still good tho
― don't ask me why i posted this (electricsound), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:33 (nine years ago) link
Ha yeah I figured as much :)
― I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:33 (nine years ago) link
Yeah I heard that some time ago too, still funny. It's possible he thinks he made it up though I guess
― Drop soap, not bombs (Ste), Friday, 16 January 2015 09:44 (nine years ago) link
We all know the famous Greek playwrights Euripedes and Eumenides. But have you read about the great Greek shopkeepers of that time -- Eubreakades and Eubiades?
― celfie tucker 48 (s.clover), Friday, 20 February 2015 22:22 (nine years ago) link
I lol'd
― walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, 20 February 2015 22:31 (nine years ago) link
haha that's a good one
― F♯ A♯ (∞), Friday, 20 February 2015 22:34 (nine years ago) link
hahahahaha!
― IHeartMedia, the giant broadcaster formerly known as Clear Channel, (stevie), Monday, 23 February 2015 15:47 (nine years ago) link
I feel like I'm going to use that one as a *dad joke* when my kids are older.
― walid foster dulles (man alive), Monday, 23 February 2015 15:47 (nine years ago) link
that joke would immediately mitigate the next Asterix book, if there's another one coming out.
― Broth Viking (dog latin), Monday, 23 February 2015 16:07 (nine years ago) link
i used that one on a seven year old recently and even with no frame of reference, she loved it.
― the plight of y0landa (forksclovetofu), Monday, 23 February 2015 16:32 (nine years ago) link
Two rabbits are sitting on a log. One of them turns to the other and says, "Hey, I hear there's a new bar opening up in town. We should check it out."The second rabbit says, "Nah. From what I hear, they always water shit down."
― Stupor Fly, Tuesday, 17 March 2015 02:16 (nine years ago) link
ha !
― Drop soap, not bombs (Ste), Tuesday, 17 March 2015 09:12 (nine years ago) link
Nice.
― toucan orca ink (how's life), Tuesday, 17 March 2015 09:49 (nine years ago) link
How did Shakespeare write the dialogue for his Master P-ces?He made 'em say "Uhhh… Anon, anon."
― Stupor Fly, Sunday, 17 May 2015 16:22 (nine years ago) link
"I'm getting ready to transport my CD collection to my new apartment.""Didja pack?""No, most of them are jewel cases."
― the geographibebebe (unregistered), Sunday, 17 May 2015 16:37 (nine years ago) link
"I'm getting ready to transport my CD collection to my new apartment.""Are you going to throw them into a big pile and carry them with your hands?""No... I'm going to use case logic."
― pplains, Sunday, 17 May 2015 17:27 (nine years ago) link
Lmaoooooo
― not a garbageman, i am garbage, man (m bison), Sunday, 17 May 2015 18:55 (nine years ago) link
Neil Young is hanging out at a party when a guy walks up to him and goes, "Hey, man, is that an angora sweater?"He shakes his head and says, "No, son. Everybody knows this is Mohair."
― Stupor Fly, Saturday, 6 June 2015 14:58 (eight years ago) link
ok this actually happened to a friend of mine recently, (relies on the American lady's accent)
(American lady): "So do you read much?"
(British guy): "Yes, I read when I'm in bed"
(American lady): "Do you use a Kindle?"
(British guy): "No I have a bedside lamp"
― Drop soap, not bombs (Ste), Saturday, 6 June 2015 16:23 (eight years ago) link
When I started to develop an addiction to cocaine, I was hoping to at least do so in a way that was ethical and didn't harm anyone in the supply chain.
And I would have got away with it, too, if it wasn't for those Medellín kids.
― and she's baconing like she's never baconed before (DJ Mencap), Friday, 17 July 2015 12:12 (eight years ago) link
Version of ^this joke^ appears in Pynchon's Bleeding Edge iirc
― Stevie T, Friday, 17 July 2015 12:18 (eight years ago) link
I am a poorly-read ignoramus, your honour
― and she's baconing like she's never baconed before (DJ Mencap), Friday, 17 July 2015 12:20 (eight years ago) link
XD
― how's life, Friday, 17 July 2015 12:22 (eight years ago) link
That's rather a compliment
― five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 14:10 (eight years ago) link
Knock knockWho's there?Giacomo. Giacomo who?Giacomo fee nah ney!
― five six and (man alive), Saturday, 25 July 2015 00:51 (eight years ago) link
If a capo is a mob boss,& a capo di tutti capi is a don,is a capo di tutti furgoni a Donovan?
― Stevolende, Saturday, 25 July 2015 08:20 (eight years ago) link
did you hear about the man who cut a sports car into bite-sized pieces and ate the entire thing without gaining any weight?
