Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

well, i just got offered a new job today, so i won't have to put up with stupid elephant powerpoint presentations for long. i have kept most of the stories about my awful current job out of this thread due to paranoia, but GODDAMN am i excited to be leaving!

Always the best feeling, knowing you can jump with impunity! :)

Ugh chip-crunching boss is sitting behind me making these constant very loud sighy deep breathing sounds. Its very weird and distracting, either she has a cold or she's trying not to cry/has been crying, the room is so quiet tho, its all I can hear. Why must I be so easily set off by these things *jams on headphones*.

Not to point fingers but didn't you say you made weird breathey noises yrself?

Yeah, well spotted haha. but I dont do it all the time, and mine are actual sighs (that sound like annoyed sighs). this was a constant heavy breathing kind of thing, like she couldnt breathe, it was going on for ages. It was weird because it isnt normal for this person.

I'm back.

- Phone calls to our firm go to one of two secretaries in our remote office.
- Everyone in our office prefers written (emailed) messages instead of voice mail (email is immediate and half the time I or somebody else transcribe and email voice messages, adding room for error)

- Secretaries are terrified to tell a caller that someone is on vacation (even when instructed to do so)
- Secretaries are terrified to request that the caller leave a message with them instead of a voice mail (it's not scary or difficult!)
- Even when they do take a message, the secretaries are terrified to ask:
1. Person's last name/spelling of person's name
2. Why they're calling
3. If they need immediate assistance
4. For basically any info except what the caller volunteers, including a phone number where they can be reached

Thank you for listening.

Seems like they are bad secretaries.

seems like they need to be MORE terrified of something else. if you catch my drift.

They're pretty bad. But their direct boss is terrible and he has encouraged their badness. He does virtually no work, so he's really paranoid about them telling people he is out of the office.

They should be terrified of me mushroom stamping them and their boss.

I don't know what mushroom stamping is, but if it is along the lines of green-dotting pizza I encourage you to pursue this.

i have no idea what it means either but it makes me think of super mario

1. A mushroom stamp 594 up, 127 down
when a male slaps his penis off the forehead of another individual, leaving a mushroom-shaped mark.

buy mushroom stamp mugs & shirts

like in super mario?

i don't remember super mario doing that!

i'm talking about the super mario movie.

the famous scene where bob hoskins slaps his penis off of john leguizamo's forehead, leaving a mushroom-shaped mark

oh right. yes.

My mushroom stamp is in the shape of a portobello.

With spores.

Hush.

nothing beats watching your boss slack off for the majority of the day and then tell you at 5:30 you have to work late because we're behind on our jobs. >:(

Oh I didn't realize it was native to word now! For some reason thought that function was some relationship btwn acrobat & word

― rayuela, Thursday, 26 April 2012 05:08 (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It is if your company still makes you use Office 2003.

I'm a bit worried about the integrity of a penis that's actually able to leave a visible mark on a person when whacking someone's head. What are these people, Iron Man?

> It is if your company still makes you use Office 2003.

*SOBS*

that said, any documentation i write is always better done in html than Word but then i think this is universally true.

It is if your company still makes you use Office 2003.

― gyac, Monday, April 30, 2012 11:07 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Thought it was at least better than 2007, but 2010 is moving further into the past.
The ECDL courses held locally are just running their last 2003 based courses before moving onto the 2010 after the summer,. Does that make me feel the course i'm on is even more futile? I dunno, was glad to get a day off today even if it was cos I was ill.

Yeah 2003 is a relic. I wonder what percentage of largeish offices still use it & are never going to upgrade? I read somewhere that XP is still incredibly popular, like 50% or something of current systems still use it.

