abysmal
sorry, "ugh"
― game of crones (La Lechera), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:52 (twelve years ago) link
...what!
― heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:53 (twelve years ago) link
jeez
― game of crones (La Lechera), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:55 (twelve years ago) link
cheese and rice!gosh!
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 22:57 (twelve years ago) link
argh
― raw feel vegan (silby), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:12 (twelve years ago) link
dear publishing industry, please don't crap out before i finish my sexy french resistance fighters vs. vampire zombie hitler youth erotic thriller trilogy. thanks.
― jesus christ (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:18 (twelve years ago) link
Forever Young Adult reviews 50 Shades of Grey
this book is actually worse than VC Andrews' novels
First of all, James falls victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous of which is "never enter into a land war in Asia," but only slightly less-well-known is this: Never write erotica if your main character can't say the word 'vagina!'"
― tokyo rosemary, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:23 (twelve years ago) link
"Heavens!:)", I gush. xxxp
― estela, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:27 (twelve years ago) link
"Damn!," I burst.
― nickn, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:29 (twelve years ago) link
"I am seeing red," he utters sternly.
― estela, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 23:31 (twelve years ago) link
Anastasia Steele
Bahahahahahaha THIS is her name?! How much 90s USA Channel and late night Cinemax/Showtime did you have to watch in your adolescence to come up with that?
Anastasia Steele is the illegitimate child spawned by the two leads of 'Silk Stalking' in some horrid fuck-ritual.
― Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:04 (twelve years ago) link
Also, I've been passing these things on prominent displayed at every airport bookstore I've passed today. I wondered what all the fuss was about with three King-sized tomes featuring b&w stock photo with the contrast level turn way down.
― Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:07 (twelve years ago) link
this sounds like that Python dirty phrasebook sketch
"My nipples explode with delight"
― World Congress of Itch (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:15 (twelve years ago) link
oh jeez.
― judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:17 (twelve years ago) link
holy crap.
― judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:18 (twelve years ago) link
oh darn.
― judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:19 (twelve years ago) link
I can't believe she calls her vagina "down there" in the book.
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:20 (twelve years ago) link
My shock is partly due to familiarity only with Fanny Hill in the erotic novel genre, which never really said 'penis' or 'vagina' but instead generated 53,842 colorful euphemisms, none of which were as embarrassed and stupid as "down there."
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:23 (twelve years ago) link
"Let me fix you something to eat," he says.
"Can't I just go to bed?" I mutter wearily as I place my hand in his. He pulls me up. I am stiff. He gazes down at me, his expression soft.
"No, you need to eat. Come."
Bossy Edward is back. Oh, it's such a relief. He leads me to the kitchen area and ushers me towards a bar stool as he heads to the fridge. I glance at my watch. Jeez, nearly eleven thirty and I have to get up for work in the morning.
"Edward, I'm really not hungry."
He studiously ignores me as he ferrets through the enormous fridge.
"Cheese?" he asks.
"Not at this hour."
"Pretzels?"
"In the fridge? No," I snap.
He turns and grins at me.
"You don't like pretzels?"
"Not at eleven thirty. Edward, I'm going to bed. You can rummage around in your refrigerator for the rest of the night if you want. I'm tired, and I've had a far too interesting a day. A day I'd like I'd to forget."
I slide off the stool and he scowls at me, but right now I don't care. I want to go to bed – I'm exhausted.
"Macaroni and cheese?" He holds up a white bowl lidded with foil. He looks so hopeful and endearing.
"You like macaroni and cheese?" I ask.
He nods enthusiastically, and my heart just melts. He looks so young all of a sudden. Who would have thought? Edward Cullen likes nursery food.
"You want some?" he asks, like he's asking about something else – something much yummier than macaroni and cheese. I can't resist him, and actually I am hungry.
I grin and his answering grin is breathtaking. He takes the foil off the bowl and pops it into the microwave. I perch back on the school and watch the beauty that is Mr. Edward Cullen – the man who wants to marry me – move gracefully and with ease around his kitchen.
