Why not save even more time and have food beamed directly into your stomach?
― well the bitter comes out better on a stolen Switch cartridge (snoball), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:04 (seven years ago) link
this really doesn't seem v time-saving all things considered
i commend your obvious commitment to a high-fibre diet
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:04 (seven years ago) link
because my waste products contain bacteria and related organisms, it would be against the prime directive to destroy them in the inky vastness
― mookieproof, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:07 (seven years ago) link
yes but OTOH this is the Star Trek universe where everything is guaranteed to go spectacularly wrong at some point
eventually you're going to be like "plz beam out my poop" *switch thrown* "OH MY GOD THERE'S A CARDASSION FOOT IN MY ASS" *dies*
― Rachel Luther Queen (DJP), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:08 (seven years ago) link
i'd conjure up a way to beam them directly into the flaming paper bag i put outside spock's door
― nomar, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:08 (seven years ago) link
xxp Maybe they could all be beamed to one planet instead. Planet Poop.
― well the bitter comes out better on a stolen Switch cartridge (snoball), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:08 (seven years ago) link
But just editing the transporter logs("logs", hunh hunh), seems like it's just be a waste of time.
Hey waitamin, if you use the crapper in a holodeck program, does it de-rez the output along with everything else once the program ends? What about if you vomit from seasickness during an ocean voyage? And there are even more bodily fluids that clean up would be problematic. Would they clog the filters?
― International House of Hot Takes (kingfish), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:09 (seven years ago) link
Don't ask about the clean up procedures required in Quark's holosuites.
― well the bitter comes out better on a stolen Switch cartridge (snoball), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:10 (seven years ago) link
if you beam your poops into space, what do you feed the replicator when you want dinner?
― Balðy Daudrs (contenderizer), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:11 (seven years ago) link
And why is it if generated matter can't leave the holodeck, like how Laurence Tierney got zapped in an early ep, why have we seen multiple crewmen and officers dripping wet after they've left from getting doused?
― International House of Hot Takes (kingfish), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:11 (seven years ago) link
What does a post-scarcity socialist utopia do with sex tourism?
― International House of Hot Takes (kingfish), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:13 (seven years ago) link
the planet risa
― mookieproof, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:14 (seven years ago) link
there's a planet for that
lol jinx
― Balðy Daudrs (contenderizer), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:15 (seven years ago) link
"photon torpedos armed and targeted"https://youtu.be/l28KDuRrPYU?t=587
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:24 (seven years ago) link
what happens when a ship travelling at warp nine hits a flash-frozen dookie?
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:24 (seven years ago) link
main deflector dish
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:25 (seven years ago) link
I think that Trip said poop gets made into boots. Do you want future crew members to go bootless?
― takin care of bismuth (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:27 (seven years ago) link
yes
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:38 (seven years ago) link
just replicate some boots ffs
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 20:39 (seven years ago) link
can only assume that this transporter operator is vulcan
for klingons, the act of defecation is a contest of will vs sphincter. songs are sung of the time kahless spent three days and three nights excreting a tholian urdrakon in one piece
that was a warrior's turd
― mookieproof, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 21:07 (seven years ago) link
i attended Star Trek conventions in NYC in '75/76 at which James 'Scotty' Doohan said, "No, we don't have bathrooms on the Enterprise. But we do have phasers."
I subsequently learned that this was his go-to public appearance joke.
― Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 21:42 (seven years ago) link
so they use phaser beams to disintegrate their poops? innarestin'
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 21:44 (seven years ago) link
'set phasers to shit'
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 21:45 (seven years ago) link
"Don't worry, the poop is just stunned."
― jmm, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 21:49 (seven years ago) link
I just remembered the kicker to the joke was "and they can be set to disintegrate"
― Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 22:06 (seven years ago) link
yeah, that would be the punchline
― Balðy Daudrs (contenderizer), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 22:09 (seven years ago) link
damn i think i just mind-melded with scotty
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 22:12 (seven years ago) link
you don't want to let the muscles atrophy, do you?
― j., Tuesday, 28 March 2017 22:14 (seven years ago) link
might find yourself on a planet with stone-age bathrooms
Shitter on the Edge of Forever
― Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 22:49 (seven years ago) link
The Trouble with Dribbles
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 22:51 (seven years ago) link
for a moment i imagined one less intelligent crewman shooting himself in the ass trying to disintegrate his poop mid-sphincter dilation
― Neanderthal, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 22:52 (seven years ago) link
Lighting farts probably dangerous too.
― Bill Teeters (Tom D.), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 22:55 (seven years ago) link
wait if they have no toilets what do they wipe with?
― Neanderthal, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 22:59 (seven years ago) link
TNG frequently showed wash basins and towels
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:00 (seven years ago) link
space towels
― j., Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:01 (seven years ago) link
also they have toilets
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:01 (seven years ago) link
tribbles
― Οὖτις, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:02 (seven years ago) link
just gonna...lie down for a little while
― Neanderthal, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:09 (seven years ago) link
you mean that in an 'i'll be in my bunk' sense?
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:16 (seven years ago) link
Captain's log, no stardate. For us, sanitation fixtures do not exist. McCoy, back somewhere in the past, has effected a change in the course of fecal disposal. All of poop history has been changed. There are no porcelain toilets. There isn't even an outhouse. We have only one chance. We have asked the Guardian to show us poop's history again: Spock and I will go back into time ourselves and attempt to set right whatever it was that McCoy changed.
