sometimes called a “work spouse”
― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:49 (eleven years ago) link
oops: dropped credit and closing formatting:
Gretchen RubinBestselling author; blogger
Bestselling author; blogger
― Mark G, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:49 (eleven years ago) link
oh, and the truncation:
1. Never take a first step in flirtation, even in jest.2. Never have more than one drink with people from work.3. Never allow yourself to have a “special friend” of the attractive sex (sometimes called a “work spouse”) to whom you turn for particular support.4. Unless it’s an unmistakably professional context, don’t meet alone with a colleague or client of the attractive sex. When a client calls with tickets for the baseball game, don’t go in a twosome.Here are two additional tips:5. Imagine your spouse/partner as audience – cc’d on the email, walking suddenly into the conference room. If you’d feel uncomfortable in that situation, you’ve crossed some line.6. If you develop a close relationship with someone, get to know his or her family.
2. Never have more than one drink with people from work.
3. Never allow yourself to have a “special friend” of the attractive sex (sometimes called a “work spouse”) to whom you turn for particular support.
4. Unless it’s an unmistakably professional context, don’t meet alone with a colleague or client of the attractive sex. When a client calls with tickets for the baseball game, don’t go in a twosome.
Here are two additional tips:
5. Imagine your spouse/partner as audience – cc’d on the email, walking suddenly into the conference room. If you’d feel uncomfortable in that situation, you’ve crossed some line.
6. If you develop a close relationship with someone, get to know his or her family.
There!
― Mark G, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:50 (eleven years ago) link
A friend told me that when she started her job at a big company, a family friend, who also worked there, pulled her aside to give her some advice.
Many people in their workplace had affairs, he said, and he’d seen lots of relationships break up. He’d kept his own marriage strong by following some rules, and he urged her to keep them too:
1. Never allow yourself to be pulled aside
― goole, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:52 (eleven years ago) link
I did all of those things, and still nowt. (when I was single, OK?)
― Mark G, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:54 (eleven years ago) link
where is 7. Don't have sex with someone at work
― Gandalf’s Gobble Melt (DJP), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:54 (eleven years ago) link
I should add, this came in on my LInkedIn...
― Mark G, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:55 (eleven years ago) link
7. Don't have sex with someone at work, twice.
― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:57 (eleven years ago) link
I don't understand decaffinated coffee, non-alcoholic beer or flirting "even in jest."
― pplains, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:57 (eleven years ago) link
uncheck "casual sex" on your linkedin
― goole, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:57 (eleven years ago) link
Unless it’s an unmistakably professional context, don’t meet alone with a colleague or client of the attractive sex.
Feel free to meet someone of the ugly sex for uglies comma bumping.
― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 16:59 (eleven years ago) link
5. Imagine your spouse/partner as an audience
― pretty even gender split (Eazy), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:00 (eleven years ago) link
is "the attractive sex" already the post-gay versh of "opposite"?
― goole, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:01 (eleven years ago) link
man, where was this thread years ago?
Best way to avoid one is to have one, watch it turn horrible and end awfully, then learn by that mistake.
I have been tempted since, but reflecting back on that scenario has help me decide not to.
Probably the one big mistake in life I have actually learnt from.
― not_goodwin, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:07 (eleven years ago) link
xp I hadn't heard it before - but yeah that seems clear - now I suddenly wish 'apposite' took that place instead - I appear to be some kind of dandy.
― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:08 (eleven years ago) link
A good friend is living the consequences: two ruined marriages (his and hers), kids in the middle.
― the ones that I'm near most: fellow outcasts and ilxors (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:11 (eleven years ago) link
oof.
don't shit where you eat, people
― goole, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:22 (eleven years ago) link
thank god for the comma
― Gandalf’s Gobble Melt (DJP), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:24 (eleven years ago) link
http://farm1.staticflickr.com/226/504218202_48883a40d1.jpg
― Joanna Motorhead (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:26 (eleven years ago) link
^ classic material
― goole, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:30 (eleven years ago) link
when an attractive co-worker talks about scheduling an appraisal, resist cocking an eyebrow and saying, "i would appraise the goddamn out of that fine, fine ass"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:34 (eleven years ago) link
actually, that is actually really good advice for avoiding an office affair
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:39 (eleven years ago) link
7. become known as "a sex pest"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:40 (eleven years ago) link
8 use sexual metonyms like 'skirt' 'ass' etc
― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:42 (eleven years ago) link
7. Don't cheat on your wife, you sniveling fucking coward
― Mr. Zone A (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:43 (eleven years ago) link
9 note that you have the means to pay for high quality abortions at any trimester
― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:43 (eleven years ago) link
10. urinate in a bottle you keep beneath your desk
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:43 (eleven years ago) link
11 talk extensively about your ex-wife in disparaging terms
― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:44 (eleven years ago) link
12. ass don't count
― goole, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:50 (eleven years ago) link
13 cry when coworkers talk about sex
― Van Horn Street, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 17:52 (eleven years ago) link
