Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

there's a dude on my team, nice enough guy, but he's fascistically positive like he's trying to force people to like him. "what's up rockin dude, how's your AWESOME day/?!?" "you're awesome, he's awesome, you're all AWESOME!!!" it's like if ned flanders merged with stuart smalley and became a used car salesman.

Those are usually the guys who sit alone on the commode at night, crying while holding a pistol to their temple.

oh we have a guy like that except it's like he has inner ear problems because he always shouts. The worst is waiting for the elevator in the lobby and you don't hear him coming. Without you even turning around he'll give you a boombing GOOD MORNING!!! HOW ARE YOU? as you jump 3 feet in the air and spend the next 10 minutes regaining composure.
He's scared the living crap out of me on countless occasions.
But it's like he's running for mayor. FABULOUS HOW ARE YOU? THAT'S FANTASTIC GREAT TO HEAR!! HAVE A TERRIFIC DAY!!!

and pplains is 100% otm

running for mayor's a good way to put it. wouldn't be surprised about the gun to temple thing. sometimes he'll let some dark things slip out, like "god I suck so much..." in the same cadence as his uhhh ... other effluences. whenever he's on the scene the room fills with this oppressive, phoney-sounding positivity. i just want to tell him "c'mon man, be real! we already like you."

Dear co-worker who sits half the office away from me: shut up. Shutupshutupshutupshutup shut the fuuuck upppppp. Shut up about X Factor. Shut up about your coffee mug. Shut up about the equality training video. Shut up about the film you were talking about yesterday. SHUT UPPPPPPPPP I AM TRYING TO WORK

nevermind, on further inspection, i do not like mayor of awesometown. may frankenstorm tear off the roof over his head and whisk him away to far off lands.

What happened?

nothing new. i just thought that image was amusing and felt the need to share it.

Let's get Corner Bakery to cater our Thanksgiving / holiday party. Real high class behavior there. Guess we're not in the holiday spirit this year. I mean, it's the holiday, I find it hard to get excited about a "Spinach Crisp Salad". Whee.

Spectrum's dude

http://images.allmoviephoto.com/1999_Magnolia/1999_magnolia_034.jpg

A company emailed us a some PDFs of personnel files and it seems like they worked really hard to make such a simple thing such a jumblefuck. It was a Russian nesting doll of emails within emails.

- There were 15 emails with subjects such as "Scan," "Scans," and "Scan file.

- Each and every one of those 15 emails contained up to 4 other emails as attachments, all with similarly ambiguous, redundant names

- FINALLY within those emails - 30-some of them - were the PDFs

And

- The 30-some PDFs were named "Scan00001," "Scan00002," etc. Easy! Organized! Right?

- No! B/c they re-used the same names numerous times. lololol

This HR department has to produce a number files like this all them time....IDGI

on average, nobody understands how to use computers

otm.

braying ass left to pursue a career in social research. curious lack of co-worker annoyance atm, likely means i'm it.

OK, weird question, but it's coworker-related so here we go. Back in high school or whatever, someone told me that women who crossed their legs and bounced them up and down were essentially masturbating. How true is this? There is someone in my office who does this constantly through every meeting. I work in an office full of women, but only one person does this. How grossed out should I be? ILE, you decide!

Is she bouncing them up and down like a showgirl? Maybe switch to 1/2 decaf in your office coffee.

I have no idea what your co-worker looks like, but if she weighs 300 pounds and wears a tent dress to work, it's not likely she's getting off on it! If she has hot dancer's legs, maybe!

it doesn't *have* to mean she's masturbating. 99% probability she's not and she's just got restless leg syndrome or is kinda hyperactive or just is nervous and hates being in meetings.

These answers so far are reassuring. I can just be annoyed, rather than grossed out.

pretty much

I have sympathy for you, you may sound intolerant, but sometimes someone has a physical disorder they can't help....and some people are just annoying. Shit like that can send you to EAP or counseling really fast!

I have no idea what your co-worker looks like, but if she weighs 300 pounds and wears a tent dress to work, it's not likely she's getting off on it! If she has hot dancer's legs, maybe!

