Your 2016 Presidential Candidate Speculation Thread

"if I just flap my arms hard enough, like so..."

is there a picture of Cruz where he DOESN'T look like he's about to burst into tears

Well, maybe in this picture when he went by the name "Bill Hicks".

http://i.imgur.com/GMZkhia.jpg

He looks like Peter Boyle as the monster in Young Frankenstein in that photo from today's announcement assembly.

Maybe people think Ted Cruz is smart because his peers really are total morons?

did you know he went to Harvard, where dumb people are not allowed

Pat Robertson: 'I Wish Reagan Would Rise From The Dead'

http://www.theonion.com/video/zombie-reagan-raised-from-grave-to-lead-gop,14385/

wait Reagan's dead?

You have to remember that Al Gore has (had?) an IQ around 140 or 145. Cruz is just an awkward bastard with an elevated IQ score, which doesn't imply any ability to think clearly about something as complex as politics and how society works. Such a high IQ tends to be a disability in politics more often as not, in that it encourages airy abstraction in a realm that favors a strong sense of the concrete. Cruz is no Tip O'Neill or LBJ. His idea of useful tactics is just craziness and the US Senate is about the only place that would tolerate him for lone.

if HRC is the Meryl Streep version from Demme's Manchurian Candidate remake I'm pretty sure Cruz and at least two of the other DOA candidates are in her employ/thrall.

Maybe people think Ted Cruz is smart because his peers really are total morons?

Supposedly he was one of the greatest debater in Harvard Law history and Dershowitz says he was the smartest student he ever had. I think this says a lot about Dershowitz and debating.

Please study the three-panel painting in Cruz's office: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/06/30/the-absolutist-2

I know Cruz's father's type well:

Pastor Cruz, as he is often called, is not currently affiliated with any church or denomination, but he is a sought-after surrogate for his son on the campaign trail. In his speeches and talks, he operates as a kind of political id for Ted, much as Ted operates as the id of the Republican Party. Rafael attacks Obama and the Democrats with a religious intensity. In many of these talks, Rafael draws explicit parallels between Fidel Castro and Barack Obama as twin betrayers of the concepts of “hope and change.”

is there a picture of Cruz where he DOESN'T look like he's about to burst into tears

I always get a strong sad hobo clown vibe from him
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTI2NTIxNjQ3NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMjE4MTQ2._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg

But he also makes me think of the weird giant-headed version of Al Jolson from an old Bugs Bunny cartoon
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H7_3XKUG_5U/TxJYcU1dwbI/AAAAAAAAMJ4/fDg2cfl000g/s400/OUTTA%2BWOIK.png

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CAzfM-oWgAEXIR6.jpg

If this presidenting thing doesn't pan out he's got a great future with Cover Girl.

I think this says a lot about Dershowitz and debating.

― Matt Armstrong, Monday, March 23, 2015 2:04 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ya formal debating is such goofy shit, predict cruz will be over confident at a primary debate and get majorly owned by someone pulling an unfrozen caveman president routine on him

GISing Cruz is an exercise in "that's the most punchable"... wait, no THAT one...

lol: http://www.sfgate.com/news/science/article/Jerry-Brown-calls-Ted-Cruz-unfit-to-run-for-6151398.php

(I would probably vote for Jerry)

Please study the three-panel painting in Cruz's office: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/06/30/the-absolutist-2

― guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, March 23, 2015 2:07 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that is really something jfc

"my desires are unconventional"

um

http://www.slate.com/content/dam/slate/blogs/browbeat/2013/06/14/troy_mcclure.jpg.CROP.rectangle3-large.jpg

or if he just wants to set himself up on the conservative speaking/think tank/media circuit post elective office

― lag∞n, Monday, March 23, 2015 9:56 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Did Will Forte ever try him on SNL? Is Forte still there? That seems like a perfect match. For me, Cruz's voice is weirdly compelling (and has the most potential for laughs).

Just did a "Ted Cruz Will Forte" search, and it looks like a few thousand people had the same idea.

forte has a new show called last man on earth he is a genius btw

Fey came back to be Palin, so it's within the realm of possibility.

palin was a vp candidate though, cruz is gonna be one guy in an extremely crowded debate field

cruz is a star

Cruz is conservative in appearance as well as ideology. He dresses like an I.B.M. salesman circa 1975, in boxy blue suits, white shirts, and red ties.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CA1m7SMWYAAekcm.png

mitt needs to get in on this

make it a bakers dozen

palin too

that's funny, with his glasses on in that little bubble, perry really does look smarter than the rest

works

http://i.imgur.com/HfDvjja.jpg

he has my vote

cruz/butter '16

butter is so good

i like butter

crazy/butter '16

Ha!

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CA1MKvMUkAAduoR.jpg

Dunno who either of those people are :(

Perfect because Cruz himself looks like a butter sculpture. One that's been out just a little too long.

cruz not already knowing about butter cows is going to make that heartland vote all the harder to win, i mean it's like dude has never been to a goddamn state fair

Wait, if every single Republican politician is apparently running for president, then who will run the country!?!

running the country is already privatized, no biggie

http://abstractforpresident.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/chip-ivory-dead-gold-the-notorious-b-i-g-x-macklemore-ryan-lewis-290x290.jpg
Say what now?

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/politics/2015/03/24/ted-cruz-health-insurance-obamacare/70384334/

lol Ted Cruz is signing up for obamacare, beautiful