― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 14 August 2003 08:45 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 14 August 2003 08:46 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Ricardo (RickyT), Thursday, 14 August 2003 08:47 (twenty-one years ago) link
― David. (Cozen), Thursday, 14 August 2003 08:48 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 14 August 2003 08:49 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 14 August 2003 08:57 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 14 August 2003 08:59 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 14 August 2003 08:59 (twenty-one years ago) link
― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 14 August 2003 08:59 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:00 (twenty-one years ago) link
― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:02 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:03 (twenty-one years ago) link
i know you are being fatuous but i dont think this is true at all. somebody who is not 'attractive' is more likely to be more suspicious and closed off.
as for public space, a friend of mine just got back from paris and she says the rules are very different there - the street, public transport, the park, anywhere really, are all seen as acceptable domains for the pursuit of 'dates'
― minna (minna), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:14 (twenty-one years ago) link
I am totally going to start prefacing all my sentences with this.
― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:15 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:16 (twenty-one years ago) link
― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:19 (twenty-one years ago) link
i am not!
― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:20 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:21 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:22 (twenty-one years ago) link
― minna (minna), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:23 (twenty-one years ago) link
I took the back way home a couple months ago, and drove right by the School for the Blind as hey were loading into their limos for prom. They were hot. I mean, all of them. Girls, guys... all of them looked like movie stars. I was stunned.
― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:26 (twenty-one years ago) link
i am outraged - i don't come here to be insulted
― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:27 (twenty-one years ago) link
''as for public space, a friend of mine just got back from paris and she says the rules are very different there - the street, public transport, the park, anywhere really, are all seen as acceptable domains for the pursuit of 'dates'''
how nice. I'm definetely in the wrong side of the channel.
As far as the tube/park/ anywhere but bars: I don't think there is a a definite ans on the question of 'can you even ask?'. I think some girls might be ok with handling a situation like that whereas could be offended if someone asked. that's the way i'd think abt it but i've never done it. But that's the kind of thing that gives the fear.
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:28 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:28 (twenty-one years ago) link
― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:46 (twenty-one years ago) link
i know i was being fatuous but thats the one i was after
― minna (minna), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:49 (twenty-one years ago) link
― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:51 (twenty-one years ago) link
Dick,There ain't much sw activity around O'Hare. I would check Mannheim between Belmont and North, there are occasional wsw's on that stretch in the early AM. Take a drive into the apartment area just north of Grand on the west side of Mannheim, I think that's where they come from. Albeit rare, but I usually see one once every couple weeks around there. Never the same one though.
I never get to Maywood, but I've heard that St. Charles Rd has some frequent bsw activity. (east of 1st Ave?).
― hoist, Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:53 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 14 August 2003 09:57 (twenty-one years ago) link
But if I were asking for help, I'm sure this would not be helping.
― David. (Cozen), Thursday, 14 August 2003 10:23 (twenty-one years ago) link
however, it can be a bit creepy if people are too lecherous on the tube or bus. just smile at someone first, to see if they're even interested in making eye contact.
― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 14 August 2003 13:05 (twenty-one years ago) link
If N. didn't consistently use this line, he would never date.
― Larcole (Nicole), Thursday, 14 August 2003 13:10 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 14 August 2003 13:14 (twenty-one years ago) link
Meaning he does date? But you've always insisted otherwise.
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 14 August 2003 13:36 (twenty-one years ago) link
― praying mantis (praying mantis), Thursday, 14 August 2003 13:38 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 14 August 2003 13:41 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Don (Mikey G), Thursday, 14 August 2003 13:56 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:05 (twenty-one years ago) link
― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:09 (twenty-one years ago) link
Like I say, fingers burnt myself, hope it's someone else mate.
― Dalston Boy (Mikey G), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:17 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Ricardo (RickyT), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:22 (twenty-one years ago) link
― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:26 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Mikey G (Mikey G), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:29 (twenty-one years ago) link
in what way is victoria to stokie a heart?
― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:30 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Mikey G (Mikey G), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:33 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:36 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Mikey G (Mikey G), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:41 (twenty-one years ago) link
i. one-way system at victoriaii. hyde park corner roundaboutiii. one-way system at piccadillyiv. one-way system at hackney central v. lea bridge roundabout
i, iii and iv are all heart-shaped, more or less (well less, really, but not as less as a roundabout is)
(also i + iii + iv = 8 which is the shape of two hearts forever intertwined)
― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:47 (twenty-one years ago) link
I can never quite think of what to say.
''however, it can be a bit creepy if people are too lecherous on the tube or bus. just smile at someone first, to see if they're even interested in making eye contact.''
I have never seen anyone ask or try to chat up someone on the tube or bus. has anyone?
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 14 August 2003 15:23 (twenty-one years ago) link
thx messiahwannabe
― mookieproof, Saturday, 9 June 2012 02:50 (twelve years ago) link
Haha, I had no idea that either of you "owed" me a drink. The more inebriated I am, the more generous I get. I guess that's better than drunkenness bringing out some latent stinginess?
― Virginia Plain, Saturday, 9 June 2012 03:57 (twelve years ago) link
gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Saturday, 9 June 2012 05:28 (twelve years ago) link
dating trouble?
― rayuela, Saturday, 9 June 2012 11:46 (twelve years ago) link
now that I am drunk, I will say. lady I have been friends with forever, after a party sort of event at her place, says let's go to my room and listen to music. I figure she is sleepy, prepare to say goodnight and go home, and she is like "I planned this entire event in order to get you in my bed, you should stay." how can I be an adult and not notice such things? she thought I wasn't interested, I thought the same, people are so stupid. well, me. she is clearly awesome.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Sunday, 10 June 2012 07:01 (twelve years ago) link
Wow mayzing
― coal, Sunday, 10 June 2012 07:05 (twelve years ago) link
doesn't sound like much in the way of 'vagaries' tbh
― Fas Ro Duh (Gukbe), Sunday, 10 June 2012 07:06 (twelve years ago) link
it was for me
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Sunday, 10 June 2012 07:07 (twelve years ago) link
respect. sounds pretty awes though.
― Fas Ro Duh (Gukbe), Sunday, 10 June 2012 07:08 (twelve years ago) link
yeah seems like it's working out for you!
― rayuela, Monday, 11 June 2012 01:14 (twelve years ago) link
"I planned this entire event in order to get you in my bed, you should stay."
a+++
― mookieproof, Monday, 11 June 2012 01:21 (twelve years ago) link
hope she said it with a semicolon tho
― mookieproof, Monday, 11 June 2012 01:22 (twelve years ago) link
I dunno, is this a better place to maybe discuss this?
Firstly, that we only name it "animal lust" when we are powerfully attracted to someone who is wrong for us in every way. When we feel powerfully attracted to someone who ticks all the other boxes, we call it "true love" or "head over heels" or something else, because it's appropriate desire. The animal lust is what we call desire which is inappropriate.But I was actually trying to compare and contrast two slightly different things. I've reread this Lisa Diamond book on sexuality this past weekend and it seemed like it supported her theory that there are two different (though related) mechanisms of desire. That one she called Proceptivity which is mostly internally-driven and hormonal because one is feeling horny (and if it wasn't this person at work triggering it, it would be some attractive person in a shop near me, or a random person on the internet, but I'd still just be externalising something which was originating in me.) And the other is Arousability, which is that process by which becoming intimate with someone and getting to know and trust them and you start to think that they are the most amazing person on earth - and then once you have started thinking "this person is awesome" up pop feelings of desire which are based on being aroused by that person.Sorry, I should have spelled that out better. I have a bad habit of dropping in jargon I've recently picked up which puts a name to a thing I've been thinking about and noticing for a while, but didn't know there was a name for, and then assuming that everyone else has been reading the same books/blogs/press/etc and knows what I'm talking about.
But I was actually trying to compare and contrast two slightly different things. I've reread this Lisa Diamond book on sexuality this past weekend and it seemed like it supported her theory that there are two different (though related) mechanisms of desire. That one she called Proceptivity which is mostly internally-driven and hormonal because one is feeling horny (and if it wasn't this person at work triggering it, it would be some attractive person in a shop near me, or a random person on the internet, but I'd still just be externalising something which was originating in me.) And the other is Arousability, which is that process by which becoming intimate with someone and getting to know and trust them and you start to think that they are the most amazing person on earth - and then once you have started thinking "this person is awesome" up pop feelings of desire which are based on being aroused by that person.
