Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

This article is the DM summed up in one article. The fetishising of the police officer, the dodgy stats, the ridiculous picture of what policing used to be like in the good old days. It needs a celebrity angle though.

All 43 forces in England and Wales have firearms support units, including the Metropolitan Police's crackcrap SO19 unit.

Fixed.

"a staggering 12 pieces of equipment"

roflroflrofl

Can we really transplant a human soul?

"BELT"

Brit School to thread.

"I think Gordon Brown should launch an investigation into just what is happening here. If the source of the soul can be found, and some souls are discovered to be superior to others, then this could be another source of revenue for the Government. After all, they (over) tax everything else!"

Has to be a wind-up.

In one celebrated case uncovered by Professor Schwartz's team, an 18-year-old boy who wrote poetry, played music and composed songs was killed in a car crash. A year after he died, his parents came across a tape of a song he had written, entitled, Danny, My Heart Is Yours.

In his haunting lyrics, the boy sang about how he felt destined to die and donate his heart. After his death, his heart was transplanted into an 18-year-old girl - named Danielle.

When the boy's parents met Danielle, they played some of his music and she, despite never having heard the song before, knew the words and was able to complete the lyrics.

fwd this to everyone you know!!!!

"I'm gonna die and give you my heart
I hope you will make a brand new..."

"omg i know this!"

The Daily Mail will believe anything. As will their readers. Remember this from last year?
Campaigning parents plan to burn children's books with grisly endings.

I can't keep[ away from that transplant story it's fantastic...

For a few brave scientists have started claiming...

So brave, so very brave...

Many scientists will, of course, point out that tens of thousands of organ transplants have now been carried out worldwide

more like hundreds of thousands

scientists haven't even managed to define what exactly consciousness is

useless lazy bums!

It has already been proved that hearts have their own residual brain, that is why people often take on the idiosyncrasies of the donor.

- Nigel, Somerset

The mail is going brain crazy to-day...
So is free will really just an illusion?

No, "so brave" is only used by the Daily Mail for people like So Brave Roy Castle and So Brave Gloria Estefan.

So Brave Karen Matthews

haha that free will story, i read a few lines and then scrolled down to the comments, only to be treated to a tidy picture of Charles Bronson.

I was given a young man's heart - and started craving beer and Kentucky Fried Chicken. My daughter said I even walked like a man

"Is the author here comparing an animal to a Swiss watch then? And so what if science can prove we have no 'free will'.."

If Dostoyevsky were alive today, he'd be called Sam, Brighton and read the Daily Mail.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1025763/Pictured-RAF-blow-worlds-biggest-drugs-haul-worth-225-MILLION-Afghanistan-desert.html

Officials believe the area was turning dried cannabis leaves into heroin.

Here for the original picture that went with that... and amusing discussion.

Britain on alert for deadly new knife with exploding tip that freezes victims' organs

How good of the Maily Dail to bring this to the attention of knife-wielders everywhere looking for a keen upgrade.

someone should have told block party to buy one of these, he might have survived john lydon's attack this weekend

Maybe Lydon used one on him; that would explain his inability to distinguish between John Lydon and three of his associates.

you would if your organs were frozen i guess

This was in Metro a week ago (thus arguably telling even more knife carriers about its brave new technology).

KNIFE CRIME. If punk still existed, that'd be a good band name.

There's already these guys http://revhq.com/store.revhq?Page=search&Id=KNIF01&F=1

Labour MP for Perry Barr in Birmingham, Khalid Mahmood, said: "Weapons like this are absolutely disgraceful and there is no reason at all why people should be walking around the streets with them.

"There should be high-profile operations and high-profile arrests against anybody caught with them. The way to tackle the wider issue of knife crime is with effective community policing, which the West Midlands force does very well.

"The Met could pick up on the lessons from West Midlands Police in its excellent community work in places like Handsworth, Aston and Lozells."

for fuck's sake. this out-viz-es viz. what a complete and utter tit.

At least some people are looking on the bright side,

"This weapon maybe put to good use against terrorists and other warmongers.

- Dutchkins, Manchester"

I thought we already did this? Mu memory is failing. Anyways it's supposed to be for up close with a bear, right? If you are this close to an angry bear maybe you shouldn't be out on your own.

major lozells

Hey, look what it does to a watermelon!
http://www.waspknife.com/video_watermelon.php

The WASP Injector Knife is ideally used as a:
- Diving Knife
- Hunting Knife
- Tactical Knife

What is a tactical knife, he asks, fearing he already knows the answer.

omfg...

It is silent when used and highly effective in close quarters urban combat.
The WASP is ideally suited for:

* Special Ops Troops (Land or Sea)
* Downed Pilots Stranded In Open Water
or Remote Forests
* Military Survival Kits
* S.W.A.T. and Special Police
* Security Guards

SECURITY GUARDS!

And in other news, why I hate the DM distilled into one comment...

Under the headline 'English in Portimao to Protect Secrecy', the newspaper Correio da Manha claimed two Leicestershire officers tried to stop information - including results of a DNA test on a sample from the McCanns' Renault Scenic hire car - from being made public.
-------------------
If this is true there is something very dark going on, let's hope the real truth emerges soon.
Chris - I SO agree with your statement. If these DNA results are so unimportant, why the need to try and prevent the public from ever seeing this? I pray Madeleine will be found safe, but my fear has always been she died that night - if she did, she is safe now in the loving arms of God.

- Katrina, Memphis, USA, 20/7/2008 16:42

Why I hate the DM distilled into one part of one coment...

If this is true
If this is true
If this is true
If this is true
If this is true
If this is true
If this is true
If this is true

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,428544,00.html

Fox News accuses Daily Mail of ripping off "story" Fox News copped from mentalist hate-blogs say what now?

His son is working for the Daily Mail
It's a steady job,
being a Fox News plageriser...
FOX NEWS PLAGERISER!

I hope Fox News hasn't been running any stories about Muslim nursery teachers who preach hate to our young children whilst ruining the housing market.

No it's been all about so-called asylum hedge fund managers intent on ruining innocent Dr Liam Fox.

I had that Bill O'Reilly in the back of me cab once.

He didn't leave much of a tip either not like Wendy Richard national treasure Gawd bless her...

Bodies of the dead not being buried in echo of Winter of Discontent as effects of credit crunch spread across Britain

Apart from the fact that people receive the money after the burial and therefore bodies of the dead are being buried this story is completely true.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1081348/Can-black-Jesus-escape-assassins-bullet.html

Not that they'd want an assassin to shoot him, oh no, not at all.

Is this paper like the UK's version of the National Enquirer? (not sure if that reference will cross the "" "" ""pond""")