Like I say, fingers burnt myself, hope it's someone else mate.
― Dalston Boy (Mikey G), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:17 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Ricardo (RickyT), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:22 (twenty-one years ago) link
― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:26 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Mikey G (Mikey G), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:29 (twenty-one years ago) link
in what way is victoria to stokie a heart?
― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:30 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Mikey G (Mikey G), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:33 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:36 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Mikey G (Mikey G), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:41 (twenty-one years ago) link
i. one-way system at victoriaii. hyde park corner roundaboutiii. one-way system at piccadillyiv. one-way system at hackney central v. lea bridge roundabout
i, iii and iv are all heart-shaped, more or less (well less, really, but not as less as a roundabout is)
(also i + iii + iv = 8 which is the shape of two hearts forever intertwined)
― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 14 August 2003 14:47 (twenty-one years ago) link
I can never quite think of what to say.
''however, it can be a bit creepy if people are too lecherous on the tube or bus. just smile at someone first, to see if they're even interested in making eye contact.''
I have never seen anyone ask or try to chat up someone on the tube or bus. has anyone?
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Thursday, 14 August 2003 15:23 (twenty-one years ago) link
a friend of mine got picked up in a parking lot. it was her apartment parking lot, and the guy lived there too, and they ran into each other and made small talk a couple of times before he asked her out though. that sort of scenario could be creepy though, especially at night.
― JuliaA (j_bdules), Thursday, 14 August 2003 15:51 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dave B (daveb), Thursday, 14 August 2003 16:05 (twenty-one years ago) link
― can can, Friday, 15 August 2003 11:59 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Cozen (Cozen), Monday, 1 September 2003 10:16 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Cozen (Cozen), Monday, 1 September 2003 10:17 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 1 September 2003 10:28 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 1 September 2003 10:41 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Monday, 1 September 2003 10:43 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Cozen (Cozen), Monday, 1 September 2003 10:50 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Monday, 1 September 2003 10:56 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 1 September 2003 11:21 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Cozen (Cozen), Monday, 1 September 2003 11:24 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Cozen (Cozen), Monday, 1 September 2003 11:25 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 1 September 2003 11:25 (twenty-one years ago) link
500 posts by tomorrow morning on this plz.
― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 1 September 2003 11:27 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 1 September 2003 11:37 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 1 September 2003 11:58 (twenty-one years ago) link
I need a specific form of words to convey 'Am I your girlfriend or not' but not those exact words. And I need them not to scare the person off. I'm not planning to use them yet but keep them in abeyance for the right moment.
― ljubljana, Friday, 11 September 2009 10:41 (fifteen years ago) link
Why does it matter?
I'm not asking that facetiously, I'm wondering which part of girlfriendness you wish to ascertain your right to - and then ask that question instead.
Like, "Is this exclusive?" or "Is this short-term, or are you thinking longer?" or "Is this just sex, or is this emotional?"
OK, maybe those questions are even worse than "Am I yr girlfriend or not." But perhaps you could think which part of girlfriendness is important to you, and ask yourself if those needs are getting met or not.
― Evren Kader (Masonic Boom), Friday, 11 September 2009 10:46 (fifteen years ago) link
take her to see '500 days of summer'. groan loudly when zooey is fending off this question.
― history mayne, Friday, 11 September 2009 10:50 (fifteen years ago) link
Good question Kate. I know it's exclusive at the moment and believe I'd be told if there were any plans to change that/if it suddenly changed. I already know that due to complications (divorce, job problems, general hard time) he's not sure whether he wants an LTR right now or not. But he's also asking me whether I want children, how long I'll stay in the US, etc. - like a very upfront compatibility check.
I know really that the best thing to do if I really like him (which I do) is be patient and not ask anything, but that's hard especially as he's immersed in work and I can't see him till October (deadline). At the moment we're just doing email and occasional phone calls, which have got much shorter since the deadline thing kicked in.
xpost love this idea history mayne!
― ljubljana, Friday, 11 September 2009 10:58 (fifteen years ago) link
1. Drop the phrase 'my boyfriend' or 'your girlfriend' offhand into the most casual of conversation with him.2. Check reaction.3. PROFIT???
― Matt DC, Friday, 11 September 2009 11:00 (fifteen years ago) link
I think he would see straight through this.
― ljubljana, Friday, 11 September 2009 11:05 (fifteen years ago) link
I mean, just casually refer to him as your boyfriend, not pretend there's another mysterious boyfriend lurking somewhere.
― Matt DC, Friday, 11 September 2009 11:06 (fifteen years ago) link
Hrmmm. I know that I'm a cynical bitch and all, but I can't help thinking... does he really like you as much as you really like him? You can say this "ooh, issues due to divorce" and "job problems" and "general hard time" - but the thing is, there will *always* be job stress and hard times.
OK, people can go through bad periods in their life that clear up. But my suspicions are that if he's not OH YAY making time for you and being excited about the relationship when it's fresh and new, is this only going to get worse, rather than better? If you are really excited about a person, you make the time to meet them, even if it's nonstandard dating practices. If a person's priorities are not about having a relationships right now, then taht person won't make the time for that relationship.
But that goes back to the "are your needs getting met?" question to decide whether you're willing to take that chance or not.
― Evren Kader (Masonic Boom), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:12 (fifteen years ago) link
"Do you want children" and "How long are you staying in the country" are just standard box-ticking exercises, not indicative of any specific interest in you. I've made that mistake before. It's like the relationship equivalent of asking what team you support or something. Doesn't mean anything more than that.