Sorry, I should have spelled that out better. I have a bad habit of dropping in jargon I've recently picked up which puts a name to a thing I've been thinking about and noticing for a while, but didn't know there was a name for, and then assuming that everyone else has been reading the same books/blogs/press/etc and knows what I'm talking about.
(I've been having having trouble detangling feelings of "I'm getting to know this person and I like them, but I'm not sure which way it's going" for one person I've been seeing, from feelings of "OMG, lluuuusssstttt" for someone completely inappropriate and kind of wanted to talk through varying types of desire and how to process them. Because it's been a long, long time since attempting to do that, for me.)
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Wednesday, 22 August 2012 08:48 (twelve years ago) link
Didn't know where else to put this.
Watching the new season of First Dates last night and its the usual C4 bollocks of cloaking people's potential humiliation as an experiment although there is some funny-ish at times moments.
Anyway, why did we have to get the opinion of the staff? How lame an idea was that?!?!
― xyzzzz__, Saturday, 7 March 2015 11:10 (nine years ago) link
what's cool is when you have a seemingly really great date - which never happens - and then don't hear a word of reply when you later inquire about a second. uuuuugh
in conclusion, unquestionably bad dates >>> mysteriously unfruitful good ones
― the naive cockney chorus (Simon H.), Saturday, 18 July 2015 03:33 (nine years ago) link
dating is perhaps the worst experience ever known, which is why i've swore to live a life of solitude
― 龜, Saturday, 18 July 2015 14:01 (nine years ago) link
^^^gets it
― the naive cockney chorus (Simon H.), Saturday, 18 July 2015 14:18 (nine years ago) link
doesn't get it
― nickn, Saturday, 18 July 2015 16:59 (nine years ago) link
I'm tryna date now it's weird but for once in my life I'm not threatened by the weirdness
― Heroic melancholy continues to have a forceful grip on (bernard snowy), Saturday, 18 July 2015 17:29 (nine years ago) link
i think i overheard a coupla college kids out on a coffee date the other night, i'm not sure. it didn't sound very romantic, more like they were reviewing their sexual and drug use histories to determine whether they would sleep together
― j., Sunday, 19 July 2015 01:24 (nine years ago) link
#figuringOutHowToLive
― xyzzzz__, Sunday, 19 July 2015 09:15 (nine years ago) link
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CLvMpBnVEAA5piw.png
makes u think
― mookieproof, Thursday, 6 August 2015 16:03 (nine years ago) link
A research scientist at Indiana University's Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction couldn't possibly be wrong about that, what with that classy Oxford comma and everything.
― Aimless, Thursday, 6 August 2015 17:31 (nine years ago) link
So like three weeks ago I was at a cafe, sitting next to v attractive and interesting woman who was on a date with some dude. I kept wistfully thinking "why can't I meet people like that", but then a week ago I saw her on OkCupid and immediately messaged her, and now am about to meet her this evening. Anyways, I'm not sure if telling her this story at some point (like, not immediately) would come across as a) totally endearing or b) totally creepy.
― EDB, Friday, 5 February 2016 22:53 (eight years ago) link
maybe after you marry her
― mookieproof, Friday, 5 February 2016 23:02 (eight years ago) link
I would very much like to know what became of EDB!
As shitty as dating via dating apps is, attempting it without one is a trial all its own. I've been "out" twice with this girl I had met before via shared interests but never really hung out with properly, took a chance and asked her to a film event (I know movies tend to make for the shittiest dates but it's the most obvious mutual touchstone as she has an advanced degree in film studies), a nice time was had but no firm followup plans were made, nor any outright overtures I could detect. Then we met up a second time a couple of days back - another movie, followed by drinks and about three hours of the most engaging conversation I'd had in a long time. On the way home (same direction), there's slightly more intimacy, but was it just the cocktails? Years of singlehood teaches you to doubt every potential sign. Anyway we have plans to catch Let the Sunshine In but it'll probably take at least two weeks since has a busy night-work schedule and I might lose my mind in the interim.
