The obligatory Big Brother thread

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No one watches Big Brother to see happy bunnies, Tom.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I shall pack my theremin and my copy of Methods of Logic: Revised Edition (Willard van Orman Quine, RKP, 1974), as this will be a good opportunity to re-read it.

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

What, you don't like boxing?

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

You'd be worried about me talking about pop music too much....so you'd swap me for the PINEFOX?? This is mentalism.

― Tom, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Don't be bitter, it would be brilliant:

Any other housemember: "I think I'll go watch some tv"

the pinefox: "Why, I don't know what you mean by that."

For months!!!

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Sorry, forgot they can't have tv. Substitute it with, well, anything. It would still fit.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

We don't need tv, not if we have alcohol and my GIANT BAG OF GOODIES FROM VICTORIA'S SECRET.

Dude, we need to do this, just so I can annoy everyone for 6 years. They stay in the house that long, I hope. They should, it's like Biosphere.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Who would end up as a couple?

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Kate and Doompatrol sitting in a tree...

In Biosphere, didn't it turn out thst they were all sneaking out the secret back door all the time, to let fresh air in and smoke and stuff?

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I would SLEEP WITH ALL OF THEM, because as everyone who was at Potion knows I AM A WHORE. I'd be like the Jordan of the group, it'd be so awesome. I'm ready to go, can we do this like tomorrow?

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

mark: no books! no theremin(s/men?)! no luxuries!

i'd replace mike hanley with the pinefox and possibly doom patrol with nicole, if only to make things more gender equitable.

― fred solinger, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Shyeah right, "gender equity".

Admit it, you lurve me.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

So Captain Corelli and acoustic guitars = not luxuries = what? Implements of torture?

Oh. As you were...

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

nicole, i'm thinking of it in terms as a tv exec. sure, it'd be fun for all to watch 8 guys duke it out for 2 girls BUT the male viewer needs more variety. kate would be indifferent to all of the guys (cassandra), ally, in her own words, would sleep with all of them (jordan), and you'd flirt innocently with a handful of them (BRITTANY!!!).

― fred solinger, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I'd put Damon Albran in the house to spice things up a little.

― james e l, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Dude hey, Nicole, we all know that if you were in the house we'd totally ignore the guys and just couple up ourselves. I mean, hello, who we gonna do it with? Fred? Psh, fuck that.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Why exactly wd we be duking it out for the GIRLS, again?

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Listen, I've been hit on in a gay bar by a guy, I have powers over all men, not just straight ones. Unfortunately, I cannot turn them off.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Dude, I haven't been a virgin for hundreds of years, so how could I be Brittany? The idea of inviting everyone to "cuddle" with me is pretty nauseating, to say the least.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

That'd be GREAT, actually. I'd totally take pictures to blackmail them later.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

"Men: I cannot turn them off"

This and the 27 cups of coffee are the official rocking-est things in the web tonite.

Sadly I must to Stoke Newington Church Street for a curry with Ben Thompson.

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I could do with 27 cups of coffee right now, actually. No one replied to my totally true junior high school exploit either, I was so bummed. Thank you, Mark.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Pinefox must be in there, just so he can say 'Anyone who dislikes Lloyd Cole smells of poo' and 'What is this ABBA of which you talk? sounds like rubbish to me.' repeatedly until, one by one. you all crack.

― RickyT, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Did you see those boys frolicking in the pool tonight? Peter Hitchens must be going purple with rage.

― Johnathan, Thursday, 14 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

F'kin' ACE! shouting match between 'ugogirl' Amma and 'wink-wink' Stuart - who I'm convinced is one of them lizardy aliens from 'V'.

Amma: "Just GO! I want you to LEAVE! Roll on friday so you can GO!"

*Now* I'm getting interested.

― DavidM, Friday, 15 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Sighted - twice! - on Cornmarket, Oxford yesterday: BUBBLE LOOK-A- LIKES (i.e. shaven/bald head and stupid floppy hat). Is there no look so horrible that some fool will imitate it if it gets enough media exposure?

