asexual pride movement

aw man cmon man

not my fault you entered stage left with a target for a dn tbf

Oh, there's a spectrum now!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/19/asexual-relationships_n_3362206.html?1371648830&ncid=edlinkusaolp00000008

http://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/2013_05_SexualRomanticSpectrumWIDE.png

Sort of dig the idea of being "homoromantic," regardless of which dot in the right column my dotted line connects to.

these folks really test my ideological commitment to respect of others' subjectivities

They really ought to come up with other ways to say "fuck you" at moments like this.

everyone wants to be a special snowflake. too bad no matter who you're attracted to (or not, or "demiattracted to", whatever the fuck that is), you're still the same slab of crap we all are.

last 3 posts super otm

https://twitter.com/TumblrTXT/status/371245275190681600

https://twitter.com/TumblrTXT/status/370265314443157504

I think the spectrum is v v interesting, and I identify with a lot of what ppl say about intimacy and the incredible complexity of desire. But it's hard to report on srs aspects when the ppl you interview say things like "One woman Brotto studied said she masturbates to mythical fairies."

I also think a lot of this is pathologizing things on the spectrum of normal human variation, but I can basically get that when you are NEVER represented in depictions or the public space, putting a concrete name on how you're different is profoundly validating.

human sexuality's really fluid and multidimensional; what i find annoying is artificially carving out identities for these normal fluctuations. "you just don't get it, you're just a sexual typical." unless heterodemisexuals have been dragged to death from trucks, fired from their jobs, and denied equal rights under the law without much press about it.

like any ye ole issue this is complex. what if people are finding homes in an identity that actually masks a mental health issue? the only self-avowed asexual I knew was actually a gay guy who was completely out of touch with his sexuality. would being part of a special club really help, or would it reinforce unhealthy attitudes? who knows. who cares. be a 1/2 demisexual 1/2 asexual binormal heterotype if that floats yer boat.

My big problem is figuring out how to more strenuously oppress my clearly out-of-character sexual desires so that I don't continue on in my path of being an unmitigated tease.

Real talk: I'm mad sympathetic to this movement, but both they and myself need to swallow that bitter pill and scheduled an appointment to see a therapist and/or sex therapist.

chaotic neutral demisexual

I am still pretty reluctant to accept "demisexual" - is it implying that people who are not "demisexual" are just horny all the time and will fuck anybody on the first date? are people who only have sex after forming a strong emotional relationship actually maligned in our culture???

If neither person's willing to make the first move, are they both presumed demi?

Well ime with dating, if you "like" someone you are expected to put out by around the THIRD date, at least. Which is still hardly any time, if what you want is a complex understanding of someone. Outside of religious communities and their celibacy/chastity, there's little to no discussion or portrayal of other ways of doing intimacy.

hemidemisexualquaver

"aromantic" lol

lol I was just thinking about hemidemisemi quavers a few days ago--actually I was trying to remember what order those are supposed to go in, and then I gave up and paid more attention to my bike ride.

Well ime with dating, if you "like" someone you are expected to put out by around the THIRD date, at least. Which is still hardly any time, if what you want is a complex understanding of someone.

man I'm naive b/c I thought this was a thing only taken seriously in like TV and the movies. I guess I am sort of demisexual! not always though.

xp yep, I've never managed to get beyond the second or third date without a) acquiescing to sexual contact I didn't want to have and said contact was terrible for me and (consequently) them and that ends it all, or b) successfully staving off sexual contact but alienating the other person and that ends it

Grass is always greener, but man, would I trade whatever I've got for being an aromantic dynamo.

idk, things can definitely seem to be going nowhere if there's no physical intimacy for some time, but I don't think physical intimacy or social/intellectual engagement are the whole picture on their own, unless you're genuinely asexual

Maybe the third date thing is just me, but I don't think I'm making up the general cloud of expectation that hovers somewhere around 3rd date territory. And as Eric says, the outcome is frequently not that pretty (also it makes sober dating m/l impossible because I can't get through the flirtation/attraction part).

That makes me sound pathetic, so I amend: the outcome is often "pretty" but not personally satisfying because it wasn't really for me, it was for them anyway.

ANYWAY. Therapy, you say?

it's criminal that they didn't leave room on that infographic for freak-a-holics

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aATSUKu0jI

my anxiety and/or hatred of small talk makes it difficult to dig in without drinking, sure

As this is not ILTMI, I guess this is not really the appropriate path to go down.

sure

so, I'm going to register my inherent skepticism of personality typing re: that "romantic types" chart

http://covers.openlibrary.org/b/id/6891641-M.jpg

I had this book a long time ago, but I gave it to someone as a gift before I read it. Never do that.

doesn't androgyny fall more to the realm of pansexuality than asexuality?

I would put money on there being some genuine overlap.

shh, I'm trying to pretend all androgyny is about being sexy and looking like david bowie

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/pretending-youre-oppressed-the-new-internet-fad-2/

found this trying to figure out wth demisexuality is. not a bad article considering it's thought catalog.

androgyny is about gender, asexuality is about desire

these things are not necessarily linked

I don't know, maybe it does. Seems like all of these terms are sort of helpful but in a way they all bring in their own baggage and it just becomes another limiting thing. I get the modern desire to want to understand others and be inclusive and all that but it seems like whatever liberating power these movements have is being co-opted.

The Asexual Spectrum? Give me a break. It looks super limiting.

Ultimately, I agree. Pride in asexuality is really pride in stridently not fixing a problem.

it's only a problem if they think it's a problem though.

Many of them do think it's a problem tho. Society's problem with them.

what? i think having little or no sex drive is only a problem because people don't have a concept for it, and so treat these people strangely if not with as much hostility as some other sexual minorities. the "pride" movement is about broadening people's understanding of the varieties of sexualities that exist in order that more people are not only "tolerated" but understood. makes total sense.

'Stridently not fixing a problem'? Are there some easy answers you have? You make it seem like decades of chemical differences & mis-developed social tools can be easily worked around.

xp I'd personally rather have a professional get my head right.

I'd personally rather have a professional get my give head right.

or actively stop hanging around people who I find attractive?

i don't understand your position, eric. do you think it is inherently a problem to not be interested in sex? even if these people don't want to have an interest in sex?

xxxp Oh, sweetie. But what's "right"? C'mon, this is basic level stuff, you know there's no set thing.

so treat these people strangely if not with as much hostility as some other sexual minorities

please tell me you're not serious

yeah, sorry if I meant to imply otherwise, elmo. they're different realms for sure.