"So you know how to use the microwave then?" I tease softly.
― Yerac, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:24 (twelve years ago) link
"Nachos?""Nutter Butters?""Lunchables?"
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:26 (twelve years ago) link
yerac, stop reading whatever it is you're reading. it's bad for you.
― one dis leads to another (ian), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:28 (twelve years ago) link
"Two words: Toaster Strudels."
― Hare Kinsey (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:38 (twelve years ago) link
"Celeste pizza?""Go-Gurt?""Teriyaki sauce?"
― raw feel vegan (silby), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:41 (twelve years ago) link
ummmmmmm why can edward cullen eat food in this fanfic, he is a vampire
― producer / dj / humanitarian (reddening), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:45 (twelve years ago) link
the real edward cullen would be microwaving her a deer haunch
― producer / dj / humanitarian (reddening), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 01:50 (twelve years ago) link
"The venison is well...hung."
― Hare Kinsey (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 02:11 (twelve years ago) link
Abbottt otm re Fanny Hill
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 03:36 (twelve years ago) link
how did it get so popular?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6ZtHrWiSAk&ob=av3e
― Vermicious Knid A (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 06:35 (twelve years ago) link
Just wait until some brony's fan fiction is turned into a bestselling centaur romance novel.
― bark ruffalo (latebloomer), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 06:47 (twelve years ago) link
@latebloomer: You don't have to wait if your smartphone gets the Web, honey!
― Slurpee driver, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 06:50 (twelve years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUd0aYkAnic
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 11:18 (twelve years ago) link
"That's the ticket," I moan, as he drags his palm across my vajazzle.
― s.clover, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:06 (twelve years ago) link
"Boy howdy!" I shout as he vigorously punches me down there.
― that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:08 (twelve years ago) link
My inner goddess is doing a frenetic cha-cha slide.
― that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:09 (twelve years ago) link
"I want to remove your unmentionables," he mentions ironically.
― oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken. (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:39 (twelve years ago) link
"I can't believe this is only 60 calories!" I exclaim, spooning a luscious mound of vanilla yoplait into my mouth as he pounds my uh-oh.
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:41 (twelve years ago) link
Can someone confirm or deny for me that:1. The writer's day job is in Public Relations2. She wrote a shitty Twilight fan fic3. She changed the names and a few details and made it into an original work4. She spent her day job skills trying to convince everyone that this was getting a lot of buzz until it got actual coverage5. PROFIT
All I've learned is that this woman must have amazing PR skills and should not quit her day job.
― mh, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:43 (twelve years ago) link
2-3 confirmed upthread.
― carl agatha, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:43 (twelve years ago) link
I suspect that luck and timing have as much to do with it as her PR skills.
― oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken. (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:45 (twelve years ago) link
plus, TWILIGHT
― mh, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:45 (twelve years ago) link
"Holy crap," I mutter, as he gently taps my area with a $50 Target gift card. My inner goddess is doing Zoomba with added Cardio Abs moves.
― judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:51 (twelve years ago) link
oh jeez elmo, feel like that could have been written by someone I know, shit just got real
― mh, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 14:52 (twelve years ago) link
lolling so hard elmo
― raw feel vegan (silby), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:12 (twelve years ago) link
elmo and DJP, please co-write ilxor fan-fic romance novel
― oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken. (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:19 (twelve years ago) link
He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what!
http://i1.sndcdn.com/artworks-000020449911-50xm6p-original.jpg?4606e00
― some dude, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:20 (twelve years ago) link
omg lol
― that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:20 (twelve years ago) link
aaaahaha
― judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:23 (twelve years ago) link
haaaa
― goole, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:23 (twelve years ago) link
Lil Jon would make an amazing Christian Grey.
― Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:24 (twelve years ago) link
cannot get over "inner goddess"
― judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:30 (twelve years ago) link