Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

(Throughout this discussion I am in the middle of serving a student or trying to.)

My brain: [shotuing] Jesus woman, is flicking through a couple of newspapers to find the right one really beneath/beyond you?
Me: ...

She sniffled the rest of the day.

I rrrrreally didn't know what to do.

Awkward silence for the rest of the day.

Combine anger and guilt over being angry, and it makes me feel really crap.

I thnk I'll talk to my b/f about whether I/we can afford for me to quit.

yes, seriously. he cycled in wearing a pair of comedy shorts, intending to change into a pair of decent keks when he got to work. unfortunately, he omitted to put said keks in his bag. so he's now sitting at his mac looking a bit miserable, while everybody points and laughs at his knees. to make matters worse, he sits right by an enormous window.

despite the fact it is pissing down with rain, he's going to stick it out for the whole day. rather than doing what i'd have done, which is rushing to the nearest gentleman's outfitter and getting a big pair of slacks pronto.

that's what i said to him. but no, he hasn't woken up. instead he's just been sitting in the executive editor's office having an important meeting about the next few months' work. hhaaa!

please.

imagine the kind of thing stanley might have been wearing when he met livingstone, only baggier, and teamed with blue socks and brown suede shoes.

I'd like to note that I made the coffee today and it's bangin'. I feel like putting up instructions.

ancient, creaky messanger dude: "simon, did you get that package i left on kathleen's desk yesterday?"
me: "er, no. why would i have done?"
ancient, creaky messanger dude: "it was addressed to mark. and said urgent."
me: "so you left it on kathleen's desk?"
ancient, creaky messanger dude: "it had her name on it too."
me: "but it was addressed to mark?"
ancient, creaky messanger dude: "yes, it said urgent."
me: "and you left it on her desk some 24 hours ago?"
ancient, creaky messanger dude: "yes."
me: "but she's on holiday." [rustles on desk under enormous pile of mail; produces package.]
ancient, creaky messanger dude: "that's it!"
me: "right. shall i give it to mark, who's sitting over there at his desk?"
ancient, creaky messanger dude: "ok."

see, we mac users have this fantastic "copy and paste" function :p

(the original was actually sent to yr boyf, and contained the name of said old messenger dude. quite why i felt the need to spare his blushes, i don't know.)

My friend emailed me saying "at least I don't have a stinkyman in the office" He looked at the email then looked away quickly and went to make tea. I emailed her back telling her he was sitting with me and to send a similiar email that didn't allude to him (ingenius I thought, I could leave that open and he'd think he'd misread it) so she obliged, sending a new email saying "at least I don't have a stinkyman next door" - not much of an improvement but still.

Two minutes later she sent through another email with bold red letters - "HEY STINKY STOP READING HER EMAILS"

He read it. He smiled shyly. I beamed red. I had to sit with him for a further hour too scared to open anymore emails, too pathetic to say anything to him. Now I'm scared he won't come back tomorrow.

So I'M the stupid, annoying co-worker and I feel like fucking shit.

Is there some sort of cult behind the "office chair balls?" At the last place I worked, at least a half-dozen people had those infernal things.

Madchen, do you work in my office? I've got one of them! She is part of the reason I am leaving. I sent her an email saying "has Mark done [what I was expecting him to do]". She emailed back to say "no, James (sic) dint (sic) do it yet". She is responsible for all external correspondence from her branch. SHE WAS ALSO GIVEN THE EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH AWARD LAST MONTH despite potentially losing the company £2k+ of hard earned money (which my noseying about her work managed to save due to grovelling and apologising and rectifying in my own time).

mwoo-hah! o god, that's joyously funny. and look on the bright side: if he doesn't come back, no more whiffage.

its dumb