Movies That Were Probably Made By a Spasm of Six Year-Olds on Acid: The Top 75 Action Films Poll Results Thread

I forgot about the snowmobiles!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3xxGtFHt64

omar did the coffee mug happen?

i attempted it but the sites i used wouldn't put it through due to copyright issues. pff as if united artists is making ronin mugs.

:(

guns out

what about just a tin mug like they have in the movie with "i just ambushed you with a cup of coffee" inscribed in nice script

what about just a tin mug like they have in the movie with "i just ambushed you with a cup of coffee" inscribed in nice script

I have access to a laser cutter/engraver. Next time I'm there I'm going to try this.

:D

plz and thank you

omg

he made the cup. he made the cup. he had to have the cup made.

the part before the climax where crockett & tubbs fistbump exactly when the drums of nu-metal in the air tonight kick in

h4a otm

that cup ever happen elvis

http://rlv.zcache.co.uk/i_love_ronin_mug-p168691817722513327en711_216.jpg

I'D RATHER BE RONIN

http://www.scmp.com/news/china/article/1189136/watch-action-hero-films-and-legal-dramas-chongqing-mayor-advises-judges

justice is a ride

i still lol @ the anger over the 'inception' "placement"

http://cdn2.cagepotato.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/funny-gif-self-high-five-Liz-Lemon.gif

"rockin' good times!"

such bs, i google 'ronin mug' or 'ronin shirt' and i come up with skeletor dudes holding swords or something. there's a market for this shit, max get gawker on the case.

plz o lord

yeah what the shit

just made it 45 min into "The Rock" before turning it off. The attempts at sentimental drama and humor and the occasional dash of cleverness are... really embarrassing. I really love "Speed" and "T2", what else should I be watching? Should I give the rest of "The Rock" a chance??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8l7OI7U6zM

@ stevie: The Rock is very ridiculous and silly. I was tempted to turn it off pretty early with just the gratuitousness of things like the San Francisco car chase thrown in there. I ultimately got into the goofy spirit of things and I remember it being a good time, but imho it's not as much a "great action movie" as a "great ridiculous 90s blockbuster."

man this poll ruled. though lol at le samourai as an 'action movie.' i wonder, has anything come out in the last six years that would have stood a chance?

still have not seen:

75 APOCALYPTO
72 VANISHING POINT
71 DIRTY HARRY
69 (TIE) THE HURT LOCKER
67 (TIE) CON AIR
67 (TIE) BRANDED TO KILL
66 ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
65 SIN CITY
64 INFERNAL AFFAIRS
62 (TIE) DEMOLITION MAN (well i watched like halfway?)
62 (TIE) TAKEN
61 MAD MAX
57 COLLATERAL
56 THE INCREDIBLES
53 (TIE) MIAMI VICE
52 GET CARTER
50 LA FEMME NIKITA
49 DISTRICT 9
47 THE WILD BUNCH
44 THE KILLER
41 BULLITT
38 DAWN OF THE DEAD
37 TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.
34 CRANK
32 THE BOURNE IDENTITY
30 THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
29 THE BOURNE SUPREMACY
28 ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST
24 POINT BREAK
23 BATTLE ROYALE
20 POINT BLANK
17 STARSHIP TROOPERS
13 THE SEVEN SAMURAI
11 HARD BOILED
8 HEAT (tried, wasn't feeling it at all, but clearly i'm missing out?)

mad max fury road would top 5 imo

71, 64, 62, 49,

37 my god yes

32 thru 24

17, 8

from what ive seen there, catch all of the above

can imagine the rock has aged badly. face/off the only such thar should be kept as the ne plus ultra of the style

thanks for the picks!

i had more fun with the rock than face/off for some reason. they're almost the same length, but the latter feels much longer, just kind of shapeless, the entire last sequence with the church and then the boat, it's like jesus is this thing over yet? reminds me of MI:2 in that way. and then all the stuff with joan allen being assaulted by the bad guy wearing travolta's face is AWFUL and icky and not what one wants from a good-time moron movie at all. the rock probably has some racism or something that i'm forgetting though.

yeah fury road would have KILLED in this poll if it'd been out.

mi2 the other one thats of a kind def

theyre all so bad, but face/off was on three times a night and the novelty of them indoing each other as castor kinda got me hooked maybe.

john woo, kind of dreadful: a retrospective

gonna read thread again

Guessing The Raid 1 and 2 would stand a chance. They seem like classic material.

haha when i typed that post i'd totally forgotten john woo directed MI:2. oops.

yeah the raid is dope. threadbare characters and all that but if you wanna see some awesome fighting in close quarters, man, you are going to get a shit-ton of it.

MI:2 is the only one of the series I'd be resistant to rewatching.

Dr. C, go watch Dawn of the Dead and the Bournes pretty much now. You must.

I really should get on this To Live & Die thing, huh.

The resurgence of this thread suddenly makes me want to ditch my umpteenth Larry Sanders rewatch for some First Blood or Ronin.

Or Cobra. It should've won, we all know it.

oh my god if I had voted in this La Femme Nikita would have been my top 5 or maybe even my #1, v v underrated go see it at once

There is definite racism or some racist caricatures in The Rock, my recollection of the Alcatraz tour scenes when the Marines take over is that a couple characters are used for comic relief in a way that's pretty awkward. It's an interesting movie w/the extremely serious and well-performed Harris and Morse duo going against the more heightened comic weirdness of Cage and Connery. The most memorable performance aside from the stars is probably Gregory Sporleder as a psycho Marine, plays like a particularly vicious hybrid of James Cagney and David Patrick Kelley and makes good use of his limited role. Which is to basically be the Waingro to Ed Harris' McCauley. (speaking of Heat!)

if you haven't seen The Wild Bunch and Once Upon a Time in the West, that would make a lengthy but hellaciously great double bill.

