start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

Must find acceptable Goldilocks zone for arm swing.

err on the side of excess pls

http://17rg073sukbm1lmjk9jrehb643.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Screen-Shot-2014-08-06-at-9.24.46-AM.png

irl lol

Mookie just made me realise Larry David is the king of IA

http://youtu.be/Za1XVgQhsJU

elaine otm

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/you-might-be-an-ambivert_55b8ce95e4b0224d88347f63

Go away, Minions.

There's this guy on a local parent forum who started a thread about how he wants ideas for "Daddy Daughter Dates" -- even putting aside that his daughter is A BABY, this shit is making my blood boil.

Seems the worldwide internet story today is about the balloon minion blocking traffic outside Dublin. Not sure if they had anything like the wind we had last night but if they did would explain why the giant inflatable got loose.
Funny this I'm even seeing this from people Stateside.

It's funny because we thought all Irish people were green, not yellow.

I once saw a neighbor kid wipe his ass w/ snow while we were out snowmobiling.

― Je55e, Friday, July 31, 2015 9:24 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a licky boomboom down

― kinder, Friday, July 31, 2015 9:38 AM (4 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lollllllllllllllll

thank u goole and dog latin, top tier posters obv

_

footnotes or appendices in novels really annoy me. both when they're almost entirely unnecessary, and even more so when they're a mix of necessary and unncessary.

i'm reading "to the lighthouse" at the moment and my edition has a really stupid appendix. the kind of one where like "teapot" will have a number beside it and you think "hmm well i know what a teapot is but maybe this is a hidden meaning" and then it says "a household instrument used to hold tea, a hot liquid drink popular in the british isles"

or the footnote takes the opportunity to give you an intepretation that's subjective. attention spans are short enough already without this shit.

i mean unless it's something deep with obscure language and references

― doing my Objectives, handling some intense stuff (LocalGarda), Tuesday, July 14, 2015 7:16 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink_

Norton Anthologies were the worst for this. I got the feeling that annotations were the result of a summer intern project or something.

Footnotes in a short story I just read.

[1] breeches = pants
[2] standard = flag
[3] specs = eyeglasses
[4] billet = lodging for a soldier
[5] Ryazan Cossacks = Cossacks from the Russian town of Ryazan
[6] Pravda = a popular newspaper of the Soviet Union
[7] Lenin = Russian political leader (1870-1924)
[8] spinning = creating yarn or thread from material such as wool or cotton

I've now seen two of those segway-without-a-steering-column things "in the wild" - both being used by fully ambulatory young men - and idk they just make me apopleptic. Why are you too lazy too EVEN FUCKING WALK WITH YOUR TWO LEGS (which, btw, are a greater engineering marvel than anything humanity will ever invent), why are you wasting money/resources/technology on one of the most worthless applications possible I just cannot even GRRRRRRR

To me, standing in one place is probably even more tiring than just walking. IDGI.

Because they are fun to zoom around on?

my friend housesits for another set of mutual friends a lot & she is kind of dramatic about small things. every time she housesits she will do some dramatic facebook post about how "i couldn't find the cat at midnight & i was SO scared & looked for an hour but its ok i found her & now i need a drink"or "omg the cat got in a fight with another cat!! she's okay but omg I need to lie down"

i'm like DUDE. congratulations on housesitting but you're unnecessarily alarming your friends!! if the cat is ok then STFU on fb about it & just tell yr friends when they get home! jeezuz

but ppl who don't move their arms at all are satanic and hateful imo

I taught myself to walk moving my arms when I was about 12 because people had started to comment on it.

Obviously that was to hide my satanism and hate, but I'm not sure people can't tell anyway.

All kinds of new IA comes with having a baby:

like, when I'm out pushing a stroller on the sidewalk, is there a law that requires homeowners who come out of their houses and see me from a house or two away to jump in their cars and pull them back to block the sidewalk as they idle and look at their phones? Also, does the tough looking guy with the Tea Party Patriots bumped sticker who comes out on his porch to glare at me think I'm going to abandon my kid on the street to go bare-knuckle brawl with him?