I am a secret rebel holdout of still using 2003 at my work, we were meant to upgrade to 2007 last year (!) but I fear my undeserved office reputation as the "Excel guru" will evaporate once I install 2007 and spend the next 6 years going "where the hell are my menu options"

also in 2003 I can create VBA macros that run on 2003 or 2007, but when I gave the task to a coworker on 2007 he couldn't get it to work. but he probably just chose some completely random file format to save as, because I probably said "I think you have to save as .xlsm because that is for macros, but I don't know because I'm still on 2003" and all he heard was "I don't know" so he thought "well I know everything so I am going to pick 'save as Lotus Notes 1983 edition'"

seriously we gave him books and training materials etc when he started and he flicked backwards through about 3 random pages from near the end and said "well it's all very simple because I already know programming", and I assure you he did not "know programming". and he tells us every day how he knows a lot about computers and is very logically and technically minded, and it doesn't seem to have crossed his mind that anyone else in an office of computer programmers might also have any level of computer knowledge, or that the screaming fuckups he makes daily might possibly be slightly incongruous from such a logical mind

(deep breath)

I'm XP and 2007. Holding out until it is a "convenient" time for me to get used to a new OS and MSOffice, which c'mon that will never be convenient.

I wish they'd upgrade me to Windows 7 so I could use all of my RAM. XP can only use 1/2 of what is installed.

Please. Stop saying "What say you?" in your emails.

I could easily use 4x the RAM I do now.

no it is not 'freezing' you just aren't wearing very much, touch that dial and i will bleed you

seriously, just cover your arms, you'll feel a lot warmer.

oh fuck yes maybe try dressing for the outside not for 2 weeks in Barbados

also, while i'm on, you know why it's quiet in here? because i'm trying to do some fucking work.

(not now, obv)

don't make me quote health and safety don't make me be that guy cos i got that guy in me and you don't wanna meet that guy.

also while i'm on, i respect your right to hold whatever opinions you like about physical chastisement of children but when you work in education maybe best save that one for home hmmm?

i notice yanks didn't address my earlier question maybe they didn't hear me over the BRAYING HAWS of this mountainous amadán to my right

could be a long one

no i can't 'guess' that applicant's social security number, if i could do that i'd be a multiple lottery winner and i would never have had to meet you

lol when's yr lunch break? suggest pub

It's been two hours. Do you think he murdered someone and was taken to jail?

Also this?

no it is not 'freezing' you just aren't wearing very much, touch that dial and i will bleed you

― underleg aeroboots i have smithed (darraghmac), Friday, May 4, 2012 9:05 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

is my coworker with whom I share an office. Jesus H, she is tiny and always cold and the second the temp rises above 60, wears short sleeves and no jacket and even though she has worked in this office for over 7 years and knows how fucked the climate control is in the building, she will not bring a sweater to work. In fact, for years she kept a portable heating running under her desk all summer while she sat and worked in short sleeves but the electrical in our building is also fucked so she kept blowing fuses on our hall with it.

i was sent to do archiving, i think my pre-homicide facial tics are my 'tell'.

Good. I don't know how I would manage to get you a cake with a file baked into it from way over here.

Judging from the last issue and also the jpg of that guitarist thing SPIN seems to be moving towards infographics that *look* cool but are somewhat confusing to actually read, which seems to defeat the purpose of an infographic

ooops!

supervisor in meeting yesterday: "so, this search function always finds type x?"
us: "yes"
supervisor: "well will it do y?"
us: "no, only x"
supervisor: "well what about z, will it do z?"
us: "no, only x."

hi left hand, this is right hand. i have no idea what the fuck you're doing!

Not a bitch, just a little WTF:

In the parking lot, my boss mentioned casually to K3nny, the overly-helpful custodian that she'd like him get rid of the ugly fake ficus in the hallway. Later I was driving and I missed 2 calls, got 2 voice mails, and 1 text message. K3nny had called me once, then had the associate attorney call me once, and then had him text me, all to ask me which tree my boss wanted removed. DUDE, it's not an emergency! The tree isn't on fire and it's been sitting there looking ugly for 4 years!

read that as "ugly face ficus" at first.

went to get coffee with coworkers for the first time at this job. Overheard: "i worked in the apple store in washington dc and we got stuff stolen all the time. there were three teams of, shall I say, 'young urban youths' who would cycle through. youths of the same skin color, you know. i was never racist until i lived above chinatown and in washington dc. we should not love all people equally"