slaves, tell me about 50 Shades of Grey

so many women reading this book on the train these days. i don't know how people can read this in public without getting embarrassed. not even because it's shitty, but just because it's all sex scenes.

this is what kindles were made for, people!

it's a hip book to be seen reading

And just as I am getting used to the sensation, he sits up again and trails a spoonful of ice cream down the center of my body, across my stomach, and into my navel where he deposits a large dollop of ice cream.

can I just say I am in awe of this sentence

ice cream play, that's pretty hardcore

"he put a cushion on my head, he put a cushion on my feet, he sat on my butt, and pretended it was a cushion, and that I was a couch"

like, exactly how far down is her navel

and why would you put ice cream in someone's navel, that just seems wasteful

you could get the same sensation with a perfectly good ice cube but I guess dude reeeeeally gets off on butter pecan?

it puts him in a good humor

groan

enjoying yr mint chocolate chip, goole?

I would not waste good ice cream like that! What if the person had belly button lint?

What if she had an outie? He could paint it red and pretend it was a marachino.

my roommate told me a funny story about her friends' honeymoon and a can of whipped cream. I guess they used too much or took too long to get around to eating it off each other and, well, the moral of the story was it doesn't mix well with certain body parts, lol. They were both feeling decidedly ill afterwards :/

Oh gross.

i would have stopped my roommate at "honeymoon"

o_O

I want to read a piece about ice cream play that ends with both partners deciding going to make sundaes instead of fucking. "My inner goddess was dying for sprinkles!"

My head is pounding and I try to keep count, but I'm quickly realize I've lost track of how many Milano cookies he has inserted into my no-no place.

the icecream story should end with her spending the next couple of days trying to get rid of the 'off dairy' smell

"All day, you know, we make decisions, about what to make for dinner and that kind of stuff, and it’d be nice if someone else made decisions about everything. In the bedroom, at least."

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/books/2012/05/fifty-shades-of-grey-the-how-to-class.html

That argument doesn't hold water for me because THE WRITING IS HELLA FUCKING SHITTY

i was reading this over the shoulder of the woman sitting next to me on the train this morning and the dude had sent ANASTASIA STEELE a macbook pro THAT ISN'T EVEN IN THE STORES YET for their dirty sex communications

at least nicholson baker is funny sometimes.
intentionally i mean

otm

I was just thinking about reading The Fermata in public when I was in college and being embarrassed by doing so even though the majority of people prob didn't know just exactly how dirty that stuff was.

Anyone else see this lady on The Today Show a couple weeks ago?

Christian lies beside me, his hand caressing my belly, his long fingers splayed out wide.

"How’s my daughter?"

"She’s dancing." I laugh.

"Dancing? Oh yes! Wow. I can feel her." He grins as Blip Two somersaults inside me.

"I think she likes sex already."

nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope

"i think she likes sex already"

Oh no. That's not really from the book, is it?

Blip Two

I want to unlearn how to read now please thank you

his long fingers splayed out wide

*shudder*

um

WHAT THE FUCK

so this is a book about will ferrell and rachel dratch's "lovers" characters from snl right?

I didn't think anyone could top "Jacob falls in passionate love with an infant" from Breaking Dawn but here we are

really in the book! (hopefully that works)

My god. This lady is a menace.

oh for the love of god don't read past that quoted section

come back VC Andrews, all is forgiven

Ha! I don't know if I'm willing to go that far.

Every generation gets the VC Andrews it deserves.

haha

I jerk awake, woken by a high-pitched squeal of delight from my son, and even though I can't see him or Christian, I grin like an idiot with my glee. Ted has woken from his nap, and he and Christian are romping nearby.

WHERE IS THIS GOING, LADY

I dunno about you but old VC's incest seems like frickin Dostoyevsky next to this blandrotica

“Christian! You are such a kinky –” He swoops on me suddenly, kissing me hard, his leg thrown over mine, grabbing my hands so they are above my head.
“You love the kinky fuckery,” he whispers, and he runs his nose down mine. I grin up at him, caught in his infectious, wicked smile.
“Yes, I love the kinky fuckery. And I love you. Very much.”

good god.

"You kids better cut out that kinkey fuckery right now or I'm turning this car around"

also the body descriptions remind me of Wizard of Oz - "then he took my legs and he threw them over THERE, and then he took my chest and he threw it over THERE"

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/50-shades-grey-author-jamess-interview-16154474

ice cream