Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

yes, yikes! hope things work out ok for you ShariVari

ty!

Other than having my bonus cruelly snatched away at the 11th hour, i'm unaffected this time around.

I hope that any other Ilxors rolling in the same clown car (iirc there's at least one) are similarly ok.

you may mean me - i'm good thanks, doesn't seem like there's too much to worry about here atm.

Guy next to me has been asleep for most of the last 15 minutes, he even started snoring. As hes a helpdesk phone person I'm half wondering if he put his phone on no calls and hoped no one'd notice. Yeesh.

I mean dude, go to the loo if you really want a nap.

time to dack him, Trayce

He was sitting down, but I should have dropped a pencil down his pants Homer style. TBF this guy is a friend outside of work so I wouldnt've. TBH Im a bit worried about him.

scheduling a colonoscopy from your cubicle: c/d?

Depends if you're scheduling it for yourself or for an annoying coworker

Ha, that sorrrrt of happened to me a while ago, as in the hospital rang me at work unexpectedly and asked me all these horrible questions that I just couldnt answer aloud, cos who wants to hear me say that shit. err... no pun intended.

someone who works at one of the stores sent me the stupidest most bogus corporate-speak ("communiques", "closing the conversation loop", "our shared goal of successful business in a professional setting" LADY U DON'T WORK YR HIGH-FLATUIN EXEC POSISH ANYMORE YR JUST A SALES CLERK FOR A LAME CLOTHING COMPANY THAT SELLS A LOT OF UGLY SHIT) text message , doing a poor job of subtly patronizing me, and i totally wigged out and sent her a scolding msg back, basically telling her to cut this shit out.

no reply so far. pretty sure she's gone tattling to my boss, bc she's already narced on me to the general manager (who's on my side).

anyone who uses "closing the conversation loop" in a text message needs their mobile phone privileges revoked.

"Hi Xxxxx,
Let me circle back with the client manager once more and get back to you.
Thanks!"

can't decide whether this, which arrived this morning, is a 360, a 540 or a 720.

I always want to tell people who pull that shit "can we speak in english instead of suit? Thanks kindly"

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/P/1444781839.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

xp OMG i forgot to add - she signed an earlier, corporate-speak, bullshit text addressed to me/boss/manager, with "thank you and sincerely - [her full first name, not the shortened version she ALWAYS goes by]"

i really wanted to text back 'who tf signs their texts?? and especially like THAT??" but that was back when i was trying not to be the asshole.

Team leader was asking one of the accounts ladies to send him a copy of the link she was having probs with.

"how do I do that?", says the woman who works in a fucking IT company.

Advertiser's previous ads have had solid black backgrounds by their request.
My contact, Low Level Functionary, says "let's do something updated and modern this issue."
I produce something sleek and slightly futuristic.
LLF: No, let's go with something rural: meadow, barn
I change it all to meadow, barn. Now it looks like technicolor vomit because the background is too busy and the foreground is three quarts of info pushed into a one quart container.
LLF: change this, change that (repeat repeat)
After 7 rounds of proofs she finally shows it to her general manager.
GM: Make the background black.

Haha.

We've got a pub that's had a wall on each cover because no one wanted to give precedence to either a rural or urban scene over the other.

I think the last issue was actually an out-of-focus tree.

My boss insisted our magazine be printed on glossy paper instead of the lovely matt stuff i'd spent hours choosing because "it looks more professional". Now it looks and feels like an Officeworks catalogue

Further off-topic, I had a program director back in the radio days make our engineer add a slight echo to our broadcasts, where everyone sounded like the mayor dedicating a new water park.

i'm sorry, that's awesome

It took some getting to used to.

Hearing PP's post in a booming echo.

manager always wants to add exclamation points to the sell-sheets i put together for him

it's like working with a carnival barker

manager: mock something up for the design team

me: ok cool *provides rough mockup*

oh hey look they had to print what i did because he gave the group zero time to redesign anything

me: please dont tell people I am responsible that

Now I have an advertiser forwarding me a 72 dpi proof that her designer had sent her and saying "ok, here's my press-ready ad," and I'm like mmmmmmnope.

leading training for new hires last week and it was great but the materials/demo tools we are given were created in 2006 and haven't been updated well. the demo tool has one key 401k plan provision that has been illegal since 2006 as part of the Pension Protection Act.

they literally have a list they've compiled for three years of things wrong with the materials and are all like "yeah we're getting to it".

