Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

This morning my cubicle-neighbour arrived and after preliminary greetings, she asks [in a loudish voice, in an otherwise very quiet but definitely populated workspace], "Uh, do you ever shave...down there?"

Could not work out why I was reluctant to answer. Then proceeds (for no reason, just to make conversation) to describe her ingrown hair issue 'down there'. Same volume, but she'd just drop her voice to a whisper any time there she used a 'personal' word. This tactic of course allows any human being with functioning intelligence to figure out what words she was whispering. She then called her mother and her friend and spent about 1/2 hour each relaying the same story about the ingrown hair.

She does the normal-voice-interspersed-with-whispered-keywords thing when talking inappropriately about other subjects, too.

Good god, either she's one of those people who loves to call attention to themselves all the time (I've actually known two females in my life of this variety and they seem to revel in being as obnoxious as possible), or I mean, god, what a freaking dimwit. You have my sympathies.

Haha, nah to be fair she's actually someone I quite like in small doses. But as a coworker, she is incredibly annoying in so many ridiculous ways.

ok lying to me about shit was unacceptable, but also, can you stop making EVERY sentence some highly dramatic thing? when i ask you what an invoice is for, i don't need a 10-minute step-by-step explanation of what was in it, i just need to allocate the charges. i am not an idiot. i understand what we do here.

I so need a job, I miss contributing to this thread

the fucking pair of you, stop laughing hysterically at your own gags

coworker v obviously trying to disguise the fact that she's wearing the same clothes as yesterday...

as long as undies are changed, that's fine isn't it?
she may have got lucky?

well it's not as exciting bc she has a steady boyfriend.

that makes it MORE exciting... poor boyfriend :(

oh no what have i said :)

awesome!

*coughs*
"I think it's just allergies, not Swine Flu."
office lol

dude from office down the hall (who is normally v awesome), stressed about a project, decides to sit in our office for a while being irate and swearing angrily at his laptop. so i'm like.. hey, things were so positive until you came in here. i don't think that went over well

*shrugs*

ha ha that sounds like something i would do--the saying hey things were postive not the cursing

i swear up a storm, i admit it. try to stop sometimes because i guess it's kind of low class, but it doesn't take. i don't get mad at work much, though.

it's a weird situation because i know they're under a lot of pressure right now, and yet.. i'm pretty sure i manage to handle high pressure situations without being pissy to my coworkers. unless the job is one prolonged high pressure situation in which case everyone is fair game

Every friday the guys on either side of me throw a nerf football back and forth over my head, so of course I've been clocked in the head a few times.

Last week I (jokingly, I thoughgt) said "if that ball hits me again heads will roll and there will be BLOOODDD". When I looked up I noticed they were all looking nervously at me, lol.

Songs sung today by the guy in the next office:

'Lo-lo-lo-la-Lola!'

'Rudolph the blue-ringed octopus...'

'Catch the fish and light the fire...'

'Sing songs, sing songs!'

'People... people who need people...'

'I coulda danced all night!'

Every friday the guys on either side of me throw a nerf football back and forth over my head, so of course I've been clocked in the head a few times

Fuck me, really? If I worked with these "guys", that would have gone so far up someone's arsehole by now they'd have an interestingly shaped new head.

At least it wasn't a cricket ball. Two guys at a place where I used to work would often throw a cricket ball back and forth. Ever seen one smash into a laptop screen? Makes a real mess...

Hah yes, that reminds me of one of my first jobs at the foreign office. I worked in the mailroom in the basement, which was a big warehouse space with loads of ... well, space, so occasionally the guys'd play cricket. With a tennis ball, but when you hit a tennisball upward at a fair whack and it hits an overhead light, that light's gonna smash and shower everyone in plastic.

Ah, fun times. We used to listen to Blue Oyster Cult and Dead Can Dance and the Clash, and the supervisor'd sneak into the loading bay and smoke weed.

Same coworker as upthread has spent approx. 3 hours on the phone today shouting at her insurance company.

"i knew what I wanted to study in college. that's why i know about all the world's religions." <-- designs flyers

&^%^%$%^$ Fuck! Why is it SO HARD to control a customer's expectations, explain to him what the problem is and that we're fixing it? Why does it take you half an hour of blathering, to leave the customer thinking we aren't fixing the problem/completely misunderstanding whats wrong?

