Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

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Dear Clock:

I have been watching you faithfully all freakin' day, and would it really be so much to ask that you hurry the next half hour up a little so I can blow this popsicle stand and go home and have many beers?

Yours watching the minute hand,

luna

― luna, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear luna,

If I worked near you I would come and kidnap you and go for beers with you right now - fuck work.

But we gonna have beers soon anyway, you better believe it.

kisses,
Trayce

― Trayce, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Irritating Boss:

The day would not have seemed quite so long had you not called me every thiry seven seconds to see what I'm doing now. I'm working on the giant pile of stuff you left on my desk yesterday while I was off (sneaky bitch! you know I'd never stand for this were I in the office) and it would really mean a lot to me if you could put your cell phone down for five minutes to give me room to breathe. Also, perhaps - and this is just one of those wacky ideas I have sometimes - perhaps if you stop calling me every thirty seven seconds, I might be able to GET SOME OF THIS SHIT DONE, YOU FUCKING LUNATIC!

Yours until I win the lottery or at least find a better job,

luna

― luna, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Trayce,

There is little I would enjoy more than that. Bring on the beers and the dancing boys!

Love,

luna

― luna, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear hungry stomach,

Patience. I'm pondering what to cook.

Yours
Your owner

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:12 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear P. Plains,

It is, pretty much. I'm starting to fall in love with this house, even the run-down parts and the skwerls in the attic. And the flowers are just krazy kool every spring.

Ankle deep in the little muddy,
RH

― Rock Hardy, Thursday, 5 April 2007 00:37 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear life,

Kindly stop spinning out of control. I am not good at anything except sitting here dumbstruck and watching it all happen, so you're kinda on your own.

Love,
Curtis

― Curt1s Stephens, Thursday, 5 April 2007 01:53 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear slight funk I am in,

You'll pass. Eventually you'll return but I don't worry about it much, I know people who have it far worse.

Yers
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 April 2007 01:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear... someone.

Sorry.

sigh,
Trayce the stupid idiot.

― Trayce, Thursday, 5 April 2007 02:37 (seventeen years ago) link

dear jerry's records in pittsburgh,
please yield many disco-funk and house classics for me tomorrow, or else i would have come to this town for nothing.

love,
the table

― the table is the table, Thursday, 5 April 2007 02:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear universe,

Thanks, babe. Luv ya.

Matt C.

― Dimension 5ive, Thursday, 5 April 2007 02:52 (seventeen years ago) link

dear literature review due tomorrow for group project: can you please write yourself while i take a nap?

xoxo,
gb

― get bent, Thursday, 5 April 2007 02:53 (seventeen years ago) link

dear the pastrami sandwiches and matzoh ball soup at langer's: you are the sunshine of my life.

― get bent, Thursday, 5 April 2007 02:57 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Lost Thread,
I have to distract myself for at least one half hour before i read you.
Thinking of you fondly,

― aimurchie, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:12 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Professors,
Thank you for getting so behind on the syllabus that you change it all around so I only have one exam and one paper this week. Because I watched LOST instead of studying. I can write a paper about LOST if you want! No? Well, thanks!
Sincerely,

― aimurchie, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:17 (seventeen years ago) link

dear ilm,

I remember like 6 months ago reading comments on ILE saying things like "I used to spend all my time on ILM, but it's too mean/douchey/hipster/snobby now," and further things to that effect. I remember thinking "I will never forsake the glorious haven of angry nerdery that is ILM!" Yet to my surprise, these days ILM is more like a pitstop on my way to checking ILE threads. Sorry dudes.

rolling snap 4ever,

da hoostery of hoosboxin

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:19 (seventeen years ago) link

(I had two exams and two papers before the switcheroo.)

Dear Macy's Gift Card,
Thank you for allowing me to spend just under $100.00 on Origins skin care products. i have $6.73 left.
i am feeling very glamorous.
Please come back on my birthday and next Christmas, as i love you.
xxxooo,
Much Love,

― aimurchie, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:27 (seventeen years ago) link

dear life,

seriously?

thanks,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:37 (seventeen years ago) link

dear everyone i know, more or less,

cheer up! please! wish i could help you all more, but really all i can offer is an apartment full of booze and old movies.

love,
-alex

― ghost rider, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Can't...reach........DC.....from chair....ugh collapse

― Laurel, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:46 (seventeen years ago) link

;_;

― ghost rider, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:49 (seventeen years ago) link

dear alex,

booze and movies are all a dude needs! wish i was dere.

love,
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 5 April 2007 03:50 (seventeen years ago) link

dear austin (the dude),

I may be about to come into a 12 inch of WC & The Maad Circle's Ain't A Damn Thing Changed. Would you be interested in a tape and/or a CD copy?

on the down low,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 5 April 2007 04:53 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ghost rider,

Youse a good man, you is. Fret not, all's good.

Yers
The Guy Happy He's Finally Got Some Reviews Finished

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 April 2007 05:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear TV in reception area I am stuck manning,

Hey! Quit it with the gorgeous cooking show! Its is droolworthy and I have not had any lunch! AAARH WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME.

starvingly,
me

― Trayce, Thursday, 5 April 2007 06:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear staring down the barrel of a 5 day weekend,

Yyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

M

― Drooone, Thursday, 5 April 2007 06:11 (seventeen years ago) link

You get tuesday off? Bastard!

― Trayce, Thursday, 5 April 2007 06:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear job interviews

You suck. Just go and ask someone I've worked with before if I'm any good at what I do, rather than asking me. It'd be a lot easier, and a lot more truthful, all round.

Yours nervously,
A x

― ailsa, Thursday, 5 April 2007 07:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear World,

Stop being so lovely and fun looking in the sun when I've got to sit in my office for the next few hours!

