Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

When you call him Captain Awesome I think of the guy from the TV show "Chuck."

I used to work with a dude who did the forced nicknames thing; he was one of my favorite ppl in the entire world because he would never just stick with one, so they just became a stream of meaningless identification placeholders that led to the sneaking suspicion that he couldn't remember anyone's name

as an example: it would not be uncommon for him to greet me with "Hey chief! How's it going, buddy? Can you get that project done by tomorrow, champ? Okay dude, talk to you later man!"

He was also a huge ex-football player who was the biggest office crybaby I've ever seen, basically everything about him was a swirling ball of amusing contradictory awesome

I realize this is the thread for annoying coworkers but I miss that dude and I'm annoyed we don't work together anymore

I'm trying to imagine what that ex-coworker must have been like and all I'm picturing is the Cat from Red Dwarf...

"Oooooowwwwww! Hey buddy! What's happening? <James Brown spin> Better check myself in the mirror... <takes out small hand mirror from inside pocket of jacket> Oooooooooowwww! Looking good! OK buddy, I gotta run, catch you later! <exits room>"

remove the Cat's inherent suaveness and replace it with Rimmer's terrified neuroses (without the anal judgment) and you're getting closer

Currently going through a farcical redundancy process where everyone pretty much loses their jobs and has to apply for new ones. The level of care and attention being paid is evident in the fact that one of the job descriptions includes "reviewing psecialise dictonaroes".

First, I'm sorry that you are going through a redundancy process, which is never pleasant however farcical.

Second, LOL what?

Thanks!

I'm assuming "specialist dictionaries" but who the heck knows at this point.

It's like half pigeon Spanish, half typos. Especialista dictionario

I'd have gone with "specialized dictionaries" but yeah.

I was going to go for Portuguese but I've just been working on a project for a mysterious Portuguese entity whose name ends in -oes (actually ões) so it's kind of on my brain

Also I accidentally apologised to silby on the IA thread instead of here so sorry here too silby

Hey chief! How's it going, buddy? Can you get that project done by tomorrow, champ? Okay dude, talk to you later man!

A friend of mine used to do this at parties - start a conversation with someone and address them as one of these after another until the person became visibly angry, then wander off.

I only encountered this once at work. A big personality guy, who addressed me as champ, buddy, etc. I started replying in kind, cheerfully addressing him as sport and chief until he quit, and then I kind of missed it.

chin up, tiger

it's annoying when people yell something from the other corner of the office. can't you wake up like an educated person come to the other's spot and ask for your stuff in a normal voice? is that too crazy a request... also, so glad this certain lady is on vacations, hadn't realized how much I hated her until I had a chat with someone, it turns out everyone does. she's 100% expert at doing the stabbing you in the eyes while smiling etc thing. I can't avoid talking to her at work and I find it very hard to answer to her condescending (and often poisonous) remarks. a couple of days ago I discovered her laughing when a consultant was helping me with some small mistake I made, could not believe it.

he's back - and this time he has dairylea dunkers

omg omg omg

My co-worker the one who is awful and crazy and weird and inappropriate.

Ha I'm so upset I'm still shaking.

I asked her a question about this budget she has access to but I don't so she looks it up and gets me the answer right away. Then she folds her hands, leans on her desk and says, "You see how I just answered you like that right away? It would be nice if you did that for me too." In the most condescending, snotty and completely ridiculous way you can imagine.

I just looked at her and said, "Are you kidding me? That was the snottiest thing I've ever heard and you can't talk to me that way. You can't talk to anyone that way? Are you serious? What planet do you come from?"

Then I went and was like really shaking and worked up and told her supervisor because fuck that was just totally inappropriate.

When I got back to my desk she apologized if her tone came off wrong. I asked if there was something she was waiting for from me and she said that there wasn't. It's just a feeling she has. A total bullshit feeling btw but that's not even the point. I honestly don't think anyone has ever spoken to me in that exact tone before. I also don't think I've ever been that close to hitting someone in my life.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I HATE HER.

Reading that now it doesn't sound that bad but if you could have heard the way she said or seen her smug fucking face. Oh she's a horrible horrible person.

it did sound bad

Otm. And if the tone is anything like the one I'm imagining in my head then she's awful.

It wasn't just her tone - it was her words, and the order in which she arranged them, too. Fuckin' muppet.