14. Ignore your coworkers completely except when your job demands that you communicate with them.
― Frobisher the (Viceroy), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:02 (eleven years ago) link
14. only flirt with ugly coworkers
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:03 (eleven years ago) link
hey
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:04 (eleven years ago) link
15. Describe in glowing terms your coworker Mike's "abs of steel.'
― the ones that I'm near most: fellow outcasts and ilxors (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:05 (eleven years ago) link
16. put a throw pillow down the front of your pants - automatic sex repellent for men AND women
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:05 (eleven years ago) link
17. develop a teeth-sucking habit
18. Admit in mixed company that Whitney is your favorite album "of the century."
― the ones that I'm near most: fellow outcasts and ilxors (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:06 (eleven years ago) link
19. Always talk about your STDs during lunch.
― O-Jah Da Lionmane (longneck), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:06 (eleven years ago) link
20 show off your new lice comb to coworkers
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:08 (eleven years ago) link
21 wear your tightest booty shorts on casual Friday
― Gandalf’s Gobble Melt (DJP), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:11 (eleven years ago) link
22 describe your roller skating hobby in details
― Van Horn Street, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:17 (eleven years ago) link
23 never allow anyone in the audience to see you when you aren't picking your nose
― Gandalf’s Gobble Melt (DJP), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:18 (eleven years ago) link
24 never wash
― ILX until I die (snoball), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:29 (eleven years ago) link
24a ...down there
― Gandalf’s Gobble Melt (DJP), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:30 (eleven years ago) link
25 never wipe your backside
― ILX until I die (snoball), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:31 (eleven years ago) link
26 drink plenty of coffee and eat nothing but beans, ensuring diarrhoea and constant flatulence.
I'm going to have to reconsider the opinion I have of a lot of people I used to work with. At the time I thought they were disgusting soap dodgers, but really they were nobly trying to avoid an office affair.
― ILX until I die (snoball), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:34 (eleven years ago) link
a worthy Michael Bolton title.
"Please Don't Wash Down....There."
― the ones that I'm near most: fellow outcasts and ilxors (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:37 (eleven years ago) link
"Everybody's Crusty"
― ILX until I die (snoball), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:38 (eleven years ago) link
ok, so what if i'm single? is there a guide for banging my coworkers?
― Porto for Pyros (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 18:40 (eleven years ago) link
32. At no time touch the other person's genitals, or encourage them to touch your own
― d-_-b (mh), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 19:14 (eleven years ago) link
33. surgical genital extraction upon being hired
― charlie the luna (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 19:16 (eleven years ago) link
34. saltpeter in the coffee
― d-_-b (mh), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 19:21 (eleven years ago) link
35. total rejection of all human emotion
― charlie the luna (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 19:23 (eleven years ago) link
34. Add cyproterone acetate or benperidol to the water cooler.
― 圧迫系プレイ (Sanpaku), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 19:23 (eleven years ago) link
Sorry bout the ignored XP. I think the benperidol would solve a lot of office drama, btw.
― 圧迫系プレイ (Sanpaku), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 19:26 (eleven years ago) link
35. Take your shoe off and go, "Jesus, this damn bunion!"
― the ones that I'm near most: fellow outcasts and ilxors (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 19:29 (eleven years ago) link
36. Clamato
― 5-Hour Enmity (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 19:36 (eleven years ago) link
^^ otm
― charlie the luna (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 19:38 (eleven years ago) link
37 Get your shinebox
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 20:11 (eleven years ago) link
38. Choose Cheez-Its over oysters for a vending-machine snack.
― pretty even gender split (Eazy), Tuesday, 30 October 2012 20:18 (eleven years ago) link
That dude's dong cozy is amazing.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 30 October 2012 20:39 (eleven years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.
― System, Thursday, 8 November 2012 00:01 (eleven years ago) link
3. definitely. in my old place of work we called “special friends" 'lunchtime lovers'.. destined for romance..
― mmmm, Thursday, 8 November 2012 01:00 (eleven years ago) link
You worked with Kenny Rogers?
― Mark G, Thursday, 8 November 2012 09:38 (eleven years ago) link
don't stick your dick in these holes
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 8 November 2012 16:50 (eleven years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.
― System, Friday, 9 November 2012 00:01 (eleven years ago) link
39. Seal off your mail slot with beeswax.
― collardio gelatinous, Friday, 9 November 2012 05:10 (eleven years ago) link
Yeah is this advice meant for taken/marrieds? because WTF, surely the advice is just DONT HAVE AN AFFAIR AT ALL WTF U DIK.
Single workmates? Play on, I say. I have. Not saying it always ends well, but eh.
― Una Stubbs' Tears (Trayce), Friday, 9 November 2012 05:34 (eleven years ago) link
40. Never look at people when you talk to them. Look at your computer screen or your phone instead.
― weak willie (longneck), Friday, 9 November 2012 09:22 (eleven years ago) link
^always worked for me
― electricsound, Friday, 9 November 2012 09:23 (eleven years ago) link
41. do not suppress flatulence
― how's life, Friday, 9 November 2012 10:07 (eleven years ago) link
42. Add libido-suppressing drugs to the office water-cooler.
― bizarro gazzara, Friday, 9 November 2012 10:15 (eleven years ago) link
0. Don't sleep with anyone who works in your office, for fuck's sake.
― Yorkshire lass born and bred, that's me, said Katriona's hologram. (thomp), Friday, 9 November 2012 13:56 (eleven years ago) link
43. work from home. every bloody day. by yourself. staring out the window. trying not to procrastinate. hoping for a better life.
