That last one was this close to being tweeted.
― pplains, Wednesday, 1 October 2014 03:33 (nine years ago) link
Something where the last two lines are
"Oh, you barristers""'barrassed her? I thought she rather enjoyed it!"
― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Friday, 24 October 2014 19:06 (nine years ago) link
Q: What did the gamergater say when he finally slept with a woman for the first time?A: "The rabbithole goes even deeper than I imagined"
sorry, very truly sorry, flagging my own post
― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Monday, 27 October 2014 16:33 (nine years ago) link
The Homemade Jokes thread is frequently disappointing, I must say.
― Shepard Toney Album (dog latin), Monday, 27 October 2014 16:51 (nine years ago) link
Homemade Jokes thread is a 'best effort' service. take it or leave it, my friend.
― $0.00 Butter sauce only. No marinara. (Sufjan Grafton), Monday, 27 October 2014 17:15 (nine years ago) link
The Sweet-Tooth Outlaws of comedy, if you will.
― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Monday, 27 October 2014 17:20 (nine years ago) link
"Knock knock.""Who's there?""Interrupting Lou Reed.""Interrupting Lou Reed wh-""SWEETLY."
― Stupor Fly, Monday, 27 October 2014 20:21 (nine years ago) link
I like that one
― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Monday, 27 October 2014 20:22 (nine years ago) link
yeah, that's a solid homemade joke
― everybody loves lana del raymond (s.clover), Monday, 3 November 2014 00:58 (nine years ago) link
Okay how did I miss this at the start of the thread, I just almost died choking laughing
If you play pinball in an arcade for a given length of time, a small child will stand to the left of you and breathe on your flipper playing hand...
― Drop soap, not bombs (Ste), Monday, 3 November 2014 01:35 (nine years ago) link
Have you heard about the French Wu-Tang member Jacques the Baker? He came to bring the pain.
― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Monday, 3 November 2014 19:17 (nine years ago) link
Did you hear about the metal/dubstep remix record of Mamas and Papas songs? It's called Cass Iron Skrillex
― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 4 November 2014 20:39 (nine years ago) link
i have a lengthy joke about tom hanks going to heaven if anyone wants to hear it in person.
― Steve 'n' Seagulls and Flock of Van Dammes (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 4 November 2014 20:41 (nine years ago) link
"Think you can find your way around?"
"Sure! I've got my Cloud Atlas."
― pplains, Tuesday, 4 November 2014 21:16 (nine years ago) link
"no no you misunderstand. 'tom hanks' is the name of god's cerberus"
― $0.00 Butter sauce only. No marinara. (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 4 November 2014 21:22 (nine years ago) link
You heard about the Ariana Grande album? It comes with guacamole and sour cream.
― everybody loves lana del raymond (s.clover), Thursday, 6 November 2014 06:08 (nine years ago) link
http://news.distractify.com/megan-mccormick/25-jokes-thought-up-by-kids-that-are-so-terrible-they-039-re-hilarious/?v=1
― StanM, Monday, 24 November 2014 05:01 (nine years ago) link
"I'm taking my girlfriend to Maine this weekend.""To Bangor?""No, we don't believe in sex before marriage."
― yusef latifah (unregistered), Saturday, 3 January 2015 15:58 (nine years ago) link
"I'm taking my girlfriend to Maine this weekend.""To bang 'er?""No, Ogunquit."
― yusef latifah (unregistered), Saturday, 3 January 2015 15:59 (nine years ago) link
Tipper: I'm taking my husband to Maine this weekend.Hillary: To Bangor?Tipper: *nods and winks*
― yusef latifah (unregistered), Saturday, 3 January 2015 16:08 (nine years ago) link
that's the one
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 21:32 (nine years ago) link
What was Billy Joel's excuse when he stunk up a Hobbit Hole?He didn't fart the shire.
― how's life, Wednesday, 7 January 2015 21:43 (nine years ago) link
Sunny was in no mood to hear my Chan Marshall jokes when we passed this place on New Year's Eve:
http://i.imgur.com/k6I5yZe.png
I later said to her, "Well, I don't blame yooouuuu."
