Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Haha, I figured. Mine was an xp.

My pet peeve is when someone keeps staring at me while I try to surreptitiously masturbate during meetings.

Oh, wait. That's actually my favorite thing about my co-workers.

working for penthouse forum has its positives

But yeah, that's totally fucking insane, but I might have to try clenching my buttocks to the beat in private now, just to investigate what was going on there.

Any song recommendations?

Hmmm, can't remember what we played in class.. perhaps Ode to Joy? I was flute, in the front row to the side, so my friends & I had an excellent view of his pulsating buttocks.

It just seems so exhausting to keep clenching. But perhaps it will make my ass perkier. He was not creepy in any other way, at least.

Omg my 3rd grade teacher used to do a bum-wiggle when he conducted us in music lessons. I distinctly remember him doing it to 'Memory' from Cats

But perhaps it will make my ass perkier

See, this is what I'm thinking!

My ass, not yours, to clarify.

should xpost this question to the thread of getting sw0le.

Who couldn't use a slightly perkier ass? Why the hell not!

Uh...in public - at work?? I'm not saying heavy people are ugly - far from it, just that they might be less vain! I'm sorry but people who show off at work tend to be, uh..."hot" in the conventional sense of the term.

So, hot women with dancer's legs are more likely be vain, as demonstrated by... masturbating during in a work meeting? I thought your first comment was pretty offensive (tent dress? bite me) but now I just think you are a very strange person with a weird view of women.

PS women who cross their legs and jiggle them during meetings are not masturbating, regardless of their size, dress preferences, or the shape of their legs, unless you work at Adam and Eve.

Thread got weird.

update on mayor awesome, he's now becoming the office nickname guy. first was me, and now another co-worker's down. i'm kinda curious to see where this goes.

carl otm btw. I forgot to post how pissed off I was about the tent dresses bit. and weight/vanity correlation is just hilarious. I'll have you know I am +/-230 pounds and I look in the mirror ALL the time. And love what I see!

If you had an, um, normal body, you wouldn't jerk off in a work meeting. I mean, someone cruel might be there and make fun of you. I meant exactly the opposite of offense! If someone had a conventionally "hot" body, they might feel they could get away with it. I mean, it's obnoxious behavior, and who is going to take you to task if you're "hot"? No offense to women was intended.

What in the fuck are you talking about?

Are you actually implying some people would consider mastubating in front of work mates AT ALL, and that it is because they are good looking? I mean.. what the hell?

Isn't being made fun of the last thing you'd be worrying about if you were trying to surreptitiously masturbate in public what is this conversation even

I have no idea what we're talking about anymore but I think clarification is the *last* thing we need

thread is something

show of hands if we're all good on workplace masturbation for now

uh i'm using one of mine right now gimme two mins

grunt for yes, moan for nay

lol

just to bring the tone up a bit, with ffm's description of the buttock-clenching teacher i had a bit of a brainfart and was imagining him with his arms behind him, one hand on each asscheek, rhythmically squeezing away. it was disturbing.

squeeze your own butt cheeks together for undecided.

xp omg.

all like porking himself

like that ace ventura scene where he makes his butt talk?

YES. but symphonic butt is more impressive than mere talking butt.

Holst's The Planets: Uranus.

Omg. No! :) that would have been infinitely more disturbing! Amazing visual. Holding the baton with his mouth? Hah.

lol

what do you do when you've asked someone politely and nicely to do something relatively easy and sensible that is part of their job, and they continually fuck it up, most likely due to just incompetence rather than intent? i seriously don't even know... it becomes embarrassing to the point that it's like each time i raise it it's as if i'm going HI YOU'RE THICK, regardless of the wording.

My brother complains about a guy exactly like this at his office, who's been there over a year and still has to ask him about the same things he has to do like every week. Just, yknow, write it down one time or something?

person in question is an image editor, and constantly labels images with the wrong date, or typos. it's like, how fucking hard is it to check the date? i just don't understand.

start the process to firing him, tbh

she has literally JUST been hired, which makes it worse.

no it makes it much much better, because probationary period makes it a very easy process indeed

Boss: Can you see if there is a problem with Verizon? X says she didn't get any of my texts and I've double-checked the number.
Me: That's her office number.
B: I know, and now she's not getting them for some reason.

Sure enough, there were numerous outgoing texts to a landline in her history.

brayer has been replaced by a seth effrikken who says things like my display name all day

What would he be trying to tell us if he said that?

Ha seth effrikken

Get more vowel sounds, jerks!

it's not a bill, it's a reminder

ps it's a fucking bill btw, we sent 400k bills and it doesn't help to tell people they're anything else after an hour waiting on hold.

Coworker across from me talks all day long. Any word we say gets commented on for 2-3 minutes of stream of consciousness comments. She just spent two minutes talking about mushrooms she has in her fridge because another coworker complained that she forgot to put mushrooms in the soup she'd made.

This woman is training me to do my new job! She showed me how to create a purchase order and was searching for a name in a 'vendor number' field and got frustrated and started to vent to me. I tried to suggest we might find the name if we highlighted the venderNAME field rather than vendorNO and she got ranty and started talking about how 'that will screw everything up,' naturally I waited til she went to the printer and sure enough, the name is in the vendor name field. SHOCKING.
6 weeks of training. YAY.

People are so bad at computers, seriously.

For real. But WHY? Things like what FFM talks about and shit my bosses fuck up problems that require VERY simple reasoning that has ultimately has nothing to do w/ computers. If that person were searching through papers for a vendor's, would she for it look in the space where vendors' numbers go?

If my boss were trying to access a folder of papers in a file cabinet, would she use the handle to open the drawer all the way, or would she notice that it had a hole in the side and pull documents out that way for years and years?

They're good enough analogies.