― thomasintrouble, Friday, 9 November 2012 14:02 (eleven years ago) link
^^^ rejected lyrics for Radiohead's 'Fitter Happier'
― Huey Lewisies & The Newsie-Wewsies (snoball), Friday, 9 November 2012 15:09 (eleven years ago) link
44. "I'm trying to go for a Paul Ryan widow's peak thing here with my hair"
― the little prince of inane false binary hype (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 9 November 2012 15:13 (eleven years ago) link
45. "did i ever tell you about the suit of human skin i've been working on?"
― idiot man-child (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Friday, 9 November 2012 15:19 (eleven years ago) link
46. Horribly mutilate your genitals.
― bizarro gazzara, Friday, 9 November 2012 15:26 (eleven years ago) link
47. Horribly mutilate the genitals of your co-workers.
48. "Do you like this hat that I made out of a hobo's scrotum?"
― Huey Lewisies & The Newsie-Wewsies (snoball), Friday, 9 November 2012 15:27 (eleven years ago) link
49a "It was a real challenge to stretch and tan it."
― Huey Lewisies & The Newsie-Wewsies (snoball), Friday, 9 November 2012 15:28 (eleven years ago) link
(sorry that should have been 48a)
49. Group e-mail everyone in the office with a link to this thread and 'lol' as the subject.
50. Work in IT.
― mark e, Friday, 9 November 2012 16:02 (eleven years ago) link
51. pull someone aside so far that you've both exited the building then run back inside before they do and lock them out to avoid temptation
― GAY HIPSTER BATMAN ON HIS WAY TO A CIRCUIT PARTY (donna rouge), Friday, 9 November 2012 16:09 (eleven years ago) link
52. Have an orange on your desk that's gone completely brown and dry.
― more side eye than a Picasso (snoball), Monday, 31 August 2015 17:10 (eight years ago) link
53. Make sure all other employees at your workplace are of a gender or species in which you have no sexual interest.
― the joke should be over once the kid is eaten. (chap), Monday, 31 August 2015 17:28 (eight years ago) link
54. modify your workspace to include a standing desk and a giant bucket full of cement that will cover you from the waist down
― 1995 ball boy (Karl Malone), Monday, 31 August 2015 17:31 (eight years ago) link
55. Divorce your spouse.56. Stop working.
― Herbie Mann's Push Push Pops (Old Lunch), Monday, 31 August 2015 17:34 (eight years ago) link
Several of the OP tips are good advice. #6 just seems creepy.
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Monday, 31 August 2015 17:50 (eight years ago) link
I'm guessing the intention of #6 was that by knowing their family, you'd fully realize the gravity of initiating an affair with them.
― Aimless, Monday, 31 August 2015 17:56 (eight years ago) link
But seeing as how you presumably already know your SO's family and that apparently isn't enough of a deterrent, I'm skeptical of its efficacy.
― Herbie Mann's Push Push Pops (Old Lunch), Monday, 31 August 2015 18:01 (eight years ago) link
leak a fake email alleging you had gay sex with a prostitute in an attempt to conceal the affair
― mookieproof, Monday, 31 August 2015 18:09 (eight years ago) link
I have a mental exercise I do sometimes if the thought crosses my mind where I picture myself in a movie about an embarrassing affair. I'm always played by an aging Kevin Kline in this movie.
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Monday, 31 August 2015 18:11 (eight years ago) link
lol mookie
this one seems relevant to a conversation I had a while ago where someone claimed it is difficult to remove things from your list of skills on linkedin if you have "endorsements":
― goole, Tuesday, October 30, 2012 11:57 AM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― μpright mammal (mh), Monday, 31 August 2015 18:51 (eight years ago) link
is it really a skill if it's casual
― Οὖτις, Monday, 31 August 2015 18:52 (eight years ago) link
the skill is in keeping in that way
― μpright mammal (mh), Monday, 31 August 2015 18:53 (eight years ago) link
filthy casual
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Monday, 31 August 2015 19:00 (eight years ago) link
I did all of those things, and still nowt. (when I was single, OK?)― Mark G, Tuesday, October 30, 2012 4:54 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― Mark G, Tuesday, October 30, 2012 4:54 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
The good thing about not being famous is never needing to write your autobiography.
― Mark G, Tuesday, 1 September 2015 09:28 (eight years ago) link
I actually did have an orange on my desk that had gone brown and dry. We left it as an experiment because our office had no natural light or air. It went very crispy, and rattled a little when you shook it.
57. Kill your co-workers.
― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Tuesday, 1 September 2015 12:01 (eight years ago) link