― pplains, Friday, 9 January 2015 04:55 (nine years ago) link
just str8 up busting crayolas at your childrenmust be the colorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs and the kids
― brosario nawson (m bison), Friday, 9 January 2015 05:10 (nine years ago) link
cross-bar style
― don't ask me why i posted this (electricsound), Friday, 9 January 2015 05:33 (nine years ago) link
What did Ira say to Charlie when they broke up the band? "You've Lost That Louvin Feelin'"
― Vic Perry, Saturday, 10 January 2015 22:52 (nine years ago) link
ok lol
― please login or register if you are (unregistered), Saturday, 10 January 2015 22:56 (nine years ago) link
Q. What do you call a moon-worshipping Odinist footballer?A. Wane Rune-y!
― hot takes: audit in progress (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 11 January 2015 11:26 (nine years ago) link
They said they'd pay us in Italian food, but they ended up giving us a voucher that could only be redeemed at Papa Johns. It was a pizza chit.
― how's life, Sunday, 11 January 2015 12:04 (nine years ago) link
Q: what do you call a tiger with glasses on?
A: a scientist tiger
^ boo, stolen internet joke
― contenderizer, Sunday, 11 January 2015 12:18 (nine years ago) link
Q: What did Edison say to Tesla after he invented the phonograph?
A: Yeah, bitch, how my acetates!
― walid foster dulles (man alive), Wednesday, 14 January 2015 20:03 (nine years ago) link
man alive
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 15 January 2015 22:14 (nine years ago) link
One from my brother - he says he made it up but who knows.Bro: "oh my god did you hear about that actress who got stabbed recently?... Reece... whats her name..."Me: "Witherspoon?"Bro:"no, with a knife!"
― I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:32 (nine years ago) link
(and I fell for it, tch)
being that i first heard that >10 yrs ago i suspect he dint make it up
― don't ask me why i posted this (electricsound), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:33 (nine years ago) link
still good tho
Ha yeah I figured as much :)
― I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:33 (nine years ago) link
Yeah I heard that some time ago too, still funny. It's possible he thinks he made it up though I guess
― Drop soap, not bombs (Ste), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:44 (nine years ago) link
We all know the famous Greek playwrights Euripedes and Eumenides. But have you read about the great Greek shopkeepers of that time -- Eubreakades and Eubiades?
― celfie tucker 48 (s.clover), Friday, 20 February 2015 22:22 (nine years ago) link
I lol'd
― walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 20 February 2015 22:31 (nine years ago) link
haha that's a good one
― F♯ A♯ (∞), Friday, 20 February 2015 22:34 (nine years ago) link
hahahahaha!
― IHeartMedia, the giant broadcaster formerly known as Clear Channel, (stevie), Monday, 23 February 2015 15:47 (nine years ago) link
I feel like I'm going to use that one as a *dad joke* when my kids are older.
― walid foster dulles (man alive), Monday, 23 February 2015 15:47 (nine years ago) link
that joke would immediately mitigate the next Asterix book, if there's another one coming out.
― Broth Viking (dog latin), Monday, 23 February 2015 16:07 (nine years ago) link
i used that one on a seven year old recently and even with no frame of reference, she loved it.
― the plight of y0landa (forksclovetofu), Monday, 23 February 2015 16:32 (nine years ago) link
Two rabbits are sitting on a log. One of them turns to the other and says, "Hey, I hear there's a new bar opening up in town. We should check it out."The second rabbit says, "Nah. From what I hear, they always water shit down."
― Stupor Fly, Tuesday, 17 March 2015 02:16 (nine years ago) link
ha !
― Drop soap, not bombs (Ste), Tuesday, 17 March 2015 09:12 (nine years ago) link
Nice.
― toucan orca ink (how's life), Tuesday, 17 March 2015 09:49 (nine years ago) link
How did Shakespeare write the dialogue for his Master P-ces?He made 'em say "Uhhh… Anon, anon."
― Stupor Fly, Sunday, 17 May 2015 16:22 (nine years ago) link
"I'm getting ready to transport my CD collection to my new apartment.""Didja pack?""No, most of them are jewel cases."
― the geographibebebe (unregistered), Sunday, 17 May 2015 16:37 (nine years ago) link