Tell Me About: Threesomes

I've also come to think tendency toward "random hookups" is more about temperament than attractiveness. Maybe it's just not your personality! Again, your gf is with you, there must be some reason for that.

also it sounds like she and her friend just felt curious/like experimenting?

sounds like you're projecting your own fantasies onto this dude maybe it'll help to realize that other dudes j/o to your gf like 12 times a day

xp

try to arrange one with her and someone else (which she said she might possibly be into
try to arrange one with her and someone else (which she said she might possibly be into
try to arrange one with her and someone else (which she said she might possibly be into
try to arrange one with her and someone else (which she said she might possibly be into
try to arrange one with her and someone else (which she said she might possibly be into
try to arrange one with her and someone else (which she said she might possibly be into

champagne probs for realz

bustamove.gif

B O maybe the question is do you think it's better to have a fantasy that consumes you or is it better to live the fantasy and deflate it and to never dream for ever

Maybe ur also imagining that *the kind of guy* who could have a threesome with your girlfriend AND another woman must have had the virility of two men and you're afraid that if you try it you won't measure up. And that's silly. Which is not to say you should try a threesome, but that's not a good reason not to.

did someone say threesome

I mean, if your gal talked about a mango she ate and you lived in a place with no mangos and you were in the past preoccupied with the potential taste of mango, you might get preoccupied and hurt by your gal's mango story.

but yea eazy otm, this is definitely about your own history. i was pretty much a shy dude throughout high school and college and even though i had some adventures and various partners i've never really been someone who succeeded (or even tried that much) w/ random hookups. i also have been in the same monogamous relationship since i was 21. there was a lot of work i had to do to figure out shit about my sexuality and sexual history and how it played out in other areas of my life, and whether i had regrets about that or not, and whether there is anything i can do about it now to own it. you got to own that shit and own your feelings about it. depression from a partner's past revelation can hurt but really you can use it to teach/inspire yourself about changing how you relate to your sexuality.

but if your gal said "hey, i'd be down to get some mangos, with some boundaries - they have to be safe mangos" then maybe you should take her up on that?

dying here @ mangos tbh

The issue here is that the man goes to a threesome but poor blogged out can't

I mean, if your gal talked about a mango she ate and you lived in a place with no mangos and you were in the past preoccupied with the potential taste of mango, you might get preoccupied and hurt by your gal's mango story.

what about madeleines?

i feel like any attempt to talk through my feelings with her would turn into shitty emotional manipulation of one sort or another

This is the bit you should be worried about. It doesn't sound like you're going to berate her for her past so what you're fearing is being honest with her about your own emotions - if you're worried about this turning into emotional manipulation then there's a more fundamental communication problem here.

Will help/feel less manipulative if you take the option of a threesome with her + someone else off the table entirely? Because I think you should do that.

interestingly, mangos is almost what u get when u cross me with marcos

What if she told you she salt and peppered her mango?

unconscionable realms of metaphor

blogged out is M.I.A.

fwiw if this is treesh I'm gonna devote my entire postcount to wins (I am saying that it isn't btw)

Now imagine that she shared this ripe, juicy mango with another.

mangoes in two, a bore?

what if all the mangoes were rotten

man why is everybody trying to talk him out of having some mangos? she said she likes mangos, and how exactly mangos would work for her, and he says he's been thinking about mangos for years.

acknowledging your own ego issues and understanding how much sex-related judgments stem from ghosts of stupid awful body-hating xian morality (and addressing those judgments) really opens up worlds of opportunities and freedom ime/imo. i guess it's different in str8 relationships cuz there's so much damn panopticism from others abt what is acceptable whereas gays are already marginalized by the center and hence are more free abt some things but even there those kinds of judgments enter in.

Xps I just liked the sound of "threesh" I don't think these things overmuch

acknowledging your own ego issues and understanding how much sex-related judgments stem from ghosts of stupid awful body-hating xian morality (and addressing those judgments) really opens up worlds of opportunities and freedom ime/imo.

otm

i was gonna say something but i'm not sure if it has to be about mangoes and i've lost track of where we are in the mango analogy

some mangos are bad, they can be very stringy and fibrous

is this about fucking mangoes

i can't fit two mangoes on my dick :(

some are delicious and creamy and rich. think what blogged out is saying in part is the he is scared of getting a stringy and fibrous mango

I spent a lot of time agonizing over why I didn't have "random hookups" much in college before it occurred to me one day that I didn't try for them very much.

i can't fit two mangoes on my dick :(

― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Wednesday, November 19, 2014 5:16 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

Perhaps you would be interested in the grapefruit blow job instead http://www.refinery29.com/2014/07/70993/grapefruit-blowjob-sex-advice

The sour green mangos you get in Thai salads are so good & somehow not stringy & fibrous at all

Before I had them I thought no-strings fruit was a male fantasy

clouds' post descends with righteous mango-puréeing force and I hope inspires blogged out to achieve consommétion

blogged out is M.I.A.

― guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, November 19, 2014 5:09 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yes where are you dude?

hot chick waiting iirc

oh ha just got that, don't know if it was a deliberate joke or not

Clouds otm of course, but I wonder how much of bo's frustration is rooted in "I want this thing" vs. "I wish I had the agency to achieve this thing with my good looks and charming wit alone".

i've been in several threesomes and a couple foursomes and have had both incredible and horrible experiences, and sometimes even w/ the same partners involved. idk it's just a thing that gets hypostatized as some wild experience.

The sour green mangos you get in Thai salads are so good & somehow not stringy & fibrous at all

It could get expensive, but these too might give closure.

