we send out welcome/introduction e-mails when a new employee is hired. Head of HR just sent out one for this new German dude we hired incl this juicy little tidbit: "His friends in Germany claim he has an American accent; his wife claims he sounds British – stop by his desk, introduce yourself, and feel free to weigh in on the matter!"
ya thx hr person for the great suggestion of "let's accost the foreignner and make him feel weird abt his silly accent!!", wtg
― WE WANT FET WAP (Stevie D(eux)), Thursday, 11 June 2015 17:21 (eight years ago) link
Don't mention the war
― kinder, Thursday, 11 June 2015 17:31 (eight years ago) link
But do mention 'dinner for one'
― kinder, Thursday, 11 June 2015 17:32 (eight years ago) link
Someone sent out a mass email this week about ordering supplies and to see him if we needed anything, the Director wrote back 'We are terribly low on gin' but replied-all, even the Executive Directors.. no bitching, just bragging, I kind of love her.
― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Thursday, 11 June 2015 19:58 (eight years ago) link
^^^rare example of extremely appropriate use of "Reply All"
― mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Thursday, 11 June 2015 20:29 (eight years ago) link
boss: here are jan-may sales reports, lets think about cutting the bottom sellersme: *spends several hours going over reports and making a spreadsheet* here are the ones we should cutboss: (tl;dl) NO*
boss: what do you think we should do about the windowsme: get rid of all the clutter and dust, stop putting boring old stuff on displayboss: (tl;dl) NO
boss: what do you think we should do to make the store look better?me: get rid of all the clutter and streamlineboss: (tl;dl) NO
wtf she keeps asking me all the time for my opinion, i have no idea. she shoots down 99% of my (tbh perfectly great) ideas, with long rambly nonsensical explanations.
*i show her we've only sold 16 of this particular garment in 6 months (a good amount would be around a min. of 80) and her response is "well i sold two pairs the other day so we should keep them" !?!?!?!?
― just1n3, Friday, 12 June 2015 03:21 (eight years ago) link
"well i sold two pairs the other day so we should keep them" this really tells the story. ugh.
― Je55e, Friday, 12 June 2015 14:44 (eight years ago) link
It reminds me of a restaurant where I worked in NC that took a popular shrimp dish off the menu because it was popular. Managers thought customers should try something different.
― Je55e, Friday, 12 June 2015 15:00 (eight years ago) link
Was that our restaurant?
― from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 12 June 2015 15:03 (eight years ago) link
Yes. That fucking place.
― Je55e, Friday, 12 June 2015 15:07 (eight years ago) link
lol
'you guys always order the same thing, as the people selling it to you we are not totally comfortable with that'
― j., Friday, 12 June 2015 15:09 (eight years ago) link
at least uncle julio's perimeter wouldn't pull any of that shit
― bizarro gazzara, Friday, 12 June 2015 15:21 (eight years ago) link
i respect the shrimp decision
― goole, Friday, 12 June 2015 16:54 (eight years ago) link
i work on a db of org data. one of our attribs is a normalized legal name of the org. we call it a "canonical name". someone pinged me saying their search was throwing an error.
the search string:
cononical_name:capital records*
― goole, Friday, 12 June 2015 16:59 (eight years ago) link
i think i understood that
― AKA Thermo Thinwall (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 12 June 2015 17:03 (eight years ago) link
conanical_name:Conaco*
― mad maxwell's wasteland death suite (Sufjan Grafton), Friday, 12 June 2015 17:56 (eight years ago) link
i think they owe you some kind of free sandwich for that waste of your time
― j., Friday, 12 June 2015 17:57 (eight years ago) link
they were chipper enough when i sent them an email with two iterations of the phrase "i think it's spelled..."
― goole, Friday, 12 June 2015 20:29 (eight years ago) link
was it shrimp & grits?
― mookieproof, Saturday, 13 June 2015 00:19 (eight years ago) link
Yup.