..............he practiced Porsche control
― stoomcursus rockisme (unregistered), Saturday, 25 July 2015 19:48 (eight years ago) link
Q: What did the Jewish squid say when he crossed himself?
A: Spectacles tentacles wallet watch.
― five six and (man alive), Thursday, 13 August 2015 02:24 (eight years ago) link
a clumsy seabird tried to plug a cable into the back of a Tolkienesque goblin and it was embarassing. awks aucs aux orcs awks
― yeast mode (dog latin), Friday, 21 August 2015 11:56 (eight years ago) link
A lot of the other orchestral musicians envy the easy portability of my violin. But they're just cellists.
― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Tuesday, August 14, 2012 1:49 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
really they have no basses for complaint
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Sunday, 13 September 2015 04:51 (eight years ago) link
ugh plz you don't need to toot his horn
― Y Kant Max Read (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 15 September 2015 16:53 (eight years ago) link
I asked the harpist if she could get me some free tickets.
She said she'd try to pull a few strings.
― pplains, Tuesday, 15 September 2015 17:10 (eight years ago) link
Why should you never play a wild card against a member of the brass section?He'll just trumpet.
― Meta Forksclove-Liebeskind (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 15 September 2015 18:34 (eight years ago) link
Sorry to break the orchestral theme, but
What day of the week do nymphs schedule their dates?
Satyrday!
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 15 September 2015 20:36 (eight years ago) link
How come the musician couldn't blow an A# through her instrument?
Well, first of all, the problem was originating from a flute premise.
― pplains, Tuesday, 15 September 2015 20:52 (eight years ago) link
that's a sharp observation.
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 15 September 2015 22:06 (eight years ago) link
Kenny Loggins: Hey Michael, what was that song that was sampled in Regulate?
Michael McDonald: I Keep Forgetting
Kenny Loggins: Alright, I'll just go get the album
Michael McDonald: If That's What It Takes
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Thursday, 17 September 2015 15:07 (eight years ago) link
Q. Why doesn't Popeye eat fried spinach for breakfast?
A. Cuz ikz too oily in d'mornin.
Popeye laughs at own joke: Awww-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug-gug.
― Vic Perry, Thursday, 17 September 2015 18:05 (eight years ago) link
Yesterday we were walking by a catholic church in the afternoon, and it had its doors open and there were dozens of people gathered outside, all of whom seemed to have dogs.
H: Is it some kind of Catholic dog holiday today?Me: The Feast of St. Bernard
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Monday, 5 October 2015 19:32 (eight years ago) link
*doffs hat*
― kinder, Tuesday, 6 October 2015 09:21 (eight years ago) link
remix:
Here is a joke of my own I once made up:
What do you guy who turns into an uncool bad-language wolf in the full moon's light?
A swear-wolf.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Thursday, June 24, 2010 8:53 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― Mark G, Tuesday, 6 October 2015 11:19 (eight years ago) link
What do Scottish ghosts drink?
Irn Boo
― sʌxihɔːl (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 8 October 2015 17:23 (eight years ago) link
Why can't the guy who wrote Trap Queen play Santa?Fetty Wap's got a sweaty lap.
Did you hear about Fetty Wap's new Mediterranean restaurant?The special is Fetty Wap's feta wrap.
Little known fact: Fetty Wap is also an inventor. His father is an exterminator and he created a moist towelette specially engineered to clean the inside of trap and release cages.He calls it Fetty Wap's Rat Trap Wet Naps.
― a literal scarecrow on a quaint porch (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 8 October 2015 19:23 (eight years ago) link
(I actually heard someone at a bodega yesterday order a wrap and the guy behind the counter yelled ONE MORE FETTY WAP)
― a literal scarecrow on a quaint porch (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 8 October 2015 19:24 (eight years ago) link
Where are freshman hippos required to live at Hippo University? On the hippocampus.
― jill's got heroin (rip van wanko), Thursday, 8 October 2015 19:30 (eight years ago) link
I feel like my 'Go Fet A Wapman' has been cruelly overlooked
― kinder, Thursday, 8 October 2015 20:46 (eight years ago) link
I actually don't really have a joke, I just wanted to say I've had a lot of phlegm lately.
Sorry to bring it up.
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Wednesday, 18 November 2015 03:02 (eight years ago) link
Honestly, man, that one was more of a hack job.
― pplains, Thursday, 19 November 2015 00:43 (eight years ago) link
'snot funny
― ledge, Thursday, 19 November 2015 09:06 (eight years ago) link
Shares at the Paris stock exchange fell so sharply yesterday that trading had to be suspended. Ministers took action to prevent further losses but they were shutting the stable door after the Bourse had halted.
― ledge, Thursday, 19 November 2015 13:20 (eight years ago) link