Your 2016 Presidential Candidate Speculation Thread

is there a picture of Cruz where he DOESN'T look like he's about to burst into tears

I always get a strong sad hobo clown vibe from him
http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTI2NTIxNjQ3NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMjE4MTQ2._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg

But he also makes me think of the weird giant-headed version of Al Jolson from an old Bugs Bunny cartoon
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H7_3XKUG_5U/TxJYcU1dwbI/AAAAAAAAMJ4/fDg2cfl000g/s400/OUTTA%2BWOIK.png

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CAzfM-oWgAEXIR6.jpg

If this presidenting thing doesn't pan out he's got a great future with Cover Girl.

I think this says a lot about Dershowitz and debating.

― Matt Armstrong, Monday, March 23, 2015 2:04 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ya formal debating is such goofy shit, predict cruz will be over confident at a primary debate and get majorly owned by someone pulling an unfrozen caveman president routine on him

GISing Cruz is an exercise in "that's the most punchable"... wait, no THAT one...

lol: http://www.sfgate.com/news/science/article/Jerry-Brown-calls-Ted-Cruz-unfit-to-run-for-6151398.php

(I would probably vote for Jerry)

Please study the three-panel painting in Cruz's office: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/06/30/the-absolutist-2

― guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, March 23, 2015 2:07 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that is really something jfc

"my desires are unconventional"

um

http://www.slate.com/content/dam/slate/blogs/browbeat/2013/06/14/troy_mcclure.jpg.CROP.rectangle3-large.jpg

or if he just wants to set himself up on the conservative speaking/think tank/media circuit post elective office

― lag∞n, Monday, March 23, 2015 9:56 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Did Will Forte ever try him on SNL? Is Forte still there? That seems like a perfect match. For me, Cruz's voice is weirdly compelling (and has the most potential for laughs).

Just did a "Ted Cruz Will Forte" search, and it looks like a few thousand people had the same idea.

forte has a new show called last man on earth he is a genius btw

Fey came back to be Palin, so it's within the realm of possibility.

palin was a vp candidate though, cruz is gonna be one guy in an extremely crowded debate field

cruz is a star

Cruz is conservative in appearance as well as ideology. He dresses like an I.B.M. salesman circa 1975, in boxy blue suits, white shirts, and red ties.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CA1m7SMWYAAekcm.png

mitt needs to get in on this

make it a bakers dozen

palin too

that's funny, with his glasses on in that little bubble, perry really does look smarter than the rest

works

http://i.imgur.com/HfDvjja.jpg

he has my vote

cruz/butter '16

butter is so good

i like butter

crazy/butter '16

Ha!

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CA1MKvMUkAAduoR.jpg

Dunno who either of those people are :(

Perfect because Cruz himself looks like a butter sculpture. One that's been out just a little too long.

cruz not already knowing about butter cows is going to make that heartland vote all the harder to win, i mean it's like dude has never been to a goddamn state fair

Wait, if every single Republican politician is apparently running for president, then who will run the country!?!

running the country is already privatized, no biggie

http://abstractforpresident.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/chip-ivory-dead-gold-the-notorious-b-i-g-x-macklemore-ryan-lewis-290x290.jpg
Say what now?

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/politics/2015/03/24/ted-cruz-health-insurance-obamacare/70384334/

lol Ted Cruz is signing up for obamacare, beautiful

I don't know how anyone could ever in good faith vote for a person who displays that degree of cognitive dissonance within such a tiny little snapshot of a profile. It's like...do you actually believe in anything?

a question that i would perhaps ask of an actual frontrunner for the office as well

oh man, asking someone running for president what they believe in is the biggest softball question you could possibly ask! i'm sure they have a 25-minute response memorized and probably a 25-minute patriotic mixtape to accompany it in their suit pocket

ted cruz believes in america, he believes in you and me, he believes in pulling yourself up by the bootstraps, he believes in hard work leading to real opportunities, he believes in freedom, he believes in the american dream, etc etc etc

he just believes in ted cruz. yoko and ted cruz.

asking someone running for president what they believe in is the biggest softball question you could possibly ask!

i seem to remember both Ted Kennedy and John Kerry having trouble with this one, though. Must be something in that Dirty Water...

Cruz in that article was like somebody doing rails while they talked about their anti-drug initiatives.

the washington post weighs in with a hard-hitting profile piece:

from the first handful of paragraphs:

...the man who would be president...the steely man of principle...The son of a Cuban man who saw what happens when freedom is stripped away swore that “I'll die before I let it happen again.”...the crowd stood as one, roaring with admiration and hope...sending an unpopular but vital message...His Harvard law professor, Alan Dershowitz, calls him “off-the-charts brilliant.

then,

...Beneath Cruz’s mesmerizing speaking style — midnight-smooth delivery, never ruffled, even as he drops lacerating lines about the evils of Obamacare — and his unthreatening appearance — suits, slicked-back black hair, baby-faced complexion — how the senator would govern remains unclear. Is he a rigidly uncompromising originalist or, as Cruz argues more like Ronald Reagan, who preached conservative populism but governed as a dealmaker?

followed by a story about how badboy ted cruz refused to rat out his friends after a legendary badass prank that they pulled - even after the principal threatened to take steps to deny his admission to Princeton! way to strong tall ted cruz!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/national/2015/03/24/ted-cruz-principled-or-smug-know-it-all/?hpid=z1

way to strong tall ted cruz!
way to strong tall ted cruz!
way to strong tall ted cruz!

i should be a proofreader, i'm really good

alan dershowitz knows off-the-charts brilliance when he sees it

I wouldn't call his Mister Rogers-ish smarm "midnight smooth" exactly...

http://cdn0.dailydot.com/uploaded/images/original/2013/2/15/ronaldreagan.gif

Hah so I just learned not only were the students required to go to that Ted Cruz rally, but if they didn't they were going to be fined $10.