Spider-Man 3 anticipation begins...now

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HARRY! HARRY! DESTROY PARKER!! HAVE A CHARMING BIG CHILL HOMAGE WITH HIS LADYFRIEND!! AVENGE MEEEEE!!

― ghost rider, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:22 (seventeen years ago) link

i would watch that 100x but only if they overdub kirsten dunst. i mean christ i know the point was that mary jane is completely talentless but did they have to prove this over and over??

speaking of, i said last night that a big problem with the spiderman series is that mary jane and now gwen stacy are intolerably unhot, vapid bitches. which is pretty much par for the course with female roles in action films BUT why did they have to make bit part females 10000000000000000000000000000x hotter than their main females? fake parker posey in the newspaper office and russian girl are both so much cuter?? i have no sympathy for peter parker's predicament, he should just date one of the more awesome girls.

xpost AAAAAARRRRGH!!!

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:25 (seventeen years ago) link

harry should stop drinking makers because that's the only time his dad ever shows up screaming in the mirror, is the thing. get yourself some "venom suit," kid.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:26 (seventeen years ago) link

It was just something I thought of this morning as a better explanation for this movie's most batshit qualities might be instead of Raimi deciding at the 11th hour to just get baked and watch "Will It Blend?" on YouTube, he actually sat down and watched RHPS and realized yes, you can pack this much ridiculous shit into one movie, but the way to do it is with dancing and music.

The way 100 minutes of the entire film is all expository setup to justify the final convoluted 4-way reminded me of how I think Joe Dirt exists just because somebody had a dream where Chris Walken, an American Indian, a hot blonde, and David Spade wearing a blue dread wig are all in some kind of muscle car drag racing Kid Rock, and they felt the need to write a whole screenplay to explain how that would actually happen.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:28 (seventeen years ago) link

"I had a dream where blah blah blah and then they were drag racing Kid Rock"

"first of all, that would never happen"

"OH YEAH WELL"

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:34 (seventeen years ago) link

If that dream also involved Dennis Miller, then fuck that shit.

― David R., Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:34 (seventeen years ago) link

people don't dream about dennis miller, they dream about rob lowe playing dennis miller

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:35 (seventeen years ago) link

WAIT THAT'S BRILLIANT

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:46 (seventeen years ago) link

& yes, OTM re: Landlord's Daughter & JJJ's Secretary (ELIZABETH BANKS) being much hotter / nicer / more well-rounded. I liked KD's singing voice, tho. :\

― David R., Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Also: I will totally finance BEING DENNIS MILLER if you guys can get me a script.

― David R., Tuesday, 8 May 2007 14:57 (seventeen years ago) link

And you can make the film for about $1000.

― David R., Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:00 (seventeen years ago) link

kd was basically tone deaf??? dude.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:02 (seventeen years ago) link

I can't help what I like!

― David R., Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:04 (seventeen years ago) link

story of my life

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Can we talk about this Julie Taymor Beatles / Hair piece of shit that was previewed before my viewing of SM3 now? Because what the fuck is that?

― David R., Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:16 (seventeen years ago) link

oh my god every single preview before spiderman was almost as/even more confusing and horrible as spiderman.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:21 (seventeen years ago) link

I hope you're not badmouthing FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER!

― David R., Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:22 (seventeen years ago) link

what did they do to jessica alba, she looked like shit in that

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:23 (seventeen years ago) link

ok that is 8080 BLOODTRAP whatever means OTM nowadays

― David R., Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:24 (seventeen years ago) link

I liked Bruce Campbell and the landlord's daughter, and I enjoyed the first 5 hours of the dancing dickweed sequence, but WTF with the rest of the movie?

The omlette scene might have been funny and the movie was probably clever and self-consciously satirical, but if Raimi was trying to be the Paul Verhoeven of teenage romance movies, then he did a much better job in 2 than he did in 3.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Sure, I was really drunk and I nodded off a couple times during the final fight scene because I stopped drinking 15 hours earlier or however long that movie was, but "oh no, I'm going to jump back into the tuning fork circle with the freaky space-suit monster and get blowed up" wasn't even funny because my patience had already snapped.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:31 (seventeen years ago) link

i still don't know why he didn't just inform the police that the way to defeat sandman, at least temporarily, was by hosing him down.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:35 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh yeah, I forgot about that.

Because that movie was longer than the Decalogue and The Return of the Kings, combined.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:37 (seventeen years ago) link

also: HOW MANY CARS DID VENOM AND SANDMAN PUT IN THAT GIANT WEB OF SUSPENDED THINGS ABOVE NYC??? it seemed to be just the one but like every time mary jane moved there was another dump truck falling on her.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:39 (seventeen years ago) link

was it like, oh hey, we already put one taxi up there, might as well throw a couple more taxis and trucks up there, why not. i mean we have this huge web already...

