Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Skipping 6864 messages? This'll be a good thread for the flight.

Tired of hauling a nine-pound tub of condiments back to your desk, only to find that you've grabbed the wrong tub of condiments?

"I can't believe this isn't mustard!"

Couple days ago, at the work kitchen, there were 100 knives, and al I needed was a knife.

That was ironic.

I could literally contribute a few quality stories to this thread every week but I do most of my ILXoring at work and I'm always paranoid that someone is going to creep up on me while I'm writing about the incredibly stupid thing they did that day.

Couple days ago, at the work kitchen, there were 100 knives, and al I needed was a fork

That was ironic. Dammit!

I figured that was like a koan or something.

he only needed one knife

I can confirm that fridge guy keeps his butter in a standard tub that things like butter and can't believe it's utterly butterly come in and keeps his mustard in a standard little mustard jar.

I've probably posted in this thread dozens of times and almost every post is about this same guy.
He's the same guy who clips his fingernails at his desk. You can hear them hitting things.
He's the same guy who once started flossing his teeth(!) while I was speaking to him.
He's the same guy who thinks he's singing but is actually repeating lyrics in a style that can only be described as "William Shatner if he was from Edinburgh".
He sometimes gives a commentary on what he's doing and what he's planning.
He talks to the fridge, and not just about fridge stuff - like last week a colleague overheard him telling the fridge he was going for a sauna later in the afternoon.
He picks up his phone, presses lots of random numbers really loudly, waits five seconds, then slams the phone down and says "aw for fuck's sake!" like there was some urgent and key business conversation he was prevented from having.
He opens filing cabinets and browses across the files with the tips of his fingers like a vinyl record shopper then closes the cabinets again without ever taking a file out.
He once tried to get me to feel how thick his socks were ("best ay gear by the way!").

He sounds amazing. Like I don't think I could hate him. I'd just be grateful to have someone so ridiculous and absurd in my life.

(Assuming I didn't have to work directly with him or count on him in any way.)

Yeah, same here, but with the same caveat that I have more likely a chance of meeting a man who walked on the moon than ever having a "William Shatner if he was from Edinburgh" sitting at the desk next to me.

man this thread. i just want to thank you all for keeping my head on straight every time i get a little bored and fidgety working for myself (mostly) from home.

He talks to the fridge, and not just about fridge stuff - like last week a colleague overheard him telling the fridge he was going for a sauna later in the afternoon.

this is killing me

the eight-person team i work in has just moved into a single space after several years of being split across a couple of adjacent rooms. we all have access to a shared general email address which gets a fair amount of mail each day. every time a message comes in, six or seven of my colleagues' work iphones will play a notification sound, so 30 times a day or more it sounds like someone has dropped a bunch of tiny bells on the floor and it is driving. me. insane.

no-one else seems to mind tho wtf grrr

> He talks to the fridge, and not just about fridge stuff

as if that would be ok

Some ediscovery vendor sent me a marketing package that includes a box bearing the slogan "Just trying to GET MY FOOT IN THE DOOR!" and containing a chocolate foot.

Note: I have so little purchasing power in my firm that I couldn't even get IT to provide me with an ergonomic keyboard, even with HR approval, but thanks for the chocolate foot.

> He talks to the fridge, and not just about fridge stuff

as if that would be ok

― koogs, Tuesday, 16 June 2015 15:34 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

well I know but you'd maybe accept the odd "I'll just take that milk home with me because it won't last the weekend"

Me and this guy are always the last two in the office for the last hour or so and he drives me crazy. He goes around and checks that everyone else has locked all their cupboards and drawers - then does it again - then again. He basically spends his whole day finding ways of not working.

We have a machine at the end of the office where you can check your flexi-time balance. He wanders up to it going "Ah'll just check how the old flexi campaign is doing" then you hear the beep as he swipes his card. He does this at least five times in the last hour of every day. So he checks it and it says he's +20 minutes then checks it again 10 minutes later to discover he's +30 minutes. What does he expect to happen?

He is always checking that the trains are running. He works attends till 6 or 7 o'clock most evenings yet is checking train departures before lunchtime. Also he lives less than 20 minutes walk from the office and therefore a train problem has p much no effect on him.

Today's lyric on repeat is "Step inside, love, I want you to step inside, love".

He picks up his phone, presses lots of random numbers really loudly, waits five seconds, then slams the phone down and says "aw for fuck's sake!" like there was some urgent and key business conversation he was prevented from having.

this one made me lol so much

xp this guy is spectrum as fuck tho basically, eh?

sometimes you think he's got ocd and/or some other mental health issues but I don't think it's autism or Asperger's or anything like that. He is perfectly capable of carrying out everyday activities, holding genial/amusing/sympathetic conversations, going to social events, etc.