I take over and talk to the guy for like, 2 minutes and he understands and goes away happy, its not fskcing rocket surgery.

Man I could never be a manager, I would be far too witheringly horrible and bitchy to my staff, I think :|

Songs sung today by the guy in the next office, day 2:

* Unidentified humming tune

* 'Jamie! Oh, Jamie! Jaaaa-meeee!'

* 'Oh yellow rose of Texas...'

* 'Ah-haaaa-haaaa' (unidentified tune)

* 'Wee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo' (to the tune of 'Living Doll')

* 'Why doooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-do-do-do?' (this was so drawn out, he never got as far as the birds suddenly appearing)

* 'Enchante voulez-vou!'

* 'I'm in the mood for love...'

(At this point I went to the printer and his receipt for Liza Minnelli tickets was on top of my print job)

(At this point I went to the printer and his receipt for Liza Minnelli tickets was on top of my print job)

^induced big lol before getting out of bed for work today

used to work with someone who would ALWAYS say, on the phone or in person when he was asked how he was, how are things etc, "not three bad". it would grate very quickly. probably said "to SOME tune" about 50 times a day too, by way of emphasis.

now i share an office with someone who says one of two things on arriving at work:

(chummy voice) "How are we"
(fake posh voice) "Air hair lair"

my office mate likes to make up stupid songs. you know, how kids do? but when kids do it, it's cute. when she sings 'my job is interfering with my life in a way that's inappropriate!' to some random succession of notes, it is not.

Do we all work with tourettes sufferers or something? One of the guys I work with has repeated song/joke snippets he says over and over. For ages it was that "you're gold and silvUH HUH HUH, I said I wasnt gonna lose my head but then POP goes my heart" song from that horrible film. Over and fucking over. Just that bit.

(fake posh voice) "Air hair lair"

!? Is that meant to be like "oh hello" in plumvoice?

Do we all work with tourettes sufferers or something? One of the guys I work with has repeated song/joke snippets he says over and over.

Our version of this guy this morning is endlessly looping "when you were young ba DA you reached for the sun doo DOO doo doo shine on you craaaaaaZEE diamond..." - note incorrect lyrics - this all "sung" in a passable William Shatner recital with an Edinburgh accent.

thread of gold:
A thread for Steve n.'s list of songs that his boss sings

argh whoever keeps making popcorn like 3 afternoons a week is going to drive me crazy. that smell will fill our hall for the next 2 hours.

Not a colleague, but one time a guy who came to give a presentation on data storage systems interspersed his talk with under-the-breath drum machine noises.

A thread for Steve n.'s list of songs that his boss sings is a gem. I love it!

dear boss,
why did you wait until 1 week before leaving for china to arrange your business visa when you've known you were going for 2 months? arasl;dgkjadglkj thanks for making my last 3 days at this job so, so pleasant!

if it's your last 3 days - why do you care?

i have this crazy work ethic thing. ugh.

fuck it.
lets get drunk at lunch.

i can't even leave to go get my lunch! a;sldkgj

ya, god forbid they should fire you!

LOL theres no way hes gonna get a working visa to china in a week surely.

I am the person at jobs (or anywhere) who is always singing snippets of songs, and worse yet is usually shit like "Reach Out of the Darkness" by Friend & Lover or "My Life" by Billy Joel: songs I hate but that are real headworms.

Actually "Reach Out of the Darkness" is a total jam & I love it.

My husband calls this "boring Tourette's."

one of the extras in the commercial i'm working would . not. quit. fidgeting. wanted to strangle the doof.

Today _I_ am the stupid co-worker. Carrying too many things, arms full, tried to open door by violently kneeing the door handle, tore gaping hole in pants. Attempts to rectify hole with electrical tape have proven flawed. Am going home by public transport.

Attempts to rectify hole with electrical tape

i do like this can-do spirit though

seriously i have had nothing to do for like 2 weeks and now it's crazy time but she's all flippant like it's not a big deal. ugh. i know somehow she'll pull strings and end up with the visa and never learn her lesson.