― Neanderthal, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:25 (seven years ago) link
I'm 100% in favor of teleporting my feces into the gardening fullerene before I have to spoilate otherwise potable water. This is such an obvious efficiency that I have to assume anyone voting against is simply a coprophile, and thankfully, we have treatments for that.
― Not the real Tombot (El Tomboto), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:25 (seven years ago) link
what if you accidentally beam a heaping pile of shit into like a poor alien's mouth
― Neanderthal, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:30 (seven years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ro_QpDJX-Sk
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:34 (seven years ago) link
Feel like this scenario hypothetically opens up a whole new usage of the term 'transporter accident'.
― Ambling Shambling Man (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 28 March 2017 23:44 (seven years ago) link
"coffee, hot, black.... OW OW OW WHAT THE HELL IS IN MY COLON"
― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 03:11 (seven years ago) link
first documented case of "receiving a dump"
― Neanderthal, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 03:12 (seven years ago) link
Thank god we got the new question option up just in time
― i believe that (s)he is sincere (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 03:22 (seven years ago) link
Although passing stool is one of life's greatest sensual pleasures, some mornings you're just backed up with hard pebbles...
― ...and DON'T *bleeep* IT UP! (Leee), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 05:48 (seven years ago) link
doesn't scotty live in the transporter? i don't want him inside my butthole
― massaman gai, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 08:12 (seven years ago) link
scotty lives in a whisky bottle iirc
http://www.drunkard.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/scotty-booze.jpg
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 08:21 (seven years ago) link
the amount of mass lost from one crew member doing this would be trivial, but if everyone did it, wouldn't they have to import more biomass (or just matter?) to keep the station running? you know those replicators are just constructing organic matter out of recycled poops. no poops, no tea.
― a landlocked exclave (mh 😏), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 14:32 (seven years ago) link
what if the only thing keeping the ship online is the shit recycler
― a landlocked exclave (mh 😏), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 14:33 (seven years ago) link
Poolong Tea
― Neanderthal, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 14:34 (seven years ago) link
Earl Brown, steaming hot
― rb (soda), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 14:35 (seven years ago) link
Dilithium crystals are a pleasant fiction made up to distract from what's actually being pumped into the warp core.
― jmm, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 14:40 (seven years ago) link
you know those replicators are just constructing organic matter out of recycled poops. no poops, no tea.
they could switch to using the corpses of ill-fated away-team members. 'soylent red'
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 15:30 (seven years ago) link
Why not just transport the poop out of your lower intestine, reassemble it in the transporter's pattern buffer into food, and then transport it into your stomach?
― well the bitter comes out better on a stolen Switch cartridge (snoball), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 19:17 (seven years ago) link
I mean, if they can use the transporter to reverse Pulaski's accelerated again, and turn Picard and co from kids back into adults, then this poop transporter/transformation is simple.
― well the bitter comes out better on a stolen Switch cartridge (snoball), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 19:18 (seven years ago) link
how is poop 'formed?
― Balðy Daudrs (contenderizer), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 19:21 (seven years ago) link
why would they need to use the transporter at all? I would assume the ship's septic tank is connected to an airlock that releases their collected waste into space on a regular basis.
― Moodles, Wednesday, 29 March 2017 19:30 (seven years ago) link
woah snoball is on to something here guys
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 19:32 (seven years ago) link
― well the bitter comes out better on a stolen Switch cartridge (snoball), Tuesday, March 28, 2017 3:08 PM
Chester Brown sort of did this.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/WilliamCrump63/gateway.jpg
― scattered, smothered, covered, diced and chunked (WilliamC), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 19:39 (seven years ago) link
queuing up 'Uranus' joek BRB...
― well the bitter comes out better on a stolen Switch cartridge (snoball), Wednesday, 29 March 2017 20:58 (seven years ago) link
don't forget the Rimworld jokes while you're there
― Not the real Tombot (El Tomboto), Thursday, 30 March 2017 01:41 (seven years ago) link
isn't Shatner's post-ST resume all the shit you need
― Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 30 March 2017 02:02 (seven years ago) link
it's right in his name ffs
― Neanderthal, Thursday, 30 March 2017 02:28 (seven years ago) link
she's 7.6% more productive and the captain briefly acknowledged her existence in ten-forward
what a pathetic reason
― a little too mature to be cute (Aimless), Thursday, 30 March 2017 02:45 (seven years ago) link
it's that kind of attitude that will ensure you'll never be promoted past the rank of ensign tbh
― tony orlandoni, cheese engineer (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 30 March 2017 08:15 (seven years ago) link
Back to the poop deck with you, Mr. Crusher!
― Philip Nunez, Thursday, 30 March 2017 20:10 (seven years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.
― System, Monday, 3 April 2017 00:01 (seven years ago) link
Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.
― System, Tuesday, 4 April 2017 00:01 (seven years ago) link
justice was done here btw, well done ilx
― stanley weebeard (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 4 April 2017 21:04 (seven years ago) link
changing my vote
― Charles "Butt" Stanton (Neanderthal), Friday, 23 June 2017 04:37 (six years ago) link
man do not regret making this decision #byepoopz
― Hi diddley dee, hen fapper's life for me (Neanderthal), Friday, 9 February 2018 03:24 (six years ago) link