Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Xpost
Maybe it's time for someone to draw a penis in the Billy Graham book in the break room

I don't know who goes through the trouble of cutting out the individual Burger King coupons from their junk mail and then laying them out evenly on one of the break room tables, but I just want to give them a hug, look them in the eye, and say, "You don't have to do this. Really."

sounds more like an invitation to join a really elaborate mind game. step one is to replace the coupons with the burger king items that they correspond to

Xpost
Maybe it's time for someone to draw a penis in the Billy Graham book in the break room

― 1992 ball boy (Karl Malone)

great idea, worried about getting caught executing it.

just do the drawing in your own billy graham book and then switch it out when no one's in there!

Or a name tag sticker, repurposed. Peel, stick, walk away. Whistling atonally.

So, according to what one co-worker told another yesterday I handed my notice in on Friday. (I didn't.)

got into work today and this was on the desk i sat at:

http://mastermindmatrix.com/knowledge-base/qualities-of-success/

I googled the site and there are hundreds of "mind maps".

http://mastermindmatrix.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/beliefs-convictions-mastermind-matrix.jpg

Can anyone shed any light here? This is terrifying.

gotta be a joke, right? there's a genie floating between "beliefs" and "knowing"!

i don't think so. the site seems to sell these sincerely.

the whole thing is like if one of those awful spammy content farms decided to branch out into self-help systems

How to Twitter:

http://i.imgur.com/AShLLTZ.png

i don't know, i hate to be so dichotomizing but whoever left that at your desk is either completely insane or a truly wonderful person

http://gallery.iqmatrix.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/a-humble-heart-mind-map-ipad.png

a humble heart

xpost i can only see insanity. the weird thing is one of my co-workers produced a chart of work someone sent to him that looks like a civil service version of the same. similar colours even.

hard to tell who it is as lots of people come and go.

looks ripped straight from the pages of john doe's serial-killer diary

Got a chart on an iPad, Jack
Set it down on your desk and I never came back
Everybody's got a humble heart

feel like we need a better zoom to appreciate this fully - hope this works

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/11037082_548474228683_8977839019100097861_n.jpg

damn. time to reconsult the mind map.

critical update on SOP from upthread: it was FINALLY sent out today, after about 8 or 9 months. sent out...for comment from the rest of the organization! can't wait to receive the comments and revise.

in related news, a few minutes ago i received an email from my supervisor letting me know that i'm the lead on drafting 2 new SOPs. the email also adds, helpfully, "don't worry, you're not going to be targeted as the SOP guy". good to know! *starts work on SOPs, is a guy*

dammit, I threw out my 90s 6-CD set of terrible clipart, but I could've used those 3.9 GBs of distorted line drawing WMFs and a sprinkling of random motivational words and business-speak to make an auto-mind-mapper, if only I'd known

Some of these get pretty esoteric.

http://mastermindmatrix.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/manifestation-process-mind-map-ipad.gif

No Screen Beans no credibility.

My office smells weird and I'm the only one in here.

i mean if you smelt it, then...you know

It doesn't smell like farts. It just smells weird. Oh god I bet I smell weird. Why do I smell weird???

If Ivy was younger you'd be checking yourself for previously unnoticed vomit patches, I bet

can everyone stop announcing whether or not it's hot or cold in the office jfc SHUT UP

Stop saying retarded.

^^^^^

the person in the cube to the left of me says it all the time, and so does the person two cubes to the right

whoa yeah the dude to my left does that too and he's otherwise like, a really really standup dude. :(

yep :(

twice today

My co-workers are mostly fine, but my office has completely run out of coffee (even decaf). How can this be allowed to happen? Our office manager is on maternity leave but we have 2 people covering for her, and I guess they aren't up to the job.

You could just pop out to the shop maybe?

I'm not entirely sure why they aren't doing that.

Yeah, I could do that too, but then I'd have to pay for it.

Steal it?

if you're complaining on the internet about your colleagues' failure to supply you with coffee it's possible you might be your office's own stupid, annoying co-worker

Haha otm

The last place I worked that let the coffee run out was trying to cut office expenses and filed for bankruptcy a month later.

overheard someone placing an order for food at work: "on a bah-gay"

i guess she meant baguette

raspberry baguette

little red corvay

if you're complaining on the internet about your colleagues' failure to supply you with coffee it's possible you might be your office's own stupid, annoying co-worker

While I'm not disputing the last part, I figured it was better to complain on the internet than complain to the 2 people whose job it is to make sure there is coffee who I assume must be struggling in some way if they aren't capable of doing 1 person's job between them.

Of course it's possible that everyone in the office is complaining on the internet and nobody's told them we've run out. I dunno I was at home on Friday when it apparently ran out.

i mean, you could just ask them to get some more coffee in if that's part of their job. if it's possible that no-one's told them you've run out then quietly fuming instead of politely asking for help seems... counterproductive

or you could take wmc's advice and take the coffee shortage as a harbinger of impending doom and get a head-start on finding a new job, perhaps in a place where all kinds of coffee are lavished upon you throughout the working day

This thread is not for helpful advice! Stop it.

i've been off work for almost 3 weeks - before that i spent several weeks highly stressed, getting everything ready for the people doing my job.

i get back today, and everything is just a big fucking mess, and no one seems to know anything about anything. my boss does this to me all the time, just leaves me to clean up everyone else's fuckups.

Did someone tell you yet that we're out of coffee?

I changed roles recently but the team in Syd who are taking over my work are fecking hopeless. Its the same work they already do! They just have to use a different ordering system for the orders I did. And they cant apply brain to the task. If it deviates from the expected norm, it apparently involves flinging hands in the air and going "help its all too hard". Despite my carefully screen-shotted step by step documents, training sessions over TeamViewer, and helping them constantly on the phone.

Lord help us if I'd left the company all together.

Also, someone today used my (really distinctive and obviously not one of the generic office ones) bowl, filled it with oats and milk, half-assed microwaved it unknown minutes/hours ago, and just left it sitting in a gross lump in the microwave :|