― from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Saturday, 13 June 2015 00:50 (eight years ago) link
smdh
― mookieproof, Saturday, 13 June 2015 00:50 (eight years ago) link
so this week, the project lead goes on vacation, which was fine. But on Thursday I stumble across this transition plan which has several assignments for me and other people to do that she'd never shared or discussed with us.
Fortunately, the tasks were very small so we got them done quickly, but I gave the lead the head's up to explain why they were done late. She apologized, but said she thought I knew about it since she'd sent an email saying I was her backup.
The email was sent to a whopping two people telling them to come to me with any urgent questions. No mention of the plan/tasks at all.
― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Saturday, 13 June 2015 00:55 (eight years ago) link
No! They kept the shrimp 'n grits! It was coconut curry shrimp.
― Je55e, Saturday, 13 June 2015 12:48 (eight years ago) link
a whopping two people telling them to come to me with any urgent questions.
this is a thing. people have it in their minds that one item is part of a package of connected stuff, because that's how it appears to them, so if they communicate that one bit all the rest of it comes attached in your mind, too. of course, it never occurs to them that you were never let in on the whole package at any time. my wife does this constantly.
― Aimless, Saturday, 13 June 2015 17:54 (eight years ago) link
I have this problem at work too. Recently, a couple of weeks before a big corporate event, people were told 'if you need anything related to <EVENT>, speak to <name of department snoball works for> well ahead of time'. Practically every request came in the day before.
― passive-aggressive rageaholic (snoball), Saturday, 13 June 2015 18:27 (eight years ago) link
yea. but to be clear I was aware that people were being directed to me as backup for THAT purpose and was ready to serve in that capacity (it just turned out nobody needed anything). but there were other tasks like updating reports and such, and usually what we do is have a 15 minute discussion to talk through it with the backup to make sure they are on board/know what to do. in this case she was so focused on going to Hawaii that she forgot is what I'm guessing, which I would have preferred as her response as opposed to "I thought you knew".
but w/e, it turned out to be minor this time at least.
― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Saturday, 13 June 2015 18:44 (eight years ago) link
Officemate has read out the first 3 sentences of a document that was sent round in an indignant voice with lots of sighing and "gah!"-ing and tutting at the grammar, punctuation, entire concept of document
the document is 57 pages long so today is going to be a very long day if every sentence has to be read out and commented on
― undergraduate dance (a passing spacecadet), Monday, 15 June 2015 11:59 (eight years ago) link
People who read anything aloud, especially if it's from the Internet and especially if it's from The Onion.
― pplains, Monday, 15 June 2015 13:21 (eight years ago) link
office guy who walks back and forward to the fridge 100 times a day just walked past with a tub of butter in his hand, stopped and said "oh shit I thought this was the mustard" then went back to the fridge
― There was Bjork from Iceland and Alanis Morissette from Canada (onimo), Monday, 15 June 2015 16:57 (eight years ago) link
^me irl
― badg, Monday, 15 June 2015 17:38 (eight years ago) link
The importance of properly labeling one's tubs.
― No Darts Or Chasms In The Classroom (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 June 2015 17:40 (eight years ago) link
Mustard doesn't come in tubs.
― from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Monday, 15 June 2015 17:46 (eight years ago) link
Not in God's own United States of America, at least.
― from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Monday, 15 June 2015 17:47 (eight years ago) link
I figured that onimo's workplace refrigerator must be crammed full of nearly identical industrial-size condiment containers with generic labeling. It's the only scenario I could imagine that didn't involve his coworker suffering from some sort of brain event.
― No Darts Or Chasms In The Classroom (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 June 2015 17:56 (eight years ago) link
obviously just trying to find excuses to show off his condiment tubs.
― AKA Thermo Thinwall (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 15 June 2015 18:03 (eight years ago) link
Skipping 6864 messages? This'll be a good thread for the flight.
― Mark G, Monday, 15 June 2015 18:08 (eight years ago) link
Tired of hauling a nine-pound tub of condiments back to your desk, only to find that you've grabbed the wrong tub of condiments?
