Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

tbf you're no slouch yourself

and e) refusing to take "no" for an answer when production/design/creative/whatever says "can't be done, you shouldn't have promised that."
xp

for the third time in a month, i've been asked to be the fall guy for my boss. all of them are variations on the boss forgetting to ask people to do things, then asking me to be the one sending the email demanding that things be due with not nearly enough time for the staff to turn it around. then they all reply to me with their complaints. which i totally get! i'd be pissed too!

btw ILX i'm going to need all of you to prepare a presentation with detailed speaking notes by tomorrow morning. also, the presentation will be in NYC. i assume that's ok with all of you but you'll need to make travel arrangements if you haven't already. THANKS,

ZACH

i'm sure there's a decent portion of this office who don't even know who i am but completely hate my guts, based purely off of these emails

plus side: when i quit in a few months, no one will wonder why

xxpost watch it mookie >:(

we have a nespresso machine at work, the capsules are supplied seemingly at random. (there are (almost) always capsules there but the flavours are random)

someone in there today - 'oh they have (some flavour) again', uses one, sticks two in his pocket.

another colleague always uses the decaf capsules but two at a time.

(i use said machine about twice a year just to remind myself how much i don't like the coffee it produces)

There's been a long-running joke that my current line manager often falls asleep at his desk after lunch.

So I've been working 12 hour days all this week because he's been off sick for ten days. He has insomnia.

if you ever brag in the office about your exercise routine you should no longer get to duck out of any physical lifting/shoving tasks without a good excuse imo

people with bad backs and dodgy knees and who knows what else lugging stuff all over the place while our office's resident gymrat is pretending not to notice

people here go to the gym and then take the lift one floor...

If the past week has taught me anything, it's that 4000 redundancies, the suspension of all bonus payments and an internal social network are not a good mix.

Though my sympathy is obvs with the former, it's difficult to know whether the people openly trashing management / other departments or the ones cheerleading for the "difficult decisions" have the least common sense. You are left with the impression that half the company is determined to make themselves unemployed and the other half would respond to all the CEO's updates with "fuck me, daddy" if it wasn't for the profanity filter.

yikes :(

yes, yikes! hope things work out ok for you ShariVari

ty!

Other than having my bonus cruelly snatched away at the 11th hour, i'm unaffected this time around.

I hope that any other Ilxors rolling in the same clown car (iirc there's at least one) are similarly ok.

you may mean me - i'm good thanks, doesn't seem like there's too much to worry about here atm.

Guy next to me has been asleep for most of the last 15 minutes, he even started snoring. As hes a helpdesk phone person I'm half wondering if he put his phone on no calls and hoped no one'd notice. Yeesh.

I mean dude, go to the loo if you really want a nap.

time to dack him, Trayce

He was sitting down, but I should have dropped a pencil down his pants Homer style. TBF this guy is a friend outside of work so I wouldnt've. TBH Im a bit worried about him.

scheduling a colonoscopy from your cubicle: c/d?

Depends if you're scheduling it for yourself or for an annoying coworker

Ha, that sorrrrt of happened to me a while ago, as in the hospital rang me at work unexpectedly and asked me all these horrible questions that I just couldnt answer aloud, cos who wants to hear me say that shit. err... no pun intended.

someone who works at one of the stores sent me the stupidest most bogus corporate-speak ("communiques", "closing the conversation loop", "our shared goal of successful business in a professional setting" LADY U DON'T WORK YR HIGH-FLATUIN EXEC POSISH ANYMORE YR JUST A SALES CLERK FOR A LAME CLOTHING COMPANY THAT SELLS A LOT OF UGLY SHIT) text message , doing a poor job of subtly patronizing me, and i totally wigged out and sent her a scolding msg back, basically telling her to cut this shit out.

no reply so far. pretty sure she's gone tattling to my boss, bc she's already narced on me to the general manager (who's on my side).

anyone who uses "closing the conversation loop" in a text message needs their mobile phone privileges revoked.

"Hi Xxxxx,
Let me circle back with the client manager once more and get back to you.
Thanks!"

can't decide whether this, which arrived this morning, is a 360, a 540 or a 720.

