slaves, tell me about 50 Shades of Grey

My inner goddess is doing a frenetic cha-cha slide.

"I want to remove your unmentionables," he mentions ironically.

"I can't believe this is only 60 calories!" I exclaim, spooning a luscious mound of vanilla yoplait into my mouth as he pounds my uh-oh.

Can someone confirm or deny for me that:
1. The writer's day job is in Public Relations
2. She wrote a shitty Twilight fan fic
3. She changed the names and a few details and made it into an original work
4. She spent her day job skills trying to convince everyone that this was getting a lot of buzz until it got actual coverage
5. PROFIT

All I've learned is that this woman must have amazing PR skills and should not quit her day job.

2-3 confirmed upthread.

I suspect that luck and timing have as much to do with it as her PR skills.

plus, TWILIGHT

"Holy crap," I mutter, as he gently taps my area with a $50 Target gift card. My inner goddess is doing Zoomba with added Cardio Abs moves.

oh jeez elmo, feel like that could have been written by someone I know, shit just got real

lolling so hard elmo

elmo and DJP, please co-write ilxor fan-fic romance novel

He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what!

http://i1.sndcdn.com/artworks-000020449911-50xm6p-original.jpg?4606e00

omg lol

aaaahaha

haaaa

Lil Jon would make an amazing Christian Grey.

cannot get over "inner goddess"

ya rly, that's just such a "I must find you and slap you" phrase

So it's like The Story of O for deeply stupid people?
― i love the large auns pictures! (Phil D.)
^this needs to be in big flashing text at the top of this thread methinks.

also thanks to AP I am now forcibly restraining myself from writing paragraphs about ilxor's inner goddess

DO IT DO IT DO IT

You are turning your back on a best seller if you don't write this.

"Gee whillikers!" I posit, as my inner goddess merely does a forward aerial half turn every alternate step.

He bends me over the Raymour & Flannigan sectional sofa and enters me suddenly from behind... I stiffen, and an involuntary "Oh, fudge!" escapes my lips.

I am pretty sure my inner goddess is going to get a leg cramp from this ceaseless meringue but that doesn't stop him.

He pulls my hips back and flips over my legs, twisting them 180 degrees. Then, he pulls back my head and folds my arms over my face. A sharp jolt snaps my hips into my shoulders and the transformation is complete. I am now a Volkswagen Beetle.

omg

Metamorphosis for the 2010s.

DJP we are clearly keeping you from irl fame and fortune

"Purr for me," he growls, his grey eyes glinting in my rear view mirror. "I want to hear my little love bug hum."

My heart skips a beat with every thrust. "Vrooom," I groan. "Vroom vrooooooooom.... Meep-meep!"

A sudden, sharp pain flashes across my hood, stinging especially where his high school ring scratches the paint. "No!" he shouts. "No Roadrunner shit! I only fuck sexy cars!"

Even this admonishment is making my tailpipe juicy with desire. Haltingly, I rev my engine some more, making sure to flash my brake lights. "Vroom?" I ask, craving dearly his approval and the feel of his love piston.

"Yes...." he moans, caressing my engorged leather interior. "Now let's see how you... handle."

Oh goodness. I don't know if I will recover from this ride.

...

dying

omglololo

btw thx everyone for helping me figure out what I'm doing for NaNoWriMo this year

can't wait for Chapter 5 when her distributor cap melts

argh spoilers I've said too much

omg dan

but what is a ceaseless meringue?

That was bad spelling correction; I meant the merengue the dance, although the mental image of neverending meringue created by sexual activity is probably worse.

I think "Even this admonishment is making my tailpipe juicy with desire," is the worst sentence I've ever written

but what is a ceaseless meringue?

symptom of an oncoming leg cramp

I don't know if I can sustain this for 50K words but for once I feel super compelled to try

you can do it DJP

"I don't know if I can sustain this for 50K words," he said, while she held his... pen. "But for once I feel super compelled to try"

oh dammit, now I can't use that

http://theworstthingsforsale.com/post/23540447802/let-me-admit-that-i-havent-read-cosmos-sexiest

i can just imagine DJP unintentionally appealing to the erotic desires of inner Volkswagons everywhere

"oh dammit, now I can't use that," she said, as he cast aside yet another tampon

omg H4A that is spectacular

also lol some dude

the mental image of neverending meringue created by sexual activity is probably worse.

Gives "santorum" a run for its money.

My god, DJP. You are a monster.

He’s like several different people in one body. Isn’t that a symptom of schizophrenia? I must Google that.
Fifty Shades Darker, p. 82.