Yesterday we were walking by a catholic church in the afternoon, and it had its doors open and there were dozens of people gathered outside, all of whom seemed to have dogs.
H: Is it some kind of Catholic dog holiday today?Me: The Feast of St. Bernard
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Monday, 5 October 2015 19:32 (eight years ago) link
*doffs hat*
― kinder, Tuesday, 6 October 2015 09:21 (eight years ago) link
remix:
Here is a joke of my own I once made up:
What do you guy who turns into an uncool bad-language wolf in the full moon's light?
A swear-wolf.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Thursday, June 24, 2010 8:53 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― Mark G, Tuesday, 6 October 2015 11:19 (eight years ago) link
What do Scottish ghosts drink?
Irn Boo
― sʌxihɔːl (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 8 October 2015 17:23 (eight years ago) link
Why can't the guy who wrote Trap Queen play Santa?Fetty Wap's got a sweaty lap.
Did you hear about Fetty Wap's new Mediterranean restaurant?The special is Fetty Wap's feta wrap.
Little known fact: Fetty Wap is also an inventor. His father is an exterminator and he created a moist towelette specially engineered to clean the inside of trap and release cages.He calls it Fetty Wap's Rat Trap Wet Naps.
― a literal scarecrow on a quaint porch (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 8 October 2015 19:23 (eight years ago) link
(I actually heard someone at a bodega yesterday order a wrap and the guy behind the counter yelled ONE MORE FETTY WAP)
― a literal scarecrow on a quaint porch (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 8 October 2015 19:24 (eight years ago) link
Where are freshman hippos required to live at Hippo University? On the hippocampus.
― jill's got heroin (rip van wanko), Thursday, 8 October 2015 19:30 (eight years ago) link
I feel like my 'Go Fet A Wapman' has been cruelly overlooked
― kinder, Thursday, 8 October 2015 20:46 (eight years ago) link
I actually don't really have a joke, I just wanted to say I've had a lot of phlegm lately.
Sorry to bring it up.
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Wednesday, 18 November 2015 03:02 (eight years ago) link
Honestly, man, that one was more of a hack job.
― pplains, Thursday, 19 November 2015 00:43 (eight years ago) link
'snot funny
― ledge, Thursday, 19 November 2015 09:06 (eight years ago) link
Shares at the Paris stock exchange fell so sharply yesterday that trading had to be suspended. Ministers took action to prevent further losses but they were shutting the stable door after the Bourse had halted.
― ledge, Thursday, 19 November 2015 13:20 (eight years ago) link
Hey, who wants to see this Bob Fosse tribute performance I've put together. Show of hands?
― pplains, Friday, 4 December 2015 03:17 (eight years ago) link
Q: how did the National organization of women advertise their guided trip through Chicago's most famous ethers?A: NOW is the wind tour of our diss content
― ecclesiastes nutz (m bison), Friday, 25 December 2015 22:36 (eight years ago) link
Why did the sick pig go to the sanitarium on the Dutch Caribbean island?
Because her heard it could cure a sow (Curacao).
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Thursday, 7 January 2016 16:51 (eight years ago) link
*she
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Thursday, 7 January 2016 16:52 (eight years ago) link
Ouch, having to correct yourself when telling a joke, I feel yr pain.
― Anyway, it's not a three, it's a yogh. (Tom D.), Thursday, 7 January 2016 16:53 (eight years ago) link
punchline in search of a setup: "Lutefisk Kennedy".
― koogs, Thursday, 21 January 2016 13:07 (eight years ago) link
Q: What did the bibliophile sing to his rare edition of War & Peace?
A: You Are So Beautiful, Tome
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Monday, 1 February 2016 16:27 (eight years ago) link
Q. Why did Pharrell Williams' dog abort her litter of puppies?A. Because she felt like a womb without a woof.
― Skaciety (pronounced the way you'd pronounce society) (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 2 February 2016 15:27 (eight years ago) link
woof
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 2 February 2016 16:03 (eight years ago) link
Q: What did Squarepusher say to the kind antiquesman in the process of calculating his daily sales totals?A: Sum on, my collector!
― police patrol felt the smell of smoke and found that goat burns (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 9 February 2016 02:49 (eight years ago) link
Now trying to come up with a joke with the punchline "Pear Squisher"
― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 9 February 2016 02:57 (eight years ago) link
So I heard the Replacements played Whole Foods, weird, right. And get this, their contract had a clause about shoplifting. Yeah, it was their Quinoa Rider.
