Movies That Were Probably Made By a Spasm of Six Year-Olds on Acid: The Top 75 Action Films Poll Results Thread

sean connery is really great in last crusade.

Blade II is pretty ex. too

I can't believe I've never seen any of the Blade movies.

I never forgave the matrix for starting out with a rich, intriguing cronenberg/PKD premise and then devolving into the dumbest "shoot guns is cool" denouement, and this from a guy who liked T2

the soundtrack is probably the most embarrassing thing about it but i played it to death in 8th grade

haha i saw the matrix with my mom in suburban ct and the first thing i did after the movie ended was have her drive to the mall so i get the sdtrk

but i tried watching the trilogy again recently and thought it was just really corny

Some great gags in that movie, not least the Knights', 'He chose poorly' line which got the biggest laugh at the screening I went to.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/crank2.png

#34

CRANK

Mark Neveldine/Brian Taylor
2006
United States
(297 points, 8 votes)

This was basically the Scream of action movies. So unbelievablely ridiculous.

― Elvis Telecom

I bought this today, sight unseen, and it is, in fact, possibly one of the greatest films ever made.

― El Tomboto

The whole thing is a huge video game, and they have opening credits that actually look like a video game! I really need to watch this again.

― mh

Has Dr. Morbius seen Crank?

― milo z

doubtful. he should, tho

― impudent harlot

Come anticipate Crank with me (do not click if you hate Jason Statham action trash)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwXxxniIeQs

i'd seen some commercials for the matrix before it came out and i had an anticipatory priapism. i was an anime-crazy 13 year old and the matrix clearly had a similar sensibility. my recollection is that it opened strong and was a surprise hit theatrically, but then had an even bigger second life on home video

(Blade, the year before, was kind of the Matrix's John the Baptist)

― Andrew Farrell, Thursday, February 16, 2012 10:57 AM (32 seconds ago) Bookmark

yeah, otm. i dont have much hope for blade placing at this point but i gave it more points than the 'trix

in a way The Matrix and Blade et al are an attempt to take action flicks out of the hands of sweaty middle-aged working stiffs with bad attitudes and hand them over to dungeons and dragons kids. i just like sweaty middle-aged working stiffs a lot better.

there was a period where i was like YEAH CRANK, CRANK IS THE SHIT but i basically just think its douchebaggy crap now. neveldine/taylor might make an awesome movie one day though

I will absolutely defend the 2nd Matrix movie, solely because of the extended action sequence that ends up on the highway. The third movie was terrible.

also PHIL YOU MUST SEE THE FIRST TWO BLADE MOVIES AND NEVER, EVER, EVER SEE THE THIRD

One of my friends put on The Matrix the first time I dropped acid, that was unpleasant. I don't think I've seen it since.

So much love for the Last Crusade.

Last Crusade over ToD, big mistake.

i was kind of meh on crank but i will say that amy smart is crazy hot

I don't remember ever even hearing of Crank.

there was a period where i was like YEAH CRANK, CRANK IS THE SHIT but i basically just think its douchebaggy crap now. neveldine/taylor might make an awesome movie one day though

― RudolfHitlerFtw (Hungry4Ass)

basically agree, crank 2 is even worse imo unfortunately. problem i have (possible challop) is that i've come to find statham to be a completely unlikable screen presence, like actively douchey maybe moreso b/c he clearly thinks he's the shit.

Crank is one of my top movie-theater surprises - hadn't heard anything about it (hadn't seen any of the Transporters either), was the only thing playing at the right time and wound up being blown away at just how weird and hilarious it was.

gave 'the last crusade' 45 points, love the fuck out of every minute of it

had CRANK around the middle of my list although i almost feel about it the way s1ocki does the matrix

i was an anime-crazy 13 year old and the matrix clearly had a similar sensibility.

i think my big complaint with 'the matrix' was that it didnt really deliver on the kind of fiddly dm guidebook mythology that it promised

so much so it makes me think he must be a dbag irl xxp

haven't watched either Crank in a coherent enough condition to honestly vote for them but in my head they're arthouse masterpieces that have action in them

in a way The Matrix and Blade et al are an attempt to take action flicks out of the hands of sweaty middle-aged working stiffs with bad attitudes and hand them over to dungeons and dragons kids. i just like sweaty middle-aged working stiffs a lot better.