― Tom, Friday, 22 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

But Bubble has been chosen by Dominic (?) Hateful Moron in the Sun as HE WHO WILL WIN (ILE phonevoters please note and prevent). Don't understand the "rationale" here was (obviously) didn't read the piece itself, only the follow-up ,while in line at Saf the barber's yesterday (= moment when rereading Frith's Sound Effects became too burdensome and I reached for the literature Saf provides: couldn't bear even to scan FHM's tips on lesbian sex, so left with the redtops... ).

What percentage of Sun readers read the Sun "ironically"?

― mark s, Friday, 22 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I don't know, Mark, but I would recommend reading the Sun at the moment, if only for the increasingly terrifying 3D action of the 'Striker' comic strip. If you've missed it recently, blonde twins have kidnapped a footballer and have him tied up in their room wearing a gimp mask. Horrific final box in today's installment sees the entrance of their mother to the scene - a huge 'fat slags' version of her daughters, issuing the cry "THAT HAD BETTER BE A STRONG BED - 'COS THIS BIG MAMA'S READY TO ROLL!". If you Americans thought we were weird for having Page 3, then just wait till you see this. It's like some fucking Chris Morris fantasy.

Hey, cool - it's online here if you want to take a look for yourself. Click on 'Fun' then 'Striker'.

― Nick, Friday, 22 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Does anyone have the australian number to vote them all out of the house?

― Geoff, Friday, 22 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Yes, yes, it's manipulated, yes yes yes. BUT:
Like likes like: the Two Dimmest PPL in the UK are visibly falling for one another. Is it sweet, aaah, or is it just unbelievably grim?

― mark s, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Grim because they both irritate the shit out of me and all this will just mean the pair of them on screen even more often. Unless they really do get it on, and shag non-stop for next three weeks in mad animal lust frenzy which I don't think C4 would have nerve to show. Am now annoyed at all remaining contestants but Helen is first on list of annoyance and Paul is running a close second.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I think it is completely "awww, sweet". A couple of weeks ago I thought Paul was one of the most loathsome people I had ever encountered; now I am surprisingly touched by how well he has behaved, re: BIG G. And Helen is beyond criticism. They are also the ANTI ELIZABETH and DEAN, which CAN ONLY BE A GOOD THING. If I had a button which could instantly consign a BB-mate to oblivion I would have pressed it at that moment when Elizabeth mewled : "Well, I think sex is really like a deeper form of communication between two people". EURGH!

― stevie t, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

How is Helen is beyond criticism? That session in the diary room last week in which she talked for several minutes on the topic of how long it felt like they'd been in the house and somehow still managed to say NOTHING AT ALL about the subject in hand was excruciating. I agree that Elizabeth is very annoying, but she doesn't quite wind me up in me the same way that Helen does.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

EVERYONE I KNOW totally has it in for Elizabeth. I don't get it. When I ask for a list of actual crimes, I get non-descript blather: "Oh she talked about Helen to Dean"; "Oh she said she wouldn't nominate Psaul — then she changed her mind." She is being punished on the ALIENS-KIDNAPPED- PEREZ-DE-CUELAR principle. The more you point out that there is NO EVIDENCE WHATEVER, the more you are told how brilliantly someone [elizabeth here; others in the case of aliens and PdC — tho I have no doubt she will be blamed for this too now I have brought it up] is COVERING UP.

― mark s, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Elizabeth and Dean = consumed with the canker of lumpen-bourg snobbery ("God! I can't sit around talking about S Club 7 all day..."). Helen = an uncynical and simple heart.

― stevie t, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

(ps I take it back abt Dean and his guitar: he and B were trying to teach E to dance the Destiny's Child way.)

― mark s, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Dean = possible part-time snob (maybe: tho he can play Destiny's Child on his guitar!!), but Elizabeth was JUST LISTENING AND LETTING HIM SPEAK!! Helen = v.noisy small child with the IQ of a friendly doomintroll. Surely not bourgie to want her to STOP JUMPING UP AND DOWN FOR A SECOND AT A TIME!!

"an uncynical and simple heart" vs "sex is really a deeper form of communication"

― mark s, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Dean and Elizabeth = vaguely intelligent.

Paul and Helen = thick as pigshit. And as annoying as having it all over your shoes.

― Johnathan, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

OK: but you baulked at judging the one I baulk somewhat at too. How bright is Bri? D's was taking a pop at B's vapid brainlessness when he being ubersnob —but I think this was a rubbish judgment, and that Dean was (just then) being dim for thinking Brian is dim. (OK, B'd be crap at Triv Piv, but that's not brains anyway, that's magpie- memory.)