I think he's just worked out a set of ridiculous routines that get him away from his desk because he finds work difficult (or because he's a lazy skiving git). The talking/singing to objects/himself thing is probably down to living alone for decades - he's a 50-something bachelor who hasn't had a long term partner for at least ten years.

He's currently shouting at no-one (or possible me, idk).

"It's the last week ay flexi and everybody's away hame. Something wrong wi that!"

"I just sneezed! Couldnae believe it! No again!"

"I need to stop eating raw garlic!"

I am 100% that my being fully partnered up for the past 15 years is the only thing keeping me from this type of existence

legit loled again at the fact that a) he is surprised he sneezed again and b) he said it out loud even though i imagine anyone woh can hear him yelling can also hear him sneeze

dude is our thread mascot

hahahahaha my assistant was just in my office absent-mindedly combing her hair with a fork. When I pointed it out to her she said, "Oh yeah I left my comb at home."

dude is our thread mascot

― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, June 16, 2015 4:17 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

onimo never quit your job.

Going to go around the rest of the day muttering to myself, "I just sneezed! Couldnae believe it! No again!"

past couple of minutes I've had

♫ daddy come home ♫

ow ow ouch ouch aaargh (he does a lot of these random grunts and groans)

♫ i just gotta tell yaaa! ♫

am bloody STARVIN' bytheway! (*goes to fridge again*)

I'm a fan def

Reminds me of this classic thread: A thread for Steve n.'s list of songs that his boss sings

> The talking/singing to objects/himself thing is probably down to living alone for decades

*SOBS*

i find myself repeating odd words or phrases back to the television and then realising that those were the only 3 words i'd spoken aloud all day. to nobody.

I'm totally hearing this guy in my head as a Burnistoun character.

He talks to the fridge

and not just about fridge stuff

"How d'ye feel about contributin' to Global Warming, by the way? No offence, like.."

today's only song snippet so far was a rather tuneful

♫ that's... ♫

not my name?
entertainment?
life?
the way love goes?

the way, uh-hu uh-hu...

♫ daddy oh daddy come home, ba bong bong bum ♫

ye know I've never considered a chair could be a work of art before but ma eyes were opened that day bytheway. A FUCKIN' CHAIR!

Was he saying that TO anyone? :|

I think so but I've no idea - sometimes it's just two of us in the office in the evening and I go to answer him and realise he's completely oblivious to my presence and chatting away to no-one.

He's mentioned liking Charles Rennie Mackintosh before so I'm guessing he visited an exhibition and enjoyed the chairs.

I overheard him telling a colleague how a barmaid gave him a handkerchief because she noticed he was always blowing his nose. He said "'dye no hate when people notice yer habits?" - not realising he has a million of them and everyone notices all of them all the time. Also now I can't stop noticing him blowing his nose :(

Randomness earlier included "helped myself tae that smoked cheese" and lots of pained noises including actually saying the word "ouch" repeatedly.

Smoked cheese must not have agreed with him.

he just shouted

"It's no the lassie's fault! It's no the lassie's fault!"

The accent elevates this nonsense a lot.

It does add an element of charm that I suspect is missing from onimo's actual experiences

hmmm ... my boss just told me he expects me to clock 50 hours per week during the summer. considering telling him to go fuck himself, but he did soften the blow by telling me he doesn't mind if i do some of those hours from home. so what should i do, tell him to go fuck himself, or just go home and not work. decisions decisions.

btw this is my boss who is always talking about pulling 70-80 hour work weeks. and the last big project he took on was to "edit" a big project i'd done, which he mostly worked on between midnight and three am (we start work at noon) and btw he royally fucked the whole thing up and then blamed it on the conversion between my mac and his PC. uh, no, converting files between mac and PC doesn't scramble paragraphs of latex code, tired people who should be sleeping at 1 am do that.

the sad part is that my boss is actually a really nice guy, so i will probably just end up clocking those really unproductive 50 hour weeks so as not to rock the boat

i am not seriously considering telling him to go fuck himself, but i am seriously considering switching to part time + contract work. only problem is then i'd have to like, buy obamacare and build / claim a home office and that's a whole level of hassle i'm not comfortable with right now

I work from home two days a week - it is a huge boost to your quality of life ime. on so many levels it alleviates stress.

i like working from home, but i am not highly productive at home. i get easily distracted by my dog + housecleaning. i would rather just work 40 productive hours than 50 half-assed hours.

could my coworkers not fuck each other, please?

or maybe just do a convincing job of pretending like they're not while at work.

u jeal