Aargh, fuck off friend of my mum's who has just posted this:
"Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who hasbeen with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since hisbirth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be rememberedas having cultivated such valuable lessons as:- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;- Why the early bird gets the worm;- Life isn't always fair;- and maybe it was my fault.Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulationswere set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissinga classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administersun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student becamepregnant and wanted to have an abortion.Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals receivedbetter treatment than their victims.Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your ownhome and the burglar could sue you for assault.Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steamingcup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife,Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;I Know My RightsI Want It NowSomeone Else Is To BlameI'm A VictimNot many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing"
― ailsa, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 10:46 (nine years ago) link
IT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD GONE MAD!
http://i0.wp.com/funandwow.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/laugh_husband_horse1_final3_1.png?resize=200%2C200
― soref, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 11:36 (nine years ago) link
I want a job writing these.
― Jeff, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 11:38 (nine years ago) link
Go on then, audition begins..
― Mark G, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 11:48 (nine years ago) link
https://scontent-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/10487422_793151340752967_5820527527606480702_n.jpg?oh=89c035276edc971b7669ea6bd8d50100&oe=557F9856
― Abstinence Hawk (frogbs), Wednesday, 11 March 2015 11:54 (nine years ago) link
Laugh a per loser?
― Mark G, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 12:58 (nine years ago) link
parody.
― Three Word Username, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 13:00 (nine years ago) link
mm
― Mark G, Wednesday, 11 March 2015 13:03 (nine years ago) link
parody (but not great)
― from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Wednesday, 11 March 2015 14:35 (nine years ago) link
https://scontent-iad.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10698579_10206642654048406_2827950815292151176_n.jpg?oh=84d54cde1d26b047242745308eac5afc&oe=55706F37
― computer champion (harbl), Sunday, 15 March 2015 11:16 (nine years ago) link
if they like me the way i am good
pretty lady in wet shirt driving that msg home
― A MOOC, what's a MOOC? (Bananaman Begins), Sunday, 15 March 2015 12:31 (nine years ago) link
Gotta have your obligatory, completely unrelated stock photo so readers have someone to identify with.
― Evan, Sunday, 15 March 2015 14:46 (nine years ago) link
she has a python neck good.
― mattresslessness, Sunday, 15 March 2015 16:47 (nine years ago) link
and people were behaving like they ought to good
― lettered and hapful (symsymsym), Sunday, 15 March 2015 17:48 (nine years ago) link
I have reached a point in my life where I still feel it is necessary to impress people by proclaiming that I don't care whether I impress them or not.
― Vic Perry, Sunday, 15 March 2015 17:51 (nine years ago) link
.. AND I DON'T CARE!!!
― Mark G, Sunday, 15 March 2015 17:55 (nine years ago) link
I have reached a point in my life where I no longer try to impress people, because I'm not all that impressive.
― Aimless, Sunday, 15 March 2015 18:14 (nine years ago) link
I'm impressed.
― Vic Perry, Sunday, 15 March 2015 18:18 (nine years ago) link
https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/11025998_959395027424504_3298656576273844189_n.png?oh=056499ce4ac162c62554db1e7c9b6a7b&oe=55796F69&__gda__=1434893059_8599a3185831068aac574dea73aa89f2
― toucan orca ink (how's life), Tuesday, 17 March 2015 14:36 (nine years ago) link
always knew what the pirates' flag looked like. always wondered what the pirates' flag was thinking.
― Team Foxcatcherwatcher (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 17 March 2015 14:42 (nine years ago) link
https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xaf1/v/t1.0-9/10377468_714660321913543_4317514180247596864_n.jpg?oh=b275050fc227bf643b1144796ce1e7d8&oe=5582B276&__gda__=1438471879_6c20e5a7ec6c835948449a22ab476090
― bizarro gazzara, Wednesday, 18 March 2015 13:01 (nine years ago) link
destroys the next generation, sweet weeping jesus.
