucrats,

Come on, y'all, git-r-dun. It's time.

Amesegënallô,

Matt C.

― Dimension 5ive, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 21:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear brain,

Thanks for the amazing dream last night. I *really* enjoyed that one.

yrs refreshed (but still with bedhair)
Trayce

― Trayce, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 21:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear girl I've had a crush on for way too long,

it doesn't help when I actually *like* your new boyfriend and his friends and the music he makes and the way you're happy together.

But anyway, I shouldn't be so stupid, I suppose.

Unrequited,
StanM

Dear StanM,
don't be so stupid and let the fuck go.
She's just not the one for you, fatty.

love,
StanM

― StanM, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 21:48 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Trish

Stop looking at Gordon Ramsay's stupid programme and go to fucking BED!

Seriously,

Trish

― accentmonkey, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:07 (seventeen years ago) link

The F Word?

― Michael White, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Michael,

No, Kitchen Nightmares, the one where he helps peoople turn their restaurants around. I've been looking at him fry chicken for an hour now. I am hungry.

Yours in batter,

Trish

― accentmonkey, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:11 (seventeen years ago) link

Trish!

Your postcard is on my fridge. Thanks!

Cheers
KL

― Hard like armour, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:20 (seventeen years ago) link

DEAR SNOW:

HI, IT IS APRIL.

SUCK A DICK.

LOVE,

GFF

― gff, Tuesday, 3 April 2007 22:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX,
I miss you. I only have dial-up now at my new office. But I kind of don't miss you too, I'm getting so much done! But I miss you.
Love,
md

Dear Self,
See how many fewer hours you can spend working if you don't go on ILX all day?
Love,
Self

― Maria :D, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 00:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear v i n e yard dot net
hurry up and install highspeed near my office so I can go on ILX during the day.
Thanks,
Incurable

― Maria :D, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 00:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Trayce,

Stop listening to This Mortal Coil and Red House Painters when you're in this mood. You're trying to work here, not blubber at your desk you big idiot.

kick yo ass,
Me.

― Trayce, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 02:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Emerald City,

How I have missed you this past month. LA is sunny, true, but it doesn't have your special charms. Please be green tomorrow. Can you maybe keep the mountain out, right around 5? Because that would be awesome.

love,

poor wandering one

― Jaq, Wednesday, 4 April 2007 03:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Skipping 775 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.