B O maybe the question is do you think it's better to have a fantasy that consumes you or is it better to live the fantasy and deflate it and to never dream for ever

― 龜, Wednesday, 19 November 2014 21:56 (1 hour ago)

married folk give my friend your advice (started by Bo Jackson Overdrive on board I Love Everything on 24-Jan-2008)

As long as your gf isn't pining for his dick or saying it was great or hot or anything NOW, after she has been with you, I'd say it's just best to move on.

wb deems

― imago, Wednesday, November 19, 2014 9:22 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Lel

yo, blogged, serious q, do you or have you had other obsessive thoughts abt things?

hi, sorry for taking so long to respond, lost my passsword for this acct

thanks you all for taking to time to converse about this in a way i've found very helpful, i have found some solace and understanding in some of these replies (btw, lol at "threesh", also, no) i fully realize any problem i'm facing relating to this is really nothing more than a result of depression; my thoughts are the only thing that's changed as a result of that conversation we had. anyway reading all the replies and spending a pleasant day with my girl have eased my mind a little. i haven't wanted to actually have some big deep conversation about this because she has finals this week and has been studying rorshach test administration like crazy. (i've been helping her with this and reading about other people's pathologies, or just pathology in general, also helps ease my mind sometimes) she has her last test today and i might talk with her more tonite about this if i can't stop dwelling on it. but i think that the best thing to do is probably just get over it and drop it one way or another.

i should have asked the question "should i talk to a therapist (though i don't go to therapy) about this before i talk to her?", i think that's really what i meant to ask.

some replies:

is that guy really a threat? She's with you.

i don't feel threatened in my relationship at all, my gf is more in love with me than anyone i've dated (and likewise me to her), i am just sinking into this rabbithole of regrets about my life experiences.

would it be different if it were a freewheeling twosome

i mean, yeah. i've mostly come to accept the fact that people hook up all the time and i am not one of those people. it's a little different when it intersects with a fantasy like this i think. it's something i've always thought of as inconceivable for me...

but if your gal said "hey, i'd be down to get some mangos, with some boundaries - they have to be safe mangos" then maybe you should take her up on that?

i think a big part of why i'm distraught in my contemplating this is that i think actually trying to do this now would be a bad idea in our relationship. we're both kind of insecure, it's not just me, and we have a very strong intimacy going that we both enjoy. but the alternative for me seems to be dropping the idea of it, and then dwelling on it forever...?

i feel like any attempt to talk through my feelings with her would turn into shitty emotional manipulation of one sort or another

This is the bit you should be worried about. It doesn't sound like you're going to berate her for her past so what you're fearing is being honest with her about your own emotions - if you're worried about this turning into emotional manipulation then there's a more fundamental communication problem here.

Will help/feel less manipulative if you take the option of a threesome with her + someone else off the table entirely? Because I think you should do that.

yeah, i think you nailed the issue i'm having. i don't want to talk about it because i'm scared she would want to agree to it for the wrong reasons, and we would be hit with a harder wave of emotions to deal with. i'm trying to imagine a conversation where i talk through the thoughts i'm having and then say, 'but let's not do this because it would be bad probably' without being at least a little disingenuous

acknowledging your own ego issues and understanding how much sex-related judgments stem from ghosts of stupid awful body-hating xian morality (and addressing those judgments) really opens up worlds of opportunities and freedom ime/imo. i guess it's different in str8 relationships cuz there's so much damn panopticism from others abt what is acceptable whereas gays are already marginalized by the center and hence are more free abt some things but even there those kinds of judgments enter in.

this reads like a good post but it isn't connecting with me for some reason... surely the majority of the reasons i am fixated on this are social rather than sexual or personal, but that doesn't seem to matter in my head right now.

blogged out is M.I.A.

― guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, November 19, 2014 5:09 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yes where are you dude?
my bad, re-registering another account after losing my pass for this one was something i could not manage to do in the window of time i had to post about this last night.

Clouds otm of course, but I wonder how much of bo's frustration is rooted in "I want this thing" vs. "I wish I had the agency to achieve this thing with my good looks and charming wit alone".

when i read this i thought "YES, dude gets it". then i rethought that for a second and i'm like, ok, i guess what i'm experiencing is textbook entitlement. but yeah, even if i come to terms with the idea that i'm not that guy, it is such a fascinating, mind-fucking mystery how things like this occur to me. i'm scared to ask her for more details, but i feel like i need to know how it happened, like this will shine a light on some aspect of human interaction that i've always felt alien to?

idk it's just a thing that gets hypostatized as some wild experience.

well if it isn't, what is? (will not be asking my gf this, for all i know this is the tip of the iceberg. she went to U$F ffs and i know she was pretty much living that WOO COLLEGE party lifestyle for those years.)
i'm just stupid jealous that i was going to nerdy art rock shows and studiously avioding talking to girls at that point in my life (and most points in my life).

yo, blogged, serious q, do you or have you had other obsessive thoughts abt things?

i don't think i've ever latched onto something like this badly, but i definitely have the tendency to internalize things/emotions/desires and never act on them. isn't that normal? i dunno

oh yeah meant to mention somewhere in this post that i'm 29 and she's 25. maybe this is just typical mid/late 20's shit. probably it is.

thanks again guys for engaging with my immaturity, it's always better letting this bullshit out into the open.

go to a therapist yes, also if you already know you are depressed.

I went back-and-forth between this thread and the Cosby thread too quickly and thought someone was giving you the advice

if you are rich and famous ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE WILL HAVE SEX WITH YOU!! like, millions of people! for free! even weird dangerous sex or any kind of sex you can think of. people will actually let you drug them and have sex with them if you are rich and famous enough!!!

lol same exact thing happened to me

i should have asked the question "should i talk to a therapist (though i don't go to therapy) about this before i talk to her?", i think that's really what i meant to ask.

yes