Or am I just sentimentalising a certain glam- bitch quickness?

― mark s, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Brian = v.noisy small child with the IQ of a friendly doomintroll. (Much more irritating and plain offensive than Helen. I can't forgive him for his treatment of poor Josh (BTW, can I note that my favourite moment so far is Josh's last-gasp mindfuck of Brian during candlelit dinner?)

HOWEVER... Brian also = the H-from-STEPS of BB (ie the only one who looks like he enjoys/was born to be on BB). Which is classic.

Ultimately undecideable.

― stevie t, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Nah, Stevie, you've got my Bri all wrong. He has an intelligence that way surpasses anything Helen or P*** could muster... a touch of comic genius, in fact. Shame his favourite book's by Geri Haliwell.

― Johnathan, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Stuart has been the only one I found actively offensive (I missed Penny entirely, mind you). Current choice range from [seemingly?] boring and stable (E) to strange indeed (Paul) — and I wouldn't want to trapped in the BB space with any of them, probably — but I don't flinch at anything any more. B ALWAYS picks up on what's going on around him; H NEVER does. IQ may not measure this gift, in which case IQ is worthless (which it is anyway so pzzzftztt). Josh's mindfuck was GRATE, but [a cliche even Davina McFuckface was able to grapple with] too little too late.

― mark s, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I hear that Penny is to get her own 'An Audience With...' show. True? Yay or nay?

― DG, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I'm a little surprised how people seem to be justifying their preferences with HOW BRIGHT individual in-mates are. I always judge them on HOW NICE they seem to be. Stevie T = irredeemable sentimentalist, and will doubtless be evicted from the ILE free jazz- nic in the sky for SAPPINESS.

― stevie t, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I don't believe I *have* yet expressed a preference. Esp. as DO I WANT TO SPEND REAL-LIFE TIME WITH [x]? is no way the same as DO I WANT TO SPEND TV TIME WITH [x]? Niceness = possibly even more boring (in ref. TV time) than extreme dimness. But "boring" is curiously a virtue in BB: in surveillance TV as a total genre (the JenniCam revelation: we watch avidly because NOTHING EVER HAPPENS).

P = dim but VERY ODD. D & E = quite dull (right through). B = [undecided].

― mark s, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Penny: Who-oo? People forgot first-evictee Sada within days of eviction, so [DG] I doubt people have suddenly gained a massive attention span (unless heat or the sun have adopted her, obviously).

Paul: Textbook pseudo-cool pseudo-intelligent wanker.
eg P: "I feel much more in control now"
Ama: "Of yourself, yeah?"
P: "Yeah...and the rest of the group"
A: "Wha?"
P: "I'm so in control here"

Helen: Whimsical and charming. She can be a bit "thick" sometimes, but that's no reason to hate her. I'm alarmed if it is.

Ama: Fantastically intelligent or A-Level deep and meaningful?

Elizabeth: Is it because she's quiet? She seems nice enough, though admittedly she's dull on TV. Ditto Dean.

Brian: The major stereotype BB1 was missing was a raving homosexual. Problem solved.

― Graham, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Well, I thought it woz odd but I'm assured it's true.
I have to say, and I know I'm going to get some stick for it, that this BB really hasn't grabbed me at all. I don't care for any of the inmates, not even enough to hate them. The first one was a giggle, this one iz boring.

― DG, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I think the contestants this year are a lot more preferable to the one's last year though.

― Michael Bourke, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Paul = perhaps the stupidest individual I've ever seen on television, including cartoon characters like Bullwinkle

― tarden, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Dean is not only ubersnob, he failed to recall the name of the first man on the moon when asked by Elizabeth in mid snob fest. Now, I realise that not knowing this fact is not enough by itself to prove utter stupidity but it does point to a freakily low level of general knowledge, what with 'who was first man on the moon' being a Millionaire £100 question and all. However, maintaining that you're above talking about S Club 7 and then, in the same conversation, displaying that you know little about anything much is surely indicative of a certain level of dimness.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Skipping 49 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

yep, "Time" was the missing word.

And, now on Blankety blank...