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:39 (seventeen years ago) link

ALSO (guys i have so many questions about this movie) why the hell did spiderman have to ride goblin's oversized scooter down to rescue mary jane? was it just so we could have a scene of franco and maguire humping each other on a skateboard? because it would've been more efficient if, i dunno, SPIDEY USED HIS WEB SHOT POWER LIKE USUAL instead?

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:40 (seventeen years ago) link

ALSO AGAIN topher grace's venom makeup was one of the funniest things in the world, second only to tobey maguire's my chemical romance makeup.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:42 (seventeen years ago) link

i'm wholly convinced that if you watch this movie enough times you will understand the meaning of life because EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE EVER was in this movie, somehow.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:42 (seventeen years ago) link

I totally misread the omelette scene, I was waiting for him to slip on the egg, bash his bonce on the rather nice wooden table and hey presto, nasty evil Harry is back.

― Billy Dods, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Re: the dancing sequence:

Did no one else notice how it kept flipping back and forth between the way Peter thought women were reacting to him (*swoon*) and the way they were REALLY reacting to him ("Who is this nerdy dancing cunt? lol")?

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:54 (seventeen years ago) link

yes, that was completely, completely bizarre. i have to say i like cokehead peter parker a lot more than regular peter parker, though.

also i just found this on imdb:
it is george bush's fault that the american flag was in the film
by NohjAnec 2 days ago (Sun May 6 2007 01:39:49 )
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i hate him! when spiderman stood in front of the flag for a couple of seconds i got real angry because i couldnt handle seeing it in the movie. my life was ruined. and somehow i know george bush made the flag appear in the film, because sam raimi is a republican so i know he, bush, the evil oil companies and the evil corporations (who just sit in their big corporate offices being all.......corporationany) all conspired with each other to make that scene happen. GRRRR, if i saw bush i would punch him! and btw, if anyone here claims to hate bush more than i do, then i dare you to say that to my face because i hate bush the MOST. no one hates him more than i do. no one. i wish you would tell me to my face that you hate him more than i do because i would punch you for trying to think you hate him more than i do. im the biggest liberal ever and also the best liberal ever.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Wow.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:56 (seventeen years ago) link

im the biggest liberal ever and also the best liberal ever.

WHY CAN'T WE EASILY CHANGE SCREEN NAMES HERE

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:57 (seventeen years ago) link

the real question is: is Tina Fey a republican?

― kenan, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:58 (seventeen years ago) link

I totally misread the omelette scene, I was waiting for him to slip on the egg, bash his bonce on the rather nice wooden table and hey presto, nasty evil Harry is back.

Don't think for one minute that that omelet wasn't prepared with malicious intent.

I hope that imdb comment was written by Raimi. xpost

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:59 (seventeen years ago) link

yeah that's the question i really asked myself especially in relation to spiderman 3.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 15:59 (seventeen years ago) link

It's beyond credulity. That has to be a joke.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Re: the dancing sequence:

Did no one else notice how it kept flipping back and forth between the way Peter thought women were reacting to him (*swoon*) and the way they were REALLY reacting to him ("Who is this nerdy dancing cunt? lol")?

Yeah, I thought that was the best part of the movie.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Also I'd like to thank whomever gave Bryce Dallas Howard a burger in preparation for this movie since she didn't look like a gaunt Gelfling about the face like she usually does.

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:03 (seventeen years ago) link

isn't she pregnant? not that i have any idea when they actually filmed all of the people scenes.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Really? Didn't know that!

lol celebrities be spawnin'

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Yeah BDH was pregnant during the filming, she had no idea until after they finished all the crane-disaster rescue crap though, ha ha.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Wait, no one noticed that she suddenly had cheeks?

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:48 (seventeen years ago) link

hey man girls can eat five guys too
like tobey is all gonna be "hey do you has a bun in the oven?" on the set

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:49 (seventeen years ago) link

venom joe armstrong tobey would've called her on that shit.

― ghost rider, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:50 (seventeen years ago) link

"Bryce, wow! You look like a woman as opposed to the crazed lizard/scarecrow hybrid you usually resemble!"

"Aw, thanks! *giggle*"

― HI DERE, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:53 (seventeen years ago) link

what did they do to jessica alba, she looked like shit in that

She did! I wasn't really paying attention at that point and for a moment thought she was Elizabeth Berkley.

― ENBB, Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:54 (seventeen years ago) link

YES, or the fish-eye woman from the remake of the wickerman.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:55 (seventeen years ago) link

i think bdh looking less like a gelfling had a lot more to do with the 27 lbs of makeup especially in the eye/eyebrow area they slathered on her than whether or not she was 5 lbs heavier than normal tbh.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:56 (seventeen years ago) link

lol tho still tobey had on more eye makeup.

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 8 May 2007 16:56 (seventeen years ago) link

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