I can't work out how someone's looks/weight determines whether or not they masturbate.

Uh...in public - at work?? I'm not saying heavy people are ugly - far from it, just that they might be less vain! I'm sorry but people who show off at work tend to be, uh..."hot" in the conventional sense of the term.

Thanks, omimo. I wondered too! I'm on the heavy side and perfectly capable of masturbating, though I rarely choose to do so at the office. Squeezing can be done without the legs to answer the original question - feels nice, but not particularly orgasmic. Perhaps I'm doing it wrong.

Question reminds me of buried childhood memory - gr7 band teacher used to squeeze his buttocks with the beat. So weird!

I mean, I just heard about this thing from like, a buddy in 10th grade history class or something, like it was a secret masturbation technique. Hadn't really questioned it but I also hadn't seen very many women do this since then. But then I noticed this coworker is doing this every time I see them.

And re: the hot thing, she is definitely not "hot" or trying consciously act sexy for our coworkers. Based on other information I know about her, she may have athletic legs.

ffm, that's so gross.

anyway the point is that apocryphal hearsay from high school isn't always factually based. cf: girls are physically unable to fart, etc.

HL: totally get it. Funny. Obviously when you're aroused everything is a bit more sensitive & tingly & whatnot, but I feel in a workplace setting its unlikely the goal is getting rocks off..

ftr, the "gross" was in response to your band teacher.

Haha, I figured. Mine was an xp.

My pet peeve is when someone keeps staring at me while I try to surreptitiously masturbate during meetings.

Oh, wait. That's actually my favorite thing about my co-workers.

working for penthouse forum has its positives

But yeah, that's totally fucking insane, but I might have to try clenching my buttocks to the beat in private now, just to investigate what was going on there.

Any song recommendations?

Hmmm, can't remember what we played in class.. perhaps Ode to Joy? I was flute, in the front row to the side, so my friends & I had an excellent view of his pulsating buttocks.

It just seems so exhausting to keep clenching. But perhaps it will make my ass perkier. He was not creepy in any other way, at least.

Omg my 3rd grade teacher used to do a bum-wiggle when he conducted us in music lessons. I distinctly remember him doing it to 'Memory' from Cats

But perhaps it will make my ass perkier

See, this is what I'm thinking!

My ass, not yours, to clarify.

should xpost this question to the thread of getting sw0le.

Who couldn't use a slightly perkier ass? Why the hell not!

Uh...in public - at work?? I'm not saying heavy people are ugly - far from it, just that they might be less vain! I'm sorry but people who show off at work tend to be, uh..."hot" in the conventional sense of the term.

So, hot women with dancer's legs are more likely be vain, as demonstrated by... masturbating during in a work meeting? I thought your first comment was pretty offensive (tent dress? bite me) but now I just think you are a very strange person with a weird view of women.

PS women who cross their legs and jiggle them during meetings are not masturbating, regardless of their size, dress preferences, or the shape of their legs, unless you work at Adam and Eve.

Thread got weird.

update on mayor awesome, he's now becoming the office nickname guy. first was me, and now another co-worker's down. i'm kinda curious to see where this goes.

carl otm btw. I forgot to post how pissed off I was about the tent dresses bit. and weight/vanity correlation is just hilarious. I'll have you know I am +/-230 pounds and I look in the mirror ALL the time. And love what I see!

If you had an, um, normal body, you wouldn't jerk off in a work meeting. I mean, someone cruel might be there and make fun of you. I meant exactly the opposite of offense! If someone had a conventionally "hot" body, they might feel they could get away with it. I mean, it's obnoxious behavior, and who is going to take you to task if you're "hot"? No offense to women was intended.

What in the fuck are you talking about?

Are you actually implying some people would consider mastubating in front of work mates AT ALL, and that it is because they are good looking? I mean.. what the hell?

Isn't being made fun of the last thing you'd be worrying about if you were trying to surreptitiously masturbate in public what is this conversation even