It sounds that bad to me! Kudos to you for saying something back because I would have been speechless.

I'm kind of surprised I did! But she does things like this all the time and I just couldn't take it anymore. When I got back to my desk and she apologized I told her it was completely inappropriate and that she needs to watch herself and think before talking to people like that because it's simply not OK. That's also when I was like oh what's it that you're waiting for from me again? Oh, right nothing. You're just insane. OK, I didn't actually say that last part.

had a similar experience w/ a v difficult coworker yesterday where he gave me a really superior tone and was dismissive & belittling toward me when in actuality he was just uninformed and literally RONG abt what he was talking abt.

i was speechless at the time and i didnt think that it bothered me but it p much stayed on my mind the whole day since then

unrelatedly, i accidentally gave myself prob the worst papercut ever via a manilla folder this morning that fukkin hurt so bad ugh ugh

I walked into her supervisors office and I was angrier than I can maybe ever remember being. I was like, "I'm about to smack M. right across her smug little face or just walk out and quit because she is way out of line and completely inappropriate in how she talks me." Then I calmed down and told her not to worry because since I've never hit anyone in my life I don't actually plan to start today. TBH I'm really glad I said something to both M. and her supervisor.

x-post - OUCH

Aargh I'm riled up just reading your account of what she did!

ya, E, sounds like she was way out of line. i would have gotten very shout-y had that been said to me!

Good thinking going to her supervisor too. Productive!

Good god, E! I'm glad you said something. Teach me your ways!

Today I was talked to (note: not "had a conversation") for 20 minutes because I had not stapled a group of sheets before putting them into a three ring duotang. Then, my trainer decided that she had to resign because I had told her that I "know everything," which I had not implied in the slightest. Un/fortunately for me, she did not resign. Yesterday she came into the bathroom mumbling "I am wasting my time training this stupid bitch" and told me she was allowed to talk, when I told her I was in one of the stalls. I tried to explain I just wanted her to know that she wasn't alone, but she kept mumbling about how she can talk if she wants to. We don't have an HR department & she has worked with the president for 25 years. Sigh.

yeesh

Fucking hell. Is there absolutely nowhere for you to go to lodge a formal complaint?

No path I can really see, because the other woman I report to (another President's friend) hears & ignores it all. So I keep my head & tone level, try not to cry when I am told that I have to "be spoken to like a nine year old," and quietly investigate ways to complete projects without asking my trainer questions (email coworkers, find old examples.) Today I told her "if you resign you are doing that because you want to, not because I asked you to. I would like to continue to be trained on this job because I feel I will be able to do this really well in the future." I know I will never get in trouble because I am doing a great job, it's just taking me twice as long because this asshole sits across from me and repeats herself all day. One question = ten minutes of rambling, repetitive drivel that often contradicts and/or escalates in hostility if any follow up question is asked.

Most of these outbursts happen after the VP (brought in by the Pres a few years ago) dumps a project on my trainer's lap. I could psychoanalyse the shit out of this situation. I should write a book.

Would read, especially if you interspersed the analysis with makeup tips and pictures of your nails.

I hope that didn't come across as though I think that's all you would offer in a book. It would be a good book anyway! I just like your nails.

I'm painting my nails right now, hah! The Devil Wears Nail Art. xp

I've been too exhausted to do anything other than rant about my trainer & paint my nails lately, so no offence taken! ;)

Jesus Christ ffm. That makes me want to go to your office and kick that lady in the face.

Not the nail art thing. The meanness :)

MEMO TO COWORKERS OF ENBB AND FFM: these ladies are fucking rad and know their shit and you better bow the fuck down or I will kick you all in the face.

Sometimes as I listen to her talk I do fantasize about just pushing her face into the wall. I'm almost two feet taller than her though, it wouldn't be right.

that's where you are wrong. It would be incredibly right

Next time I will try to channel my inner ENBB and be more firm about the whole situation, but this woman escalates like a madman.

Idk,, I think I would take her side and say, in a low and creepy tone, with your face right in hers, something super fucking psycho and violent and threatening - no one will believe her, it'll make her look super crazy, AND she'll be shit-scared of you.

Win/win imo!!

You guys, I'm burnt out at my job and I am wanting to think about starting to look for something new, but your stories scare the shit out of me. They're weird around my office, but nothing even remotely like FFM and ENBB's coworkers.