― Mark G, Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:10 (fifteen years ago) link

what's the betting the viewing figures go up, or at least don't go down anymore and Channel 4 keep doing it? Isn't it the only comparatively popular show they have on their schedules anyway?

― languid samuel l. jackson (jim), Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:11 (fifteen years ago) link

you guys, I kinda feel like Big Brother has stolen Davina McCalls youth.

― ❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉Plaxico❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉ (I know, right?), Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:20 (fifteen years ago) link

davina mccall confuses me, i sometimes find her very attractive and personable, other times i think she is a horrible cackling witch who should stfu.

― languid samuel l. jackson (jim), Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:25 (fifteen years ago) link

i served her in a shop once and she wasn't nice. that was around the time of that street-date thing she used to do. maybe she was having a bad day.

― jed_, Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:33 (fifteen years ago) link

ah, being a dick in a shop. Good indicator of dickness really, no need.

― languid samuel l. jackson (jim), Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:39 (fifteen years ago) link

the nicest famous person i served was Thom Yorke. he was really amazingly lovely.

― jed_, Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:51 (fifteen years ago) link

The dream is over.

Well it's in The Sun, so it must be true...

― snoball, Thursday, 7 May 2009 17:01 (fifteen years ago) link

Thesedays, it has to be in the Star for it to be "true" in that way, thesedays.

― Mark G, Thursday, 7 May 2009 19:54 (fifteen years ago) link

two years pass...

my goodness i didn't even know celebrity version had started. and o my goodness michael madsen is in it!

TURN YOUR KEY SIR!!

― Summer Slam! (Ste), Wednesday, 18 January 2012 21:46 (twelve years ago) link

We briefly revived an old CBB thread but I don't think anyone cares. I have just turned over to see Denise Welch naked in a hot tub with Frankie Cocozza, so I'm glad I haven't seen much more.

― ailsa, Wednesday, 18 January 2012 23:11 (twelve years ago) link

Apparently, that's been the "highlight" so far.

AWarhol's "In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes" should be postscripted ", and no-one will know who anybody is"

― Mark G, Thursday, 19 January 2012 09:58 (twelve years ago) link

fa·mous/ˈfāməs/
Adjective:
Known about by many people.

― conrad, Thursday, 19 January 2012 12:10 (twelve years ago) link

Just found in my spam filter:

FRIDAY'S EVICTION IS NOW AVAILABLE TO BOOK!
PRIORITY TICKETS AVAILABLE -
OH, AND ONCE YOU'VE RECEIVED YOUR TICKETS, IF YOU COME TO THE SHOW YOU WILL BE GOING TO THE FINAL TOO!

Um, desperate, much?

― Mark G, Thursday, 19 January 2012 12:54 (twelve years ago) link

Remember to make a big sign that says "MARK G IS HERE" with an arrow pointing down.

― insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Thursday, 19 January 2012 12:59 (twelve years ago) link

From the sounds of things, all I'd have to do is wave.

Anyways, I have better things to do...

― Mark G, Thursday, 19 January 2012 13:01 (twelve years ago) link

WEDNESDAY'S SEMI FINAL IS NOW AVAILABLE TO BOOK!
THE FIRST 300 THAT USE PROMO CODE 'CBB12P' WHEN BOOKING WILL BE PRIORITY!

If anyone cares enough to want to go, contact me (I'm not going, i mean you can have the code(s) etc)

― Mark G, Tuesday, 24 January 2012 10:01 (twelve years ago) link

Oh, it's finishing this week.

― Mark G, Wednesday, 25 January 2012 11:58 (twelve years ago) link

Tonight.

Probably Frankie will win. No-oone else is bothered, i reckons.

― Mark G, Friday, 27 January 2012 16:43 (twelve years ago) link

Oh, it was Denise who won.

Right, lock thread..

― Mark G, Monday, 30 January 2012 11:22 (twelve years ago) link

two years pass...

so the Russian Big Brother seems to consist solely of people beating the living shit out of each other. this is fucking scary esp. @ 4.27

http://www.milanos.pl/vid-121194-Reality-Show-w-ROSJI.html

― everyday sheeple (Michael B), Friday, 30 May 2014 14:16 (ten years ago) link

eight months pass...

So, Katie Price won the latest CBB.

― Mark G, Friday, 6 February 2015 23:14 (nine years ago) link

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