Shouldn't there be a crude rocketship embedded in Cruz's right eye?
Massive lol at this, plus I just misread Santorum as Scrotum, so my morning's off to a good start.
― Losing swag by the second (Dan Peterson), Monday, 23 March 2015 15:29 (nine years ago) link
http://www.thefancarpet.com/uploaded_assets/images/gallery/3657/The_Dead_Zone_34083_Medium.jpg
― Doctor Casino, Monday, 23 March 2015 15:52 (nine years ago) link
Conservatives Don't Get the Internet, Part One Billion: http://www.tedcruz.com/
― Οὖτις Δαυ & τηε Κνιγητσ (Phil D.), Monday, 23 March 2015 15:57 (nine years ago) link
read some interesting patter out there that cruz declaring his candidacy outright, not declaring an exploratory committee, is a sign of weakness, that he's lost the invisible primary, and has nothing to do but make a big (and ultimately pointless) splash
and what has his whole career been but making a big and ultimately pointless splash?
― goole, Monday, 23 March 2015 16:11 (nine years ago) link
wouldn't it be funny if Hillary actually announced she wasn't running after all
― Οὖτις, Monday, 23 March 2015 16:13 (nine years ago) link
idk if the "is he cynical or stupid" circle can be squared, but i do think he is a true believer. it's an article of faith that the country is really super conservative, and if republicans would just be that, then they'll win. the version of history only goes back to the 70s: reagan and GW were right wing and won, HW, mccain and mitt were pussies and lost.
i really think he thinks that just getting out there are fucking shit up to the ultra maximum is just what you do before history breaks around you and you're president. his dad is cuckoo btw.
― goole, Monday, 23 March 2015 16:16 (nine years ago) link
― Οὖτις, Monday, March 23, 2015 12:13 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
would so love this
― marcos, Monday, 23 March 2015 16:17 (nine years ago) link
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--ir7LW1Bq--/c_fit,fl_progressive,q_80,w_636/yg2uspphwetez9tvt4qz.jpg
this guys whole body language/facial expression is so out there
― lag∞n, Monday, 23 March 2015 17:22 (nine years ago) link
its so unnatural
― lag∞n, Monday, 23 March 2015 17:23 (nine years ago) link
btw is was a mandatory assembly lmao
http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wqOI__cKQHA/0.jpg
― the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius), Monday, 23 March 2015 17:24 (nine years ago) link
he looks like he's getting ready for take-off
― Οὖτις, Monday, 23 March 2015 17:30 (nine years ago) link
"if I just flap my arms hard enough, like so..."
is there a picture of Cruz where he DOESN'T look like he's about to burst into tears
― DJP, Monday, 23 March 2015 17:30 (nine years ago) link
Well, maybe in this picture when he went by the name "Bill Hicks".
http://i.imgur.com/GMZkhia.jpg
― pplains, Monday, 23 March 2015 17:36 (nine years ago) link
He looks like Peter Boyle as the monster in Young Frankenstein in that photo from today's announcement assembly.
― the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Monday, 23 March 2015 17:41 (nine years ago) link
Maybe people think Ted Cruz is smart because his peers really are total morons?
― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 23 March 2015 17:49 (nine years ago) link
did you know he went to Harvard, where dumb people are not allowed
― Οὖτις, Monday, 23 March 2015 17:50 (nine years ago) link
Pat Robertson: 'I Wish Reagan Would Rise From The Dead'
http://www.theonion.com/video/zombie-reagan-raised-from-grave-to-lead-gop,14385/
― panettone for the painfully alone (mayor jingleberries), Monday, 23 March 2015 17:51 (nine years ago) link
wait Reagan's dead?
― guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 23 March 2015 17:55 (nine years ago) link
You have to remember that Al Gore has (had?) an IQ around 140 or 145. Cruz is just an awkward bastard with an elevated IQ score, which doesn't imply any ability to think clearly about something as complex as politics and how society works. Such a high IQ tends to be a disability in politics more often as not, in that it encourages airy abstraction in a realm that favors a strong sense of the concrete. Cruz is no Tip O'Neill or LBJ. His idea of useful tactics is just craziness and the US Senate is about the only place that would tolerate him for lone.
― Aimless, Monday, 23 March 2015 17:59 (nine years ago) link
if HRC is the Meryl Streep version from Demme's Manchurian Candidate remake I'm pretty sure Cruz and at least two of the other DOA candidates are in her employ/thrall.
― the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius), Monday, 23 March 2015 18:01 (nine years ago) link
Supposedly he was one of the greatest debater in Harvard Law history and Dershowitz says he was the smartest student he ever had. I think this says a lot about Dershowitz and debating.