― Evren Kader (Masonic Boom), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:14 (fifteen years ago) link
give him a note that says "do u want to be my boyfriend?" with YES and NO checkboxes.
― call all destroyer, Friday, 11 September 2009 11:19 (fifteen years ago) link
MAYBE????
― CEO OF MY LYFE (Upt0eleven), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:24 (fifteen years ago) link
Seriously, there are still people in this world so stunted as to be actively scared if the person they were seeing referred to them as their "boyfriend"?!
Jesusfuck.
― CEO OF MY LYFE (Upt0eleven), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:25 (fifteen years ago) link
Yeah Kate, this is exactly my thinking which is why I'd rather knock it on the head now if I'm much more interested than he is. But then there are those that argue that blokes can be cautious, that if I play it cool things will develop, etc. Basically just trying to give it a chance rather than kill it now, but planning ahead for the awful moment when I think 'right, time to have this conversation' and can't find the right words.
― ljubljana, Friday, 11 September 2009 11:34 (fifteen years ago) link
if it all goes tits-up, I'm anticipating it'll be 'right person, wrong time' type conversation though I don't really believe in that...
― ljubljana, Friday, 11 September 2009 11:37 (fifteen years ago) link
No such thing as the right person ;-)
Good luck with all that! If he has slight but tacit commitment issues then the best thing to do would be to completely win him over, maybe by arranging a really lovely evening out and then professing your affection in as forceful a manner as your English breeding permits :D
― a chick I wanted to pursue on OkCupid (country matters), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:41 (fifteen years ago) link
See I think this would scare him off, but seeing as it would be a last resort anyway, why not I guess!
― ljubljana, Friday, 11 September 2009 11:44 (fifteen years ago) link
Obviously I mean say something like "You know what, you're a really great guy" while staring into his eyes (but only if you mean it!)
― a chick I wanted to pursue on OkCupid (country matters), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:46 (fifteen years ago) link
No offense, Louis, but I think, with a committmentophobe (if he is one) that would be the WORST thing you could possibly do.
― Evren Kader (Masonic Boom), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:46 (fifteen years ago) link
I don't think ljub is painting him as a commitmentophobe, just a guy with mixed priorities. Hence, a show of genuine affection (in an exclusive affair) would probably work.
― a chick I wanted to pursue on OkCupid (country matters), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:49 (fifteen years ago) link
'So is this thing a thing?'
― Peinlich Manoeuvre (NickB), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:51 (fifteen years ago) link
I think... with a committmentophobe you kind of have to play games with them to make them realise how awesome *you* are and make them chase you.
But I'm rubbish at that kind of thing as I can't stand game-playing. (And it goes against my natural instincts to be a chaser myself.)
But commitmentophobes really kind of rely on that idea that if they make themselves unavailable, then partners will chase them. Take away that crutch and then they have to grow up and deal. Maybe?
I make a rubbish relationship counseller, really. I've found that the only actual long term things I've had were the ones where there never *had* to be The Conversation. Where it was understood by both that it was a Thing. The need to have The Conversation is kind of a sign of insecurity - either lack of confidence in the relationship or lack of confidence in ones own self.
But this probably isn't very good advice, I've no idea.
― Evren Kader (Masonic Boom), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:51 (fifteen years ago) link
oh I would mean it (re looking-into-eyes). I am torn between Kate's old skool thinking and the honesty-is-best-policy option - but not until all other options are exhausted. Yeah, not a commitmentophobe, mixed priorities is the thing, but maybe still need to make him chase. I'm no good at it though.
Oh NickB, that's actually pretty great. I might use it.
― ljubljana, Friday, 11 September 2009 11:52 (fifteen years ago) link
What I'm saying, Louis, is there is NO SUCH THING as a person with mixed priorities. If having a relationship with a person is a priority, an interested person will make the time.
A person who is constantly chasing is never going to be a priority, because you can take them for granted.
― Evren Kader (Masonic Boom), Friday, 11 September 2009 11:53 (fifteen years ago) link
Though it could've been better if someone from The Queer community wrote it but that's not The New Yorker.
― xyzzzz__, Thursday, 11 August 2022 13:49 (two years ago) link
Nothing is enjoyable anymore.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jul/22/is-housing-crisis-killing-romance-modern-dating-jane-austen
― xyzzzz__, Saturday, 22 July 2023 11:32 (one year ago) link
Obviously it's all very middle-class. Partners can't get out of abusive relationships due to scarcity of a safe, affordable space. But you can see this stuff extending through society.
― xyzzzz__, Saturday, 22 July 2023 12:07 (one year ago) link
this has been "a thing" in the SF Bay Area for quite a while. ... the article definitely has that middle class focus, (to the point where I lost patience with it) but the housing crisis/relationship "stuck-ness" is harder on poorer people.
― sarahell, Saturday, 22 July 2023 15:38 (one year ago) link
It's another category of gofundme campaign now ... along with "help pay medical bills" ... that is a clear example how broken "the system" is.
― sarahell, Saturday, 22 July 2023 15:40 (one year ago) link
Sarahell otm. Of course everything is harder on poorer people, and one still hears the standard advice "well, then don't be poor."
― Some people call me Maurice Chevalier (Ye Mad Puffin), Saturday, 22 July 2023 15:52 (one year ago) link
Yeah I couldn't finish that piece either.
― xyzzzz__, Saturday, 22 July 2023 17:52 (one year ago) link