Why do I hate that thing (excluding image macros) that people put on facebook? Why am I such a jerk?

"'Cos we're the "online" generation,
and we've got something to Tweet... "

They call them the 'Telephone Generation'. For the Telephone Generation, the same amount of time has elapsed since the founding of the Lawn Tennis Association in 1888 as the declaration of war on Spain by England in 1762. To the Telephone Generation, arable enclosure is just a way of life. They do not know what it means to send a telegram or cast their own spearheads from bronze alloys. Feeling old yet?

During a robbery, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: “Don’t move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you.”

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called “Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: “Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!”

This is called “Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): “Big brother, let’s count how much we got.”

The older robber rebutted and said: “You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!”

This is called “Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: “Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called “Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!

The supervisor says: “It will be good if there is a robbery every month.”

This is called “Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: “We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!”

This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!”

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.

This is called “Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks!

So who are the real robbers here?

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: “Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!”

So who are the real rapers here?

When a clerk asked for a moment to pray with the robber and another clerk was adamant that the robber promise to spare their lives, he shouted "Be quiet or I'll lock you in the vault!"

There's an alternate Line 3 for you, Mr. Randy Strawman, Internet Essayist.

But the supervisor said to him: “Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”. This is called “Moneybags.”

They Pulled Over And Started Playing For The Cows - I Can't Believe What Happened Next!

A Guy Cools A Coke For 3 Hours and Pours. You'll NEVER Believe What Poured Out!

article title is "This Sodahack Is The King Of Party Tricks." fuck you san francisco globe

lol You'll Be Amazed What Happens To This Tooth Kept In A Glass Of Coca Cola For A Few Days

― UK Cop Humour (Bananaman Begins), Monday, January 20, 2014 7:58 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i mean seriously we've reached this point

When Presented With This Vague Promise of Entertainment, You Won't Believe How Many Gullible People Fall For It!

My sister-in-law posted this today...it has a headline written in That Style, but it is otherwise transcendent:

https://vine.co/v/MgZ3l1AtnOm

At First I Thought It Was Written In That Style....But What I Read Next Was Transcendent

The King Of All Men Saw Something Drowning In The Ocean. And I Still Can't Believe What He Did.

What he did...whoa.

I wonder if I'd hate these as much if they Didn't Capitalize Words Like In, The, And Of.

ILXor Mookieproof was RTing some of these from https://twitter.com/SavedYouAClick Good stuff.

Saved You A Click @SavedYouAClick · 5h
St. Maarten RT @HuffingtonPost: What happens when you put a working airport RIGHT next to a tourist beach

Saved You A Click @SavedYouAClick · 15h
Drinking alcohol. RT @MensHealthMag: The habit that ages you:

Saved You A Click @SavedYouAClick · Jun 13
Dancing dinosaur says racism is bad. RT @ClickHole: This Video Seems Silly, But It Makes a Good Point

i am so happy about clickhole

24 Statements That Get More True The Longer You Think About Them

oh wow

it's the reaction gifs that take from dumbest thing ever to actual clickhole material

need a script that inserts one of those gifs every time someone posts to the truthbombs thread

i'm having trouble understanding why ppl 'like' things that are posted by nonhuman entities/corporations/etc? like. it isn't getting bookmarked. it does nothing for you. you're not making someone feel good.

basically i'm just really annoyed at this one friend who likes every single esquire.com article thereby forcing every single horrible esquire.com article onto my wall

16. What if the Egyptians didn’t actually revere cats, but only jokingly did like we do on the internet?

xp so you just answered your own question!

23. 1980 is as far away as 2048.

this statement actually gets less true the longer you think about it, think about it

OMG I HAVE BLOWN YOUR MIND

http://blog.petflow.com/14-grandparents-walked-on-stage-the-judges-werent-impressed-until-they-did-this

:[

I almost feel like I'm part of the problem if I click on that.

i'm not actually viewing that so i don't if those are verified grandparents or not but i'm so annoyed by the tendency to call all old people "grandparents" when their lack of grandparentness has nothing to do with whatever it is they're doing, as if old people who do not have kids who also had kids look different from normal old people (obv the actual assumption is all old people have grandkids)

One of my aunts was a grandparent before age 40.

https://scontent-a-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/t1.0-9/1549339_695217307167998_1216709721_n.jpg

Paste whatever is still on your clipboard in the comments below, unless you're a coward.

"Eight hundred and fifty classic rock song titles? Well, if you say so!"

...zing?

Universal Energy

http://s11.postimg.org/uxaj5pk4j/noize.png

http://www.worthytoshare.com/he-told-his-loving-wife-he-wants-a-divorce#

isn't that one a mainstay of this/other Facebook threads? It's so utterly bizarre

i confess i didn't pay enough attention to this thread to have seen it before

well more that I'm sure it's been doing the rounds for ages! and people must still be posting it!
BUT WHY

oh i understand. i don't know! it's not even remotely sense-making!

I still see it at least once a year, and it makes no more sense now than it did the first time I trudged through it.

so someone shared a video of animals being killed at a factory farm and then captioned it "Don't watch!!!"

http://www.tickld.com/x/zach-galifianakis-might-have-been-the-funny-guy-but-this-is-amazing

^ why you hate that?

because i am such a jerk

There's an image-story thing going around about how Zach Galifianakis, and starts with "Zach Galifianakis Might Have Been The Funny Guy As The One Man..." and I was really hoping it was a Clickhole parody that would go on to detail everything crappy and un-funny he's done since then. Unfortunately it's about him being a hero to a homeless person.

http://www.tickld.com/x/zach-galifianakis-might-have-been-the-funny-guy-but-this-is-amazing

― flatizza (harbl), Saturday, September 6, 2014 12:22 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

^ why you hate that?

― Aimless, Saturday, September 6, 2014 1:03 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

because i am such a jerk

― flatizza (harbl), Saturday, September 6, 2014 3:39 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

There's an image-story thing going around about how Zach Galifianakis, and starts with "Zach Galifianakis Might Have Been The Funny Guy As The One Man..." and I was really hoping it was a Clickhole parody that would go on to detail everything crappy and un-funny he's done since then. Unfortunately it's about him being a hero to a homeless person.

― Doctor Casino, Sunday, September 7, 2014 2:28 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

trenchant social commentary?

hahaha ok totally missed that, i don't read urls anymore btw, ilx should display all HTML as a series of images in a long vertical strip

john mclaughlin video where he says in not these exact words but man the world sucks cos musos don't get paid mad money for playing arse backwards jazz noodling. govt funds orchestras therefore govt must fund jazz.
i mean, can you imagine?
of course jazz noodlers & musos think the world should lap up their solipsistic widdling for $$$ for their entire life span, so cries of "hear hear!", "tell it like it is!" abound.

SOMEONE. MAKE IT STOP.

http://imgur.com/a/eTtNu?gallery

http://i.imgur.com/dj2PBmA.jpg

huh, this guy went to my high school (but I didn't know him personally). feel like imgur glurge should be its own thread.

http://elitedaily.com/sports/30-things-can-tell-boyfriend-based-nfl-team-supports/760163/