― Matt Armstrong, Monday, 23 March 2015 18:04 (nine years ago) link
Please study the three-panel painting in Cruz's office: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/06/30/the-absolutist-2
― guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 23 March 2015 18:07 (nine years ago) link
I know Cruz's father's type well:
Pastor Cruz, as he is often called, is not currently affiliated with any church or denomination, but he is a sought-after surrogate for his son on the campaign trail. In his speeches and talks, he operates as a kind of political id for Ted, much as Ted operates as the id of the Republican Party. Rafael attacks Obama and the Democrats with a religious intensity. In many of these talks, Rafael draws explicit parallels between Fidel Castro and Barack Obama as twin betrayers of the concepts of “hope and change.”
― guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 23 March 2015 18:08 (nine years ago) link
I always get a strong sad hobo clown vibe from himhttp://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTI2NTIxNjQ3NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMjE4MTQ2._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg
But he also makes me think of the weird giant-headed version of Al Jolson from an old Bugs Bunny cartoonhttp://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H7_3XKUG_5U/TxJYcU1dwbI/AAAAAAAAMJ4/fDg2cfl000g/s400/OUTTA%2BWOIK.png
― joygoat, Monday, 23 March 2015 18:09 (nine years ago) link
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CAzfM-oWgAEXIR6.jpg
― goole, Monday, 23 March 2015 19:14 (nine years ago) link
If this presidenting thing doesn't pan out he's got a great future with Cover Girl.
― Οὖτις Δαυ & τηε Κνιγητσ (Phil D.), Monday, 23 March 2015 19:18 (nine years ago) link
I think this says a lot about Dershowitz and debating.
― Matt Armstrong, Monday, March 23, 2015 2:04 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
ya formal debating is such goofy shit, predict cruz will be over confident at a primary debate and get majorly owned by someone pulling an unfrozen caveman president routine on him
― lag∞n, Monday, 23 March 2015 19:30 (nine years ago) link
GISing Cruz is an exercise in "that's the most punchable"... wait, no THAT one...
― Losing swag by the second (Dan Peterson), Monday, 23 March 2015 19:31 (nine years ago) link
lol: http://www.sfgate.com/news/science/article/Jerry-Brown-calls-Ted-Cruz-unfit-to-run-for-6151398.php
(I would probably vote for Jerry)
― Οὖτις, Monday, 23 March 2015 19:34 (nine years ago) link
― guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, March 23, 2015 2:07 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
that is really something jfc
― lag∞n, Monday, 23 March 2015 19:35 (nine years ago) link
"my desires are unconventional"
― goole, Monday, 23 March 2015 19:36 (nine years ago) link
um
― DJP, Monday, 23 March 2015 19:38 (nine years ago) link
http://www.slate.com/content/dam/slate/blogs/browbeat/2013/06/14/troy_mcclure.jpg.CROP.rectangle3-large.jpg
― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 23 March 2015 19:41 (nine years ago) link
or if he just wants to set himself up on the conservative speaking/think tank/media circuit post elective office
― lag∞n, Monday, March 23, 2015 9:56 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― RAP GAME SHANI DAVIS (Raymond Cummings), Monday, 23 March 2015 23:21 (nine years ago) link
Did Will Forte ever try him on SNL? Is Forte still there? That seems like a perfect match. For me, Cruz's voice is weirdly compelling (and has the most potential for laughs).
― clemenza, Monday, 23 March 2015 23:27 (nine years ago) link
Just did a "Ted Cruz Will Forte" search, and it looks like a few thousand people had the same idea.
― clemenza, Monday, 23 March 2015 23:29 (nine years ago) link
forte has a new show called last man on earth he is a genius btw
― lag∞n, Tuesday, 24 March 2015 04:41 (nine years ago) link
Fey came back to be Palin, so it's within the realm of possibility.
― Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 24 March 2015 04:44 (nine years ago) link
palin was a vp candidate though, cruz is gonna be one guy in an extremely crowded debate field
― Clay, Tuesday, 24 March 2015 04:54 (nine years ago) link
cruz is a star
― lag∞n, Tuesday, 24 March 2015 04:55 (nine years ago) link
Cruz is conservative in appearance as well as ideology. He dresses like an I.B.M. salesman circa 1975, in boxy blue suits, white shirts, and red ties.
― j., Tuesday, 24 March 2015 04:59 (nine years ago) link
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CA1m7SMWYAAekcm.png
― lag∞n, Tuesday, 24 March 2015 05:11 (nine years ago) link
mitt needs to get in on this
― lag∞n, Tuesday, 24 March 2015 05:12 (nine years ago) link
make it a bakers dozen
― lag∞n, Tuesday, 24 March 2015 05:13 (nine years ago) link
palin too
― lag∞n, Tuesday, 24 March 2015 05:15 (nine years ago) link
that's funny, with his glasses on in that little bubble, perry really does look smarter than the rest
― j., Tuesday, 24 March 2015 05:19 (nine years ago) link
works
― lag∞n, Tuesday, 24 March 2015 05:19 (nine years ago) link
http://i.imgur.com/HfDvjja.jpg
he has my vote
― lag∞n, Tuesday, 24 March 2015 05:24 (nine years ago) link