I always want to tell people who pull that shit "can we speak in english instead of suit? Thanks kindly"

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/P/1444781839.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

xp OMG i forgot to add - she signed an earlier, corporate-speak, bullshit text addressed to me/boss/manager, with "thank you and sincerely - [her full first name, not the shortened version she ALWAYS goes by]"

i really wanted to text back 'who tf signs their texts?? and especially like THAT??" but that was back when i was trying not to be the asshole.

Team leader was asking one of the accounts ladies to send him a copy of the link she was having probs with.

"how do I do that?", says the woman who works in a fucking IT company.

Advertiser's previous ads have had solid black backgrounds by their request.
My contact, Low Level Functionary, says "let's do something updated and modern this issue."
I produce something sleek and slightly futuristic.
LLF: No, let's go with something rural: meadow, barn
I change it all to meadow, barn. Now it looks like technicolor vomit because the background is too busy and the foreground is three quarts of info pushed into a one quart container.
LLF: change this, change that (repeat repeat)
After 7 rounds of proofs she finally shows it to her general manager.
GM: Make the background black.

Haha.

We've got a pub that's had a wall on each cover because no one wanted to give precedence to either a rural or urban scene over the other.

I think the last issue was actually an out-of-focus tree.

My boss insisted our magazine be printed on glossy paper instead of the lovely matt stuff i'd spent hours choosing because "it looks more professional". Now it looks and feels like an Officeworks catalogue

Further off-topic, I had a program director back in the radio days make our engineer add a slight echo to our broadcasts, where everyone sounded like the mayor dedicating a new water park.

i'm sorry, that's awesome

It took some getting to used to.

Hearing PP's post in a booming echo.

manager always wants to add exclamation points to the sell-sheets i put together for him

it's like working with a carnival barker

manager: mock something up for the design team

me: ok cool *provides rough mockup*

oh hey look they had to print what i did because he gave the group zero time to redesign anything

me: please dont tell people I am responsible that

Now I have an advertiser forwarding me a 72 dpi proof that her designer had sent her and saying "ok, here's my press-ready ad," and I'm like mmmmmmnope.

leading training for new hires last week and it was great but the materials/demo tools we are given were created in 2006 and haven't been updated well. the demo tool has one key 401k plan provision that has been illegal since 2006 as part of the Pension Protection Act.

they literally have a list they've compiled for three years of things wrong with the materials and are all like "yeah we're getting to it".

I get people who not only send 72 dpi photos they've downloaded FROM FACEBOOK for print publication, but downloaded the THUMBNAIL from the album they were browsing to select it.

(Rarely, once a year or so.)

Oh yes, that is a thing for sure.

I can understand not knowing what dpi is or even that the size of an image in print must be much larger than the photos you see online.

But not getting that a larger image that "fills up the whole screen" would be better than the the preview image to send, I don't get that one.

And they're downloaded, "Saved As"! It would almost make sense if we were getting screenshot.png's.

the *director of quality assurance* parks his motorcycle in diagonal lined space between handicapped spots.

also have come to realize that coworker (whom i usually get along with!) is an irl trump-voting anime avatar.

We used to get cover images for LPs from labels that were actually the HTML source code of the relevant Amazon pop-up window.

I hope you included the yellow 15% OFF arrow with it.

There have been plenty of times that I'll get a 75x150 mug, too little even for our website, but through a reverse image search and an open directory on their own company website, have found a reasonable 3200x4800 version of the same image.

Almost makes me miss the days of those corporate sites squeezing in those huge images into distorted thumbnail slots.

yeah I got blank looks from a coworker who asked me to photoshop a 72dpi iphone photo of her dad that she wanted blown up into a large poster

you're the one who took the crappy photo, don't blame me if you think your dad isn't worth 300 dpi

i handle the staff biography web pages for an organization with which we have a contract, and they are *very intense* about their bios

once every month or two i have to rearrange the order, putting someone higher on the list than before

a couple weeks ago i was asked to put , Esquire after the names of two people in the legal department and i was like are you serious because that is embarrassing, at which point i was told 'nevermind'

last week i had to add that some fucking guy had graduated 'with honors'

Ego tripping.

Does esquire have a legal meaning about owning land anyway?