― toucan orca ink (how's life), Wednesday, 18 March 2015 13:04 (nine years ago) link
damn, it don't goes more accurate than those
― Abstinence Hawk (frogbs), Wednesday, 18 March 2015 13:06 (nine years ago) link
interested to hear about this multiple occupancy condom
― A MOOC, what's a MOOC? (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 18 March 2015 14:29 (nine years ago) link
Damn, my joke was funny
― A MOOC, what's a MOOC? (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 18 March 2015 14:30 (nine years ago) link
Where did you put it?
― Mark G, Wednesday, 18 March 2015 14:32 (nine years ago) link
Ach, it'll turn up
― A MOOC, what's a MOOC? (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 18 March 2015 14:38 (nine years ago) link
I just spent way too much time considering the physical logistics of that.
― toucan orca ink (how's life), Wednesday, 18 March 2015 14:39 (nine years ago) link
not really mocking this one, but I don't know where to put ithttps://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/1484956/stevie%20.jpg
― Team Foxcatcherwatcher (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 19 March 2015 00:06 (nine years ago) link
too much time on ilx
― 龜, Thursday, 19 March 2015 00:10 (nine years ago) link
Was gonna say
― Maybe in 100 years someone will say damn Dawn was dope. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 19 March 2015 00:21 (nine years ago) link
unless i'm missing something that seems like a supremely legitimate use of facebook
― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 19 March 2015 00:57 (nine years ago) link
I agree. just lol'd at the 'stevie d' part. but I did not know about this 'too much time on ilx' thread, which sounds more appropriate. or maybe I'm just being told that I've spent too much time on ilx.
― Team Foxcatcherwatcher (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 19 March 2015 01:20 (nine years ago) link
which is fair enough tbh
no, there's a thread. it's 77 tho'.
― Maybe in 100 years someone will say damn Dawn was dope. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 19 March 2015 03:04 (nine years ago) link
https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/1422567_10152623538751512_7622857926813473202_n.jpg?oh=f622235e687b01f242530a169dfb3f28&oe=55B23EAB&__gda__=1438088850_eaaf5057adb85340aec892c82df4e42d
― cardamon, Sunday, 22 March 2015 10:23 (nine years ago) link
no shit I came here to post that exact thing
― sexpost TMIing! (wins), Sunday, 22 March 2015 10:37 (nine years ago) link
really hate when people write "veg." somehow that's what i hate most about that. i'm irrational.
― computer champion (harbl), Sunday, 22 March 2015 11:22 (nine years ago) link
you sneer, but it seems to be working ok for David Avocado Wolfe and his friends
http://www.pedestrian.tv/images/article/2011/03/14/David-Wolfe-Party-642-380.jpg
― soref, Sunday, 22 March 2015 12:50 (nine years ago) link
David Wolfe (a.k.a. Chocolate Pope Avocado Cacao)
― soref, Sunday, 22 March 2015 12:55 (nine years ago) link
omg http://www.davidwolfe.com/
― computer champion (harbl), Sunday, 22 March 2015 13:05 (nine years ago) link
The rock star of the superfoods and longevity world, America’s TOP CEOs, Global Ambassadors, Hollywood celebrities, busy professionals, and even the most powerful buying influence in the nation—Moms—all look to David for expert advice in health, beauty, herbalism, nutrition and chocolate!
― computer champion (harbl), Sunday, 22 March 2015 13:06 (nine years ago) link
aw man, a perm and a will to make money from lying to idiots and i too cd've been a millionaire longevity guru
― daed bod (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 22 March 2015 13:37 (nine years ago) link
http://www.eternallifefanclub.com/memes/Quote-David-Wolfe.jpg
― soref, Sunday, 22 March 2015 13:41 (nine years ago) link
jesus God the concept of living 70+ years already terrifies me, who the fuck would wanna last that long
― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Sunday, 22 March 2015 13:45 (nine years ago) link
ELF
― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Sunday, 22 March 2015 13:46 (nine years ago) link
OMG
http://www.groundology.co.uk/
― emil.y, Sunday, 22 March 2015 13:54 (nine years ago) link
3000 years worth of terrible facebook image macros
https://www.facebook.com/EternalLifeFan/photos_stream
― soref, Sunday, 22 March 2015 13:59 (nine years ago) link