― Option ARMs and de Man (s.clover), Wednesday, 9 March 2016 02:44 (eight years ago) link
So you heard Amanda Palmer announced she was going to give one of those talks again, and then cancelled it? Yeah, it was a real TED-fake.
― ive seen enough Good Wife episodes (s.clover), Monday, 14 March 2016 03:00 (eight years ago) link
yup
― get a long, little doggy (m bison), Monday, 14 March 2016 03:58 (eight years ago) link
What does Snape have on his toast?
"Peanut Buttahhhhh"
― Mark G, Monday, 14 March 2016 07:44 (eight years ago) link
DIdja hear about the trailer salesman who got fired?
All of his sales were going off without a hitch.
― pplains, Friday, 18 March 2016 17:33 (eight years ago) link
You finished that book on the history of scissors? I just couldn't run with it.
― no one in particular (Abbott), Friday, 18 March 2016 23:57 (eight years ago) link
Q. Why is Fetty Wap so concerned with the economics of the Italian automotive industry?
A. He has a stock in his 'rari.
― small doug yule carnival club (unregistered), Sunday, 20 March 2016 23:51 (eight years ago) link
one i came up with when i was really sleep-deprived:What kind of eggs can you make jam out of?Traffic eggs
― TARANTINO! (dog latin), Friday, 15 April 2016 14:09 (eight years ago) link
http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/fried-egg-shape-traffic-light-25786021.jpg?
― willem, Friday, 15 April 2016 14:22 (eight years ago) link
An ape got caught up in a candy floss machine at a Verve concert. Richard Ashcroft wasn't surprised: 'Well, it's a bit of sweet chimpanzee that flies'..
― TARANTINO! (dog latin), Monday, 23 May 2016 08:13 (eight years ago) link
― TARANTINO! (dog latin), Friday, April 15, 2016 4:09 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
What kind of eggs do you find in jam?
Traffic Eggs.
― village idiot (dog latin), Saturday, August 7, 2010 4:31 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
six years of meticulous revision!
― le Histoire du Edgy Miley (difficult listening hour), Monday, 23 May 2016 08:27 (eight years ago) link
it's a cracker!
― TARANTINO! (dog latin), Monday, 23 May 2016 08:42 (eight years ago) link
I came here from fb hoping youd post that ape one
Cant fp u on fb see
― Daithi Bowsie (darraghmac), Monday, 23 May 2016 08:44 (eight years ago) link
I do it all for the fps
― TARANTINO! (dog latin), Monday, 23 May 2016 08:59 (eight years ago) link
What do you call an agony aunt that doesn't exist when you get close?
Mirajorie Proops.
― Mark G, Monday, 23 May 2016 11:13 (eight years ago) link
Where did the rasta cook his teryaki?
In Jah Pan!
― socka flocka-jones (man alive), Thursday, 9 June 2016 03:28 (seven years ago) link
if they do decide to ignore the results of the referendum we could call it Votey McVolte-face
― koogs, Monday, 27 June 2016 08:41 (seven years ago) link
Your momma's so dumb she thought abstain was what happens when a guy pulls out
― socka flocka-jones (man alive), Thursday, 7 July 2016 01:15 (seven years ago) link
Homemade gross
― 6 god none the richer (m bison), Thursday, 7 July 2016 01:38 (seven years ago) link
What do you play when you have coffee in the morning and you're in a rush? Poopmon Go
― mom us (map), Tuesday, 12 July 2016 04:16 (seven years ago) link
This one is quite labored and awkward, hope you like it:
Q: Where did the British Crossfit athlete go to feel better after losing the competition? A: The Chin-Up Bar.
― socka flocka-jones (man alive), Tuesday, 19 July 2016 21:43 (seven years ago) link
Nice one.
― o. nate, Wednesday, 20 July 2016 00:40 (seven years ago) link
the more labored the better.
― estela, Wednesday, 20 July 2016 01:04 (seven years ago) link
....and you two! You're as bad for encouraging him!
― poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Wednesday, 20 July 2016 11:45 (seven years ago) link
I heard farms will no longer produce circular bales of hay.
Cows couldn't get a square meal.
― Al Moon Faced Poon (Moodles), Thursday, 18 August 2016 03:47 (seven years ago) link
Whole Foods is getting rid of their shredded cheese.
They want to make America grate again.
― Al Moon Faced Poon (Moodles), Thursday, 18 August 2016 03:48 (seven years ago) link
I heard chefs in France only use one egg in their omelets.
They say one is un oeuf.
― Al Moon Faced Poon (Moodles), Thursday, 18 August 2016 03:50 (seven years ago) link