I get people who not only send 72 dpi photos they've downloaded FROM FACEBOOK for print publication, but downloaded the THUMBNAIL from the album they were browsing to select it.

(Rarely, once a year or so.)

Oh yes, that is a thing for sure.

I can understand not knowing what dpi is or even that the size of an image in print must be much larger than the photos you see online.

But not getting that a larger image that "fills up the whole screen" would be better than the the preview image to send, I don't get that one.

And they're downloaded, "Saved As"! It would almost make sense if we were getting screenshot.png's.

the *director of quality assurance* parks his motorcycle in diagonal lined space between handicapped spots.

also have come to realize that coworker (whom i usually get along with!) is an irl trump-voting anime avatar.

We used to get cover images for LPs from labels that were actually the HTML source code of the relevant Amazon pop-up window.

I hope you included the yellow 15% OFF arrow with it.

There have been plenty of times that I'll get a 75x150 mug, too little even for our website, but through a reverse image search and an open directory on their own company website, have found a reasonable 3200x4800 version of the same image.

Almost makes me miss the days of those corporate sites squeezing in those huge images into distorted thumbnail slots.

yeah I got blank looks from a coworker who asked me to photoshop a 72dpi iphone photo of her dad that she wanted blown up into a large poster

you're the one who took the crappy photo, don't blame me if you think your dad isn't worth 300 dpi

i handle the staff biography web pages for an organization with which we have a contract, and they are *very intense* about their bios

once every month or two i have to rearrange the order, putting someone higher on the list than before

a couple weeks ago i was asked to put , Esquire after the names of two people in the legal department and i was like are you serious because that is embarrassing, at which point i was told 'nevermind'

last week i had to add that some fucking guy had graduated 'with honors'

Ego tripping.

Does esquire have a legal meaning about owning land anyway?

In the legal profession

In the U.S., the title Esquire is commonly encountered among members of the legal profession.[7] The term is used for both male and female lawyers.[38]

The title Esquire is not allocated by the law of any state to any profession, class, or station in society. Because it is commonly employed by lawyers, however, use by an unlicensed person may be evidence of the unauthorized practice of law.[39]

hey thanks for handing me this helpdesk ticket at 7pm (after we both left the office) on the day before I have the day off as you well know (and you do not)

I know this because the helpdesk system emailed me to say I'd been given it and for some reason I decided to check my work email from home, but I can't look at the actual ticket without faffing about with VPNs and remote desktop, so... not gonna happen

Ah cisco anyconnect, how i hate thee.

lol yes, my standard line to our laptop users is that we can't remote desktop to their computers when they're connected over VPN.

Also, try explaining to people that AnyConnect is the grey circular icon, when it's in a system tray full of grey circular icons...

LOL it looks almost identical to Steam and the Asus update thing on my PC. I never thought about that (thank fuck I dont do L1 support anymore)

I've been entirely second line for a few years now, but where I'm working at the moment our team still has to deal with the calls that the first line people can't manage. Which is a lot, because a) we're cheap so we hire inexperienced people, and b) we promote the decent helpdesk operators to other teams because people are leaving all the time.
Chip facing up, short end goes in the card reader first.

xp I was very confused when I installed a newer AnyConnect and the icon became an indistinct round blob (tbh I am still routinely v confused by this)

also several of my icons at work are a very similar combo of grey, light green, light blue, I still have to stop and think before I click on anything

http://img.informer.com/icons/png/32/5116/5116606.pnghttp://static.filehorse.com/icons/file-transfer-and-networking/winscp-icon-32.png (plus others I don't remember)

btw I am 93% sure that whatever comes in on that ticket tomorrow could be dealt with by someone other than me, and even if it can't it would make more sense for someone who's in the office to own it and say "hi, we're not going to do anything on this today" and then hand it to me for Monday

I have the next three days off, and also many annoying co-workers, but fortunately for me only one of them would try passing a ticket into my queue when I'm not around. Co-incidentally this person is not a manager, but has been recently given a tiny amount of responsibility over other people in the team (for no extra money!), and has turned into Hitler.

I mean if Hitler had been hugely pass-agg.

there's this one dude supervising our training program this week who talks to everybody like it's their first day on the job in a voice that sounds like equal parts Casey Kasem and Mr Rogers

squealing and saying "oh noooo" all day like a Manic Pixie Dream Girl is really not a good sound in your mid 50s.