Yours hoping the weekend will stay nice and allow me to have picnics and shit.

K

PS. Also plz to get Ailsa that job so she can buy beerz and ting on the 21st!

― kv_nol, Thursday, 5 April 2007 08:16 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear girl next to me on the 149 into work whose headphones were turned up so loud that I COULD HEAR THE "MUSIC" DISTORTING,

What the fucking fuck? Are you really so deaf that you may as well strap a fucking speaker to each ear? Plz to be aware that you pissed me off so much that I got off four stops early and WALKED. Also plz to get some shure IEMs and a decent taste in music, you inconsiderate retard.

Love and hugs,

Pete.

― peteR, Thursday, 5 April 2007 08:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ailsa,
Good luck! Interviews are necessary evils.
-Maria

Dear ILX,
It is 4:48 AM by my clock. I am not usually up at this hour, but I've been inefficient with my paper writing and am staying up all night. And ILX seems quite a bit more active than it usually is when I'm awake!
-Maria

― Maria, Thursday, 5 April 2007 08:48 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Housemates,

It's nice that you're going away for a week on holidays, but did you have to take your holidays two days early so you can hang around at home noisily reminding each other to be quiet because I AM TRYING TO FUCKING WORK, BECAUSE I FUCKING WORK FROM HOME, REMEMBER?????

Also, how many fucking clothes do you have? You bought eight bags of new tops and new skirts for going on this stupid holiday, and you've still managed to turn the washing machine on FOUR TIMES in the last 24 hours.

Man, I am going to enjoy the week that you are away.

Love,

AM

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 5 April 2007 09:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear beach,

Thanks for being so huge and deserted at 8.30 this morning so that me and my dogs could play ball all over you and run around and never have another soul come near us for over an hour while the sun shone and the geese flew by in formation. You rule.

All my love,

― accentmonkey, Thursday, 5 April 2007 09:16 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Trish,

Is it time to lose some friends and reclaim a home?

Hugglez,
Rock

------

Dear Atlanta Braves,

You're coming onto me, aren't you? You're totally hitting on me. After I totally said we couldn't be together anymore. Don't think I don't know what you're doing.

Cordially,

― Rock Hardy, Thursday, 5 April 2007 13:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Rock Hardy's Azaleas,

I love you. Be mine? I know that you don't like our puny British soil but seriously? Can't you make an exception for my garden?

Please?
Kate

― Masonic Boom, Thursday, 5 April 2007 13:59 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Thursday morning,

Hmm. Where DID all this work come from?

Yers
Him What Has Three Piles Of Papers on His Desk

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 April 2007 14:00 (seventeen years ago) link

dear red line,

why you no longer working this week? what's up with that?

just curious,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 5 April 2007 14:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dallas Mavericks,

It's almost time! You're going to make it all the way this year, I know it.

Dreaming of you,
S

― Ms Misery, Thursday, 5 April 2007 14:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear "Reel" by Jawbox,

You are a sweet jam. I'm going to listen to you a couple more times in a row.

Love,
Brent

― Brent, Thursday, 5 April 2007 14:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Man of Steen

I do have some fondness for them MAAD Circle dudes (Curb Serving=genius) even though WC totally bit Mikah-9's style on that one Westside connection single. Hell yeah, bring it on.

Buh-dunh, Buh-dunh, Make the Speakers Pop,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Thursday, 5 April 2007 14:59 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dizzee Rascal,

I kinda like yr new single. This surprises me.

love,

its HOOS steenaz

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 5 April 2007 15:03 (seventeen years ago) link

dear these pictures of golden retrievers,

thank you for redeeming my crappy morning. i'm still going to go back to bed, but i will do so with images of happy drooling dogs in my head.

squeee,
gb

― get bent, Thursday, 5 April 2007 15:42 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear weekend headache,

I know you're usually there as soon as I have a day off, but can we please skip this one long weekend for once please? I just think this routine of ours is getting tired and I think we need some time alone - I'm not seeing any other ailments behind your back, don't worry.

hopeful,
StanM

― StanM, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear co-worker who has been out sick for two weeks causing me to have to give up my week of vacation:

If I didn't like you before, I really don't like you now. I'm glad you're okay and everything, but I still sort of hate you.

You suck,

luna

― luna, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Luna,

Form a band with that letter as the lyrics to your first single = instant fame. Trust me.

Yours,
Not an A&R Person By Any Stretch of the Imagination But Anyway

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:19 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear long weekend

HI DERE

love
someone who can't be arsed working right now

― ailsa, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Long Weekend -

You do not exist. Which is fine with me, since I'm still paid by the hour. Also, I am not religious and if I was I wouldn't be Christian.

Love,
someone who can't be arsed taking a skinny paycheck right now

― Oilyrags, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:26 (seventeen years ago) link

ha, I'm hourly paid too, but I'd forego a couple of hours pay for some quality time in teh sunshine (read: in a beer garden).

Following on from above sports theme:

Dear Celtic

Enough with the not-winning-the-league thing already. It was OK dropping points during my holiday so I wouldn't miss the title party, but it's kind of getting beyond a joke now.

love
someone not relishing biting nails for 90 minutes against Motherwell on Saturday

― ailsa, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:30 (seventeen years ago) link

dear everyone i know, more or less,

cheer up! please! wish i could help you all more, but really all i can offer is an apartment full of booze and old movies.

love,
-alex

Dear Alex,

are you me?

Love,
Emily

― emil.y, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear pub,

I'm at yr bar, drinking all yr beer.

Love,

Mark.

― Colonel Poo, Thursday, 5 April 2007 16:34 (seventeen years ago) link

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