To Live and Die In L.A. is the single most mindfucking movie on the list, it's one that I have shown a few different people and they've come away with a thumbs up and mild PTSD every time.

The Woo films are both great, just operatic cornball beauty that feels like they belong in a parallel universe. When I watched them on VHS w/shitty dubbing back in my teen years they changed my life.

Dawn of the Dead is the best zombie film ever but it's not as much an action movie. But the action is really wonderful and lurid and gorgeous in its gruesomeness, and the four main performances are all exceptionally good. Unlike most performances in zombie flicks (one slightly related key exception: Sarah Polley in the DotD remake.)

From the list of unwatched, the only ones I'd pass on or save for last are probably Sin City (looks good but kinda lame), Crank (feels like an "early era Vice Magazine" action film at this point tbh), and maybe Taken (benefited in this poll from being a recent release and Liam Neeskn being frankly quite awesome, but it's not great.)

The Rock also has some really cruel homophobia in the form of a comic-relief sissy that like actually pissed me off

feel like if i charged omar with the duty of mounting a passionate defence of any or all of the three movies hes suggests skipping he could do it

Well I'll say this for all of them:

Sin City is not boring and goes all the way, it really does bring the graphic novel to life and Mickey Rourke is almost surreally on-point in recreating his character in what I guess is basically a live-action performance. The gore is wonderful, I deeply enjoyed the noir elements. It's mostly lame in it being extremely empty for the most part, it's very much a "see once and never again" type film. I'm not regretting seeing it but I also felt like it gave me nothing.

Crank is probably diminished bc its mostly shit sequel just tried to recreate it and go one up on everything without doing anything new, but the original is really smug and self satisfied and Statham I think is at his most unlikeable in these films. It's also probably a bit racist. However it is insane. I give it points for sheer unbridled insanity. It comes off more like a Troma picture than any typical Hollywood action film. Which earns it some respect.

Taken is I think very well-directed and Neeson's role is more than just The Speech, he's an unstoppable and fearsome presence physically and that coupled with his set of acting skills keeps the entire thing moving. It's got some nice low-grade Eurotrash vibes throughout, but it is also racist. Crazy how the plot hinges on the girls deciding to follow U2 on tour or whatever, I appreciated that touch. It's funny though how i think culturally Taken is the Neeson action film everyone talks about (understandably perhaps) while in the meantime every single non-Taken franchise action film he's made since is better.

mad max fury road would top 5 imo

― the clodding of the american mind (darraghmac), Sunday, March 11, 2018 12:56 PM (six hours ago)

mad max 2 isn't even on the list!

has anything come out in the last six years that would have stood a chance?

Definitely: Mad Max Fury Road, John Wick, The Raid

Probably: Dredd, Edge of Tomorrow, Snowpiercer

Outside bets: MI6 Rogue Nation, Fast and Furious 6, Wonder Woman, Baby Driver, Green Room

also Raid 2

im pretending that ppl voted mad max, a searing budget transvestite social drama, but were thinking of mad max 2 the great action movie. it helps.

edge of tomorrow, john wick and MI6 all def make list yeah

if taken were made in the seventies and nobody had heard of it i think it would be an ilx sensation.

sin city looks great, is funny, is probably the hottest movie of all time, fair to say the action isnt actually great in it maybe.

think yr point on cranks experimentalism is key.

Wonder Woman would open up some doors - I don't remember much about the fight scenes apart for the terrible one in the french town, but Civil War and Black Panther have some great ones - on the one hand you could claim that it isn't really an action movie if the protagonist is never in danger, on the other hand Arnie.

There would be some Fast & Furious vote splitting, I suspect - real headz love Fast Five, and it didn't even make this poll.

xp MI6 comes out next month? It's MI5 yez are thinking of.

My unwatched, some of them glaring

72 VANISHING POINT
69 (TIE) THE HURT LOCKER
67 (TIE) BRANDED TO KILL
66 ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
65 SIN CITY
62 (TIE) TAKEN
61 MAD MAX
60 JAWS*
57 COLLATERAL
53 (TIE) MIAMI VICE
50 LA FEMME NIKITA
48 TOTAL RECALL*
47 THE WILD BUNCH
46 THE GREAT ESCAPE
45 COMMANDO
44 THE KILLER
41 BULLITT
38 DAWN OF THE DEAD
37 TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.
34 CRANK
27 BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA*
24 POINT BREAK*
23 BATTLE ROYALE
22 THE THING
20 POINT BLANK
17 NORTH BY NORTHWEST
14 THE FRENCH CONNECTION
8 HEAT

Happy to watch any of these movies not directed by Michael Mann.

* indicates that I know them well enough to joke about them.

mi
mi2 urlight uhjackitt uhpockett awful hair
mi3 pope overrated
mi4 undercover undercover undercover
mi5 does this exist or is the desert one also the above one
mi6 opera underwater

also day and knight is an unofficial mi imo

I might start a thread on to live and die in la the action movie for people who know action movie tropes but were ready to see them absolutely eviscerated

which is also a brilliant action/cop movie like