slaves, tell me about 50 Shades of Grey

I think the Bella is from the version of this book before E.L. James used find replace.

Yeah, catch up, this is Twilight fanfic with diff names. And non-vampires initiate sex in the bathroom in case they need a place to grow a tampon.

THROW, lol

Throwing Tampons...that was Live's second album, right?

i'm sticking with grow

"grow a tampon" sounds like heathers-style 80s teen slang

tamponizer

grow one tampon, you munch...

Lightning crashes, an inner goddess cries
Her tampon is thrown to the floor.

http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com/

Raiding the fridge once more, I gather potatoes, ham, and—Yes!—peas from the freezer.

"Good. Where’s the ice cream?”

“In the oven.” I smile sweetly at him.

He cocks his head to one side, sighs, and shakes his head at me. “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Miss Steele.” His eyes glitter.

there needs to be a war and these two need to be drafted.

That Selena Gomez video linked to on the tumblr is very amusing, and Ms. Gomez is [quickly googles her date of birth] very appealing in it.

One day I will fuck you in this elevator, Anastasia

50 floors of grey

imagine what creative writing teachers are going to have to contend with after this.

btw would it be rude to ask if E.L. James is trans?

holy shit I thought NN wrote that Ike's bit as a joke. that's steig larrson? jesus.

IKEA bit, fuckin phone

that's steig larrson? jesus.

Yeah. I read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo because so many people were recommending it, and he includes a lot of long boring descriptions like the Ikea one. I really don't need to know the precise specs on the computers everyone is using, thanks.

I seriously can't tell which are actual quotes from the book and which are people here making shit up to mock the book. Except for the Transformers porn that Dan wrote. That could only come from the deep recesses of his brain.

And just as I am getting used to the sensation, he sits up again and trails a spoonful of ice cream down the center of my body, across my stomach, and into my navel where he deposits a large dollop of ice cream.

Like, I know these kinds of books don't have editors in the traditional sense, but jesus wept, this is awful. "ice cream . . . ice cream." Come on.

Yeah has it been edited at ALL? Its shockingly shit.

http://www.eljamesauthor.com/

Hello and welcome to my website. I'm the author of the adult romance Fifty Shades trilogy, the first instalment (British spelling) of which was published in May 2011. I've been delighted and honoured by the positive response to my story from readers the world over, and I hope that this website will be a regular port of call for those who want to know more about the world of Fifty Shades and about the other projects I currently have in development. I hope you'll enjoy exploring the site and that you'll bookmark this page and come back often.

With love and thanks

E L James

(British spelling)

I moan softly, my inner goddess dressed up like T-Rex.

All my love,

E L James.

other projects I currently have in development

This gives me the fear.

Truly she is a gift from the (inner) gods.

so many women reading this book on the train these days. i don't know how people can read this in public without getting embarrassed. not even because it's shitty, but just because it's all sex scenes.

this is what kindles were made for, people!

it's a hip book to be seen reading

And just as I am getting used to the sensation, he sits up again and trails a spoonful of ice cream down the center of my body, across my stomach, and into my navel where he deposits a large dollop of ice cream.

can I just say I am in awe of this sentence

ice cream play, that's pretty hardcore

"he put a cushion on my head, he put a cushion on my feet, he sat on my butt, and pretended it was a cushion, and that I was a couch"

like, exactly how far down is her navel

and why would you put ice cream in someone's navel, that just seems wasteful

you could get the same sensation with a perfectly good ice cube but I guess dude reeeeeally gets off on butter pecan?

it puts him in a good humor

groan

enjoying yr mint chocolate chip, goole?

I would not waste good ice cream like that! What if the person had belly button lint?

What if she had an outie? He could paint it red and pretend it was a marachino.

my roommate told me a funny story about her friends' honeymoon and a can of whipped cream. I guess they used too much or took too long to get around to eating it off each other and, well, the moral of the story was it doesn't mix well with certain body parts, lol. They were both feeling decidedly ill afterwards :/

Oh gross.

i would have stopped my roommate at "honeymoon"

o_O

I want to read a piece about ice cream play that ends with both partners deciding going to make sundaes instead of fucking. "My inner goddess was dying for sprinkles!"

My head is pounding and I try to keep count, but I'm quickly realize I've lost track of how many Milano cookies he has inserted into my no-no place.

the icecream story should end with her spending the next couple of days trying to get rid of the 'off dairy' smell

"All day, you know, we make decisions, about what to make for dinner and that kind of stuff, and it’d be nice if someone else made decisions about everything. In the bedroom, at least."

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/books/2012/05/fifty-shades-of-grey-the-how-to-class.html

That argument doesn't hold water for me because THE WRITING IS HELLA FUCKING SHITTY