― Tawny Haunches (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 June 2015 18:09 (eight years ago) link
"I can't believe this isn't mustard!"
― pplains, Monday, 15 June 2015 18:11 (eight years ago) link
Couple days ago, at the work kitchen, there were 100 knives, and al I needed was a knife.
That was ironic.
― Mark G, Monday, 15 June 2015 18:13 (eight years ago) link
I could literally contribute a few quality stories to this thread every week but I do most of my ILXoring at work and I'm always paranoid that someone is going to creep up on me while I'm writing about the incredibly stupid thing they did that day.
― Tawny Haunches (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 June 2015 18:17 (eight years ago) link
Couple days ago, at the work kitchen, there were 100 knives, and al I needed was a fork
That was ironic. Dammit!
― Mark G, Monday, 15 June 2015 18:45 (eight years ago) link
I figured that was like a koan or something.
― Tawny Haunches (Old Lunch), Monday, 15 June 2015 18:48 (eight years ago) link
he only needed one knife
― too young for seapunk (Moodles), Monday, 15 June 2015 20:13 (eight years ago) link
I can confirm that fridge guy keeps his butter in a standard tub that things like butter and can't believe it's utterly butterly come in and keeps his mustard in a standard little mustard jar.
I've probably posted in this thread dozens of times and almost every post is about this same guy. He's the same guy who clips his fingernails at his desk. You can hear them hitting things. He's the same guy who once started flossing his teeth(!) while I was speaking to him. He's the same guy who thinks he's singing but is actually repeating lyrics in a style that can only be described as "William Shatner if he was from Edinburgh". He sometimes gives a commentary on what he's doing and what he's planning. He talks to the fridge, and not just about fridge stuff - like last week a colleague overheard him telling the fridge he was going for a sauna later in the afternoon. He picks up his phone, presses lots of random numbers really loudly, waits five seconds, then slams the phone down and says "aw for fuck's sake!" like there was some urgent and key business conversation he was prevented from having. He opens filing cabinets and browses across the files with the tips of his fingers like a vinyl record shopper then closes the cabinets again without ever taking a file out.He once tried to get me to feel how thick his socks were ("best ay gear by the way!").
― There was Bjork from Iceland and Alanis Morissette from Canada (onimo), Tuesday, 16 June 2015 13:32 (eight years ago) link
He sounds amazing. Like I don't think I could hate him. I'd just be grateful to have someone so ridiculous and absurd in my life.
(Assuming I didn't have to work directly with him or count on him in any way.)
― from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Tuesday, 16 June 2015 13:50 (eight years ago) link
Yeah, same here, but with the same caveat that I have more likely a chance of meeting a man who walked on the moon than ever having a "William Shatner if he was from Edinburgh" sitting at the desk next to me.
― pplains, Tuesday, 16 June 2015 13:56 (eight years ago) link
man this thread. i just want to thank you all for keeping my head on straight every time i get a little bored and fidgety working for myself (mostly) from home.
― big fat rascal (will), Tuesday, 16 June 2015 13:59 (eight years ago) link
He talks to the fridge, and not just about fridge stuff - like last week a colleague overheard him telling the fridge he was going for a sauna later in the afternoon.
this is killing me
― bizarro gazzara, Tuesday, 16 June 2015 14:27 (eight years ago) link
the eight-person team i work in has just moved into a single space after several years of being split across a couple of adjacent rooms. we all have access to a shared general email address which gets a fair amount of mail each day. every time a message comes in, six or seven of my colleagues' work iphones will play a notification sound, so 30 times a day or more it sounds like someone has dropped a bunch of tiny bells on the floor and it is driving. me. insane.
no-one else seems to mind tho wtf grrr
― bizarro gazzara, Tuesday, 16 June 2015 14:33 (eight years ago) link
> He talks to the fridge, and not just about fridge stuff
as if that would be ok
― koogs, Tuesday, 16 June 2015 14:34 (eight years ago) link