That dentist joke is gold.
― ▴▲ ▴TH3CR()$BY$H()W▴▲ ▴ (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 8 May 2014 18:46 (ten years ago) link
Mac 'n' Please sounds like a real place!
― ▴▲ ▴TH3CR()$BY$H()W▴▲ ▴ (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 8 May 2014 18:47 (ten years ago) link
More to the point, it doesn't sound like a joke?
― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 8 May 2014 19:00 (ten years ago) link
It definitely does. People say that kind of stuff all the time in TV comedies.
― ▴▲ ▴TH3CR()$BY$H()W▴▲ ▴ (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 8 May 2014 19:04 (ten years ago) link
It has a Liz Lemon quality to it.
― ▴▲ ▴TH3CR()$BY$H()W▴▲ ▴ (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 8 May 2014 19:09 (ten years ago) link
Which Southern Rock band is most popular on the chitlin circuit?
Ynyrds Dynyrd
― Kwotch Pawasites - Wrong Or Right (wins), Saturday, 24 May 2014 08:43 (ten years ago) link
(Pron. Inn-ards Dinn-er'd)
what did lionel richie say when he learned treeship was a fan of the album "the velvet underground and nico"?
treezy likes "sunday morning"
― estela, Saturday, 24 May 2014 09:58 (ten years ago) link
used to have faith in estelas puns, but no more
― the only thing worse than being tweeted about (darraghmac), Saturday, 24 May 2014 12:19 (ten years ago) link
I want to come up with a yakov smirnov twitter joke, something along the lines of "In my country, big time celebrity follows you!"
― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 27 May 2014 23:05 (ten years ago) link
"In my country, KGB follows you on twitter"
"In my country, Kardashians watch you!"
Nope, I'm going to hand it back over now.
― pplains, Wednesday, 28 May 2014 00:24 (ten years ago) link
In america, kardashian writes in 140 characters a line.In my country, 140 characters wait in line for toilet paper.
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 28 May 2014 02:16 (ten years ago) link
In my big country, you stay with dreams like a lover's voice fires the mountainside.
― Funk autocorrect (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 28 May 2014 03:08 (ten years ago) link
comedy sketch idea #238479: torturer trying to use an e-cigarette
― koogs, Saturday, 31 May 2014 16:47 (ten years ago) link
Like on his victim?
― pplains, Saturday, 31 May 2014 19:16 (ten years ago) link
yes.
― koogs, Saturday, 31 May 2014 19:28 (ten years ago) link
a torturer trying to smoke an e-cigarette on his break but failing because he's old school as established by his old school torturing techniques
― the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Saturday, 31 May 2014 19:45 (ten years ago) link
Boss: What the hell are you doing?Torturer Henchman: Eh, sorry boss, but ah, we're within 100 feet of the entrance to a public school. According to local ordinance no. 524--Boss: SHADDUP, YOU IDIOT!
― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Saturday, 31 May 2014 19:54 (ten years ago) link
~* Inside the Writer's Room *~
― the glimmer man (Sufjan Grafton), Saturday, 31 May 2014 20:06 (ten years ago) link
of a cancelled show
Did you hear about the locavore duo whose fried chicken restaurant ousted KFC? It was called Terroir Couple Kill Colonel.
― just like the one wing dove (Crabbits), Saturday, 31 May 2014 21:03 (ten years ago) link
TORTURER: So you won't talk, huh?
VICTIM: OW! What was that? Your ink pen?
TORTURER: [ Thumbs thru Handbook ] No, I'm, um, putting my cigarette out on you wait.
VICTIM: Haha, what? You're supposed to use a cigarette not an e-cigarette. Can't wait to see what kind of battery jumper cables you've got back there.
ASSISTANT holds up white ipod cord plugged into wall with a shrug. TORTURER does "cut throat" motion at him. ASSISTANT holds up Harry Potter scarf?
― pplains, Saturday, 31 May 2014 23:46 (ten years ago) link
"You idiot, I said get sodium AMYTAL, not sodium CHLORIDE!"
― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Saturday, 31 May 2014 23:55 (ten years ago) link
TORTURER: I don't get it, we've been waterboarding him for an hour, and he still hasn't given us anything.
ASSISTANT: Want to give it some more time?