― dayove cool (Noodle Vague), Thursday, February 16, 2012 11:02 AM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

heh, well, i hear what you're saying, but i feel like blade is more in the steven seagal tradition. its a surly asshole martial arts movie first and foremost

you have to admit tho that Crank is hilarious

Morbs is going to blow a gasket if all three Bournes place, isn't he?

Morbs is going to blow a gasket no matter what

shamefacedly admit i haven't watched Blade cos i hate non-Transylvanian vampires

iirc the Matrix was the first really big DVD MOVIE. like, it became the thing that huge A/V nerds would put on their systems to show them off, like a Hi-Fi freak playing Sting as a "reference track" or something.

cannot imagine seeing it as a 13-year-old, i think it might have ruined my life

sting ew, floyd all the way

I assume the STATHAM thread has findings on his dbaggery but I'm fine not finding out, def. a poisonous cultural presence though.

also PHIL YOU MUST SEE THE FIRST TWO BLADE MOVIES AND NEVER, EVER, EVER SEE THE THIRD

EVER

basically agree, crank 2 is even worse imo unfortunately. problem i have (possible challop) is that i've come to find statham to be a completely unlikable screen presence, like actively douchey maybe moreso b/c he clearly thinks he's the shit.

― omar little, Thursday, February 16, 2012 11:05 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

yeah thats a borderline challop but i hear what you mean. im not as in love with the guy as some other people. i don't find his screen presence douchey per say, just lackluster and wooden. he's no Bruce, that's for sure. hes a talented physical performer though

cannot imagine seeing it as a 13-year-old, i think it might have ruined my life

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, February 16, 2012 11:09 AM (55 seconds ago) Bookmark

lol, howso

iirc the Matrix was the first really big DVD MOVIE. like, it became the thing that huge A/V nerds would put on their systems to show them off, like a Hi-Fi freak playing Sting as a "reference track" or something.

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, February 16, 2012 11:09 AM (54 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

really true

basically just Daniel Craig minus any kind of charm, isn't he?

re: STATHAM

i think there's STATHAM as a brand now which outweighs his screen charm tbh

Crank 2 was completely unnecessary and made me think less of the first film. Damn them.

Yeah there was a joke that you got a free copy of the Matrix with every DVD player. It was a film that had a fair amount of DVD extras, but then it came out the same year as LOTR I: The Lottering so not so impressive there.

yeah i mean the transporter flix are good times, but still. he's like kate beckinsale or something, this hot physical presence who's kinda charmless a lot of the time.

i saw this terrible brit thriller 'blitz' he was in that kinda reinforced it. his best perf was in the bank job i guess, which wasn't bad but was kinda boring.

The Matrix came out when I was really into PKD and for that reason it seemed like every "this world isn't actually real" movie (of which there were a lot at the time (matrix, existenz, dark city, etc.)) really disappointed me because it wasn't PKDickian enough.

all three indies are gonna place, huh

― https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0 (dayo), Thursday, February 16, 2012 10:58 AM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol "all three"

The Bank Job is pretty unSTATHAMy tbh

The Matrix came out when I was really into PKD and for that reason it seemed like every "this world isn't actually real" movie (of which there were a lot at the time (matrix, existenz, dark city, etc.)) really disappointed me because it wasn't PKDickian enough.

then "A Scanner Darkly" came out

x-post Everyone knows the other one doesn't count, duh.

Crank is so over the top that I went into it knowing it was OTT and still left thinking it was OTT.

Coolest thing about the Matrix was when Keanu took his $100 million bonus or whatever and divided it up as gifts between the FX crew. Man is a mensch.

Did you see the video of him giving up his seat on the subway in NY recently? I think he's probably the biggest sweetheart.

yeah i mean the transporter flix are good times, but still. he's like kate beckinsale or something, this hot physical presence who's kinda charmless a lot of the time.

i saw this terrible brit thriller 'blitz' he was in that kinda reinforced it. his best perf was in the bank job i guess, which wasn't bad but was kinda boring.

― omar little, Thursday, February 16, 2012 11:13 AM (35 seconds ago) Bookmark

lol the beckinsale comp is fantastic. speaking of the transporter, i'll always think of statham as the guy wearing a comically tight polo shirt for most of the first transporter. i still crack up thinking of that thing, it looked like it was painted on

lol, howso

13 years old just seems like the ultimate sweet spot for a movie like the Matrix and i can have a kind of obsessive personality w/r/t certain cultural artifacts. it was a simple twist of fate that i'm not dressing up in Neo suits at every Comic-Con in the western hemisphere right now.

lol