Movies That Were Probably Made By a Spasm of Six Year-Olds on Acid: The Top 75 Action Films Poll Results Thread

conan the bargain hunter

omg I am dying at the Arnold commentary. Literally anything that mans says is funny but especially when he's just telling you exactly what's happening in the scene play-by-play.

lol whoops

conan the bulgarian

― lag∞n, Wednesday, February 15, 2012 2:16 PM (59 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Would watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86-vveE9DI4

the fact that you corrected "comments" is what's really killing me

This is me Arnold S. This is me on the screen here, riding towards the camera.

omg THANK YOU GOOLE

Oh shit, why didn't I vote Conan? Also, I see that Point Break is not on my list. Let's delete this thread and start over.

"I was getting laid a lot in this movie. It was amazing."

he sounds like hes on pills in the conan track

I never saw Conan. I tried to read one of the books at some point (there were like a million of them, right?) and it was so rapey and snuff-filmy and awful that I never looked back. Although it occurs to me now that maybe it was a Conan imitation series trying to cash in but being worse than the original. Anyway. Too bad. Couldn't deal.

i saw conan a few times when i was a kid, feeling like maybe i need to rescreen

it's a great movie. i could talk about it forever. will wait to see if it even places tho!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/lesammm.png

LE SAMOURAI

Jean-Pierre Melville
1967
France
(284 points, 9 votes)

see Le Samourai, but be prepared to be slightly dissapointed. At least i was. I dont mind it being all about style, but the style wasnt too interesting or imaginative to me. I cant think of any reason why that film is admired more than, for a random noir example, "Out of the Past." but i need to see it again.

Melville's films seem to portray a 15 year old's sense of "existential cool" (as the critics say) but i find them a little shallow. as draining a standard noir story of all incident or action somehow makes it philosophical? i dont know, maybe it does.

― ryan (ryan)

just don't think JPM is at his best with Army of Shadows, he does the existential gang thing best, and I like that when it's most stylized (hence, LE Samourai).

― Dr Morbius

yeah there are a million Conan books. some of the comics are allright. but yeah it's pretty heavy on the misogyny/racism/ultraviolence

xp

I watched conan for the first time a few years ago and loved it.

Conan is fucking amazing

Conan has a giant bowl of soup with human body parts in it. Does Yojimbo have that? Does Citizen Kane? I don't think so.

I'm actually asking, I don't know if they do or not.

ilxors, tell me about le samourai

Yojimbo has a dog with a human hand

... for a head?

Throw that in a pot with some vegetables, you got a stew!

but yeah it's pretty heavy on the misogyny/racism/ultraviolence

Seriously there was implied tentacle rape ending with the victim's murder at the hands of a subterranean monster. But it's not really rape because she liked it. At least up until the murder. I was like, this is writing?

Le Samurai is one of my favourite films of all time, but I thought of it when Tuomas said an action film is a film that uses action to resolve plot (or w/e) and I was going to say, really? Because Le Samurai is p much about inaction, invisibility, until he decides/is forced to take action, which brings about the end of the film. Action resolves it but you wouldn't call that an action film, surely.

(Feel the same way about this as Get Carter - love it, but not an action film.)

Well ok, but the metro chase scene is amazing.

havent seen le samourai in a really long time, barely remember

Is that the one where he lives in a hovel with a bird?

The original Howard Conan books were pretty tight, I was surprised to discover. I mean, they're pretty much what you would expect, but they're well done and straightforward. Kinda reminded me of, like, Barbarian Bourne. Man as pure expression of will, drilling his way through all obstacles. Pretty effing fascist, I guess. Ha.

Seriously there was implied tentacle rape ending with the victim's murder at the hands of a subterranean monster. But it's not really rape because she liked it. At least up until the murder. I was like, this is writing?

this exact same scene happens in the movie "Forbidden World" (aka "Mutant")

le samourai an example where action/thriller line getting blurred

ilxors, tell me about le samourai

Amazing existential film noir, where motives are completely obscure and can only be inferred by the action that Jeff (is it? Delon anyway) eventually takes. Full of coded ambiguous decisions and looks, and as a consequence the viewer is kept in a perpetual state of uncertainty. Great grey-green Paris.

the o.g. conan books are kind of energetic and fun but you can tell they were written in the 30s, a bit creaky and impolitic, yes.

(speaking of which, has anybody on earth seen the biopic of robert e howard??

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118163/

vincent d'onofrio and renee zellweger)

(this is my last derail i promise)

late to thread but here's Alex Cox on seeing The Wild Bunch as a kid
in Liverpool (he was sneaked in by masons!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2_JRTwP4J0

jesus christ i just almost downloaded the 2011 conan

i saw it a long ass time ago goole. i liked it but i was like 12 or something

Is that the one where he lives in a hovel with a bird?

Yes. Inaction movie is bang on

Yeah Forbidden World was pretty WTF.

Robert E. Howard was a weird dude. lived with his mom, shot himself when she went into a coma etc

xp

PS speed 2 probably would have benefited from an aelstorm soundtrack

^alestorm

speaking of which, has anybody on earth seen the biopic of robert e howard??

xp That's kind of an amazing film if you're familiar with REH's work and sad short life.

i am willing to bet that Speed 2 is a better movie than speed despite never having seen S2 because well at least it isnt Speed 1.

smh

well then yr nonvote cancels out mine

haha

i also talked myself down from the ledge of "if starship troopers doesnt make top 5 you are all filthy animals" rant by hey asshole remember when you didnt vote so stfuing myself so

jjj did you ever see Forbidden World? I know AP and I saw it together and I'm pretty sure you weren't there, but it also seems like the type of movie you would have seen on your own anyway

lemme chk imdb

it is aka "Mutant"

it's a ripoff of Alien with a lot of boobs in it, as well as the world's worst interspecies sex scene