― Simon H., Saturday, 16 June 2018 01:58 (six years ago) link
this sounds very promising! just chill out and stop using words like 'touchstone' imo
you have and may continue to do cool things together! let the intimacy take care of itself
― mookieproof, Saturday, 16 June 2018 02:05 (six years ago) link
yeah I guess I shouldn't be so neurotic about it, it's just a natural side effect of not doing any real dating for basically a decade
― Simon H., Saturday, 16 June 2018 02:12 (six years ago) link
this sounds nice! ride the wave imo, wherever it leads seems like it'll be a good place
― flamenco blorf (BradNelson), Saturday, 16 June 2018 03:47 (six years ago) link
EDB is ed b. iirc?
― kelp, clam and carrion (sic), Saturday, 16 June 2018 04:13 (six years ago) link
ime this is never the case but I earnestly appreciate the optimism!!
― Simon H., Sunday, 17 June 2018 06:15 (six years ago) link
The ending of Let the Sunshine In should be a good lead in for drinks on a 3rd date.
― xyzzzz__, Sunday, 17 June 2018 09:49 (six years ago) link
Good luck Simon. sounds positive
― My name is the Pope and in the 90s I smoked a lot of dope (dog latin), Sunday, 17 June 2018 10:40 (six years ago) link
you can do it simon.
― homosexual II, Sunday, 17 June 2018 17:58 (six years ago) link
Go Simon!!!
I had a stellar day with a lady Friday and I look forward to the next time. I’m patient and not pushing things too hard but I take it as a good sign that she stayed up with me from early afternoon to midnight /)
― sunburst N snowblind (Ross), Sunday, 17 June 2018 18:17 (six years ago) link
I am about to tell you an epic tale about subterfuge, dating in the 21st century and the fall of human civilization. This actually happened to me and it could happen to you too. Get some popcorn. *Thread*— миша (@bvdhai) August 19, 2018
― mookieproof, Monday, 20 August 2018 17:45 (six years ago) link
completely nuts
PS my thing went nowhere lol
― wayne trotsky (Simon H.), Monday, 20 August 2018 17:46 (six years ago) link
saw that earlier via max tundra retweeting an ilxor, which felt weird
― imago, Monday, 20 August 2018 17:59 (six years ago) link
Max Tundra is extremely online
― 16, 35, DCP, Go! (sic), Monday, 20 August 2018 19:34 (six years ago) link
Emily Witt writes well on Feeld, online dating during and post- pandemic, with a couple of lines on Roe. All pretty well handled.
https://www.newyorker.com/culture/annals-of-inquiry/feeld-dating-app-sex
― xyzzzz__, Thursday, 11 August 2022 13:32 (two years ago) link
Though it could've been better if someone from The Queer community wrote it but that's not The New Yorker.
― xyzzzz__, Thursday, 11 August 2022 13:49 (two years ago) link
Nothing is enjoyable anymore.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jul/22/is-housing-crisis-killing-romance-modern-dating-jane-austen
― xyzzzz__, Saturday, 22 July 2023 11:32 (one year ago) link
Obviously it's all very middle-class. Partners can't get out of abusive relationships due to scarcity of a safe, affordable space. But you can see this stuff extending through society.
― xyzzzz__, Saturday, 22 July 2023 12:07 (one year ago) link
this has been "a thing" in the SF Bay Area for quite a while. ... the article definitely has that middle class focus, (to the point where I lost patience with it) but the housing crisis/relationship "stuck-ness" is harder on poorer people.
― sarahell, Saturday, 22 July 2023 15:38 (one year ago) link
It's another category of gofundme campaign now ... along with "help pay medical bills" ... that is a clear example how broken "the system" is.
― sarahell, Saturday, 22 July 2023 15:40 (one year ago) link
Sarahell otm. Of course everything is harder on poorer people, and one still hears the standard advice "well, then don't be poor."
― Some people call me Maurice Chevalier (Ye Mad Puffin), Saturday, 22 July 2023 15:52 (one year ago) link
Yeah I couldn't finish that piece either.
― xyzzzz__, Saturday, 22 July 2023 17:52 (one year ago) link