Tourist woman stomping on my foot and staying on it as I walked through the market, she just stepping backwards without looking. I'm standing there silently annoyed and she starts saying something in a foreign language to her friend. Like I'm a pickpocket or something, not that she's mindlessly not watching where she's going.
You have to keep stopping suddenly as you walk through that market as people either stop suddenly or walk across your path suddenly.
& they tend to walk around in large spread out groups in a not very wide market street. So more, god aren't tourists annoying? Or maybe just, aren't crowds of people annoying.

This definitely qualifies as IA: Hate it when people talk about "creating memories."

LIke eating a cake and saying you're creating crumbs. I can't explain it properly, but it bugs me.

And this is outside of the whole schmaltzy aspect of that phrase too, which is a whole other story as well.

fuck memories

Next time I'm scrawling out a list and I'm asked what I'm doing, I'm going to say, "Making mem'ries!"

people who walk into movies late in groups, and then stare endlessly at the primo seats up top, scanning to see if there are five together.

Nah, you see them neck craney seats up front that are all but abandoned? those are yours, go sit in em and show up on time next time rather than distracting everybody.

any kind of restaurant that serves burgers and sandwiches but doesn't do fries. fuck you, and fuck your goddamn crisps.

http://33.media.tumblr.com/2cd42870a5423b4eeda3e5440245e692/tumblr_mtc05laCuf1rdzuduo1_250.gif

ok, from a real email

3pm (PDT)/6pm (EST)

the parentheses make it even worse

Wonder if smart-ass Arizonans ever send 3pm (MST)/6pm (EDT) emails.

When I put on my button down shirt without first buttoning the sleeves. Incomprehensible rage.

Relative time timestamps on posts.

I'm sure I've said it before, but it's gotten worse and worse over the years: restaurants that serve water with no ice. And at room temp. Why is this happening every goddamn where these days????DSLKFm

And I just got served a large lemonade with literally 3 cubes of ice in it. This is fucking AMERICA, where we pack the cup to the brim with ice and fill in the gaps with beverage.

I would tip more at a place if they held off on the ice a little bit.

The no-ice-water happens mostly at small artisanal-ish restaurants and it seems like an affectation. Like they're putting on airs with their tap water au naturel.

My grandmother gets so cranky when she doesn't have enough ice, so when I waited tables, if an old lady reminded me of my grandmother and ordered iced tea, I'd automatically bring her a supplemental glass of ice. It was like money in my pocket.

i kind of prefer water w/ no ice at a restaurant. the glasses are so small that if there is too much ice you only get like two sips of water

best is when they keep a bottle of water at your table

"ice" is the first three letters in "iced tea."

The places I'm thinking of are usually the ones that bring a carafe or hinge-top bottle of water to the table.

carl, I would tip you well for such foresight.

Oh, other recent irrational irritation: restaurants that don't put salt shakers on the table.

And the fact that the restaurant Owen & Engine in Chicago only has homemade ketchup, which tastes pretty much exactly like tomato paste.

Not technically inaccurate, as I've learned that 'ketchup' is something of a catch-all term that eventually came to refer to a very particular type of condiment but used to basically mean 'a sauce made of whatever shit you want to mash up'.

I dare a waiter to say that to me.

What are you putting ketchup on at O&E?

But I'm with you, housemade ketchup is the pits.

#heinz

Restaurants who put salt and pepper shakers on the table, but they are repurposed Corona bottles.

On the fries.

I've had decent homemade ketchup. One time at the restaurant where carl a. and I worked we had to make ketchup b/c we ran out. It turned out pretty well. But we were trying to make it like normal ketchup, not re-invent it.

xp are they? Or are they just made to look like the bottles? I've often pondered that.

yeah those come in a little set sometimes, with the plastic shaker tops and no beer to be seen

xp, the fries should be dipped in the garlic aioli. The ketchup is bad to force you to go to the far superior condiment.

Malt vinegar aoli!