we are apparently very mundane, erotic beings
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:12 (twelve years ago) link
"i stiffen"
― shit_ebooks (am0n), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:12 (twelve years ago) link
"I'd like to bite that lip," he whispers darkly...
oh does he now
― that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:14 (twelve years ago) link
i.p. stiffenbacher
― shit_ebooks (am0n), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:14 (twelve years ago) link
Cheese and crackers, this is erotic!
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:15 (twelve years ago) link
#9 sounds like some kind of stomach flu
― Hare Kinsey (C. Grisso/McCain), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:19 (twelve years ago) link
My inner goddess has explosive diarrhea.
― that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:20 (twelve years ago) link
Could you put some music on, please?” “Certainly, ma’am. What would you like to hear?” “Something soothing.” I see a smile play on Taylor’s lips as our eyes meet briefly again in the mirror. “Yes, ma’am.” He pushes a few buttons on the steering wheel, and the gentle strains of Pachelbel’s canon fills the space between us.
― the acquisition and practice of music is unfavourable to the health of (abanana), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:34 (twelve years ago) link
you guys have clearly not read the romance writer's phrasebook as extensively as i have
― game of crones (La Lechera), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:43 (twelve years ago) link
I want to madlib all these so bad
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:44 (twelve years ago) link
and I've been thinking of you LL this whole time, you are QUEEN of this <3
just sayin
― game of crones (La Lechera), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:44 (twelve years ago) link
the romance writer's phrasebook
that was a great thread btw
― Roger Barfing (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:44 (twelve years ago) link
i've made a bunch more in fact, i haven't even made it past chapter 6/12 on tumblr
― game of crones (La Lechera), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 21:46 (twelve years ago) link
“When did you start your period, Isabella?” he asks out of the blue, gazing down at me.
“Err... yesterday,” I mumble in my highly aroused state.
“Good.”
He releases me and turns me around.
“Hold on to the sink,” he orders and pulls my hips back again, like he did in the playroom so I’m bending down. He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And gently but firmly tugs my tampon out… Holy Fuck… and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Sweet mother of all… Jeez… And then he’s inside me… ah!
― Yerac, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:51 (twelve years ago) link
Blue string...sounds pretty fancy.
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:51 (twelve years ago) link
abysmal
sorry, "ugh"
― game of crones (La Lechera), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:52 (twelve years ago) link
...what!
― heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:53 (twelve years ago) link
jeez
― game of crones (La Lechera), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:55 (twelve years ago) link
cheese and rice!gosh!
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:57 (twelve years ago) link
argh
― raw feel vegan (silby), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:12 (twelve years ago) link
dear publishing industry, please don't crap out before i finish my sexy french resistance fighters vs. vampire zombie hitler youth erotic thriller trilogy. thanks.
― jesus christ (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:18 (twelve years ago) link
Forever Young Adult reviews 50 Shades of Grey
this book is actually worse than VC Andrews' novels
First of all, James falls victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous of which is "never enter into a land war in Asia," but only slightly less-well-known is this: Never write erotica if your main character can't say the word 'vagina!'"
― tokyo rosemary, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:23 (twelve years ago) link
"Heavens!:)", I gush. xxxp
― estela, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:27 (twelve years ago) link
"Damn!," I burst.
― nickn, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:29 (twelve years ago) link
"I am seeing red," he utters sternly.
― estela, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:31 (twelve years ago) link
Anastasia Steele
Bahahahahahaha THIS is her name?! How much 90s USA Channel and late night Cinemax/Showtime did you have to watch in your adolescence to come up with that?
Anastasia Steele is the illegitimate child spawned by the two leads of 'Silk Stalking' in some horrid fuck-ritual.
― Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:04 (twelve years ago) link
Also, I've been passing these things on prominent displayed at every airport bookstore I've passed today. I wondered what all the fuss was about with three King-sized tomes featuring b&w stock photo with the contrast level turn way down.
― Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:07 (twelve years ago) link
this sounds like that Python dirty phrasebook sketch
"My nipples explode with delight"
― World Congress of Itch (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:15 (twelve years ago) link
oh jeez.
― judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:17 (twelve years ago) link
holy crap.
― judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:18 (twelve years ago) link
oh darn.
― judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:19 (twelve years ago) link
I can't believe she calls her vagina "down there" in the book.
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:20 (twelve years ago) link
My shock is partly due to familiarity only with Fanny Hill in the erotic novel genre, which never really said 'penis' or 'vagina' but instead generated 53,842 colorful euphemisms, none of which were as embarrassed and stupid as "down there."
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:23 (twelve years ago) link
"Let me fix you something to eat," he says.
"Can't I just go to bed?" I mutter wearily as I place my hand in his. He pulls me up. I am stiff. He gazes down at me, his expression soft.
"No, you need to eat. Come."
Bossy Edward is back. Oh, it's such a relief. He leads me to the kitchen area and ushers me towards a bar stool as he heads to the fridge. I glance at my watch. Jeez, nearly eleven thirty and I have to get up for work in the morning.
"Edward, I'm really not hungry."
He studiously ignores me as he ferrets through the enormous fridge.
"Cheese?" he asks.
"Not at this hour."
"Pretzels?"
"In the fridge? No," I snap.
He turns and grins at me.
"You don't like pretzels?"
"Not at eleven thirty. Edward, I'm going to bed. You can rummage around in your refrigerator for the rest of the night if you want. I'm tired, and I've had a far too interesting a day. A day I'd like I'd to forget."
I slide off the stool and he scowls at me, but right now I don't care. I want to go to bed – I'm exhausted.
"Macaroni and cheese?" He holds up a white bowl lidded with foil. He looks so hopeful and endearing.
"You like macaroni and cheese?" I ask.
He nods enthusiastically, and my heart just melts. He looks so young all of a sudden. Who would have thought? Edward Cullen likes nursery food.
"You want some?" he asks, like he's asking about something else – something much yummier than macaroni and cheese. I can't resist him, and actually I am hungry.
I grin and his answering grin is breathtaking. He takes the foil off the bowl and pops it into the microwave. I perch back on the school and watch the beauty that is Mr. Edward Cullen – the man who wants to marry me – move gracefully and with ease around his kitchen.
"So you know how to use the microwave then?" I tease softly.
― Yerac, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:24 (twelve years ago) link
"Nachos?""Nutter Butters?""Lunchables?"
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:26 (twelve years ago) link
yerac, stop reading whatever it is you're reading. it's bad for you.
― one dis leads to another (ian), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:28 (twelve years ago) link
"Two words: Toaster Strudels."
― Hare Kinsey (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:38 (twelve years ago) link
"Celeste pizza?""Go-Gurt?""Teriyaki sauce?"
― raw feel vegan (silby), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:41 (twelve years ago) link
ummmmmmm why can edward cullen eat food in this fanfic, he is a vampire
― producer / dj / humanitarian (reddening), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:45 (twelve years ago) link
the real edward cullen would be microwaving her a deer haunch
― producer / dj / humanitarian (reddening), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:50 (twelve years ago) link
"The venison is well...hung."
― Hare Kinsey (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 02:11 (twelve years ago) link
Abbottt otm re Fanny Hill
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 03:36 (twelve years ago) link
how did it get so popular?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6ZtHrWiSAk&ob=av3e
― Vermicious Knid A (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 06:35 (twelve years ago) link
Just wait until some brony's fan fiction is turned into a bestselling centaur romance novel.
― bark ruffalo (latebloomer), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 06:47 (twelve years ago) link
@latebloomer: You don't have to wait if your smartphone gets the Web, honey!
― Slurpee driver, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 06:50 (twelve years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUd0aYkAnic
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 11:18 (twelve years ago) link
"That's the ticket," I moan, as he drags his palm across my vajazzle.
― s.clover, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:06 (twelve years ago) link
"Boy howdy!" I shout as he vigorously punches me down there.
― that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:08 (twelve years ago) link
My inner goddess is doing a frenetic cha-cha slide.
― that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:09 (twelve years ago) link