TORTURER: [ ''lights'' ''cigarette''] Yeah, but just one more time to the buoys and back.
ASSISTANT revs throttle.
VICTIM: Hey! Let's go by that cove again! Saw some chicks in bikinis!
― pplains, Sunday, 1 June 2014 00:05 (ten years ago) link
I am enjoying this
― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Sunday, 1 June 2014 16:59 (ten years ago) link
Yeah that's a good un
― now I'm the grandfather (dog latin), Sunday, 1 June 2014 17:10 (ten years ago) link
Knock KnockWho's there?SubaruSubaru who?Oh no, why are you crying?
― how's life, Saturday, 12 July 2014 12:03 (nine years ago) link
a fun twist on a classic!
― chikungunya manatee (Sufjan Grafton), Saturday, 12 July 2014 16:23 (nine years ago) link
you guys know the main ingredient in fish cakes? all porpoise flour.
― moonstone (soda), Sunday, 27 July 2014 19:16 (nine years ago) link
A porpoise is a goddam mammal
― 龜, Sunday, 27 July 2014 19:40 (nine years ago) link
you are one pedantic amphibian, friendo
― wins, Monday, 28 July 2014 14:27 (nine years ago) link
The flour is not made of porpoises, but for porpoises u peasant.
― moonstone (soda), Monday, 28 July 2014 18:46 (nine years ago) link
more like jomade hokes
― switching letters guy, Monday, 28 July 2014 19:23 (nine years ago) link
DMC: was at that stats seminar today. trinity prof and Oxford equivalent all day back and forth with "hilarious" "bantz" in re lm functions etcJMC: they were co-medians
― Serious Men raised by the Issues Movement (darraghmac), Friday, 1 August 2014 01:15 (nine years ago) link
Yves Klein walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey Yves, why so blue?"
― DERE is no DERE DERE (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, 4 August 2014 17:55 (nine years ago) link
Mark Rothko walks into a color bar
― mattresslessness, Monday, 4 August 2014 18:10 (nine years ago) link
heheyyyyyy
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 4 August 2014 18:29 (nine years ago) link
Q: What is an art dealer's favorite place to go to the beach?A: Gagosian City, NJ!
― Gay Fire Beautiful Dong (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 2 September 2014 16:26 (nine years ago) link
What did Samuel Adams's penis say to Samuel Adams's scrotum?
"Tote Sam A's balls!" (That is a thing that dicks say)
― Onan Pullett (wins), Tuesday, 30 September 2014 09:45 (nine years ago) link
stand by jmcs pun a few weeks back
― zero content albums (darraghmac), Tuesday, 30 September 2014 09:47 (nine years ago) link
There's this weird new pornographic doll for sale that masturbates whenever you put sunglasses on it. The best part is that it comes in a lot of different shades.
― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 30 September 2014 19:22 (nine years ago) link
That makes it sound like it is using the sunglasses to achieve or obtain the results of orgasm. OTOH if this phenotypically diverse fuck doll reverses the results of the Clark doll test, well – that's wonderful.
― King Clone (Crabbits), Wednesday, 1 October 2014 00:14 (nine years ago) link
Did you hear about the hobo stew that makes you see God?
I tell ya, you would find it in tins.
― pplains, Wednesday, 1 October 2014 00:26 (nine years ago) link
Did you know people who use the metric system can challenge their vertigo by exploring different levels of hyperspace?
That system is in tens.
― pplains, Wednesday, 1 October 2014 00:28 (nine years ago) link
Did you hear about the nervous Native American whose name was "Twin Teepees"?
Get that shit out of there, you racist.
― pplains, Wednesday, 1 October 2014 00:32 (nine years ago) link
"Wow, Tim. You're on a roll today."
"I know, right? Maybe because I AM ON FIRE."
― pplains, Wednesday, 1 October 2014 03:33 (nine years ago) link
That last one was this close to being tweeted.
Something where the last two lines are
"Oh, you barristers""'barrassed her? I thought she rather enjoyed it!"
― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Friday, 24 October 2014 19:06 (nine years ago) link
Q: What did the gamergater say when he finally slept with a woman for the first time?A: "The rabbithole goes even deeper than I imagined"
sorry, very truly sorry, flagging my own post
― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Monday, 27 October 2014 16:33 (nine years ago) link